Observations

It's been awhile since I published something tangible about all of my sports teams, so here goes:

Observations about the Indians from the Columbus stop of their press tour:
1. Andy Marte is A LOT smaller in person than I thought he was:

He's not a very tall dude, and truth be told when he walked out for his introduction, holmes looked like he'd spent a bit too much time at the buffet this off-season. But, when he took off his coat as we approached the autograph table, you can tell he's fairly cut, if not fairly tall.

2. Every woman in Ohio (and perhaps beyond) would like to have freaky monkey sex with Grady Sizemore. I'm not going to knock the kid. He's got a pretty good life right now. Couple that in with the fact that we got he and Cliff Lee for the artist formerly known as Bartolo Colon (whom we wouldn't have been able to re-sign anyway), and Shapiro gets a little pat on the back. Robbery.


3. Eric Wedge is actually not hard to listen to. Charlie Manuel, I'm glaring in your direction. In all seriousness, the guy can command your attention when he talks, he actually knows his shit and will admit that the Tribe was pretty bad in the bullpen last year, and I have some confidence that he's really not a bad manager. I mean, if YOU had to pick from all of those pitchers to close out a game, who would you have picked?

The only time I really thought he bristled at a fan's question was the insinuation that his team had no chance with platoons at three positions (I must admit, I don't like the idea, especially when it robs at-bats from Ryan Garko). I don't think Eric likes nerdy fans who think they know more about baseball than him. Just a hunch.

4. It was really hard not to punch Bruce Hooley in the face. OK, so this has nothing to do with the Tribe, but I was five feet away from him, and contemplated getting out of the autograph line I'd stood in for about 90 minutes *just* to give Bruce a Dr. Martens to the nuts.

5. I feel bad for Tom Mastny. He's on the press tour with Grady Sizemore and Andy Marte, and they made him sign autographs AFTER those two. People were just walking past him. Not a cool move by the club. Seems like a nice enough kid... hopefully he can do something in the next couple of years. It doesn't look like there's a spot for him in this year's bullpen, though.

6. Fausto is the "6th" starter coming out of camp, per Wedge. Not so sure I agree, what with Adam Miller and the emergence of Jeremy Sowers, and the fact that Fausto was lights-out as a set up man (anyone remember the 2001 version of Danys Baez?). That said, whatever it takes to get Paul Byrd the hell out of Cleveland is fine by me.

7. Reading between the lines, look for a possible spring (or July) deal involving some combination of Brad Snyder, Franklyn Guttierrez, Shin-Soo Choo, and Ben Francisco. When asked if they were ever getting a shot with the team, Wedge said that there is a log-jam at outfielder, but that "depth is something every organization needs." Considering they went out of their way to sign two washed up shitty platoon outfielders this year, methinks they're giving the experiment a chance to work, and if it does, they will make a trade for bullpen help or a shortstop if Peralta continues to eat hog this year. But, I've been known to be wrong before.

8. I can't wait to see Josh Barfield play 81 games in Jacobs Field.


Observations about the Browns
1. So, we ask to interview Jason Garret, get shot down, and hire Chud... but when Dallas asks to interview Garret, they can? I don't know if he'd be a good coordinator, but the buzz around the league is that he's a rising star. It just figures that the Browns would miss out on him for being "too early" in trying to get him.

2. Chud. Huh. Not sure. Can't be worse than Carthon, right?

3. Picking either 3 or 4 in the draft. Let's see how we can fuck this up (*cough*Brady Quinn*cough*).

4. We just hired an offensive line coach who was:
a) out of football last season
b) prior to that, coached the abysmal o-line in Houston that gave up 68 fucking sacks in 2005!

Marshall has four years’ NFL experience, with the Houston Texans from 2002 to 2005. He started as assistant offensive line coach in 2002 and 2003 and was promoted to offensive line coach/tackles in 2004. In 2005, he assumed full responsibility for the line after Chris Palmer was fired as offensive coordinator and co-offensive line coach Joe Pendry moved up to coordinator.

Marshall was let go after the 2005 season when head coach Dom Capers was fired and spent 2006 out of football. He was recently hired by Nick Saban to coach Alabama’s offensive line, but opted to return to the NFL.

Before joining the Texans, he spent 23 years in the college ranks, including stints as offensive coordinator at the North Carolina and Texas A&M. He spent the 2000-01 season as offensive line coach at the University of Colorado under head coach Gary Barnett.

So, he coached a shitty o-line in Houston, and before that he worked for the jerkiest coach in college football? Really? That's the best we could do? Hey, at least he didn't shred his patellar tendon signing his contract. Accentuate the positive!

5. Other staff hired:
Tom Myslinski - Strength and Conditioning

Myslinski, a nine-year NFL offensive lineman, came from the University of Pittsburgh, where he was recently named assistant strength and conditioning coach. He spent three seasons with the Browns under Buddy Morris as an assistant strength and conditioning coach in from 2002-2004.

Because those were banner years for the health of the Browns. Nice work.

You would think I'd have given up on this team long ago, but no. You'd be wrong.


Observations of the Cavs while watching them get beat by Phoenix
1. Get LeBron some help. Please. For the love of God. I'm begging you. Don't give him a reason to leave!

2. Daniel Gibson shows flashes that make me wish Eric Snow was anywhere but the starting lineup.

3. What happened to Shannon Brown?

4. Will someone please at least call Z and let him know there's a game? I don't think he even got to the arena yesterday.

5. Though their offense is a well-oiled machine, the Suns had roughly 763 open three point looks yesterday. Not good defense, guys.

6. They will finish in the top 3 or 4 in the conference again, and will win a series; maybe 2. But this team has no business being in a discussion for an Eastern Conference title, let alone an NBA title.


Observations of the Columbus Blue Jackets
1. 11 points out of a playoff spot. Tough 3-game roadie coming up. Now would be a good time to learn to win on the road, Hitch And Company.

2. Figures, they win 4 out of 5, and manage to lose their second string goalie in the process. Down to the 3rd stringer. Come on *gulp* Ty Conklin!

3. Will somebody call the Rick Nash from the All Star game and give him directions to the arena? I'm tired of seeing his slower, lesser-scoring stunt double out there.

4. They need to go on a streak of about 5 or 6 in a row before there can be any serious playoff talk.

5. That said, if they'd played at the pace since Hitchcock arrived (15-12-3, 33 points in 30 games), they'd currently be 25-20-5, have 55 points, and be only 1 point out of the 8th playoff spot. In other words, fuck you, Gerard Gallant.

Hey Ma... How Bout Some Cookies...

Last Minute Show

In addition to our show at the Newport next Saturday, we just added a last-minute show at Little Brother's tomorrow night (that's Wednesday).

Be there.

Newport Music Hall, part 3

Just to make sure everyone knows, my band is again playing at the Newport later this month.

All six of you, if you're free/in Columbus on Saturday, January 27th, hope to see you there. If you'd like to buy a ticket from me (which would be really cool of you), they are available for $8.

Reflections of suckitude

The following are short blurbs culled/compiled from actual quotes of mine from various e-mail conversations I've had with various people this morning in the wake of the BCS Championship Big Ten Massacre:

• Last night's championship game is an example of the main reason why I will never ever EVER shell out something like $3,000 to go to the Super Bowl for the Browns or a national title game for the Wolverines. Because, being the pessimist (read: Cleveland Fan) that I am, I will always be assuming in the back of my mind that my team will get shellacked. I would have hated to have spent $3000+ to go to last night's game and see my team get thrashed like that.


• I'm certainly not going to say that I'm sad that I don't have to listen to OSU fans taunt me about another championship, but at the same time I had a vested interest in that game for the fact that now everyone's going to say that the Big 10 is soft and overrated (which, maybe it actually is).


• I think the media repeatedly giving Florida no shot definitely contributed to their domination, but OSU never made *any* adjustments and their offensive line was just too slow. They looked like the Browns' offensive line out there.


• The worst part is definitely the validation it gives to Urban Meyer, which I think is largely undeserved. Sure, he won the game. But this is also the guy who in on his third school in six years, which tells me he's only looking out for himself. And, when you're up by 20 with 8 minutes to go and you fucking go for it on 4th and goal, and then you're up by 27 with time winding down, and you go for 4th down AGAIN, you have no class. People can say what they want about Tressel and his performance last night: he never pulls that bush-league crap and embarrasses the other team. I know the SEC people felt slighted all year (and Meyer especially did), but to take it so personally as to try to embarrass the other team on national TV is reprehensible.


• Re: Troy Smith, I know that he's not as bad a player as he looked last night, but I also know his offensive line did nothing to help him out. It doesn't matter if you have Tom Brady back there: if he doesn't have time to throw or even to let his routes develop, he's going to look bad. I think last night's game is probably my "exhibit A" about thinking it wouldn't be the best thing for the Browns to use a high pick on Troy: last night showed that bad offensive line play will make ANY quarterback look like Charlie Frye.


• And really, in Troy's defense, you take your fastest and favorite receiver out of the game plan, it's going to mess up not only the timing, but also the ability to do the things you're used to doing. Ginn going out probably hurt the offense more than any of us knows, and they just never seemed to recover from it. The fact that he got hurt in a celebration dogpile after scoring the opening touchdown makes it only that much more painful (and Browns-like).


• As for the defense, I hate to say it, but I think the USC/UM game and last night's game exposed the Big Ten for being as slow as it is. Both UM and OSU played soft coverage, looking afraid to get beat by superior athletes. For UM, it resulted with Booty picking them apart; for OSU, it resulted in Florida taking all of the short routes. The problem is that both teams--normally sure tackling teams--tackled poorly in their games. Whether that's a factor of USC and Florida being "better" teams than they were used to playing, I don't know. It certainly was uncharacteristic of both defenses. OSU looked so afraid of getting torched on a deep pass (from Chris Leak?!?) that they were willing to give up 5 yard crossing patterns all night... that ended up going for 10 yard gains. It also opened up all of that sweepy-optiony crap that Florida runs. When you run a jailbreak screen to one side and all of the DBs are playing 10 yards off, well that makes it pretty easy to get 10 yards picked up. I guess I just didn't understand why the defense didn't abandon that when they saw it was getting them killed. Sooner or later, you have to realize that your plan isn't working and try something else.

All in all, a very disappointing display from Ohio State, and really from the big two of the Big Ten. It's unfortunate, because neither team played anywhere close to the caliber it had been playing all season. Is that because of the layoffs (44 and 51 days)? Who knows? I would like to have seen the two games played with the teams in mid-season peak form, or for the teams to play a home-and-home. I'm just disappointed and frustrated that the next eight months will be all about how bad the Big Ten is, and about how great Urban Meyer is.

Speaking of vacations...

NOTE: This post was originally started on 12/30/06 when I was actually on vacation, but at that time something else caught my ADD attention span and I didn't finish it. Just so that the title and date make sense...


As I sit here on Day 11 of The 15-Day Vacation, it occurs to me that no one ever got to hear much about our trip to Miami Beach over Thanksgiving. A gross oversight! Allow me to expound...

My darling wife, based on a previous trip of her own, recommended the Trump International Sonesta Beach Resort. Who was I to argue? The man clearly knowns his Sonesta. Or something. At any rate, we took off Wednesday morning at the ass-crack of dawn, and after a couple of short flights and a long and sometimes fear-inducing taxi cab ride, we arrived.

Check in was a breeze, and we went up to our room of the 20th floor. As we entered our ocean-view room, we noticed that--despite it being a non-smoking hotel--someone had clearly been smoking in our room. A lot. The concierge brought our bags in, and we asked him if we might switch. Within five minutes, we were headed up to the 21st floor, and an identical room. High marks for The Donald on customer service.

I ventured out onto the balcony, and saw:

Nice. I LOVE me some ocean views. Being severely afraid of heights, it took me awhile to look down. But, once I did, I saw some even better stuff:

Two jacuzzis, a large pool, beach chairs with attendants (I love the little flagpole/flag thing they give you... if you're thirsty, raise the flag. The waiter will be by directly). Melissa and I spent some time for two days down on the beach, and even though the weather wasn't the greatest, it is still always nice to lay by the ocean.

On Thanksgiving, I forced myself to workout, even if just for a little bit. We decided to make a reservation down in South Beach for dinner. The Concierge at the Trump gave us many options, and in the end, we settled on Mark's South Beach:

The hotel ran a free shuttle down to South Beach (the hotel was decidedly north of SB), and so we went down a bit early to get the lay of the land, neither of us having been there before. Because we're idiots, we took no pictures. We had a drink at Finnegan's Way on Ocean Blvd before dinner

just for shits and giggles, and because I like me some Irish joints.

Our Mark's reservation approached, and so we went over to check it out. They had a Thanksgiving special which included turkey (gotta have turkey), and all in all we did our best to stuff ourselves completely rotten. Everything from the drinks, wine, soup, salad, main course, and dessert was spectacular.

We decided to walk down Ocean Blvd. again on South Beach to see what it was like after dark. Considering it was a holiday, we were surprised at how many people were out, and I was surprised/a little disgusted at how many people got their pictures taken at the gate/front steps of the Versace mansion where Gianni Versace was brutally killed in 1997:

Maybe it's just the attraction to famous people, and/or I'm reading WAY too much into it all, but whatever.

The restaurants, bars, and clubs were all sufficiently croweded, and all of the restaurants had seating out on the sidewalk, and had samples of food as well as hosts/hostesses out trying desperately to get you to eat at their restaurants. This would come in handy on Friday.

We went back to the hotel, sipped some wine on our balcony, and enjoyed the view and the ocean.

Friday took us back to lounging on the beach, and eventually back to South Beach for dinner. We meandered up and down Ocean Blvd. to find a place to eat, eventually settling on this nice little Italian place called Hosteria Romana. There seemed to be a server/busser-to-patron ration of 762-1, but it was certainly entertaining, as ALL of the service people spoke Italian. In fact, our busser spoke so little English that, when we asked her what was in the olive oil they served with their bread, she stumbled to find the word "garlic" in her English vocabulary. The food was amazing, though extremely rich. We ate right up next to the sidewalk and watched the people stroll by as the night came on:


Finally, we opted to find a place to have one last drink in South Beach, and Melissa persuaded me to go to Mango's Tropical Cafe. Wow. Imagine if the B-squad from Hooters all got spandex unitards and starting working at Margaritaville after hours. Or, better yet, think 5 parts Latin strip club, 2 parts salsa dancing bar:



Really, the self-portrait of us taken at Mango's says it all:


Finally, on Saturday, we packed up and headed for home. Our plane was very late leaving Florida, and when we got to Pittsburgh we missed our connection (no thanks to you, US Airways). I forced myself to eat some Quaker Steak and Lube wings and drink a Yuengling while we waited for our next flight some 2 hours later. By the time we got home, we were worn out.

And someone was not only happy to see us, but let us know that the next time we go, we aren't going without him:

Biding our time...

Ladies and gentlemen, the new coach of your 2008 Cleveland Browns:

Cowher is leaving the Steelers.

As most of you probably know, I pretty much HATE all things Steelers. And that remains true. With that having been said, though, I have nothing but RESPECT for Cowher, for the way he runs his team(s), for the way he gets the most out of every single one of his players, for the way he surrounds himself with good coaches. Say what you want about jerk-wad Steelers fans and their jerk-wad players, you can't deny that they play hard every week, and that to a man each of them would run through a wall for coach Cowher. The Browns desperately need that attitude, both from their coach and from their players. Crennel has built a respectable foundation for a 3-4 defense, the same that Cowher loves. The Browns are a few pieces away from where they need to be to really compete, and Cowher is definitely one of those pieces.

And, plus, after today, Cowher won't be a Steeler anymore. He got his start in coaching with Cleveland, and here's one Browns fan hoping he takes the year off, recharges his batteries, and comes back to his roots in 2008.

Keep the seat warm for him, Romeo.

New Year's Sports Resolutions as Narrated by Dan Parker in the Third Person

Dan Parker doesn't like to look back; he'd rather look forward. And, since he can barely remember what his wife said to him ten days ago, what good would it do for Dan to try to write some schmultzy year in review of 2006?

Further, since the only thing Dan knows anything about in this world is his sucky-ass sports teams, he felt it would be best served in this blogging environment to turn the proverbial mic over to each of his favorite teams, to hear what they have in store for 2007.

Without further ado...

2007 Cleveland Indians
We, the Cleveland Indians, resolve to improve the one perceived area of weakness on our 2006 team. Let's face it; our bullpen really blew goats last season. We were last in the league in saves, and the instability mirrored the 2004 season in which our team led the league in blown saves. To accomplish this task, we signed four retread pitchers for the back end of our bullpen. Joe Borowski, Keith Foulke, Aaron Fultz, and Roberto Hernandez. Nevermind that Hernandez is 42, Foulke and Borowski have questionable injury histories, and Fultz has hever had an ERA south of 4.40 in the NATIONAL LEAGUE. Clearly, this is going to work out swimmingly for this small- to mid-market team with no large revenue stream. Seriously, this is the best we could do.
To bolster our streaky offense, we brought in big gun Dave Delucci. We will be platooning at three positions, and who knows if our unproven third baseman, second baseman, and fat/slow/shitty shortstop will bounce back. But, other than that, we're set!

2007 Team Motto: Hey, It Could be Worse! Just Ask a Kansas City Royals Fan!

Dan Parker reads articles about this team, and it makes him cringe. Granted, these pitchers are a step up from the likes of Jose Jimenez and Scott Stewart, Dan is not impressed, and remains skeptical. Parker also doesn't like the idea of platooning at BOTH corner outfield positions, and a potential 3-person platoon at first base. And, considering Casey Blake figures prominently in two of those three platoons, Dan thinks he might have just thrown up in his mouth a little bit. And, while Dan agrees that Andy Marte has tons of potential, and that the Josh Barfield trade was a good move considering Kevin Kouzmanoff probably is going to be more on the side of "flash in the pan until pitchers adjust to him" than "bonafide star," Barfield is still young, and Dan remembers Jhonny Peralta having a great 2005 once upon a time, too.

Consider Dan to be Randy Quaid's character in Major League 2. He'll believe it when he sees it. Dan remembers the 2005 Indians lighting it up in spring training and for the first week of the season, too.


2006-2007 Cleveland Cavaliers
We, the Cleveland Cavaliers, resolve to take the next step in 2007, and to win the Eastern Conference. See how we're behind Detroit by only .5 game? Just because we can't win on the road and the Eastern Conference eats a giant dick bag is no reason for concern! Just because we don't always play good defense and can't always get the ball inside doesn't mean we're not serious contenders. See, we beat the Spurs twice! TWICE!

2007 Spring Motto: Don't Worry: We're Pretty Sure the University of Florida Basketball Team Could Win 50 Games This Season Playing in the Eastern Conference.

Dan Parker has watched this team play from time to time, and he's not all that impressed. Dan's uncle, himself a respected high school basketball coach in the Ohio Hall of Fame said over Christmas that he felt this year's Cavs' team wasn't even as good as last year's team. Dan trust's his uncle's opinion, because his uncle has probably forgotten more basketball knowledge than Dan could ever hope to learn in his lifetime.

This team is inconsistent, and it annoys Dan that they can't seem to win on the road, Wednesday's win over the depleted Celtics notwithstanding. Don't get Dan wrong: this team--and more specifically LeBron James--is the reason he even pays attention to the NBA again after a good 15-year hiatus, but Dan isn't impressed with these Cavs, and thinks that, unless some kind of change/spark happens, they are again doomed to an early playoff exit.


2007 Cleveland Browns
We, the Cleveland Browns, resolve to show improvement--again--in 2007. Actually, don't ask us; we're just sitting here waiting for that batch of Ebola to sweep over the players. Memo to all potential free agents: hears hoping your patellar tendons are nice and ripe for the popping!

Let's see... we've already fired two of our crappy offensive assistants, and at least two more are rumored to be checking the mail for their pink slips. What else... we're either picking at #3 or #4, and the Raiders are taking Quinn. That means that either Joe Thomas, Jake Long, and/or Alan Branch will be available in our spot. I know: let's draft Adrian Peterson! No one will see that coming! He's so good he won't need blocking! We'll just put that whole "finding a good quarterback" thing on hold for another couple of years while we beat up the two current stiffs that we have behind our liquid shit offensive line.

2007 Team Motto: Your Staph Infection Headquarters! / We'd All Sell a Kidney This Season to Get Bill Cowher Here in 2008 (tie)

Dan has run out of things to say about the Browns that haven't already been said. Between the hyperbole of injury (e.g. "Hey, Kamerion Wimbley is going to be a stud! At least until he is diagnoses with hemophilia, and then cuts his leg on the way home from the hospital and bleeds out and dies!") and the overall losing culture of being a Browns player/fan, what else can be said? Dan knows that, come July, he will be drinking the Kool-Aid and thinking the team is capable of winning 8 or 9 games, and that by December he will return to his state of brokenness and pessimism for the foreseeable future.

Really, Dan knows that all this team needs is two offensive linemen, one or two defensive linemen, and a serviceable cornerback and they're likely to be a completely different team, but Dan has been around long enough to know that, even if those players materialize in 2007, they will all either: a) get injured, most likely in some freak way, or b) be over the hill come September. It's still January, and the 4-12 season is still fresh on Dan's tastebuds, so he remains guarded. Look for the annual Jumping Onto the Bandwagon around July 31.


2006-2007 Columbus Blue Jackets
We, the Columbus Blue Jackets, resolve to continue on the path we're on, to improve upon our franchise-record 74 points from last season, and to take another step toward the playoffs this year. We know we probably won't make it, because we still can't win on the road, and our conference is pretty stacked, but we're committed to at least trying to improve. We finally hired a coach with some degree of a track record, and as our 20-point December can attest, we're definitely headed in the right direction. We've still got some kinks to work out, but here's to cracking the 80-point plateau in 2007!

2007 Team Motto: Please Excuse the Mess as We Work to Serve You Better

Dan LOVES having a hockey team in his home city. While they are not all that far removed from expansion, the new landscape of the NHL and the talent level on this team says they should be competing for a playoff spot. Dan was happy with their first five games (in which they actually led the division for a week or so), but after they they returned to their normal form of not being able to score or to stop anyone when it mattered, Dan lost the faith. Enter Ken Hitchcock, who (much to Dan's surprise) has righted the ship faster than anyone could have hoped. Dan just wonders if the hole wasn't a bit too deep when the Jackets made the move. Dan hopes the Jackets can learn to win more of those tough games and to put forth a more consistent effort. It's going to take some work to get into the playoffs, but (if nothing else) Dan is happy that the Jackets at least have him caring about them once again.


2007 Michigan Wolverines
We, the 2007 Michigan Wolverines, resolve to, well, stay the course. Wake us up for the Ohio State game so that we can promptly go back to sleep for it and our bowl game. Just like every year. We're not sure why, but everyone's taken to calling Lloyd Carr "Coop" around here. Go figure.

2007 Team Motto: Seriously. 11-2 is Good Enough. Every Year.

It finally made sense to Dan as he watched his team shit its collective pants on New Years Day yet again. Lloyd Carr is now officially John Cooper. Tons of talent, wins all the games except the two important ones. Dan's not sure if this means that Lloyd is just not a "big game coach," or if it's something greater than that. Dan wanted to believe it wasn't true when his team brought back the same players on defense from 2005 that routinely got smoked and somehow had a top-5 defense all season long. But, true to form, when the chips were down, Lloyd got outcoached and his team got outplayed and out-physicaled in the two games in which it mattered the most. 11-2 doesn't sound bad, but when those two games were the LAST two games, it starts to wear on a fan base. Fire Lloyd? Dan isn't sure. Here's hoping Lloyd doesn't have to mirror Cooper's total collapse over the last three years of his OSU career before it improves for U of M.


As for personal resolutions, Dan Parker has elected to attempt to "get into shape" for his impending 30th birthday. He has drafted a plan to get down to his wedding-era fighting weight of 175 (currently at 198) by his birthday on June 14th.

Dan is looking forward to a few things in 2007: playing golf for a weekend with his dad and brother in North Carolina in March, a potential trip to Maine with his wife and family in July, and just spending time with his wife and their cool pooch in 2007. They collectively have resolved to do more hiking and/or camping in 2007 (thanks to a bevy of nice equipment/gifts they received from Dan's father-in-law for Christmas) and to enjoy nature while they can/before they have kids and become house-bound.

Overall, Dan is thankful to be alive, healthy, happy, and surrounded by many tremendous people that he cares about. Now, if only his sports teams would complete the fucking circle and grant him just one year of sports bliss! He doesn't think it's too much to ask.

See House of Cards Tonight

I'm not asking.

Scarlet & Grey Cafe. 10:00 PM. Don't make me hunt you down in the streets like the dogs you are.

Truer words were never spoken...

From the Akron Beacon Journal's Patrick McManamon:

The Troy Smith talk also has started. ``Should the Browns draft Smith? How can they not take Smith? Smith has to be the pick.'' Smith may indeed be the pick -- and consider the comments and pressure the Houston Texans now face given they did not take Vince Young. Really, though, the Browns don't need Smith. They probably need a guy like Joe Thomas, the 6-foot-8 offensive tackle from Wisconsin, more than they need Smith. They probably could stand to trade their pick down and take a few linemen. They probably don't need more skill players who languish because they need someone to block for them. They need to stop being the Arizona Cardinals of the Midwest; the Cardinals are loaded with skill players, but they don't win because they can't block anybody. The Browns need to start building from the inside out for a change. And that holds true perhaps even at the expense of not taking Troy Smith.

link

Thank you.

Back on Stage...

House of Cards is getting back on stage, after a quite lengthy absence (at least two months) of shows. We have been working to finish our CD, and it is almost done. In advance of that, we wanted to get out and play in front of some people again before we launch the CD with a CD release show sometime in January.

This Friday night (12/15/06), we'll be playing at Scarlet and Grey Cafe in an opening slot for some other local bands. Show starts at 10:00. Hope to see some of you there!

Possible 2006 Browns Highlight Video Titles

For this exercise, simply fill in the following blank:

"The 2006 Cleveland Browns: _________________________"

Have at it!

The 2006 Cleveland Browns:

• Please Remove Your Dick From Our Collective Ass


• The Big Suck: Shop Vacs Ain't Got Nothin' On Us!


• What? You Mean There Were Sixteen Games??


• How to Make January Tee Times in October


• Maybe Tim Couch Had the Right Idea


• Hope You Filled Your Lamactil Prescription!


• Fuck You, Cleveland Fans


• An Exercise in Learning When to Start Other Teams' Running Backs on Your Fantasy Team

I'm sure more will come to me.

Random Notes...

Some random thoughts on a Thursday:

• Looks like Derek Anderson is going to get the start tonight for the Browns against Pittsburgh. Seeing as how Kansas City didn't blitz at all while he was leading the Browns back, I suspect his play will be significantly less awesome tonight. That said, with Polamalu, Ward, and Wilson out as well as Parker wearing down a bit from his increased work load, I give the Browns a puncher's chance. The nice thing about this "rematch" being so close to the last loss to the Steelers is that the Browns players all sound pissed and hungry. The only silver lining about Anderson starting is that the Steelers don't have any film on him. And that's about it.


• It has taken me some time (because I'm generally a lazy punk), but I will soon have some pictures from our Thanksgiving trip to Miami. I realize that I don't think I ever even mentioned it here (*gasp* the humanity!). It was restful and relaxing, and our room was great. I'll get there, eventually.


• House of Cards may or may not be playing a show next Friday night (12/15) at the Scarlet & Gray Cafe. It would be an opening slot, but it would give us a chance to play out again in advance of our new CD, which we will be selling the fuck out of come the new year. Also, keep your calendars clear for Saturday, January 27th. We will most likely be at the Newport again as part of their frequent local showcases. The plan is to have a CD release show/party sometime between the beginning of the year and that show. Stay tuned. Don't forget that you can hear some clips of our new (and still unfinished and unmastered) tracks at our website.

That's all for now. Go Browns!

Reflections from a wild football weekend

Two things this fine (and frigid) Monday morning:

1) Yesterday was probably the 3rd best experience I've ever had at a Browns game in person:



Down 28-14 in the fourth quarter with their backup QB in and seemingly no answer for Trent Green and Tony Gonzalez (since they elected basically NOT to cover him most of the game), the Browns won. In overtime. And my boy Jon and I watched it from the lower Dog Pound. Simply awesome.

Oh, and for reference:
#1 would be the win over Atlanta in 2002 to get the Browns into the playoffs, and
#2 would be the win over (reigning Super Bowl champ) Baltimore in 2001 to the tune of a thumping.



2) Michigan got JOBBED.

You may remember that I was not in favor of a rematch, because I thought there were too many arguments against it. That was when I was pretty sure USC was going to run the table and that Arkansas would be a one-loss team beating Florida in the SEC championship.

I would have been OK with USC going to the title game, seeing as how they'd played two top 10 teams back to back and had beat them both pretty handily.

But FUCK FLORIDA. Seriously. More specifically, FUCK URBAN MEYER. Lloyd took the relative high road; this ass clown Meyer has been lobbying and running his mouth for the last month while his team has been *barely* beating the likes of a crappy Florida State team and a South Carolina team who basically beat themselves on Florida's home field. He whined about how tough their schedule was, how Michigan had their shot, and blah blah blah.

Granted, I'm sure the very fair-minded Mr. Meyer would feel exactly the same if it was HIS team that also had only one loss, and that loss had been to the now-favored-by-7.5-to-win-a-championship #1 team on its home field only by 3 points (for reference, Vegas would consider a "pick em" game to be a three-point home favorite, whereas giving one team 7.5 on a neutral field means they think the game is going to be a beat-down). I'm sure if the roles were reversed, Urban would have NOOOO problem conceding. I'm sure.

In conclusion, FUCK FLORIDA. FUCK URBAN MEYER. AND FUCK THE BCS. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope OSU beats the ever loving fuck out of Florida in the title game. And I say this as a Michigan fan living in Columbus tired of hearing about OSU football for abour 340 days out of the year.

[edit]
In regard to Tressel's decision not to vote, I think it was a no-win situation for him. If he votes for either team at #2, there are possible problems for each:

If he votes Florida #2....
He gets slammed for not wanting to play his arch-rival again after narrowly beating them once at home, and it gets brought up and beaten to death every year until both he and Lloyd Carr leave their respective institutions.

If he votes Michigan #2....
Florida still ends up #2 in the BCS and has extra motivation/fodder to beat the Buckeyes. Plus, he gets slammed in the national media for the entire month leading up to the game as being biased and a homer for the Big Ten, making him no better than Meyer.

In the end, it was a no-win situation for him, and I think he chose the path of least resistance and bashing. I wouldn't envy that decision, and I don't think any coaches who blasted him would want to have to make the same decision. All of that said, I think it sets a bad precedent for any coach not wanting to vote. The Coaches' Poll should come out with a clearly stated rule indicating when it's OK to abstain from voting (and the only cases I can think of are ones such as this where your vote directly affects who you will be playing in a bowl game--in this case, a bowl game of the greatest significance).

Strangest thing...

So, I rented and am watching "Grandma's Boy" the other night, and in between laughs I find myself wondering:

How is it that my boy Steve so effortlessly played J.P., the video game genius who yearns to be a robot, without so much as telling any of his friends?

Don't believe me? Anyone who knows Steve: look at the following. I defy you to tell me that's not him.

For those interested in that sort of thing...

Most of my friends that follow the band that I'm in invariably ask me one of two things:

1) When are you playing next?

2) When will your CD be done?

The true answer to both of those questions is "I don't know" at this point.

But, for #2, to tide you over, we've uploaded seven clips from the rough mixes of our album at our website. Zip over, click on "Downloads" and check 'em out.

The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked

30-0. At home. Against the 32nd-ranked defense in the NFL. In-fighting on the sidelines.

The offensive line is still awful. 4 sacks, 4 INTs for Frye, most of which were the result of him being about to get drilled by a sacker (one was a hail-mary).

Edwards needs to shut his mouth. He's still my boy, but I think we're on a bit of a break right now. Let things like your 22 yard, dragging-six-dudes-before-going-down play do the talking. To act like it's one person's or one unit's fault (depending on who you believe, he was either calling out Frye, or calling out the o-line) is ludicrous.

Crennel needs to do some coaching. There's no reason for your team to come into a game that flat. And no excuse for it.

I know the Browns aren't that bad, but they looked like the 1999 versions of themselves yesterday.

Winslow vs. Porter

Even better than the still photo, which was all I could find on Monday. The end-zone replay really gives you the best view:

OSU/Michigan - Colbert Style

I'm still recovering from a hectic football weekend (in which I watched both of my teams lose close games in rather dick-kicking fashion), but I felt that I should weigh in on the OSU/Michigan game as if I were Stephen Colbert. So, we're giving the game my...

Tips of the Cap / Wags of the Finger

Tip of the Cap
To the OSU fanbase. As much flak as I gave you before this game, and as much as I questioned your class (or lack thereof) regarding the Bo situation and the potential for riotous mayhem, the egg is on my face. By most accounts, there was nothing but respect for Bo, and only a few dozen arrests for various small crimes (such as couch burnings). It was all relatively tame. In addition, I got less shit this year for the game's outcome than in any OSU-winning year since I've lived here. I'm still sick of about 95% of you, but I have to give you the props you deserve for this weekend.

Wag of the Finger
To Lee Corso. Seriously... what the fuck? Why would you go and pick Michigan? Kiss of Fucking Death.

Tip of the Cap
To the Michigan coaches and players. Gave up a late second quarter touchdown to go down 28-14 going into halftime, and OSU was getting the ball back in the third quarter. It would have been easy to pack it in. But you didn't. That's all I could ask. OSU is clearly the best team in the country, and you gave them all they could handle on their home field. Bravo.

Wag of the Finger
To the defensive coaches for both teams. The #1 and #5 scoring defenses in the country give up 81 total points. To the Michigan coaches, I knew your secondary had the potential to struggle, but to struggle that badly AND give up those two HUGE running plays (your supposed strength)? To your credit, OSU has more athletes at skill positions than any team in the country, and I know they spread you out so much with the passing game, but your vaunted front four played probably the worst game of the year. Even your blitzes didn't work. You needed to find some way to get pressure and stop those pesky runs straight into your D-line, and you didn't. To the OSU coaches, I know your team gives up beaucoup yards, but always buckles down and creates a lot of turnovers, but Michigan's offense isn't *that* good. Trust me. I watched all but two of their games this year. 3 red zone rushing TDs, no turnovers, and making Henne look like a much better QB than he is? Not your finest hour.

Tip of the Cap
To Troy Smith. I'm not fond of you, what with your Tressel/politico speak, but I can't argue with your abilities. You didn't kill us running this year, but you didn't have to. It didn't matter what we threw at you; with the exception of the ball into double-coverage on a blitz that was tipped and picked off, you *always* threw it to the right guy. I hate you, but I can't knock your game. If the Heisman voting is even close, it's a travesty.

Heavy Wag of the Finger
To Shawn Crable. Nice hit, asshole. Third and long, Smith is running OUT OF BOUNDS and throwing the ball. No reason to hit him at all, really, but to lead with your helmet and go high is inexcusable. I'm not pinning the loss on you, but considering the pass was incomplete and OSU would have had to punt up only by 4 with 7 minutes left, and instead got a freebie first down, went down, and scored to go up by 11 with considerably less time on the clock, you certainly didn't help.

Tip of the Cap
To Chad Henne and Mike Hart. Neither of you have ever had success against OSU, but you certainly showed up Saturday. Hart carried the team on the ground and pounded out 140+ yards and 3 TD. Henne didn't throw the killer INT (as he's known to do) and led some very big scoring drives (including the opening drive of the game), and even though he was outshown by Smith, played a pretty damn good QB game.

Wag of the Finger
To Chad Henne and Mike Hart. Chad... how can you miss Manningham THAT BADLY down the sideline? That was 7 points, you had all day to throw, and he was so open that I didn't even blame his "woe is me" hands-out gesture as he watched the ball sail over his head. Simply momentum-killing. And Mike, shut your mouth. I know what you meant, and I know your comments were taken largely out of context (I know you were saying their defense wasn't anything special--which it wasn't on Saturday--NOT that their TEAM wasn't anything special like most are trying to spin it), but come on. Your team lost the game. Tip Your Cap and move on.

Tip of the Cap
To the BCS, for recognizing that Michigan is still the second best team in the country. To go into the unanimous #1 team's house--also home of the #1 scoring defense in the country--and hang up 39 points and lose only by 3 should earn them large amounts of respect. I know the pollsters jumped USC over Michigan, but the computers still know who's boss.

Wag of the Finger
To the BCS. I know USC can jump over Michigan if they beat Notre Dame, but what if they don't? It's the "if you lose your last regular season game and don’t win your conference, you probably don’t deserve a shot at the title" argument vs. the "it should be the two best teams" argument, which is a very subjective one. I'm in the camp of: there's no reason to have a rematch, because it will do one of two things:
1) it will reinforce the fact that OSU is the best team in the country while giving two other deserving teams (SEC champ, USC probably) no shot to prove otherwise, or
2) it will give the BCS national championship to a Michigan team that would have beaten OSU after losing to them already. The BCS doesn't split their championship; the winner of the title game gets it. If UM were to win, they should arguably have to play a third game to decide it, which would border on the ridiculous. All of that having been said, perhaps it's what college football needs to finally get a D-1 playoff system put in place. And, with THAT having been said, the homer in me says that a playoff would have made the OSU/UM game this weekend meaningless, because both teams would still be going to the playoff. And that's not cool either.


In summation, I was/am upset about the game, but in the end it was as good a game as advertised. If you had told me 81 points would be scored, I would have laughed. I can say, though it pains me, that OSU is the best team I've seen in the country. Their defense could use a little work, especially if they play a team like Arkansas that can run, or like USC that has great wide receivers and a good, balanced offense, but their offense can essentially run almost anybody off the field. Their depth at the skill positions is uncanny.


Bonus Tip of the Cap
To Kellen Winslow Jr.

Wait, wait. That's not it. That was a Wag of the Finger, that one.

Kellen, your completely emasculating throw-off of Joey Porter on that six yard out pass in the third quarter actually made me yell, "OHHHhhh, SHIT!!" out loud at the game yesterday.

Mini-Tip of the Cap to the Browns stadium staff that showed the replay of it from every angle at least twice on the giant stadium video boards after it happened. One of the most satisfying plays I've ever witnessed in person, even in spite of the game's outcome.

Win it for Bo

To quote CNNSI.com:

Michigan has lost one of its greats on the eve of perhaps its biggest game.

I'm not usually one to get sentimental for things like this, but I really feel for Lloyd Carr right now. He's been at Michigan for 27 years, and on the eve before the biggest game he will ever coach (bigger even than the 1998 Rose Bowl that clinched him a national championship), he has to try not to let the death of his mentor cloud his focus.

Bo was the winningest coach ever at the winningest school of all time. That's really all that needs to be said about him. Michigan executive associate athletic director Mike Stevenson told the Ann Arbor News: "In the history of Michigan athletics, nobody had a bigger impact. He was passionate, bright, and an unbelievable leader. He loved Michigan."

There are two things that I hope:

1. The team is able to turn a negative into a positive and to inspire themselves to win this one game for Bo. It's one of the biggest games in the history of the program he loved. It's an unfortunate shame that he was not able to live long enough to see it.

2. I really hope that all the douche-bag Michigan-hatin' OSU fans (not saying ALL OSU fans, obviously; just the real jerky ones I talked about yesterday) can let the man rest in peace. I shudder to think about what I'm sure will be all of the classy signs that the gracious OSU fans will have on College Game Day tomorrow morning. I mean, it's not like there's a punk band called "The Dead Schembechlers" performing at a tailgate before the game¹.


Rest in Peace. Win This One for Bo.


^{1. Per the comment from Kokotan, I want to reiterate that I don't harbor specific resentment for the Dead Schembechlers, since I know they've been together for over a decade, and are/were not a reactionary outcropping from Bo's death. It was meant more as a commentary about many of the harder-core, hatred-of-all-things-Michigan OSU fans who have been known to have less than better taste/judgement in situations such as these.}

Alright, it's time to weigh in on the Big Game.

First off, let me say that I wished they could have played this damn game on Tuesday. I'm so sick of hearing about it, honestly. It's already been broken down from every possible angle, and reading Steve's posted article mentioning that the band Nickelback was trying to get tickets tells me all I need to know about what this game has become. Nickelback?? Really?

At any rate, being a lonely Michigan fan living here in Columbus, this week has been difficult. My own wife and I have made separate plans to watch this Game of the Century, due to my desire to be able to actually root for my team out loud. I'll be joining a small cabal of Michigan fans at an undisclosed location (lest our cars be flipped and our couches burned by the impending mob, regardless of outcome) and Melissa will be watching with friends and/or family. It kind of sucks that we won't be watching it together, but I think it's for the best, as both of us might be prone to saying things we later regret to each other during this game. Not that I'm overly competitive and sick and tired of the unnecessary bile spewed by EVERY OSU fan regarding anything Michigan.....

Here are two things I'd first like to get out in the open, just for the record:

• I'm first going to go on record (in the hopes that I won't have to hear so much about it if OSU wins) that I THINK OSU IS GOING TO WIN. Troy Smith has killed us every year, he's on some kind of mission, Michigan's secondary is weak, yadda yadda yadda. Please, Buckeye fans, spare me on Monday, should your team win the game. I'm pretty sure there are no stupid little "Don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan/Carr should spell his first name with three 'L's HAAHAHAHA I'M FUNNY!" jokes that I haven't heard. I've lived in Columbus now for seven+ years, and believe me: they stopped being funny the 36th time I heard them five years ago. Seriously. You need some new material. And, let's be honest: It's a fucking football game! I want my team to win, too, but when the entire population of Columbus KNOWS ahead of time that there will be some kind of couch burning, car flipping riot after the game, it does not speak well of your fan-base. When you hear stories of people's cars being shellacked with rocks and bottles *just* because the license plate is from Michigan (never mind that it could be an OSU student who actually *gasp* lives in Michigan), and you yourself are tired of being called a "fucking pussy" (true story) by a total stranger for wearing a Michigan cap in the middle of summer, it goes beyond football rivalry.


• Along that same line, OSU fans need to fucking admit that Michigan is pretty good this year (I'm looking mostly in your direction, 1460 The Fan's Bruce Hooley). There are a lot of Columbus-ites already worried about getting airfare to Glendale, AZ, and who they will be playing in the National Championship. OSU is the most complete team I've seen this year, but Michigan is no slouch. Again, I'm NOT predicting any upsets, but let's be realistic; yes, your offense is good, but you've not yet played a team with a front 7 anywhere near as good as Michigans's.

Okay, all whining and griping aside, here are my keys to the game:

• Mike Hart: For Michigan to have any chance of stopping Ohio State's offense, the best course of action would be to keep that offense on the sideline. It's not a coincidence that, as Mike Hart goes, so goes the Michigan offense. They lead the nation in time of possession. Hart doesn't lose fumbles. Those two factors will come in very heavy in keeping OSU's offense off the field. If Hart can help to grind out long, time-consuming, and most importantly SCORING drives, Michigan has a good chance.


• The O-line: This goes along with the previous point. On these time-consuming drives, Michigan's senior-laden O-line has the potential to wear down a defense. Talk all you want about Joe Thomas, but Jake Long belongs in a discussion as the top tackle in the conference. Mark Bihl, Ruben Riley, and Adam Kraus are no slouches either.


• The Front 7: Michigan's front 7 is widely regarded as one of the--if not THE--best units in the country, and has masked some issues in the secondary all season. If they can slow Antonio Pittman (which I think they can do), then they must also get some pressure on Smith without having to continually blitz (thus having the ability for Shawn Crable or David Harris to "spy" him). If they can do that, they have a better chance of disrupting his uncanny rhythm. If they can't get pressure on Smith without having to sell out and bring the house, it's going to be a long day.


• Alex Boone vs. LaMarr Woodley: This is one of the key matchups. Boone hasn't played in three weeks. Woodley is one of the best defensive ends in the country, and is lining up most of the time next to Alan Branch, who commands a double team. How healthy is Boone? Will he be forced to stop Woodley one-on-one all day? If so, can he do it? Woodley played hurt in last year's game, and almost single-handedly kept UM in the game on defense.


• UM Secondary vs. OSU Receivers: This is the other key matchup. UM's secondary has been much maligned most of the year, and the receivers of OSU present many matchup problems. I imagine it's going to be Leon Hall on Anthony Gonzalez and Morgan Trent on Ted Ginn (based on Hall being our best cover CB and Gonzalez being the best pure receiver, and Trent and Ginn being the fastest but less "technical" of their respective units). Beyond that, Michigan's safety play is suspect, and OSU has other weapons at wide receiver that will also demand some attention (keeping UM from playing a cover 2 zone exclusively). If UM's front 4 can get pressure consistently and allow the outside backers to help clog the shorter routes on passing downs, that would be ideal for them. If they have to blitz and Smith has his bevy of wide receivers all one-on-one, it's going to be a long day.

What it all boils down to for me are the three keys to victory for UM:
1. Run the ball effectively with Hart
2. Control the clock
3. Get pressure on Smith without having to blitz

If Michigan can do those three things effectively, I think they can come out with the win. My heart says "Go Blue!" but my head says....

OSU 31, Michigan 24

Raise your hand if you saw this one coming...

The Browns much-maligned rush defense went into the Georgia Dome and shut down Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn, and the Falcons. 17-13. While certainly not a blow-out, and while our offense looked stalled for most of the second half, the Browns managed to get a lead early and hold onto it.

Our rock-headed quarterback was much less rock-headed (first game with no INTs, coupled with a nice slant TD pass to Edwards, a beatiful pump-fake/deep ball to Winslow, and then a throw in the fourth quarter on which Winslow made one of the nicest catches I've ever seen). We couldn't run all that much, but the game plan called for us to go after their banged up and 31st ranked pass defense. Frye's line: 16-22, 165 yards, 1 TD, 0 INTs. Rating: 101.9

This is what we need from Chuck Frye. He doesn't have to have eye-popping numbers. The strength of this team will be its defense. So far, the one huge difference that I've seen of the Jeff Davidson offensive era is that he goes into each game with a plan. The plan three games ago: the Jets suck at stopping the run... so let's run it on them. The plan yesterday: the Falcons suck at stopping the pass... let's move the ball passing.

Some observations:

• Sean Jones is the real deal at strong safety. Another INT yesterday, plus one more he could have had. I'm trying to think how good this kid might be right now if he hadn't torn his ACL in the summer camps before his rookie year. He deserves definite Pro Bowl consideration if he keeps it up, though I'm sure he'll lose out to Troy Polamalu (sp?) and Ed Reed.


• Keeping with the theme of the 2004 draft of Butch Davis, Kellen Winslow Jr. is a fucking beast. As much as I don't like the guy as a person, he can fucking play. That catch he made in the fourth quarter was downright sick. I still don't know what the Falcons were thinking when they matched a cornerback up with him. The fake he and Frye orchestrated in the first quarter to set up a 40 yard completion (which then also set up a touchdown) was a thing of beauty. If only he'd just shut his mouth...


• Whence came this rushing defense? Now, granted, 147 yards is not normally considered "good" rushing defense, but they held Dunn to 73 yards. All of Vick's rushing is hard to call "rushing" because it's really just pass protections breaking down most of the time. I honestly thought going in that the Browns would give up over 225 yards rushing. They held the Falcons to more than 50 yards under their season average.


• Speaking of the defense, I don't know if Crennel or Grantham gets more of the credit, but I don't know how they keep playing such good pass defense with their top 3 cornerbacks out. A lot of it is that Sean Jones and Brian Russell have been consistent, and that Pool has played well. But still... let us not also forget that Crennel had that last year in New England where they won the Super Bowl with several guys playing in the secondary that had been signed off the street/practice squad and with a normally starting wide receiver playing nickelback. An all around superb effort getting these guys up to speed. Davin Holly might have earned himself a spot as the #1 nickelback next year, assuming McCutcheon and Bodden are both healthy enough.


• Kamerion Wimbley. Each week, this guy does something else to impress me. This week, it was: a) sacking Michael Vick, and b) running Warrick Dunn down from behind. The more that he plays, the more you can see he's picking up the defense and the role of the 3-4 outside linebacker. He might not be the defensive rookie of the year, but he should at least be in the discussion. If he can stay healthy and continue to progress, he's going to be a beast for years to come.


• Braylon Edwards needs to keep doing more and more each week, but it was nice to see him get TDs in back to back games. Most people think he's going to be a bust. I still hold out hope, given my Michigan man-crush on him.

I still don't see the Browns winning more than 5 or 6 games total this season, but these last two weeks they've showed me something (and I think they've showed themselves something, too). Both games were games I thought the other teams would just roll over the Browns. Both games were a lot closer than most thought they would be. And both times, the Browns at least had a legitimate shot to win at some point.

If they can just keep building, there might be cause for hope. Until they all get tuberculosis and turf toe, which then ruins everyone's careers.

Tester wins in Montana

5 Senate seats down, 1 more to go!

Savor the flavor, George Allen. It's all over.

That Was Quick

From the files of, "Oh shit! I'm probably going to get fired by the new Congress!" we have another Donald Rumsfeld pre-emptive strike.

Though a large part of me wants all of these neo-Thugs to have to answer publicly for the shit they've done, a small part of me still enjoys saying, "Don't let the doorknob hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!"

How Sweep it Is!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think the Dems would take both the House AND the Senate. I knew they had a good shot at the House--only needing 15 seats--but I didn't know they'd take it back with such force! After all, they're the Democrats; they're notorious for fucking up even the surest of things.

But, to (most likely) get the Senate on top of that is purely icing on the political cake. Granted, lumping Joe "I'm a Sore Primary Loser" Lieberman in with the Dems is a bit of an assumption. He has said he will caucus with the Dems, but he generally always votes with the Republicans now. And to think, he was technically the vice president once.

Right now, it's 49-47 Republican, with two Independents (though, Sanders [VT] will vote with the Dems, and Lieberman was technically a Democrat before he lost the primary), so it's basically a dead-heat with Montana and Virginia still too close to call. But, Webb is ahead by 6,000 votes in Virigina, and Tester is ahead by around 2,000 in Montana.

So, in come the recounts. Let's just hope that all of the people who cried "Sore losers! Sour grapes! Cry-babies!" in 2000 and 2004 remember that now that the shoe's on the other foot and they try to spin recounts in the other direction (Hannity and Limbaugh, I'm looking in your collective direction).

Don't get me wrong. I don't think all of the Democrats are great. For example, in my Congressional district, I didn't necessarily *like* Mary Jo Kilroy, but ANYTHING would be better than Deb Pryce. Sadly, Pryce held on for her closest re-election in years. But, the most important point is that, assuming the Dems get both chambers back, George W. can't continue fucking up the country unchecked by his (formerly) rubber-stamp Congress.

And that, alone, is cause for celebration. That, and this:

"We took a whipping last night, and we understand that," Tom DeLay told CNN's "American Morning." "The Democrats didn't win, the Republicans lost."

Semantics, Tommy. Enjoy life in prison.

Open Letter to Phil Savage and Romeo Crennel:

Dear Phil and Romeo,
Please, for the love of all things holy, SIGN A VETERAN QUARTERBACK!!

I was a Charlie Frye apologist for the first few weeks of the season, but the dude is KILLING this team right now. Bring someone in who can make quicker decisions; who can throw the ball away; who can NOT FUMBLE ON HIS OWN TWO FUCKING YARD LINE; who can see the field and actually find an open man, as opposed to throwing into triple coverage more often than not.

I want to like the kid. I really do. Semi-local boy, grew up loving the Browns, tough as nails. All positives. But he's not ready to be an NFL starting quarterback, and may never be.

You say you're going to "coach him out" of holding onto the ball too long and taking sacks? How about doing it with him on the sideline watching a veteran QB actually doing it??

There's still time to make this season at least respectable. You could have won that game in San Diego if Frye hadn't fumbled the ball into his own endzone for a Charger touchdown, and if you had a quarterback that could make good enough decisions to instill enough confidence in your offensive coordinator to actually throw the ball in the red zone. Six field goals was a neat team record, but four field goals and two touchdowns would have won you the game.

Seriously. I don't want a new QB in the draft (though I'm sure there are some out there *cough*Lars*cough* that want Troy Smith). I want a PROVEN VETERAN. Someone who can read the defense and throw to the open man/hot read and NOT take six sacks a game and/or NOT fumble/throw the ball to the other team with great regularity.

I don't think that's too much to ask. I also don't think the team is that far away from being *gasp* competitive, even considering how banged up they are.

Let's get on it.

Sincerely,
DP

Open Letter to the Cleveland Cavaliers:

Dear Cavs,
Seriously, what the fuck?

You go out and win the first two games against tough teams (including that amazing win on the road in San Antonio of all places) and get me believing.

You then go out and lay an egg against fucking Charlotte? Charlotte??

Don't go all 2006 Cleveland Indians on me, where you start off hot and get my (along with everyone else's) hopes up, only to gag.

Don't do it. You don't want to be like the Indians and Browns, do you?

Let's pick it up out there.

Sincerely,
DP

So Sorry, Mr. Duncan

Not quite as ferocious as the dunk over Damon Jones a few years ago, but that's TIM FREAKIN' DUNCAN getting posterized by our boy.

Cavs 88, Spurs 81. First win for the Cavs in San Antonio since the 1988/89 season.

They just might be for real.

Some Thursday Night Observations

Some random notes after a crazy Thursday night:

• Bowling three games after not having touched a bowling ball in six months hurts your fingers. However, I was pleasantly surprised that it only took me about six or seven frames to get my form back. At the end of the night, I bowled a 124, a 177, and a 147, bringing my average to 149, which is just under my end-of-league 150 average from last year.


• After watching the West Virginia/Louisville game last night, I don't see how either of those teams could keep with with a Michigan or OSU. They don't play shit for defense, and UM and OSU both have great defenses. OSU and Michigan can both play some offense, too. It wouldn't even be close. If the OSU/UM winner plays Louisville in the national championship game, it's going to be a beat-down of Super Bowl XXIV proportions. I would take any of the 1-loss SEC teams or even Texas over Louisville right now.


• I think I know why no Louisville QB from the last few years ever has success in the NFL (think: Chris Redman, Dave Raggone, etc.). It's because they show up to their first day of mini-camp, and the coach tells them, "Now, Dave, when you're reading the defense, the first thing you should see..." and the QB interrupts them with, "Wait, wait, wait.... what the hell is a 'defense'?" My buddy Wad said it best: "It was like watching a Madden game with real players."


• I like Lost. I really do. And I know the actor that plays Eko wanted to be written off the show. But come on. Give me something I can use. These two new characters? Worthless and annoying! Ugh. There's a large part of me that's not sad this show is going on a break for half of the season. Right now, The Nine is more interesting to me.


• What I do like? My Name is Earl and The Office. Two shows that are well-written, well-cast, and well-acted. Seriously, could they have found better people to play Earl, Randy, Joy, and Darnell than they found? Could anyone be Jim or Pam or Dwight better than those three people? These are my two favorite shows right now.


• Heard the ~90% mix of the House of Cards album. There are a few tracks on there that are just unbelieveable, in my (obviously biased) opinion. Look for a CD in late November or early December.

The only other thing: Friday mornings suck when you don't go to bed until 1:30, but that's the price you pay, I guess.

Keep Larry Hughes Away from the Browns' Players...

...lest one of their Spanish-Inquisition-esque freak injuries latch onto him. It's no secret he's been a little bit injury-prone over the past few seasons.

If he stays healthy and the Cavs learn to shoot some freaking free throws, they will be a force. They played fairly ugly, shot 15-30 from the charity stripe, and still managed to beat a tough, tough Washington team.

James had a ho-hum 26/10/5 night when he really didn't shoot the ball well, only got to the free-throw line 6 times, and missed 4 of those 6 shots. The real story of the game was Hughes, who had 27 points and SHUT DOWN Gilbert Arenas. Arenas didn't even SCORE until late in the third quarter.

Washington is a tough team that will be there in the playoffs if they get better on defense. They have plenty of offensive weapons, which makes the Cavs' ugly win that much more impressive.

As much as LeBron may be the best player in the league, the Cavs will only go as far as a healthy Larry Hughes will take them. As well as they played in the playoffs last spring, Hughes is by far the second best player on the team, and they missed him. He brings the ability to score opposite James, which will be lethal as teams double LeBron and the Cavs pick up more of this motion offense. James is going to get doubled anytime he goes to the basket, and their new offense is designed to move people around and get them open cutting to the basket. James is a top-5 passer in the NBA, and the Cavs need a proven scorer to be making those cuts when he gets doubled, because he will ALWAYS find the open man.

Hughes also brings the ability to shut down the other team's primary small scorer, which is something the Cavs didn't have last year and sorely missed against Washington in the playoffs. If the Hughes from last night was in that series, it would have been a sweep because he was in Arenas's head last night.

All of this said, they need to play better than they did last night to be a potential Eastern Conference Championship team. Their new "motion" offense looked forced and rickety at times, especially in the first quarter when they passed the ball to the Wizards more often than they did to their own team. It's going to take time to get all of the nuances of the offense down, but they certainly have the passers to make it work with James and Hughes out top, and Big Z down low (an underrated passer for a big man). If only Ilgauskas could play some defense and actually score....

Their early schedule sets up for them to get off to a nice start, though. They'll probably lose tomorrow night at San Antonio, but after that they have a road game against Charlotte and three consecutive home games against Atlanta, Philadelphia, and Boston. There's no reason this team shouldn't start out 5-1. [edit] I'm an idiot... apparently we play Chicago at home instead of Philadelphia... big difference. So, pencil the Cavs in for 5-1, but 4-2 may also be reality.


And yes, loyal reader(s), I know I've just jinxed them to miss the playoffs.

The Quest Begins Anew

Tonight, the Cavs kick off another season, and for the first time since I can remember there is talk of a run at a conference championship.

LeBron (who should be trying for his second in a row, no thanks to Steve Nash's blatant theft) will--barring injury--be the MVP of the league this year. He was last year, in my opinion, and he's only going to get better at the ripe old age of 21-going-on-22.

The Pistons have taken a step backward. Shaq has requited himself with another championship, and (combined with the Heat's lack of a point guard at present) will push the Heat back to the pack. That leaves a group of the Cavs, Nets, and Bulls as potential upstart threats in the East to the two prior stalwarts. Of those three, the Cavs are best suited¹ to win a playoff series against the Pistons/Heat due to their interior presence with Ilgauskas (assuming he actually shows up this year in the post-season), Verajao, and Gooden (if he grows a pair).

And, when you have the best player in the league, that doesn't hurt.

Tonight at 7:00 PM against the Wizards, it begins again. And I, as an admitted total band-wagon fan², will be watching.

<sup>1. Assuming, that is, that the Cavs play the same defense that they did in the Pistons series this past spring for an entire season.

2. If it didn't involve LeBron James or Mark Price, Brad Daugherty, Larry Nance, Craig Ehlo, and Hot Rod Williams, I didn't follow it. Guilty as charged.</sup>

Prognosis: 5-11

So, I went to another Browns game yesterday with the anticipation that they were going to win. I told anyone who would listen that the players weren't just blowing smoke when they said they were "relieved" to have Carthon gone from the building, and that they felt Jeff Davidson could actually do something with the offense.

The Jets defense is really terrible, I told people. We're going to run the ball on them, you'll see. We haven't been losing because of our defense, and if the offense can get some things going, it will make the defense even better, I told them.

At the end of the day, 20-13: Browns. And it really wasn't that close.

I have no delusions that the Browns suddenly became a great team; the Jets were just HORRIBLE yesterday. If they hadn't busted off the kick return for a TD and our kicker didn't somehow miss a 26 yard kick, the final score of that game would have been 23-6, which is about how it looked. And the Browns made absolutely NO effort to do anything on offense the entire fourth quarter, or who knows what the score could have been.

The guys I was with yesterday were enamored with how bad Chad Pennington looked and how bad the Jets defense looked. Until we started simply running into the line to kill the clock, Droughns was hitting at about 5 yards a carry and Winslow was dominating their linebackers. From our offense, that's a sign your defense is in trouble.

In summary, the Jets are GOD AWFULLY BAD. How they're 4-4 (other than beating a lot of CRAPPY teams) is beyond me.

BUT, also, the Browns had a GOOD game plan, stuck to it, and executed it. To a man, all of the players said as much, and from what audio I heard of post-game comments, they truly meant it. They believe in this team and in each other, and they are actually motivated to play for Davidson.

The best thing about leaving that game was that we had won, and the Steelers lost to the freakin' Raiders. That pretty much made everyone's day.


All of this having been said, (as the title of the blog entry would indicate) I hardly think the Browns will be making a playoff run anytime soon this season. Their remaining schedule (as with their previous games played schedule) is BRUTAL. 9 games in 9 weeks, and only a few of them winnable. Observe:

@Chargers (league's #1 defense, and a guy by the name of "Tomlinson")
@Falcons (looking very good at the moment)
Steelers (struggling, and hopefully Browns players would like to get a little 41-0 payback)
Bengals (could be interesting at home, but they have too much on offense)
Chiefs (their offense looks to be as good as ever at this point with LJ)
@Steelers (probably can't knock off the Steelers on the road, no matter how bad they're playing)
@Ravens (ditto, though they're playing a bit better than the Steelers)
Buccaneers (games in the cold are never kind to Tampa Bay, and they are far from their late 90's/early 00's form)
@Texans (just not a great team, probably packed in by this point in the year)

I could see us winning three of those, maybe (Steelers at home, Bucs at home, Texans on the road). And that doesn't even factor in the number of life-threatening and limb-mangling injuries our team will no doubt suffer over the rest of the year.

So, prognosis is for 5-11 at best, I think. Record-wise, not an improvement from last year. But, with the injuries the Browns have had and against that schedule, to go 5-11 and have made a change on offense will be progress, albeit slim.

And, when you consider that they looked like they were heading for 1-15 after the Broncos loss, 5-11 looks damn rosey by comparison.

Re: Mo Carthon - Quote of the Fucking Century

Someone forwarded this to me today:

"It's one thing to be an asshole when you're winning and when [the offense] is executing. It's another thing completely when either one is not happening, and it takes a serious asshole to act that way when both ain't happening. He's not [Bill] Parcells regardless of how he holds himself. He likes to think he is, but he ain't... And it's not like [Browns players] suddenly got tired of his act. They've been tired for a long time."

Spoken by none of than....

Former Browns QB Trent Dilfer. No wonder he would rather back up a 22 year old near his hometown than compete for a starting job here.


Also in this morning's Plain Dealer:

On their first day back to work after the dismissal of Carthon and the ascension of Davidson as play-caller, there was palpable joy and relief (emphasis mine)-- at least in the offensive line section of the Browns' locker room.

Wow, I can't believe it took Romeo Crennel this long to can this guy. Makes me wonder about Romeo just a little bit...

Want more proof the Browns are cursed?

Gary Baxter tears up BOTH knees on one play.

"Browns cornerback Gary Baxter suffered season-ending torn patellar tendons in both knees Sunday -- a rare occurrence which could be career-threatening." (emphasis mine)

Rare and career-threatening? Of course it is. He plays for the Browns.

Guy's never been injured in his career. Signs a free agent deal with the Browns, gets hurt in his first season. And then in his second pre-season. He works and rehabs to get back on the field, and even before he can get to HALFTIME, he rips up both his knees.

Meanwhile, Peyton Manning gets hit low/high, gets his body bent completely over backwards and his helmet ripped off as a third guy hits him. He misses one series, right back in there.

THAT is what it's like to play for--and, by association, to follow--the Browns.

At least they finally fired Maurice Carthon. Finally. It only took six games of being LAST in the league on offense, and apparently the intervention of the owner and GM, but they finally fired him.

I'm pretty sure I could dunk over Strickland

So, we were fortunate enough to see Ted Strickland speak at a very small (as in, less than 100 people in someone's driveway) gathering, and then were able to meet (and get this photo taken with) him afterward.

Look at me. I'm huge. I could totally post him up, and he'd be no match for my turn around baby hook shot on the low block.

His education policy is a little better than mine, but that won't matter when he's staring up at the bottoms of my Nike Airs after I rain a furious dunk down on him.

Cynicism

GOP losing grip on married moms

So, the question then becomes: do they still have enough clout and balls to rig this many elections on 11/7? If the polls continue these trends across the board as they have been, and somehow the Republicans still manage to sweep the elections, will that be enough to convince people that the elections in this country are fishy?

You Know, I Can't Really Recall....

State Department Confirms Rice Met With Tenet on Terror Threat

Why isn't this getting more play? Oh, yeah, because of Mark Foley. Dammit, they're always one step ahead.

The Ballad of Mark Foley

The Replublican Party of Moral Values and Accountability, indeed!

I really don't know where to start with this one. As someone who wants all of those hypocritical, conservative, war-mongering teabaggers out of office in November, part of me was happy to see the proverbial shit hitting the fan about this. Nothing would make me happier in this election than to see Dennis Hastert out as a casualty of this scandal.

But, I can't focus on that today. There are too many things making me angry about this scandal right now to focus on the potential positive. I mean, I've heard of dirty politics, and readily acknowledge that essentially every campaign is going to have its share of mud-slinging from both sides, but the end-around that the Republicans are trying on this one truly takes the cake for shamefulness and makes me hope that they all get their own special levels of hell for their deceit.

Issue #1: "Who's to Blame?"

Kirk Fordham, the former chief of staff for Foley (who resigned yesterday, incidentally) has said that he notified top Republican House officials prior to 2005 about Foley's issues. Hastert's people are saying that's not true.

RCC chairman Tom Reynolds says he "did what anyone would do in their workplace: I heard something, and I took it to my supervisor [John Boehner]."

Boehner says that he notified Hastert, and that the speaker said it had been taken care of. He also said that it's Hastert's responsibility to do something about it.

In other words, no gives-ies backs-ies!

Hastert says he didn't know anything about it. Also, when asked about resignation in the Chicago Tribune, he's managed to throw the blame onto anyone and everyone:

"No. Look, I've talked to our members," Hastert said. "Our members are supportive. I think that [resignation] is exactly what our opponents would like to have happen—that I'd fold my tent and others would fold our tent and they would sweep the House."

When asked about a groundswell of discontent among the GOP's conservative base over his handling of the issue, Hastert said: "I think the base has to realize after awhile, who knew about it? Who knew what, when? When the base finds out who's feeding this monster, they're not going to be happy. The people who want to see this thing blow up are ABC News and a lot of Democratic operatives, people funded by George Soros."

So, who do we believe? Who's playing the spin game? Who covered it up? Who's merely trying to throw someone else under the bus to save their own ass? Or, more importantly, who isn't?


Issue #2: "How Can we SPIN This?" and/or "What Sheer Lies Can We Tell to Take the Heat Off?"

In the past few days, we've heard every possible way of deflecting this scandal away from those who are mired in it. For example:

First, when the e-mails and IMs came out, it was because he's an alcoholic. Then, when the shit-storm got deeper as it was reported that he had Internet sex with a high school student (in his office prior to a House vote), it was because he was once molested by a clergyman.

Ann Coulter:
"Who Knew Congressman Foley Was a Closeted Democrat?"
In fairness, though, Ann Coulter is a closeted nut job hack, but you don't see me writing any articles about it. Oh, wait.

Sean Hannity:
"Gerry Studds, Democratic Congressman, 1983, he had sex with a 17 year old page. That's just, not that long ago." (emphasis mine)
Yeah, it was only 23 years ago, Sean. And has nothing to do with Mark Foley.

"And, we're also getting information tonight, that there are Democratically funded websites by people like [George] Soros that had knowledge of this long before it was made public."
I believe it was Jon Stewart who said it best: "Doesn't the responsibility for this really fall at the feet of buckfush.blogsport.org/bardcollege.edu? DOESN'T IT??"

And finally from Hannity, you knew it was going to come up. It was only a matter of time:

"You know something, I-I don't want to bring [former President Bill] Clinton into it... you're gonna say, 'Well, Monica was 19,' but hang on a second..."
Actually she was 22, which is a long way from 16 in terms of adult consent, voting age, drinking age, and generally EVERYTHING ELSE. But other than that, Sean, right on.

Dennis Hastert:
"All I know is what I hear and what I see. I saw Bill Clinton's adviser, Richard Morris, was saying these guys knew about this all along. If somebody had this info, when they had it, we could have dealt with it then."
Umm, according to almost everyone else, Dennie, YOU HAD IT ALL ALONG!!


But, this one takes the cake. On Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show, THEY LABELED FOLEY AS A DEMOCRAT ON THE AIR THREE TIMES! Some might say that's just a mistake, but if it is, it's a HUGE one. I have my doubts about it being unintentional, especially since they offered no public retraction and later simply displayed him as "Former Congressman Mark Foley (FL)." Clever, indeed.

Tonight on three separate occasions, during two different segments, Bill O'Reilly showed video of his fellow culture warrior, boy-crazy Congressman Mark Foley, with the tagline "Former Congressman Mark Foley (D-FL)."

***

Consider that, according to the Columbia Journalism Review and Program on International Policy Attitudes (PIPA) Research Center, Fox News viewers have far more misconceptions on such important issues as Iraq's involvement in the 9/11 attacks than viewers of other networks. Consider also that the average O'Reilly viewer is 71. And that’s just an average. So for every 30-year-old Factor fan, there's a 112-year-old screaming about "secular progressives" and whomever else has criticized Bill. So we can promise you that the average O'Reilly fan is sleeping well tonight with the knowledge that the creep in Florida who was trying to bed boy pages was a Democrat after all.

(link)

So, you can blame the Democrats, or you can just decide to LABEL FOLEY A DEMOCRAT.

All of this is morally reprehensible. They're complaining that the Democrats are trying to politicize this, yet I haven't heard much of anything coming from Democratic campaigns. And, they also forget: they're the people that tried to IMPEACH Clinton for a consentual sexual relationship not even 8 years ago. What's that old saying about those who live in glass houses?

Where Have We Gone Wrong?

I generally don't like to be a downer, but with the recent rash of school shootings popping up again, the many rhetorical questions abound:

"How could someone do something like this?"
"How could no one have seen the signs that this person was troubled?"
"What's wrong with society?"

There will never be sufficient answers to those first two questions, but I think the third question is one that's worth examining. What, in fact, is wrong with our society?

Charles Carl Roberts IV... married, father of three. Sounds like the ideal life, no? Why, then, would this man barricade himself into a one-room school, tie up 10 young girls, and then kill five of them and himself (while wounding the other five fairly critically) at the first sign of law enforcement?

Why?

Roberts left behind evidence that offered a small glimpse into his mind:

Roberts apparently remembered molesting two relatives 20 years ago and dreamed about molesting again. Police raised the possibility that Roberts, who brought lubricating jelly with him, may have been planning to sexually assault the Amish girls. Roberts, 32, left separate notes for his wife and each of his three children, who are all 6 years or younger, at their home in Bart, [State Police Commissioner Jeffrey B.] Miller said.

In the notes, Roberts also said he was haunted by the death of his prematurely born daughter in 1997. The baby, Elise, died 20 minutes after being delivered, Miller said.

Elise's death "changed my life forever," the milk truck driver wrote to his wife. "I haven't been the same since it affected me in a way I never felt possible. I am filled with so much hate, hate toward myself hate towards God and unimaginable emptiness it seems like every time we do something fun I think about how Elise wasn't here to share it with us and I go right back to anger."

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/04/amish.shooting.ap/index.html

So, why didn't anyone get this man some help? Why didn't he talk to someone about this "hate" and "unimaginable emptiness" before it boiled over?

Who knows?

But, for me, this shines a light on a much bigger problem: our society has given up on helping those in need of help. I will endeavor to keep this from being a political rant, but the mantra of the country has switched from helping those in need to expecting that those in need will just pull themselves up by the proverbial bootstraps.

Between our education problems, health care problems, and public assistance problems, people in need have fewer and fewer resources with which to "pull themselves up" anymore. But, before we idict society as a bunch of uncaring selfish jark-offs, let's examine a little deeper.

Lou Dobbs (a man I usually don't particularly care for) has this to say:

The Dow Jones Industrial Average has hit an all-time high and Wall Street firms are posting some of their best earnings ever. For the first time in our nation's history, the Forbes list of the 400 wealthiest Americans includes only billionaires. In fact, having only a billion dollars means you're not on the list. As a group, the Forbes 400 has a collective net worth of $1.25 trillion.

So the rich are doing well. But how about the middle class?

More Americans than ever are living in poverty, living without health care, paying more for housing and for the costs of our public education. And real wages are falling.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/03/Dobbs.Oct4/index.html

Pull yourselves up by the bootstraps indeed.

So, rather than being a completely uncaring lot, it would almost seem that the majority of this country has been forced so much to cover their own collective ass to stay afloat that taking care of those who are in need has been forced to the back burner.

So, in other words, I don't think ALL of society has stopped caring as much as I think that the majority of society no longer has the means with which to care effectively.



Dobbs continues:

The number of Americans without health coverage rose by 1.3 million last year, up to 46.6 million, according to the Census Bureau. What's worse, more than one in 10 American children are now uninsured. Fewer employers than ever are providing health care to their employees and those who are still lucky enough to receive employer-provided coverage are paying a much larger share: The Kaiser family foundation says the cost of family health insurance, in fact, is up 87 percent since 2000.

The costs of higher education are also hurting middle-class families like never before. In this increasingly credentialed society, the total cost of tuition, fees, room and board at four-year public colleges and universities has ballooned 44 percent over the past four years. And the proportion of family income it takes to pay for college is growing for families everywhere. The biggest jump, according to the National Center for Higher Education, is in Ohio, where college costs now take 42 percent of the average family budget, up from 28 percent in the early 1990s.

Our dependency on foreign oil is also hamstringing working men and women. Gasoline prices are back on the decline (for now), but many Americans this summer were shelling out double what they used to pay to drive their cars. And gas prices now, while lower than at their peak in August, are still about 60 percent higher than in January 2001.

...

So what has been keeping our middle class afloat in the face of rapidly rising costs? American families have been living on, as well as in, their homes. More than one-third of homeowners are spending more than 30 percent of their income on the cost of housing, a level that pushes the edge of affordability. Nationwide median home values from 2000-2005 jumped 32 percent, and homeowners have been pulling equity out of their houses in order to keep up with escalating tuition bills, health care costs and energy costs.

Costs of everything are on the rise. Wages are not. People are staying afloat by basically "rebuying" their houses (using the equity they have) and putting themselves into debt further and further into the future simply to meet the needs of today. We can all say, "why didn't that guy get himself some help or some therapy?" but we're not truly able or willing to provide him with that assistance, because hey, we all have problems and there just isn't enough money to go around anymore.

Or is there? All of this isn't to say that there aren't people out there with the means to help who are not doing so.

The government used to play a large role in helping people to take care of these basic needs, but we've siphoned so much money out of the federal budget to pay for a pointless war and irresponsible tax cuts (so that each member of the Forbes 400 now cracks the "billionare" plateau--hooray!!) that the safety net that used to be there is either gone or much, much smaller.

Two Proverbs

The conservative mantra about welfare has always been to say that if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. But, if you teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.

and

A man much wiser than I once said to a group of us at a political meeting for educators that, we have so many problems in this country, but if we just fixed the problem of education first, the rest would inevitably take care of themselves.


What does all of this mean? The two statements are fundamentally the same, but smack of the problem: the snotty conservative proverb is great on paper, but if none of those heartless jackals are willing to FUND any sort of education for poor people, they won't ever learn to help themselves. And this is where we've gone wrong.

We have two classes of people: those that don't care to help, and those that don't have the means to help. No one likes paying taxes, but they are a necessary evil, if you will, in this country in order to keep the country afloat. I would gladly give my meager tax cut back to the government to invest into education and health care if it meant that every American member of that Forbes 400 list of billionares had to give their GIGANTIC tax cuts back for the same reason. And, really, put your mind to work and imagine what the $300 BILLION spent on invading Iraq could do for not only education and health care, but in our crusade-like quest to feel safer here at home.

Dobbs finishes:

Perhaps one of our nation's leading business magazines would like to create something called a Forbes or Fortune 250 Million list, which would reveal the dire financial pressures that our public policies have produced for working men and women and their families. It's time for all of us to focus on that deep chasm we have allowed to open between the wealthiest Americans and the middle class and those who aspire to it.

Otherwise, there will be 250 million casualties in what has become nothing less than class warfare.

Indeed, Lou.

This isn't even *just* an American issue. Another man much wiser than I once told President Bush that, before we can truly combat terrorism, we need to "drain the lakes of poverty on which the mosquitos of terrorism breed." Eloquently put, and perfectly true.

Unfortunately, and sadly unrealistically, that would mean that the rich elite that run this country would have to shed their greed and be willing to part with some of their own resources. For every Warren Buffet, there are tens of Jeffrey Skillings, Andrew Fastows, Bernard Ebbers, and Dennis Kozlowskis who are willing to bilk the American public of their lives' savings and livelihoods in the name a of few more millions for themselves.

It would seem that, until we examine the policies of this country, America is doomed to continue asking "why" for a long, long time.

WttMH Sports Ticker

• Your 2006 Cleveland Indians win 8 of 9 to finish at 78-84. Huzzah.


• Your 2006 Cleveland Browns finally win a game, in come-from-behind fashion. 24-21 in Oakland. 1-3 on the year, but at least showing a pulse.


• My 2006 Michigan Wolverines look focused, avenging a third loss from last season against Minnesota on Saturday night. Other than a road night game at Penn State, the schedules set up perfectly for a matchup of unbeatens in November in Columbus, with big National Title game implications.