This Week is THE Week

Well, in response to my "quotes" post below, at least the Browns played well. They got jobbed on a "holding" call that ended up keeping Cincinnati's last-second game-winning field goal drive alive, but other than that, they did about all I could have hoped for.

In band news, we have two HUGE shows this week at HUGE venues for us.

Wednesday night, 12/14, we'll be headlining Little Brother's on High Street (w/ The Slide Machines and Fine Dining). This is going to be a HUGE show, and we have always wanted to play Little Brother's. We're expecting A LOT of people; hopefully they actually show up.

And, if that wasn't enough, we are ALSO be playing at The Basement (at Fat Eddie's Bar) on Thursday, 12/15 with Bullet Jones and others. This one may not be as heavily attended (and it's not as important to me as the LB's show is), but it should be a nice way to pocket some band money this week. One step closer to my own edition of MTV's Cribs...

A sick day may be calling my name on Friday.

The most important post you will ever read.

Remember where you saw this information when the time comes to finish your Christmas/Hannukuh/Kwanza/"Holiday" shopping.

Welcome to Pandora:


A little background from the Pandora folks:

Ever since we started the Music Genome Project, our friends would ask:

Can you help me discover more music that I'll like?

Those questions often evolved into great conversations. Each friend told us their favorite artists and songs, explored the music we suggested, gave us feedback, and we in turn made new suggestions. Everybody started joking that we were now their personal DJs.

We created Pandora so that we can have that same kind of conversation with you.

I, for one, think this is a great idea in and of itself. However, after using Pandora for a month or so, I can't believe I ever lived without it. Basically, you pick a song or artist. Pandora plays that song or artist, and then, based on the Music Genome Project criteria, selects other music that it thinks you might like (but might have never heard of before). Each song that plays allows you to offer feedback: I like this song, play more like it. I hate this song, never play it again.

In essence, you develop a radio station that constantly evolves, so that you never hear crap that you don't like. You can create any number of radio stations. I have at least five that weave through the different styles of music that I like, and each is unique and constantly fluid to adjust to my tastes.

And, it's free, if you don't mind little adverts in the upper corner of a window that you can minimize anyway.

Don't wait. Go there now. Drop whatever you're doing. You'll thank me.

Things I'd like to say to people... in caption form...

Most Important

"Damn, you good lookin'."


Sports

"Good God, I hope you're ready. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life."


"Good God, I hope you're healthy, if only so that #9 up there doesn't get killed. Phil, pay the man."


"Okay, Whiney McContract. It's put-up or shut-up time. Braylon's gone. You want a new deal? In the words of John Houseman, make money the old fashioned way: EARN IT."


"What's that? Hoffman resigned with the Padres? Oh, no, Bob... we were never, uhh... serious... about that. We wanted you all along. Please, oh please... pitch in 2006 like you pitched in 2005."


"Before I even THINK of getting on board for this idea of you as my right fielder next year, the 1999 version of yourself had better show up yesterday."


Politics

"I may be stupider than you in the classical, don't-have-as-many-degrees sense, but I'll never be as much of a sell-out whore as you..... oh wait, and there's no fucking way I'm stupider than you are. Bitch."


"If, by 'amazing progress' you mean in terms of the death toll reaching new heights, then yes. 'There's an important debate going on in our nation's capital about Iraq.' There is. Too bad you're too fucking stupid and stubborn to let yourself be a part of it."


"Seriously. Shut the fuck up. Like, now. I have a sneaking suspicion you're going down next year."


Also, if you aren't listening to The Stephanie Miller Show, you probably should be.

That's all I got.

Cursed?

So, it's not bad enough that I spend $400 on football tickets for the season (slightly less this year due to the two games I've sold) and get up at the crack of pre-dawn several Sundays each fall/winter.

It's not bad enough that I sit in the cold, bundled up to the gills.

It's not bad enough that the Browns blew a 14-3 halftime lead and lost, 20-14.

No, on top of all of that, my favorite player and one of the Browns only certifiable playmakers has to blow out his knee.

Seriously, I don't believe in curses. But one has to admit (if one has ever spent any considerable amount of time following the Cleveland Browns) that there is something seriously fishy going on, here.

And I, for one, am powerless to do anything about it.

Image of Myself as Someone Else

Sometimes I get bored. Thanks to the good people somewhere in Denmark, however, I now know what my wife and I would look like as characters on South Park:


You can tell who the looker is in this group, and it sure as hell ain't me.

Go nuts here, everyone!

Current Events

Sadly, I'm not here to report of my band's impending gig with Bon Jovi. That honor went to Introspect, a local Nickelback knock-off. I guess I can't complain, as that's probably the kind of music the average Bon Jovi fan wants to hear. At least it didn't go to these fuckwads, as was originally rumored.

Even still, we played an unplugged set at the ShiSha Lounge just north of campus last week, and it went very well all things considered. We will be playing there on Thursday, December 1st, and will follow that up with shows at Bernie's on Friday, December 2nd and at The Basement on Thursday, December 15th.

In the meantime, we are planning to spend the entire day this coming Sunday in a recording studio. The finished product should be an EP that includes at least 5 tracks, and hopefully more, depending on how smoothing we can record. Since we're doing all of the mixing ourselves, that cuts out the most tedious and time-consuming part of the studio experience, and also allows us to spend all of our time recording this weekend. Look for an EP to be finished by December sometime, at which time we will begin peddling it mercilessly.

In other news, I can't believe the Browns won on Sunday. This is the second home game this season for which I've given up my season ticket (the other being the Bears game), and they're 2-0 when I decide not to go. Coincidence? Much like I was killing the Tribe by writing about them, perhaps I'm killing the Browns by watching them in person. I'm also killing the Cavs by even paying attention to them. I didn't watch or listen to the opener; they won handily. I turned on the Cavs/Spurs game; the Cavs were competitive at the time and were actually leading. They then tanked in the second half. I listened in the car on Saturday night, and when I turned it on they were ahead by 10. They lost.

I'm like a giant, 6'3" black cat that walks under a ladder while breaking a mirror for these teams. ESPN's early poll has the Indians picked to win the World Series next season. Maybe I shouldn't watch.


New episode of "Lost" this week. Apparently, someone is going to die. But who? Though the promos would have you believe Sawyer, I just can't see them killing him off. Not Shannon, since Boone just died and she has to further her freaky "Walt keeps appearing to me and freaking my shit out" storyline. Not any of the hatch-dwellers.

Needless to say, thankfully there's no band practice or band shows this week. Melissa and I should be able to watch it. I'm ready. It's about time.

Wow.

I'm sensing a theme here. A month passes. I write one blog entry.

I know that I'm very busy at work, but still. That's no excuse. The three people that read (or maybe, used to read) my blog demand more.

Some random news:

• Gig tonight at Oldfield's on High. We have one more next Thursday at Shi Sha Lounge, which will be an "unplugged" show and should be fun. After those two, we have nothing until December 15th at The Basement. The plan is to head into the studio and record as many tracks as possible for our demo. We also got a nice little press kit photo taken, finally:
  


• In other band news, there's a slim chance that we will be opening for BON FUCKING JOVI on November 9th. Apparently, they've booked most of their tour without openers, and each venue/city finds a local band to open for them. We obviously have no more shot than any other band entering this "contest" with the exception of the fact that our intrepid guitarist Steve has ins with two people on the Ohio Union Activities Board who will be lobbying for us to play this gig. Holy fuck, I don't know what I'd do with myself if we got to play a show that big.


• The White Sox won the World Series. Meh. Couldn't have happened to a bigger bunch of pricks. Seriously. They had a 15 game lead, and the Tribe cut it to 1.5 games. And then when the Tribe couldn't make the playoff push after all of that, he has the fucking nerve to do this. Asshole. Not to mention that their catcher is in the top 5 list of athletes whom I cannot stand.


• In other World Series news, you know who has to be suffering the most? Not Astros fans. Cubs fans. Their team hasn't won a World Series since 1908! Until one year ago, they had company (as misery LOVES company). Both Sox (Red and White) hadn't won a World Series since 1918 and 1917 respectively. Now, in a one year span, Cubs fans have to watch both of those teams win World Series titles in succession. Now, as a long-suffering Cleveland fan, I can relate. But damn... can you imagine being a Cubs fan in your 60's or 70's, even? You've lived your whole life and not seen your team win. Then, the other two teams who can relate to you suddenly both win theirs back to back. I know I'd shoot myself. The even worse news is that now, the team behind the Cubs for longest drout is none other than my very own Cleveland Indians, who have been close-but-no-cigar since 1948. Add in that Cleveland's last sports title was 13 years before I was born (1964 Browns, baby), and I just realized that it really SUCKS being a Cleveland fan. Thanks, Mom and Dad.


• And, wrapping up our World Series coverage, I find myself wondering if Brad Lidge recovers from this post-season... He was lights-out in last year's post-season and early in this one, but from game 5 of the NLCS on he was very mortal, and looked like he had no confidence. He gave up 3 games in the span of 6; he gave up a 3-run BOMB to Albert Pujols with the Astros 1 out away from the World Series. He gave up a walk-off game winner to a guy who had ZERO home runs during the regular season, spanning 507 at bats. He gave up the lead in a 0-0 game, a game that his team ended up losing and thus lost the series. I'm sure he'll have plenty of time this off-season to think about it. I mean, it never affected Byung-Hyun Kim, right?


• The Browns. Oh, the Browns. Get to 2-2, have 4 chump teams coming up, and then go in the tank. Lose your #1 cornerback. Have your veteran quarterback start sucking. The Browns continually think of new ways to take years off of my life. Every year.

So, that's what's going on.

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad name.

Bad name.

Fonzie is strapping on his water skis...

So, Melissa and I watched the season premiere of "Alias" tonight.

Meh.

As I previously said to someone, this show has "jumped the shark, circled back around, and jumped it again just for good measure."

Not only do I now despise Ben Affleck for forcing us to sit through a season of "baby" plot lines, but they killed off Vaughn (or did they?) in pretty boring fashion. You're telling me that after all these years of artfully dodging death in the C.I.A. (and apparently other areas as well) that he gets killed....? Right in front of Sydney....? At point-blank range.....? After this project that he's apparently been working on for at least half a decade.....? In a show that has already shown us a machine that can clone people....?

I know Michael Vartan probably wants off the show, as Melissa always mentions how much it must suck to play the love interest of your former real-life love interest, and to act as though the baby in the plot of the show you're on is yours even though it actually belongs to the formerly-Jenny-from-the-block-owned blockhead who stole your girl.

If this show lasts past this season, I will be surprised. Last season was bad enough where everything was always wrapped up in a nice little package at the end of each episode (more like a sitcom than a drama), and where the finale might as well have had an "inspired by '28 Days Later'" tagline in the credits. But this? One of the three main characters is dead and I have to hear about Sydney's freaking baby for an entire season?

Methinks no.

Ironically, I was originally pissed that our bowling league was on Thursday nights, because we wouldn't get to watch it. Now, we find that Alias will be on every Thursday at 8, and we don't have to leave the house until 9. Now I'm not even sure that I'll want to watch it, even though we will be able to.

For shame, Ben Affleck. Buy some condoms.

Intelligent Design: We will have proof

If people want me to believe in "Intelligent Design" as something that should be taught in schools, the following could go a long way to convincing me.

Tom DeLay has been indicted. If they were to fucking convict this worthless lying sack of shit, then I would agree that the following should be taught in schools:

"Realizing that Tom DeLay would become a corrupt abuser of power who wrongfully wrapped himself in the cape of morality, the Intelligent Designer saw it fit to give Mr. DeLay his come-uppance. This was all part of The Great Plan."

Godspeed, oh Great IDer.

Apparently I suck at keeping a Blog.

Wow. I've written like twice in the span on three weeks. Terrible.

Things have been busy. We're trying to get our house in order post-wedding presents. We were originally going to have a yard sale and donate all of the money to the Red Cross, but we instead decided simply to give all of the items away to a charity. Basically, we were going to have it this past Saturday, but the weather was crappy and it was an OSU home game.

The band is getting going again. We have three gigs lined up for the coming weeks, with a potential fourth show as well. That would put us at one a week for the entire month of October, which would be a nice way to get started again.

As of right now, we have the following scheduled:
Wednesday, October 5th @ Skully's
Thursday, October 20th @ High Five
Thursday, October 27th @ Oldfield's on High

We may also have a show on Wednesday, October 12th at Andyman's Treehouse.

At any rate, it should be a killer month, and hopefully the time off hasn't caused us to start sucking at music.

Just when I thought I'd seen it all...

The Browns went into Green Bay.

A place they'd never won, in the history of their franchise.

Against Brett Favre, Hall-of-Fame QB and full-time Media Whore.

With a starting QB (Trent Dilfer) who had never won in Lambeau Field in his entire career (8 previous starts).

With a defense that looked like it was standing still the previous game against Cincinnati.


The Browns went into Green Bay with all of that staring them in the face.

And they won.


What a day for Cleveland sports fans. Suddenly, 5 or 6 wins doesn't sound completely out of the question. Either that, or Green Bay is a really fucking bad football team.



In other news, anyone who (like me) listened to copious amounts of N.W.A. as a younger person will find this funny.

It's that wonderful time of year again...

It's opening weekend for the Browns. As my buddy Jon is demonstrating above, we get to ride up to the games in what has to be--as the kids are saying today--the fly-est whip out there...

The Browns may not do well this year, but the tail-gating portion of the season is what I most look forward to. I get to spend some quality time (i.e., eating a lot of bad food, drinking beer, belching, talking sports) with one of my best friends in the whole world, and I get to yell my lungs out at a football game... ahh, yes.

Some friends are going to seek our camper out in the muni lot to swing by for a couple of beers. In addition, to the two people that read this blog:

Steve, if you're going to be around the Muni Lot at all before the game, swing on by. Look for our monstrous 30+ year old camper, which is always parked near the Bone Lady (she of the large orange Volvo station wagon with the giant Bone-shaped light/sign on top). I'll pour you a beer from our tap.

It's going to be a great sports weekend:

• company picnic today at noon, followed by a buddy of mine and I trying to get in 9 holes afterward


• bowling league tonight (thanks, baby!)


• company golf scramble tomorrow, with three of my friends/co-workers


• watching Michigan hopefully hold off Notre Dame on Saturday


• taking Jon to the Tribe game (seats on the first base side of home plate, down close to the field) for his birthday on Saturday evening (thanks again, baby!)
  


• and getting up before the crack of dawn to begin drinking and gorging myself at about 8:30, in order to get into the proper frame of mind for the Browns HOME OPENER!!

Moon pie... what a time to be alive.

Stuff Like This Makes My Blood Boil

People wonder why there are still tensions in this country between people of different races.

Exhibit A:
It turns out there are interesting semantics in journalism.

Look at the captions for this pic:
Picture 1

And now this:
Picture 2

Wow. Two different pictures. The subject(s) of each picture have just technically stolen food from a grocery store. Yet, the person of color has "looted" it whereas the white people have "found food."

Freudian slip much?


Other News

In other news, we went to see Coldplay last evening here in Columbus. I cannot say enough about how good and energetic they are. I'll refrain from the DMB-style review that I did earlier this summer, but suffice it to say that I would recommend seeing them the next time they come through your town.

Also, my first of two fantasy football drafts was held last night. It was an autodraft, which always makes me cringe, as the computer tends to always pick crappy players. At first glance, though, I have to think my team has a good shot. I'm a little thin at WR, and I'm not sure about my QBs (in fact, I HATE one of them), but at RB I am a juggernaut. Check it:

QB:
Brett Favre
Jake Plummer (I wish I had more hands.... so I could give this pick FOUR THUMBS DOWN!)

RB:
Edgerrin James
Deuce McAllister
Curtis Martin
Warrick Dunn
J.J. Arrington

WR:
Drew Bennet
Steve Smith
Joey Galloway

TE:
Jermaine Wiggins
Jason Witten

K:
David Akers
John Carney

DEF:
Carolina
Seattle

If Carolina's defense reverts to 2003/Super Bowl form, that's a solid pickup. Any one of my top four running backs could be good. My wide receivers pretty much suck, unless Drew Bennet has extended his late-season-2004 deal with Satan. At least neither of my tight ends crashed their motorcycles in the off-season. David Akers is pretty much automatic, and John Carney's probably getting cut. What scares me is that Brett Favre is NOT going to be a reliable QB, and I will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ever start Jake Plummer as my fantasy QB. I loathe him.

Which probably means I'll be starting him by week 4.

And then he'll throw 5 INTs.

One more draft (a live draft, thankfully) next Tuesday, and then next Sunday is the Browns home opener. I'll be there bright and early getting my tailgate on.

Whoops

So, I never thought something like this would happen.

I got the TV on Friday, and it was actually TOO BIG. Not too big in the sense that it didn't fit in the basement, but too big in the sense that our basement room simply isn't big enough to be able to get far enough away from the 57-inch behemoth to actually watch it without it being very grainy, which in an of itself defeats the purpose of an HD-TV.

For as much money as it was, I was not happy with the results. Great TV... just not the best TV for the house we currently live in (and that we will be living in for the foreseeable future).

But fear not. I have to give the people at Circuit City a lot of credit. They treated me very well. I went in that very same day, expressed my concerns, and was able to exchage the TV for a different, smaller one. They even recommended a media stand built by Sony for that specific TV, which killed two birds with one stone.

I give you:

Not quite as big, but still bigger than before.

It's a Sony 46-inch rear projection HDTV. It doesn't have the built in tuner that the Hitachi did, but we saved enough on it to buy the media stand (which was not cheap) and still have about $100 more left than we did after buying the first TV.

The only drawback is that it doesn't have the built-in HD tuner that the Hitachi did. However, in doing some research, if I can switch to Insight, we could get digital cable with a DVR and HD receiver + internet + basic phone service for only $20 more than we're paying for regular cable + internet with WOW! and phone with SBC. Hopefully Insight serves my area of the city. They have by far the best package, and they have all four major networks in HD, whereas the other two cable companies only have two.

So, this Friday, the new TV arrives, and the old-new one goes away.

The Anticipation is Killing Me...

Well, after that crazed week of shows last week, I'm slowing down a bit. Apparently, we're taking this month (September) off, which will be a good thing. More practicing, tighter shows, time to write new material, and possible time to record. Also, we finally got some pictures up on our website, so you can go and ogle us, including this picture of me that's 1 part rock star, 7 parts gay Clockwork Orange.

Now, as for the anticipation mentioned in the title, I hesitate to bring this up in my blog, knowing that my wife reads it and isn't nearly as excited as I am (that's the nicest way I could think of to say that) about this. Yet, tomorrow, at some point, the good people at Circuit City will be delivering the following to our home:

Am I crazy, or is that a HUGE TV?

It's a 57-inch, high-definition rear projection TV. I have my new grandparents-in-law and aunt-in-law to thank for it. Soon to follow will be some kind of digital cable package, and perhaps some HD channels as well, seeing as how the TV has a built-in HD tuner. To watch my Browns, Tribe, and college football games in HD...cue Homer drooling noise.

And further, DVDs with our progressive scan player and surround sound will be even cooler. PS2 will be mind-blowing.

I think I'm going to pass out.


In other news, we're attending "Brew at the Zoo" tomorrow night, which should be a fun mix of encouraged drinking and cute animals. Hopefully no taunting of said animals takes place.

We're then heading to my dad's for the rest of the weekend so that we can spend some time at Grandma's condo looking through her things before they get sold. I'm not sure yet whether this will be a nice time remembering her, or a sad time as we get ready to part with so much of what we remember from her home and thus our childhood visits. Needless to say, it will be nice in the end to be able to bring some keepsakes home with us.

All of this means missing out on another Browns pre-season game (I also missed out on the Giants game as we were traveling home from Jamaica), but since I think Carolina is going to pound on the Browns something awful, I'm not too sad.

Until next week...

Being in a band is fun.

This is quite the week for we House of Cards guys.

I got back into town from my honeymoon on Saturday night. We had a show Monday night at Bernie's, and have two this weekend: Friday night at Skully's, and Saturday night at Old School.

I wasn't able to play drums between July 31st and August 15th, and my hands apparently softened up in that amount of time in Jamaica. In other words, I tore about four holes in my skin Monday night. Not good times. Why bring this up? Because I'm hoping a 96-hour continuous rotation of aloe lotion, Neosporin and band-aids will allow me to grow the skin back by Friday..... you know, so I can then rip it all off again. Please, callous-fairy, come back to me!

In addition, we're hoping that these last two gigs will give us enough $$$ in the "Band Fund" that we can go into a studio and polish three or four tracks so that we may publish/pedal an EP. This would be huge in our quest to get people in Columbus to pay some fucking attention (!) to us, as it would allow us to get our music to people at our shows that like it, which then allows them to play it for their friends, etc., it allows us to play something for club owners, it allows us to get some material played on CD-101.... and on and on.

As of right now, we have the basis for about 12 tracks. We'd need to record some drums for all 12, and guitar and vocals for about 4. That should give us enough material to cull a bad-ass 4-song EP.

On a side note (nerd alert!), I've been working to get an entire sample of my entire drum kit (in other words, I use a microphone or two and create a sound file on my computer of every possible noise I can think of making on my drums) in order that I might be able to do some better drum work on my sequencer/computer. So, if anyone has any guitar diddies they'd like drums for, let me know, and send me a WAV file.

That is all. Let House of Cards rock your weekend, Columbus-ites!

Don't you just hate those uncomfortable silences?

Allow me to blow the dust and cobwebs off of this blog. It has been awhile.

I am now a happily married man, and our trip to Jamaica was simply amazing. As you can see, we were married at the Marblehead Lighthouse up on Lake Erie, and the spot we picked was absolutely perfect. My dad performed the ceremony, and the Reverand Doctor came through with a perfect homilee that tied us together with the lighthouse.

Some Jamaica pictures will be posted as soon as we get them developed (from those underwater disposable cameras). There's one picture in particular I'll need to scan; it is, quite possibly, the best picture of all time.

In summation, I've got a shit-ton of work to do, and I'll update more as time permits this week.

It's good to be back. But not as good as it would have been if we could have just stayed in Ocho Rios for another month or so.

Vacation!

I finally made it!

I finished all of my work by about 12:45 yesterday, we got our marriage license, and now we have nothing but a week of vacation between us and our wedding. Suffice it to say, I was ready.

And someone else is ready, too:


"Seriously, Mom, get the fuck off me!"

To me, this picture looks like a teenage boy getting ready for prom, and being mortified as his mother fawns over him in his penguin suit. Fitting.

However, Riley has calmed down a bit now that his hair has been cut, and he actually looks very dapper:




So, who says your dog can't be your ring-bearer?


This will probably be my last post for awhile, as we will be gone after Tuesday. With the honeymoon to Jamaica following, I won't be back until around August 15th. I'm sure all two of you that read this will be crushed.

Cranking up the Bob Marley,
--Master P

A Day and A Half...

That's all that I have left of work before vacation, marriage, and honeymoon. Suffice it to say that, with the inevitable time crunch of getting ready for a 2-week vacation from work (the rush) and the last-minute needs of planning a wedding, I'll be ready for a little R&R with the lady.

Riley got "shorn" yesterday, and is back to "I'm 9 But I Look Like a Puppy" form. His new bow-tie fits perfectly and makes him look quite dapper, in fact. Hopefully some pictures will be up soon...

As for me, between dieting, burning the candle at both ends, and working out harder than ever essentially every night, the electronic scale at the gym says that I'm down to 180.8 pounds (at 6'3" tall, mind you), which is a number this hombre hasn't sniffed since probably the summer after college, which is incidentally when I had moved to a new city, had no friends, decided that binge drinking five nights a week wasn't a good idea, and found out that when you have to pay to go to the gym (and said gym is two blocks from your office, and that going keeps you from having to sit in rush hour traffic), you're about 10 times more likely to go. I keep doing those crunches in the hopes that I'll miraculously have a 6-pack before the trip to Jamaica, but I think we all know that ain't happenin'.

House of Cards has one last show before I shove off on vacation, as we're again playing this Sunday night at Victory's. Assuming I don't play like a 9-year-old with Parkinson's again this week, it should be a good show. We're opening for a band called Kobra Khai, which has great implications both in name and in their sound (as heard on their website). I'm looking forward to unwinding, as my vacation will have technically already started.

Finally, in other news, the debate over the existence of Sasquatch, a k a Bigfoot, an ape-like creature said to haunt the wilderness of western Canada, among other places, has entered the world of modern DNA testing. Apparently, they found some fur, and are having its DNA tested, to see if it matches with other indigenous animals. If not, it *could* be Bigfoot...?

Personally, I'm hoping the tests simply confirm that Rip Taylor was out for a late night stroll in northwest Canada.

Prove me wrong, scientists.

Tired. Meh.

So, I didn't get into bed until 3:00 last night, as the show went late. I had a good time, despite probably playing the worst drums since 8th grade "stage band" back in junior high school. I guess we all have off nights.

Melissa took me to an Indians game on Saturday for my birthday, and they came through with a victory for me. We spent the night in Cleveland, and then drove home yesterday in time for my softball playoffs: the redux (apparently, the league decided we should play again, because the other teams complained). It mattered not; we won the first game 13-9, and the second game 20-13. Vindication!

The gig was alright; we had a great sound guy, but the club was about 100 degrees and there were no fans on the stage. As I mentioned, I played like a 9-year-old, but we had a good time all told. They asked us to play there again this coming Sunday, so I guess we couldn't have been that bad.

I lack the energy to type anymore.

Meh.

"I did nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."

Finally, a weekend in which neither Melissa nor I had anything to do, save a small party Saturday night at a couple-friend of ours' house (Is that correct grammar? I have no idea! Not good.). I had some friends over earlier on Saturday, and I think we played a grand total of about 25 collective hours of Playstation 2. God bless the 4-player multi-tap! 4-player video hockey has to be the coolest thing ever. Body checks were abundant.

I also discovered (read: was shown) a game called God of War (which I know a great many people have been raving about, but you have to remember: I'm at my busiest time of the work-year and we're planning a wedding), which may have shaken my faith that Grand Theft Auto was the most addictive game I've ever played. Needless to say, after 15 minutes of this game, I was like Homer Simpson eating a Rib-wich.

In other weekend-that-wasn't news, my team won our league's softball tournament, because neither of the two teams we were supposed to play showed up. Good times. No, wait. Bad times. I don't know. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

At any rate, the countdown is on: 18 days until the wedding! I can't wait! There are still a few loose ends (ha!) that need to be tied up before the wedding, but things are on course. I think we'll both be glad when it's over, just from the planning standpoint.

I recently revisted my office bookshelf and picked up and began re-reading After Henry, which was once used for a class I took in college. The first two pieces in the book are about politics, and focus on a) the Reagan administration, and b) the Dukakis/Bush election of 1988. Dated, yes. But, I'm finding them fairly poignant when compared with today's landscape. In the campaign piece, she talks about being on Dukakis's plane as he lands and tosses a baseball on the tarmac, to show that he's a regular guy in touch with regular people, and that he's tough (as he does it in Arizona in 115-degree heat). She reports on how so many things are done just for the excuse of being covered by the traveling press corps, and of reporters willing to shill for the campaign in return for special privileges (i.e., cover things how we like them, or you get no access to the candidate). Sound like a recent election to anyone else?

The other was also interesting, in that it was largely a comment about how out-of-touch the Reagans were with everyday Americans. I find it very disheartening considering how many close ties there are in terms of Bush's out-of-touchedness in the current state of affairs. It's like hearing Pearl Jam's cover of "Masters of War" by Dylan with regard to the current Iraq war: you know it was written in a different time with a different context, but it fits so well right now.

In summation, they should fire Karl Rove already.


In other news, we have a show this Sunday night at Victory's, and it looks like we *might* have one next Friday (7/29) at Little Brother's. Moving up in the world!


And now, back to the wall.

Work Getting You Down?

Sometimes I find that "working" tends to get in the way of some of the fun things I like to do.

Sometimes I also find that the sequencer on my laptop computer can be used to do many fun things, which often alleviate feelings of boredom.

I submit to you: Metallurgy.

Have fun.


Hooray, Boredom!

What a weekend

So, the show went well on Friday night. We had a guest appearance from Don V., who I'm told is a Columbus institution. Apparently, he hangs out every night in either Bernie's or Larry's (bars) and demands to sing the theme from "Batman" on stage with whatever band happens to be playing. In our case, there were three bands, and I believe there were three renditions of "Batman". I don't think I can accurately put this experience to words. One has to see it to believe it.

In other news, we have another show coming up on July 24th at Victory's down in the brewery district area, opening for Undivided. We sound nothing like them. Should be great.

And, finally....

After a hard weekend, we finally got the deck essentially done. I apologize that the following pictures look like shit, but we have a crappy digital camera (hello, wedding registry!) and they were taken after 9:00 at night last night. I had to get tricky with the PhotoShop to get them to look normal in terms of contrast. Unfortunatly, that means grainy-ness. Sorry about that.

I wish I had some pictures of what our backyard looked like when we bought the house (for a realistic portrait, visit your local junkyard). To see the transformation (especially from old deck to new) has been a treat. We sat on our new deck last night and realized that this was what we'd been dreaming of when we started working on the yard: a nice, quiet, junk-free place to enjoy our evenings together.

I give you...





Not too shabby. However, due to light reflections and his outright coolness, apparently our dog always shows up on film looking like the Hound of Satan.




Finally, one more view:




I can barely move this morning, but sitting there last night sipping a cocktail with my wife-to-be and our lovable dog was all that I needed.

From where the sun now stands, I will write no more about the Cleveland Baseball Team forever.

That's right. Breaking out some Chief Joseph on ya. Mildly ironic, considering the name of the "Cleveland Baseball Team" worked into the title.

So, I've written about the Cleveland Indians three times in this blog. Three times they were on a hot streak, and three times I wrote about said hot streak. And, not surprisingly, three times they've gone on to lose 4 games in row right after I wrote about them (well, currently, they've only lost three in a row, but they've looked bad doing it, so one can only assume they're going for the quad-fecta tonight in Yankee Stadium).

So, I've decided not to write about them anymore. I'm killing this team!


Big show tonight at Bernies. Should be fun.

Hopefully, by this time Monday morning, our backyard will have a finished deck in it.

Type 1

I've uploaded a backing-track MP3 of my band's newest song. There aren't guitars, vox, or live drums, but it's a pretty bad ass song even with just the backing parts.

Just imagine this with two guitars over it, some vocals, and some live drums in the middle, and that's our sound.

Oh yeah, and a bullhorn.

Type 1

Of Long Weekends and Short Work Weeks

There's just something magical about coming to work for the first time in a given week, and having it be Wednesday already. While I don't always advocate working for a large corporate giant, sometimes it does have its perks. For example, we get every Friday afternoon between Memorial Day and Labor Day off. We work an extra hour each day Monday-Thursday, but it's worth it. Plus, they gave us both Monday and Tuesday off.

So, to sum up: this work week consists of 2.5 actual work days. Nevermind that I brought work home over the weekend and did some of it on July 4th. 2.5 work days. Can't beat that.


What's on my radar this week? Well, we picked out our wedding bands yesterday. That's a cool experience; trying on and deciding what rings will be on our fingers for the rest of our lives (assuming, that is, that I don't balloon up to 350+ or something). I went with the white gold motif, and the ring has shiny edges and a braided pattern in the middle. She went with two bands: one on each side of her engagement ring, each with small diamonds set in. She's going to look like a gangsta rapper, and I couldn't be more excited.

The Indians have been on an absolute tear lately. I believe the last time I wrote about them they were 37-30, and they then proceeded to lose 4 straight games. They have since, however, won 9 out of 12 to run their record to 46-37, with five more games before the All-Star break. When one considers that this team was atrocious in April and for a large chunk of May, the fact that they're still on pace to win 90 games (and I think even more than that, when all is said and done), one finds that to be pretty amazing. If they can make a move for one more bat in the lineup (preferably a right-handed hitter with some pop) before the trading deadline, look out.

House of Cards has a show this coming Friday night at Bernie's down on campus. We're opening for two other local bands, which means that (for a change) my friends might actually be able to show up, seeing as how it's a Friday night and it won't be too late. Word on the street is that my parents (who will be in town so that my step-father and I can finish the deck) might even make it out. We've got a new song that we're putting the finishing touches on this evening, and it's a little more rockin' than some of the other stuff. Plus, don't forget the bullhorn (see previous entry, below).

Finally, I'll leave you with this. Check this site out: apparently, Yellowstone Park is just a huge super-volcano. He writes:

The last eruption of a super volcano was in Toba, Sumatra, 75,000 years ago. It had 10,000 times the explosive force of Mount St. Helens and changed life on Earth forever. Thousands of cubic kilometres of ash was[sic] thrown into the atmosphere - so much that it blocked out light from the sun all over the world. 2,500 miles away 35 centimetres of ash coated the ground. Global temperatures plummeted by 21 degrees. The rain would have been so poisoned by the gasses that it would have turned black and strongly acidic. Man was pushed to the edge of extinction, the population forced down to just a couple of thousand. Three quarters of all plants in the northern hemisphere were killed.

Scientist[sic] have discovered that the ground in Yellowstone if[sic] 74cm higher than in[sic] was in 1923 - indicating a massive swelling underneath the park. The reservoir is filling with magma at an alarming rate. The volcano erupts with a near-clockwork cycle of every 600,000 years. The last eruption was more than 640,000 years ago - we are overdue for annihilation.

To quote Kent Brockman, Channel 6 News: "Hmm. Alright. A grim portrait of things to come."

The point? The site on which I found this link included some friends of mine discussing the relevence of a prophecy that, according to the Mayan calendar, the world will end on December 12, 2012 (Mitch's assertion: due to an eruption of said volcano). My response? Well, first, a little background.

You know that guy that we all know? The guy who has to be right about everything? The guy who, no matter what the argument, pitches his $.02 in and calls everyone else bitches if they disagree with him? Well, this sports forum has one of "those guys" in daily attendance. We'll call him (actually, he calls himself) "jdawg". So, back to the question of annihilation due to Yellowstone Super Volcanic eruption. My response?

This is the kind of argument jdawg would get into:

The world would end, but as we're all laying there dying, he'd be sure to remind us all that he was right and we were all wrong, and that even though the world is ending, Pac Man Jones is still a great cornerback: best in the 2005 draft.

What's the point? If it happens, we're fucked. If it doesn't happen, we still have plenty of things in this country/world that can fuck us. Worrying about a volcano that can't be stopped seems pretty pointless to me. Bush would somehow find a way to blame the terrorists. Or, the volcano would be erupting because it "hates our freedom."

Probably only one person will find that funny, but if I can reach one person, I've done my job.

Hopefully, our neighbors have a Flanders-like streak in them, and are prepared with bomb "shelter-inis" in their backyards that we can mooch into. Godspeed, little doodle.

The Reign of Terror is Over!!

So, do you remember that one level on Super Mario Brothers 3? The one where you're running through the desert, and that angry sun is swirling around in the sky overhead? And then every so often, he dive-bombs Mario/Luigi and tries to fuck their shit up?

Remember this guy?

He's the bastard that has been beating down on Central Ohio for quite some time, and that has generally been turning our house into a Swamp-Ass Sauna.

Well, no longer!

As of about 10:00 this morning, the A/C has been fixed, and for a mere $50 service fee. I would strongly recommend to anyone buying a house: get a home warranty. I compare it to AAA Roadside Assistance: you never realize how smart it is to have until you lock your keys in your running car at 2:00 AM (or, in this case, until your air conditioner breaks in the span of the hottest stretch of days of the entire summer thus far).

Melissa is finally back from North Carolina, and now that the A/C is fixed, we're hoping to pick up our pooch to reunite the entire family. It'll be good to have the little guy home. He's been gone since Monday morning, so I've essentially had three days with nobody to talk to at home. Not good times.

In other news, my band has a show next Friday night here in Columbus at Bernie's on High Street. Should be a good time. John, our singer, has purchased a 10-watt bullhorn from Radio Shack. No rock band is really a rock band until the singer is yelling/singing through a bullhorn. This is our first local show on a Friday night in quite some time, so hopefully the turnout will be better than usual.

Remember that scene in the Simpsons where Homer has the air conditioner, and he's bundled up in the living room while his sisters-in-law melt outside the window? That will be me sooner rather than later.

I'm Tired.

Suffice it to say that I played 27 holes of golf this weekend. While the worst day golfing is better than the best day working, it just so happened to be the hottest days of the year this weekend. I managed not to get sunburned, which is huge considering I generally just go directly from pale white to tomato-red after about an hour in the sun. Viva la sunscreen!

However, in a casualty of the weekend, the eight of us returned to my home Saturday after 18 holes of golf (an incredibly LONG 18 holes, as for some reason they let people walk on Saturdays during peak hours... ARGHH) to find a broken air conditioner. Did I mention it was probably the hottest day of the year so far on Saturday? The A/C was actually blowing HOT air at one point, and the house was almost 90 degrees. Not good when entertaining 8 people, and definitely not good for little black and tan pooches that might live there.

Thankfully, Riley is now on holiday at Club Grandparents, where the A/C is working perfectly. Once Melissa returns from her trip to the beach in North Carolina, she will be able to take care of him at Club Hotter-Than-FUCK (aka, our house). The A/C people are also coming on Wednesday. Viva la Home Warranty!

All in all, a topsey-turvey weekend, but a good one. My brother and two good friends made the trip to C-bus, and my friends came through in fine fashion with golfing, beers, poker, and lots of food. I'll go out on a limb and say a good time was had by all, except for maybe my liver and my stomach (donuts + Gatorade + a hang-over = NOT GOOD TIMES).

Now, if my house would just be magically clean when I get home from work today...

Reflections

After a week, here are some reflections:

• Celebrating a birthday, having calling hours, and burying a relative in a 36-48-hour span is quite difficult on the emotions. It's hard to keep everything in perspective sometimes. It was nice to see a lot of my family members that I might not otherwise have seen, but it's never fun to realize the reason for which you're getting to see everyone. The service was very nice, and I got to see a lot of pictures and effects of my grandmother as a younger woman. It was clear from all that I saw, heard, and read that she had lived an amazing life, had impacted a great number of people, and was generally loved and respected by essentially everyone. That brought a smile to my face in the end.


• Building a deck is hard fucking work! What a father's day weekend: my step-father and I began building a 16' x 20' deck in my back yard. What fun! I hope to snap and post some pictures of the building in process. This weekend allowed us to drill 9 36"-deep post holes (7 with a 2-person post-hole digger, 2 BY HAND--OUCH), set 7 posts, use those posts to frame the first 16' x 16' section (the other 8 feet are cut out around part of the house) and set a cross beam. We rule so much that everything is square, level, and the deck is perfectly square (16' across both directions). Granted, I can barely move my arms and legs this morning, but as it takes shape in the back yard, I get more and more excited for its completion.


• Planning a wedding is the most insanse thing. It's a wonder to me why more people don't elope. And, I'm not even the one doing the lion's share of the work! I can't wait to actually get married, if for no other reason than the madness will stop!


• The Cleveland Indians: if you looked up "on fire" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of this team. Seemingly left for dead at 25-29 after starting a road trip 1-4 against the two teams ahead of them, they've rattled off 12 wins in 13 games, including their current 9-game winning streak that involves the sweeping of three separate teams. Now at 37-30, they are one game behind the current Wild Card leaders in the AL... a lot can change in two weeks, especially when you go 12-1 over a 15-day span. They get a true test when the World Champion Red Sox (whom I fucking hate with a vile passion reserved for a select few things in this world) come to town. If they can take 2 of 3 from the Sox, things will get interesting: cue Morpheus from Matrix 1: "He's beginning to believe."

Other than that, not much is going on (ha!). Melissa's birthday was yesterday; we had a nice dinner, and despite all of the traveling and home construction of this past week, I managed to come through with some gifts yesterday.

I'm looking forward to getting my back yard cleaned up, spending some time at home with my sweetie, practicing with my band again (it's been a LONG time!), and the impending arrival of my brother and best friend this Friday for, as my brother has dubbed it, "The Weekend of the Dan" (read: de facto bachelor party). He and I will be playing 9 holes (hopefully) at the airport course on Friday between his flight's arrival and Jason's flight's arrival, a group of us will be playing 18 holes on Saturday morning, followed by a small Texas Hold 'Em tournament. To quote my brother: "Post-golf shall follow the previously stipulated informal progression of bacheloresque comsumables and activities."

I can only imagine.

We Miss You Terribly Already

We lost Grandma on Saturday morning. Melissa and I were fortunate enough to be with her Friday evening when she was awake and alert enough to see us and hear us (although still on the ventilator and thus unable to communicate). The last thing I told her was that I loved her and I'd see her Saturday.

There are certain pangs about getting older. In the last two years, I've lost both of my living grandmothers (both grandfathers had already passed on) as well as a good friend from high school (to cancer). It really challenges you to live each day to the fullest, and never to leave anything unsaid.

Tell the people that are important to you that you love them.

Grandma, I love you. I miss you. You did more for this family than I think you would have ever known. I hope that now you can see the impact you had on so many lives. The world is certainly worse off for having lost you, but we all know that Heaven is that much the better now that you're there.

You're home.

Of Optimism and Being Grounded

It seems my overwhelming optimism of yesterday may have been premature.

I appears that my Grandma has taken a turn for the worse. Her actual surgery was fine and a success, but it was ironically enough the stopping of her medications in order to perform the surgery that may have contributed to this worsening of her condition.

At any rate, according to my father this morning, she will either recover fairly quickly now that they have her on a ventilator in ICU, or she will deteriorate fairly quickly as there isn't much else they can do for her.

Thankfully, I had already planned to go north to Vermilion to visit my dad this afternoon, so if nothing else I will get to see her one last time, even though that will mean essentially looking into an ICU room at an unconscious woman. Nevertheless, goodbyes are goodbyes. I'm hoping it won't be goodbye, but I'm preparing myself for it.

She's my last living grandparent, and I'm not sure yet how that would make me feel.

At any rate, I know basically no one reads this; but, if you happen to be here reading, please say a prayer (or whatever your spiritual modus operandi might be) for our family.

DMB Final Score Card

Remember all of that drivel about anxiety I wrote yesterday?

I'm such a cry-baby.

Here's your final Dave Matthews Band, June 8th, 2005 Scorecard:

First Things First:
Number of Successful Grandma Colon Surgeries: ONE
Per my dad, Grandma came through her surgery well. While still drugged up, she was reportedly doing well. Her chance stomach discomfort had allowed them to find the tumor early. They were able to remove lymph tissue as well, which hopefully means there hasn't been any spreading. We won't know until about Monday whether the prognosis is excellent, but from the sounds of things, she cleared a major hurdle. Not bad for our little 90-year-old sparkplug!

Seats: Section F, Row BB, seats 18-19
Dead center, back of the pavilion. Although we were in the rain for the early parts of the show (why anyone would build a pavilion cover that doesn't actually cover all of the seats in said pavilion is beyond me), by the time DMB came on, it was mostly done. I was dry by the time I got to the car. The seats were perfect: great blend of all of the sounds, dead center of the pavilion.

Opening Act: Robert Randolph and the Family Band - A
These guys get very high marks. Imagine, if you will, a holy union between Phish and "Higher Ground"-era Stevie Wonder. Check these guys out. The energy they had was phenomenal.

DMB Setlist: B+
Way too many songs off of the new album (see previous post for my feelings), but thankfully the setlist was counter-balanced by a great dose of old favorites. Nothing off of the wretched Everyday album; TWO songs from Remember Two Things, including a 20+ minute version of "Seek Up" (that may have in fact caused me to cream my shorts) and "One Sweet World", a "#40" tease, a "#41" sighting (a favorite of mine thanks to the version I have on Listener Supported), "Lover Lay Down" (which is a favorite of my sweetie), "Crush", and the anthem "Warehouse" as a closer. Despite the fact that they played 8 songs from the new album (of which, 4 or 5 I could at least tolerate), all of these other treats more than made up for it. I'd always wanted to hear "#41" and "Seek Up" in a live setting, and never had.

Musicianship: Solid A
Though Dave's songwriting has suffered, the band's playing apparently is still as sharp as ever. They were tight; they jammed extensively; they soloed prolifically. As a drummer, Carter Beauford again reminded me that it really is his world: I'm just a squirrel tryin' to get a nut. You know how some lizards and birds have "autonomous" eyes, wherein each eye is completely detached from the other and can look in whichever direction it chooses? Carter's like that, with his arms and feet. When I play, I am predominantly right-handed, and my muscles have trained themselves to break down beats in only that way. Carter pretty much does whatever the hell he wants to with whichever arm and/or foot he chooses. It's almost like he's a cyborg with four autonomous limbs.
DMB stretched out the songs to the point that some of the short, uninspired fodder from the new album was actually almost decent. Robert Randolph (see above) played a mean steel guitar on two of those, and it almost made me forget that I hated those particular songs.

Contact Buzz: C+
There were some good puffs that came across my nose, but nothing to get excited about.

Butch Taylor Sightings: Many
Good old Busschhhh was in full force on the keys last night. He rocked "Seek Up" like he was there when they wrote it. It must be great to have DMB as your meal ticket, and be given free reign. Unless Carter Beauford gets hit by a bus and I suddenly become Jesus reincarnate on drums, I'll be relegated to dreaming.

Demographics: I'm old, but the joke's on the babies
Upon the start of the show, it made us feel really old. A lot of youngsters. However, the joke was on them when DMB played "One Sweet World" and "Seek Up" within close proximity of each other: all of those punks that were singing along and cheering loudest for the new stuff were 3 or 4 when that album came out and probably had no idea what songs they were. Put your "retro" John Deere trucker hat back on and take a seat, Mr. Abercrombie & Fitch.

Number of Cars Parked "Illegally" at BW3's: THREE
So, Melissa and I met another couple at BW3's (across the street from the amphitheater) for dinner prior to the show. Keep in mind, we were already gouged for parking when we bought the tickets (part of the "convenience" charge), AND we bought food and beverage at said BW3's. Yet, there were two of Columbus's finest patrolling the lot with a "no concert parking: towing enforced" sandwich sign set up. Like they don't have anything better to do?? I saved my receipts for dinner and drinks, just in case.....

Number of Cars Towed from BW3's: ZERO
Ha haaaaa! Suckers!

Number of Dookies Dropped in House by Dog Left Alone for 7+ Hours: ZERO
And really, isn't that what it's all about?


Final Grade for the Evening: Solid B+/A-

Now, if only I had any motivation to do *any* kind of meaningful work today...

Anxiety

So, what am I anxious about today?

1. How much it's going to cost to fix the sun roof in my car?

Bah. Child's play. I've got the money.


2. My impending wedding, and the blow-up I had with my mother on the phone last night about it?

Nah, if only for no other reason than feeling shitty about it isn't going to change anything. She's still going to be mad, and Melissa and I aren't changing our minds.


3. My Grandma's colon surgery that's happening this morning?

Well, yes, truthfully. But I'm taking the more "ostrich" approach to that. She's going to be fine, and if I don't think about it, it isn't happening. At least, that's what I tell myself. And, if I say it enough times, it has to be true, right?


What's in my craw this morning? I'm listening to the new Coldplay album I bought, and so far it hasn't disappointed. However, four of us are going to see Dave Matthews Band tonight in our annual birthday pilgrimage (mine is 6/14, hers is 6/19, and DMB usually shows up around these parts sometime in early June for a couple of evenings).

This year is starting to feel like going to a sporting event where an aging veteran has been injured for awhile and is coming back. You wonder to yourself: does he still have his fastball? Can he ever be as good as he once was? AM I GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED??

Well, we've seen Dave every summer that we've been together, and he's actually gotten better each time. Last fall's "Vote for Change" concert in Dayton (with Ben Harper, Jurassic 5, and My Morning Jacket) was--without hyperbole--fucking awesome.

Last summer, there was the specter of a new DMB album hanging over the shows; would they play "new" stuff? Would it be good? They did, and it was.

Imagine my horror, then, when I purchased said new album last month and found that of the five new songs I'd heard the previous summer, only one (and in my opinion, the worst of them) made it onto the record. Instead, Dave had elected to become an African/Lou-si-anna Bayou singer. Of course, being Dave Matthews, that's certainly his prerogative; he's more than paid his dues. If he wants to go to Africa with Trey Anistasio, make movies about Winn-Dixie, and use those "experiences" to sell out the other musicians in his band, he certainly can. After all, the joke would be on me: I bought the stinking record.

I, however, did not like it. The songs are unimaginative, short, and really do not showcase the musicianship that made DMB so damn good. When a Dave Matthews Band album sounds like it could have been recorded with Dave Matthews and four or five hired studio musicians, that--to me--is a bad sign.

So, suffice it to say, I'm not exactly looking forward to the prospect of an evening of this "new" material, especially considering the last two DMB albums have been fairly horrendous.

Couple that in with the $8-per-ticket "convenience" charge (an oxy-moron if there ever was one), and I think it's quite possible that this has the potential to be my last DMB show for quite some time. And that's a sad feeling. Kind of like seeing that 38-year-old pitcher trotting in from the bullpen, fresh off of his shoulder surgery, just trying to hang on for one more season...


And Grandma, don't let my sardonic writing fool you; I really am thinking about you. Godspeed, love.

Brief Political Interlude

In contrast to my vulgar church sign creations, here's a piece of real (potentially important) information for anyone in the C-bus area:

Check out Mark Losey. Running for Congress in our district against barren, old, political-right-wing-parrot-hag Deb Pryce. Until about 12 minutes ago, I knew nothing about Mark Losey. And already, I know he'll be getting my vote, if for no other reason than a tap-dancing parapalegic chimp could--nay, would--probably do a better job than Pryce. And really:

"Our campaign will prove to all of America that we won't be divided into red and blue compartments so that special interests and the far-right-wing can conquer us."

You had me at "hello," Mark. You had me at "hello."

Deb Pryce and I have had an interesting, love-hate/complain-insult relationship. I sign a great many petitions and write a great many letters to her office, and while she (read: her staffers) always takes the time to reply to me, her comments also always invariably amount to three pages of condescending drivel. They usually boil down to: "Thanks for your concerns and insights. I don't give a shit. I have a party line to walk." Hell, maybe she should use my link below and create a church sign to post in the district, to save us all a lot of time, effort, and postage.

At any rate, any of you who happen to be in the Columbus area and have the unfortunate lot in life of having her as your representative: check out Mark Losey, if for no other reason than the computer you're using to view this page could undoubtedly come up with more original thoughts and ideas than Deb Pryce ever will.

A Good Way to Waste Some Time

Ever wondered what it would look like if a church had a sign that said, "Fuck You, Tom, You Money-Stealing, Sister-Fucking Dickhead" on it?

Wonder no more!

Say hello to the one and only online Church Sign Generator, and say goodbye to your Friday morning productivity!

You've Come a Long Way, Baby!

Last night included one of those moments that always gives me pause. I dialed my cell phone, called my best friend in Baltimore, connected my hands-free cell phone headset, fired up my Playstation 2, popped in MVP Baseball 2005, and proceeded to beat his ass 6-3. Over the Internet. God Bless Al Gore and my Netgear Wireless Router!

We complained about Internet lag, about stopping the pitch meter (with one of the 10 buttons on the controller) in time, and even our cell phones causing audio touble.

Sometimes I have to stop and think back to the formative video game years of my life. Things were different then. We had a joystick, and one button. How did we ever get anything done with one button? Tank Pong, Bump 'N' Jump, and Ms. Pac Man were the order of the day. Of the two baseball games I had as a young child, both involved entire baseball fields filling the screen. In RealSports Baseball 2600, you could hit a ground ball to the left fielder and still be thrown out at first base. Your choices were the red team, or the yellow team. Guys were square-headed herky-jerky blocks. One baseball game (Atari Home Run) didn't even involve fielders!

I just find myself wondering what video games will look like by the time I have kids that are grown up to the age of 28. Will they pine back for the days of Playstation 3 while playing their hand-held virtual reality Playstation 12's? I chuckled, opened the secret cabinet that still has my old Atari 7800 (with 35 games), and wiped the solitary tear from my eye.

Getting old is a bitch.

A Microcosm of the Life of the Cleveland Sports Fan

Many of my friends from other parts of these great United States often ridicule me for choosing (read: being born and socialized by family) to root for the sports teams from the most cursed city of Cleveland. Yet, all of those merry jokesters (like a certain friend of mine who is a Patriots fan) don't really understand what it's like to be a Cleveland fan; they can't comprehend the amount of spirituous beverage needed to still the tooth that gnaws at the soul after watching your team piss away a ninth inning lead in game 7 of the 1997 World Series.

At any rate, for those of you unbaptized into the fraternity of Cleveland Sports Woe, allow me to proselytize...

1) The Cleveland Indians: offensive mascot, no titles in 56 years and counting. Out of the gate, there were high expectations for contention in 2005. As the team compiled a league-worst batting average, hopes began to fade. We were told there was help on the horizon... two-time AL-MVP Juan Gonzalez was healing up from his hamstring injuries. He was coming. He hit .286 during his rehab assignment in AAA. Called up for Tuesday's game, hopes were high. Here was the stabilizing force in the middle of the lineup; everything else would fall into place as the team began to right itself on the offensive side. 434 career home runs, just over 1400 career RBIs. Sure, another player had to be designated for assignment (read: CUT) to make room for him on the roster, but it will be SOOO worth it when he's batting in runs.

So it was in the top of the first inning last night that he had his first at-bat of the season. As he chopped a ball off of home plate, I said to myself, "I wonder how hard he's going to run this out, given the sore hammies and all." The very next sound to come from my TV set:

Rick Manning (announcer): "And there it is... he's hurt again already." Cut to a shot of Gonzalez not even running all the way to first base, peeling off, and limping back to the dugout.

2) The Cleveland Cavaliers: perennial joke, no titles in their 34-year history. Well, in 2003, they won the lottery: LeBron James. The complete player. Two non-playoff performances later, the Cavs are without a coach, a GM, and have an impatient new owner. Enter Larry Brown, rumored to be the new president of basketball operations: the same Larry Brown who refused to play the same LeBron James during the United States' ill-fated run at basketball gold in the 2004 Olympics. So, the rumors begin anew: how soon will LeBron be leaving Cleveland? It would figure that the one STAR this city has on the sports gridiron probably can't wait to get out of town as quickly as possible.

3) The Cleveland Browns: with no titles since 1964, the team was actually moved away to Baltimore in the spring of 1996, only to return in 1999 with quite possibly THE WORST expansion team I've ever seen. After six years with exactly ONE playoff game (a gut-wrenching come-from-ahead loss to the hated Steelers) and the ignominious exit of Butch Davis (who "resigned" to the tune of $12 million--we should all be so lucky), a new regime with a credible general manager and coach brings hope to the faithful. The long-standing problem with this team: no offensive line. So, the first thing the new regime does: bring in two reputable offensive guards. On paper, the team now has a better-than-average offensive line with which to control the line of scrimmage, and pick up those pesky 3rd-and-1's. Alas, it would figure that the two carry-over tackles (by far, the best players on the less-than-mediocre lines of years past) elect to skip June mini-camp in order that their contract demands might be met (demands for what, I ask? Showing up? How can players on THE WORST line in professional football demand more money?).


This, friends, is what it's like to be a Cleveland Fan. Even when things look like they might be on the upswing, good old Isaac Newton reminds us that for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Despite the rant above, the Indians actually won last night to pull back to .500 at 25-25. Just when I think I'm out, THEY PULLLLL ME BACK IN!!!

Reason #237 that we've considered moving to Canada...

[cricket - cricket] [tumbleweed blows through office]

Allow me to welcome myself to the Blog-o-sphere, where a man hangs his hat on his lap.