Pick up the phone / the call is free

Free indeed.

I always wondered how certain car insurance companies could afford to be so much "cheaper" than other companies, and then I found out. With apologies to any WTtMH readers who may have this company...

FUCK SAFE AUTO.

There. I've said it. Pick up the phone... the call is free. Then just pray to God you never, ever hit someone (or get hit by someone who has Safe Auto).

Two weeks ago, I had the misfortune of being rear-ended while waiting to get on the freeway. The woman that rear-ended me basically ended both of my bumpers (by pushing me into the car in front of me). Estimate: $1500+ to get both bumpers fixed. According to the police officer at the scene, I was not at fault at all, because the woman behind me hit me and pushed me into the car in front of me. No big deal, right?

Not so much. Her Safe Auto insurance guy called me the Monday after the accident to tell me that they were "conducting their own investigation" into the accident. Investigation?? Of what? She hit me. It doesn't take a team of MIT scientists to conduct physical experiments to figure it out. There's a yield sign. There were cars coming with the right of way. The car in front of me stopped to yield. I stopped behind him. She fucking hit me square in the center of my bumper, going at least 25 or 30 MPH (enough to pop one side of my bumper off of the back quarter panel, at least).

Then, the answer was: "Well, the car she was driving wasn't on her policy, so we may not be covering the accident damages." EXCUSE ME? Duely noted. And allow me to retort: FUCK YOU. Insurance covers the driver, and any other drivers on the policy. That's how it's always worked, since the dawn of time. Otherwise, no one's insurance would ever pay for any accident they had in someone else's car, and someone who had no fault in the accident would get stuck with a higher premium. I know that if I wreck my wife's car, MY INSURANCE is paying for it, and MY RATE is going up... not hers.

What's worse is that, if I didn't follow up with Safe Auto, they'd be content to ignore this claim. He told me to "give [them] a week to finish [their] investigation," and now I can't get the jabroni on the phone anymore. Nor has he called me to update the investigation.

And, of course, I could have the good people at my State Farm office go after Safe Auto, except that then I have to file my own claim and pay my $500 deductable. To which I reply with: BULL SHIT.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that 3-C Body Shop (they also of the annoying commercials) are pretty good at going after insurance companies themselves, since they're the ones that get the money for the repairs at the end of the day.


In summary: Fuck Safe Auto. Fuck their commercials. Maybe it's just me, but you can't put a price tag on customer service. Maybe my State Farm insurance costs more, but I also know that I can call or walk into my agent's office any time of any day and speak to him within 15 minutes, and get a satisfactory answer to my question. Sure, Safe Auto gives you the minimum coverage allowable by the law, thus making you "legal for less," but as Stan said in Office Space, "What do you think of someone who just does the bare minimum, um kay?"

With respect to anyone who has Safe Auto, I personally think they suck. My insurance company told me they suck. The body shop told me they suck. And in this case, I'm the Decider.

The Legend Grows...

Sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words.

121-120. Cavs up 3-2. And, just a reminder: he's only 21. What else needs to be said?

Well, I was half-right...

The Browns did take Kamerion Wimbley with their first pick, and Ngata was off the board, but the reason he was off the board was because we traded our #12 pick with Baltimore, and THEY took him. We only got a 6th round pick from the deal which seems a bit light, but with that pick, we took a nose-tackle from Stanford. It became clear that the Browns never had any intention of taking Ngata. Whatever.

I don't know what to think about Wimbley as our first pick. If he comes as advertised, he should make a nice transition to outside 'backer in our 3-4 defense and bring some pressure from the outside. The combination of Wimbley and McGinnest should solidify our pass rush greatly, assuming Wimbley does what he's supposed to do and doesn't flip a motorcycle or anything stupid like that (see: Winslow, Kellen).

Overall, I think the Browns did well. Most publications I read gave them a solid B+ or A- grade (or, in the case of USA Today, 3 out of 4 stars).

The Good:

• Trading Jeff Faine to the Saints (whose previous Pro Bowl center we just stole in free agency) to move up and take D'Qwell Jackson in round 2. He was only the ACC Defensive Player of the year, beating out 3 NC State and 4 FSU defensive players taken in the first round ahead of him. He's a bit smallish for inside 'backer in a 3-4, but his football instincts are supposed to be tremendous, he's very versatile, and he's a tackling machine. The Browns don't always tackle well, so anyone that can improve that is an upgrade. I could forsee him unseating both Matt Stewart and Chaun Thompson to play inside next to Andra Davis. Good pick.


• James Hamilton - this guy was picked in the fifth round, and is a running back from Washington State. He's small, but is shifty, versatile, and only ran for 1900 freakin' yards last season. He'll be a very good change-of-pace back to Reuben Droughns and on third downs.


• Lawrence Vickers - fullback from Colorado, widely regarded as one of the best fullbacks in the draft. He can do it all: run, block, and catch. Our current fullback, while a good blocker, can't run or catch all that well. Vickers fits better into the scheme our offense plays, and should be immensely valuable on thrid-and-short situations and goal-line situations. And all of this for a sixth round pick. Stealing.


• Overall, the Browns primarily drafted based on need: three linebackers, a backup offensive guard, a nose tackle, a change-of-pace running back, a versatile fullback, and a possible second wide receiver. They also drafted a safety and a cornerback whose talent translates well to a nickel back, which as we saw last year when Baxter, Bodden, and McCutcheon all battled injuries, is a valuable commodity. The Browns got much deeper on Saturday, and added people who could potentially start for them in a few years with almost every pick. That's the mark of a winning draft.

The Bad:

• Trading the rights to Ngata away to a hated division rival, and only getting a sixth round pick in return. Now, granted, it's apparent that Savage never really wanted to take Ngata, but you can still milk the other team for more than that. The draft chart says that switch should merit a fourth round pick. Getting at least a fifth would have been nice.


• I'm still not 100% sold on Wimbley. He only cracked the starting lineup as a senior. He's supposed to be an athletic marvel, but you'd like to see more dominance from a guy taken 13th overall who's supposed to completely revamp your pass rush. You're also projecting him from defensive end in college to an outside linebacker in the pros, which is always risky. He's being compared to the next Peter Boulware and/or Willie McGinnest, but he could just as easily be the next Kenard Lang at outside linebacker.


• Another safety? Justin Hamilton from Va Tech. He switched positions three times in college (RB -> WR -> RB -> S) and only played safety one year. He did, however, call the signals for the #1 defense in the country last year. However, being that we already have a potential logjam at safety, this pick left me scratching my head. Special teamer, perhaps.

Overall, though, I can't complain too much.

Since I last wrote, the Tribe has gone 2-3. Until they get their pitching back settled, it's going to be a bumpy spring. Sabathia did come back yesterday and pitched well. They just need to get the bullpen in order.


In other news, Melissa and I "foster cared" for a black lab puppy this past weekend:

Simply beautiful animal, but much, much too big and hyper for our small house and our current dog. We gave in and named him ("Grady") and he did play fetch with me, which is probably the one thing I've always wanted in a dog. I threw his toy, and he brought it back every single time. I loved that.

It was hard to see him go, but he went to the no-kill shelter. He needs to go to a home with kids that can play with him more than we can, and probably to a home without an older dog who: a) doens't want to play as much, and b) already has staked his claim as top dog bad-ass of the house.

Godspeed, Grady.

All you other Slim Gradys are just imitating...

Won't the real Slim Grady please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up?

Seriously. Tribe. What the fuck? Will the real Cleveland Indians please stand up? They are 5-5 in their last ten games, and let's be honest... when I turn a game on, I never know if the starting pitcher is going to go 6 or 7 innings and give up one run, or if the whole team is going to give up 10+ runs. Here are the scores of their last 10 games:

Tribe - Opponents
win, 10-2
win, 15-1
loss, 9-18
loss, 4-9
win, 6-5
loss, 5-11
loss, 1-5
loss, 6-8
win, 7-1
win, 15-3

Seriously, what's going on, here? The offense (with the exception of the 10th game of a 10 day, 10 game road trip in which they only scored 1) has not been the problem. Look at the pitching numbers, though:

5 wins: 12 total runs allowed. 2.4 runs a game. A great number.
5 losses: 46 total runs allows. 9.2 runs a game. NOT a great number.

I know the bullpen has been in flux with Miller, Betancourt, and Cabrera not there. They should be getting Cabrera back soon, and apparently his extended spring has been very beneficial. Betancourt won't be on the DL too terribly long. Miller's done for the year. I also know that C.C. Sabathia is set to come off the DL any day now, and that will only strengthen the starting rotation.

But still... how about a little consistency??


Some other Tribe notes:

• I think it's safe to say you don't ever want to pitch to Ben Broussard with the bases loaded. Last night, he was 2-2 with a grand slam and 6 runs batted in with the bases loaded. That brings his career numbers to: 14-38 (.368) with 4 doubles, 4 grand slams, and a total of 47 RBI. Bases loaded? Call Ben Broussard, that's my name... that name again is Ben Broussard.


• Travis Hafner walked 4 times last night. In his last at bat, he'd been up 4 times previously, but was still 0-0 with 4 BB. How's that for patient, especially when your team is up by 10+ runs?


• Victor Martinez has picked up right where he left off last summer/fall. To have that kind of production in your catcher's spot... wow.


• Paul Byrd has an 8.03 ERA in five starts. If I told you he was above .500, you wouldn't believe me, right? Well, he's 3-2. Mainly, because of the fact that--even though his ERA is north of 8--his run support has been 50 runs in 5 games. Wow.


• Speaking of runs, the Tribe leads baseball in runs scored. They've scored 142 runs in 22 games, good for a clip of 6.45 per game. Only one other team in baseball (Cincinnati, in the NL, with 136) is even over 124 runs. If the Tribe can get any kind of pitching at all, watch out.

In other news, the NFL Draft is tomorrow. Finally, all of the coverage and speculation will end! Some things, to wit:

• The Texans WILL take Reggie Bush at #1. Anyone that tries to convince you otherwise is: a) high, b) completely stupid, or c) the GM of the Texans trying to leverage his contract negotiations with Bush.


• Not being an OSU fan, I'm still not ashamed to say that I support any plan that involves a trade up to get A.J. Hawk, or a trade down to get Bobby Carpenter.


• My gut says the Browns will end up with Haloti Ngata at #12. I have no complaints with that pick. His stock is falling for some unknown reason, and enough people in the top 10 will take guys like Jay Cutler and Mario Williams who inexplicably are the talk of the draft. I'm fine with Ngata at 12.


• My gut also says that if Ngata isn't there, Kamerion Wimbley is our pick.


• My gut (yes, it's getting quite large) also says that if we get Ngata in round 1, we'll take Manny Lawson in round 2, and offensive lineman in round 3, and a change-of-pace running back in round 4.


• Speaking of Lawson (and of Mario Williams) I have this question: if we're to believe that THREE guys from NC State's defense are good enough to be taken in the top 50 or so (Williams is the concensus #2 pick in the draft, Lawson will go in the late 1st/early 2nd, and supposedly John McCargo will as well) HOW THE HELL IS IT THAT I NEVER HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR DEFENSE LAST COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON? They finished 6-5, 3-5 in the ACC. Fourth in their own division. They gave up just under 20 points a game. So, what are the odds that these guys are simply workout-warriors? I personally think that whomever takes Mario Williams in the top 5 will be sadly let down.


• But, then again, that's why douchebags like Mel Kiper make six (hopefully not seven) figures a year and never run out of hair gel.

I'm meeting up with some cronies for the draft tomorrow morning/afternoon, and then House of Cards is rocking Skully's later that evening. Should be an action-packed day.

Parker Out.

As if right on cue...

So, all I wrote was one thing about: "...if the Tribe's pitching continues to be there..." and BOOM! I undercut this team... AGAIN.

The offense hung up 9 more runs last night against the Orioles. Should have been more than enough, right? Well, too bad the pitching staff GAVE UP 18 FUCKING RUNS.

And lost two members of its bullpen.

Perhaps I should just hide myself under a blanket until October.

Flight 23...

OK, so all Michael Reghi bashing aside, Steve recently touched on a very large and pressing sports debate.

I read a very good article this morning about the importance of shining in the playoffs for LeBron with respect to securing his legacy over the years, and the writer made a very good argument (perhaps without intending to) for LBJ to be the MVP of the league:

Will LeBron make a big splash in his postseason debut? Could he dazzle the nation the way Jordan did when he hung up a playoff-record 63 points in the Boston Garden exactly 20 years ago this week? Could he lead his team on a deep run like Magic and Larry did in 1980?

It's possible. As of Tuesday, the Cavs still don't know if they will face the Wizards, the Pacers, the Bucks or the Bulls in the first round. But they are hot right now, and LeBron just might be good enough to win a series on his own.

In the long run, however, it really doesn't matter.

Win or lose in this year's playoffs, he is already well on his way to joining Jordan, Bird, Magic and the all-time greats in some other areas.

James is about to become just the fourth player in NBA history (and the first since Jordan) to average 31 points, seven boards and six assists in a single season. But what really should open eyes is the way he picked up the Cavs and carried them down the stretch this season. James ran off nine straight games of 35 or more points, helping Cleveland win 11 of 12 games to secure the No. 4 seed in the East and home court advantage in the first round. On the night his streak ended, James had "only" 32 points and hit the game-winning jumper to knock out the Hornets in Oklahoma City.

That's the kind of thing Jordan, Bird and Magic did.

That's a pretty glowing endorsement right there, even if he doesn't come right out and endorse him.


In other news, the Tribe hung 15 runs on Baltimore last night, a day after hanging 10 on the new-look Tigers. God help the AL if our pitching continues to get right (4 runs in the last three games). This offense is built to mash.

Browns are drafting defense. No big surprises there. It will be interesting to see how the first 11 picks pan out, as to whether a QB will be there at 12 or not, and whether then the Browns would trade down. Though Savage says he projects Bobby Carpenter as an inside 'backer in the 3-4 (he's either way off, way smarter than everyone else, or playing the best poker face I've ever seen), I still wouldn't mind a trade down to #20 or so and a selection of Carpenter. The next 10 days should be fun and speculative. Mel Kiper, Jr., has come out of his hole, seen his shadow, and put on 6 pounds of hair gel.

Something... anything...

So, I've been so busy with work that I have been putting off updating this blog. I put it off, and put it off some more, and then it's gotten to be a month. Let's do a quick-hitting update, just for the sake of updating:

• If you've got a couple of hours to waste being mesmerized by the simplest thing, then I suggest you go here. Use your mouse to move him if he gets stuck.


• On the subject of that guy, a rhetorical question, if I may: So, we now know that he leaked classified information for personal political gain, and the White House hasn't denied it. We know he's spying on Americans. Clinton got impeached for getting a BJ. Why, exactly, is GWBush still president??


• Browns added Willie McGinnest as their outside pass rushing threat, and will probably draft a linebacker or defensive tackle at #12. Their schedule is fairly favorable this year. Look out, 10 wins.


• Tribe lost on Opening Night, and hasn't lost in 5 games since. Just reporting the facts. Not trying to jinx anything.


• In other baseball news, remember how much I complained about the Coco Crisp trade? He's on the DL. Jason Michaels is hitting .346 so far. Shows you what I know.


• The Cavaliers are in the playoffs. They've secured home-court in the first round. All of the nay-sayers that said LeBron couldn't finish games and couldn't carry his team have had to eat their words repeatedly as he has become (in my opinion, at least) the MVP of the league over the past month. And hey, you bitches, he hit another game-winner last night. Between that and the just fucking sick play he made in ending New Jersey's 14-game win-streak, those nay-sayers can all go to hell. Sure, ESPN's BJ Armstrong... the Wizards can win the first round series. Gotcha.


• House of Cards is in the middle of a jam-packed April. And we re-designed our website. Holla if you love frames... I know I do! I can't take credit for the art design, though.

Other than that, more of the same. Hopefully it doesn't take me another month to update this thing.

So THIS is what it feels like....

...to have hope for one's football team for the coming season.

Free agency started on Saturday, and already the Browns addressed some HUGE holes from a 6-win team:

LeCharles Bentley - Pro Bowl center
No more will we not be able to pick up 3rd and fucking 1's! This moves Jeff Faine either to guard, or to depth. I'm fine with either, as long as Bentley is playing somewhere in the middle of our line. What's more, he's a Cleveland native, and *gets* what it means to be a Browns fan. When he appeared at his press conference and whipped open his suit coat to show off his Browns 00 jersey (I hope he wins his league petition to wear that number!)... man... goosebumps. He wants to play here. Wow, what a concept!

Kevin Shaffer - Left Tackle
Not the best left tackle ever, but a two-year starter on a team that notoriously runs the ball very well. See above. Supposedly he has trouble with speed rushers (i.e., Dwight Freeney), but who doesn't? At 26, he has promising upside, a mean streak, and a notable work ethic. Browns senior vice president and general manager Phil Savage said he feels, at this point, Shaffer is an upgrade at left tackle over last year's starter, L.J. Shelton. He probably cost less, too.

Ted (Mount) Washington - Nose Tackle
This guy redefines "mammoth." He's listed at 6'5", 365 pounds, but I suspect he hasn't sniffed 365 in the last decade. He's easily 380-390. Weakness #1 on the Browns defense last year was at nose tackle. Our nose tackle consistently got driven off the ball at the snap. By the time anyone could make a play on a running back, he had already gained 6-7 yards. No more. Washington COMMANDS a double-team each play. Sitting him next to newly re-signed Orpheus Roye should free up our middle linebackers to actually play the run, instead of trying to shed the guards that blew past the nose tackle and blocked them. Washington is old (37), but he's a 4-time Pro Bowler, which is more than the entire FRANCHISE of the new Browns can say (seven seasons, exactly 1 Pro Bowler).

Joe Jurivicius - Wide Receiver
This guy is not a prototypical #1 receiver, but what he is is consistent and excited to play in Cleveland (his hometown, see Bentley, LeCharles above). He's a true professional, and has played in 3 Super Bowls in the last six seasons. Surely some of that veteran leadership will rub off on a guy like Braylon Edwards. When these two line up together with Northcutt in the slot, this team will have three dangerous receivers, all of them different types of receivers. Put Kellen Winslow in the mix, and look the fuck out.

Dave Zastudil - Punter
Our punter last year was ho-hum with some stretches of HORRIBLE. This kid is young, had a 43+ net punting average, and ALSO is a Cleveland native who loves the Browns and the weather up on Lake Erie. Since this team lost at least two (maybe three) games with its previous two punters that involved kicks of less than 20 yards, this can only help. For a team that needs to play field position to be successful, this can only help. For a team that needs to educate its players about the plight of Browns fans, bringing in as many guys who were die-hard Browns fans and have been dreaming of playing for the Browns can only help.


It's been rumored that they may go for Kalimba Edwards next. He's a smaller defensive end from Detroit. He would not be able to play every-down defensive end in the Browns 3-4 scheme, but that doesn't matter. The Browns would play him at outside linebacker. He's a pass-rushing specialist. The outside 'backer in a 3-4's main job is to rush the passer and to be a down lineman (defensive end) on third down passing situations. The Browns had a deplorable pass rush last season. As Pee Wee Herman used to say, "Connect the dots! Lala Lala La!"


So, let's review:
Cleveland in 2005: 6-10
Holes in Cleveland's team: run defense, pass rush, offensive line depth, receiving depth, field position
Aquisitions: nose tackle, two good offensive linemen, punter, wide receiver (and possibly a pass-rushing specialist line backer)

Is it unreasonable to think that this team could go 10-6 or 11-5? Who knows. Is it unreasonable to expect that they will have a chance to win every game they play this season? Absolutely not.

Color me: excited.

And the draft is still seven weeks away. This team is a good 3-4 DE and a draft of Bobby Carpenter away from being a defensive juggernaut. OK, maybe not. But, still, maybe so.


In other news, the Tribe is having a great Spring Training, which means that their farm system's depth is better than most other teams' farm system depth.

And, as my colleague Lars pointed out today, Time Warner will be picking up the Tribe's home games in HD. I think I might have just passed out.

The Large Elephant in the Room

Wow. I just got done reading an article that basically confirmed everything I basically already knew, but wow. This book is going to make this year's baseball season very interesting. Especially if the Giants win the NL West as many think they will.

Morally Reprehensible: A Sliding Scale

As some of you probably noted yesteday, my esteemed colleague Justin Neme deftly switched out my Built to Spill mp3 file that was streaming with a note about how distribution of copyrighted materials without permission is morally reprehensible.

While I don't disagree that there is some merit to this claim, I think we should keep this in perspective. My take is that, since only 10 (if I'm lucky) people actually read this blog, and since I'm not actually providing a link and encouraging people to download and steal music but instead am simply embedding a file into my code to allow someone to listen to a tune whilst reading my blog, I'm not exactly "distributing" copyrighted material. I think of myself more like a one-song-per-week radio station with a listening area of ten people on the web.

What I DO find morally reprehensible is how our Chimp in Chief can consistently lie to the Ameircan public, and moreso how a chunk of that same public continually buys into the shit that he says simply because of the fact that he's scared them silly or because of some religious belief he claims to practice.

With the possible exception of Harry Truman, I can't think of another president with more innocent blood on his hands than this one. And Truman gets an asterisk because of the whole WWII thing.

As Lars points out here, so many people seem to forget why we sent troops to the Middle East to begin with. For the president to gloat about how the most wanted man in our country's history being still at large helped his re-election bid makes me want to do a combination of cry, vomit, and punch a lot of people in the face.

Now, THAT'S morally reprehensible.

Ten Random

Based on an idea I've read in some other blogs, I turned on my iTunes here at work, went to the complete library (3850 songs), and played it on shuffle. The object is to document the first ten songs that play and, if other blogs have taught me anything, attempt to come up with some witty banter about each. Here goes...

1. "Candy Man" by Vertical Horizon
One of the worst songs off of their otherwise very good album "Running on Ice," this song feels like filler on the album, with Keith Kane doing his "I wish I was David Gray" vocal stylings, instead of the more-soothing Matt Scannell. The harmonies and great acoustic guitar work are still there, however.

2. "Drag Me Down" by God Lives Underwater
Ahh, yes. Two teenagers in 1993 with a Power Mac created a six-song EP of quasi-industrial/electronic music about 5-7 years before recording everything onto a computer/Pro Tools became the norm. Very washed out and crunchy-sounding. Not quite the best thing they ever did, but not quite the worst either.

3. "Heaven Beside You" by Alice in Chains
My best college friend Tyler and I used to argue about whether or not this was a good album/song, with no resolution ever really coming. I was more firmly entrenched in the "Dirt" AiC camp, and he in the "Jar of Flies" camp. That said, we still played a lot of Super Mario Kart (the original, head-to-head, Ghost Valley 1, over and over) and drank a shit-load of beer.

4. "Depends" by Blink-182
Wow. This is ooooooold. From their first ever album "Cheshire Cat" which was when they were actually a real punk band. The thrust of this song is that they truly can't control their bladders/colons, and the chorus is:
voice 1: "Well, I guess it all depends"
beat
voice 2: "Undergarments!"
The song itself is only about 90 seconds long, followed by 70 seconds of banter, including Mark Hoppus doing a version of the jive-talkers from "Airplane!" and ends with the phrase: "Who taught you how to throw the dick down the stairs?" Good times. No wait, bad times. I'm not sure.

5. "Renholder" by A Perfect Circle
Mysterious sounding acoustic riff with eastern-feeling vocals over it, from their first album "Mer de Noms." A great album from top to bottom. Everything Maynard James Keenan touches turns to gold.

6. "Faces in Disguise" by Sunny Day Real Estate
Wow, I'd forgotten how much I used to fucking LOVE this song. The F-major/D-minor/A-major chord progression on the keyboard to begin it just melts me. I used to tell my friend Rob that if I was ever a movie director, this is the song I would use for any and all love-making scenes, because it has the ambiance and also the chorus "Faces in disguise / not a trace of desire" in it. Perfect movie sex scene music, I'd say. In a totally un-related matter, I believe I was single at the time I hatched this theory. Creepy overtures aside, it's still a bad ass song, especially when Jeremy Enigk's super-falsetto kicks in about the 2:45 mark. And, when listening to the album, it leads right into "The Rising Tide," which is the best ending to an album I've ever heard in recent memory. Well, except for the Blink-182 "dick down the stairs" thing I mentioned above.

7. "Big-Eyed Fish" by Dave Matthews Band
Classic "careful what you wish for" song about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. Except that, in true Dave fashion, once on the other side of the fence, all of his subjects die. "Oh God, under the weight of life / things seem so much brighter on the other side." Indeed. From the "meh"-inspiring "Busted Stuff" album, this is one of those songs that has its moments, but on the whole pales in comparison to what we've come to love about DMB. The live version on "Live at Folsom Field" is a little better, if only because of the extended pan flute solo and the adaptation of the monkey story in which Dave relates to us that "every monkey should know / stay up in your fucking tree." Indeed, Dave. Another second-to-last song on an album that moves seamlessly into "Bartender," which is actually a song I do enjoy from the BS album.

8. "High Hopes" by Pink Floyd
Wow, iTunes must know I'm doing something special with this listening session. When this album came out in the spring of my junior year of high school, I put this song on so many mix tapes for so many people. And, interestingly enough, it continues with the DMB theme of "grass is greener" (although much more explicit). This song is about Pink Floyd's break up, so you can imagine the mix-tape-power I wielded with this song as a 16-17 year old teen-angst sufferer convinced that no girl would ever like/understand me. But, the true Pink Floyd guitar solo at the end always gave me hope. Maybe that's the point of the song.

9. "Best of What's Around" by Dave Matthews Band
It figures that even with 3850 songs, 2 DMB songs would show up. I guess that's what happens when 234 of those songs are DMB songs. This is a good tune, and leads in to one of the best albums of the 90's, in my opinion. It was just the perfect time for DMB to break big when they did, and this album is the reason. There isn't a bad song on the record. And, for once, Dave has a seemingly uplifting message: your friends are important; no matter how much shit comes around, you can make the best of it with the right people. So not about weed, Jesus, sex, or death. So NOT DMB.

10. "Another Know It All" by Chevelle
Finally, something heavy. One has to remember that I listened to a lot of heavy, heavy music as a younger man (I won't say metal, because I can't claim to like the serious metal). This isn't the best Chevelle song ever, but it is on an album ("This Type of Thinking [Could Do Us In]")that has some political overtones here and there, which I dig. Not quite as good a song as "Breach Birth" on the same album, but a nice way to wrap up my 10 Random.


Anyone else want to give it a go?

Be there. Or I will hunt you down.

If you're in Columbus tonight and are not at Scarlet and Grey Cafe to see my show, change your address and phone number. I will hunt you down.

Blogger finishes book; reaches out and hugs own dog

So, I just finished reading Marley & Me by John Grogan. I'd been plugging along through it until last week when I got to the point where the dog started to get older. I had a pretty rough week last week, so I really wasn't ready to go there.

Last night I finished the book, and it made me reach down to the end of the bed and hug my own pooch.

I recommend this book to anyone who is a dog-lover, has had (or currently has) a dog that was (is) the world to them, or really anyone who has a pet in general. It's a beautifully written book that perfectly illustrates how something as small and seemingly unimportant as a pet can really impact your life and really become part of the fabric of a family.

Not good times. Bad times.

Thanks, Sony. Way to get my hopes up and then dash them.

Blogger Stumbles Across Best Blog Ever

Thanks to my friend Rob who writes so maniacally well for the East Bay Express for posting this in one of his articles.

I give you, the best blog ever.

(Takk...) About Excited...

So, we are going to see Sigur Ros tonight here in Columbus at the (formerly known as Promowest) Pavilion. Having never seen them before, I could not be more excited, as I've heard they are simply mind-blowing live. Melissa and I plan to meet up with some guys from my band, and make an evening out of the whole thing. From everything I've heard and read, this should be an amazing evening.

In the meantime, enjoy a little snippet.

A Win and a "Lost"

I believe the Curse of the Blog has been lifted! After giving up a goal 35 seconds into the game, and being down 3-1 at the end of the first period, it looked as though Lars was right: my blog had again cursed a hot sports team. They were headed for a second straight loss.

Five unanswered goals later, the Jackets again emerged victorious. This time, they didn't give the other team the freebie point for the shootout loss. And, they got two points from the team in the 8th playoff spot. They're now 17 points back with two games in hand above the Kings, who are reeling. For the sake of any playoff argument, you have to assume the Jackets win those two games in hand, and thus for all intents and purposes can be 13 points back. That's doable over a two-month span.

We also learned on "Lost" last night that Sawyer, despite all of his experiences with all of the people on the island, is still at his root a bad mothaf-shut yo mouth. Just talkin' bout Sawyer.

Then we can dig it.

And, even though my previous Lost post bashed the Charlie episode, last nights ep at least shed some light on why it was there.

There's a new sheriff in town!

Say hello to hockey, the other white meat!

Seriously, I love hockey, and I love to follow the Blue Jackets. But, until Christmas, they looked content to just roll over and die and have one of the worst seasons ever. But then, my boy Rick Nash (above) came back, and essentially the whole, original roster finally got healthy. Since Christmas, they've played 19 games and have gone 13-5-1 (equalling 27 points in 19 games... not bad for at that time the second worst team in hockey). They've gone from 19 points to 46 points in a little over a month.

Columbus is finally getting behind their team again, and the way the Jackets are playing, they have a legitimate shot at making a run at the #8 spot in the playoffs (and thus, the right to get smoked by Detroit in the first round).

But, I think it was Shakespeare who said, "It's better to get smoked in the first round of the playoffs than never to have been in the playoffs at all." Or something like that.

At any rate, this team is on fire. 8-2 in their last 10, including a 5-game winning streak (4 of which were against playoff teams, the last 2 on the road).

Stay tuned.

Our Big Break + State of the Union Scorecard

So, tonight could be the biggest show my band has ever played. We are again headlining Little Brother's which we first did back in December. That night, we probably had 70 people there.

Well, for the show tonight, we've passed out almost 2000 free tickets all across campus and other parts of the city. Our estimate was that maybe 1 in 10 tickets would show up at the door. Even at that rate, that's at least 200 people, which in this town for a Wednesday night show, is pretty damn good.

Some semi-important people (from some bigger bands in C-bus, one of which is signed I believe), are rumored to be at this show. Godspeed, House of Cards.

On to more pressing matters:

State of the Union Address Scorecard

Number of Minutes Actually Watched: ZERO. That's right. I can't stand to watch that man speak. It makes my blood pressure rise. My wife and I consider ourselves to be steeped in traditional moral values, but I believe at one point she said, "I hate that man with every fiber of my being." And I couldn't agree more.

Best Analysis: Tim Russert. Seriously, I love Tim Russert when it comes to things like this. He seems to be the only reporter these days who doesn't lob softballs at interviewees, and his assessment last night of what will actually be done in Congress in the coming year was fair, and probably accurate. I wish Tim was in the daily White House Press Corps sometimes, because you know he wouldn't let Scott McClellan get away with a quarter of the douchey dodging answers he gives essentially every day.

Brightest Political Future: Barrack Obama. He was only on NBC for about 45 seconds to a minute after the speech, but in that minute he said more of substance than most politicos can do. "He talked about the things that I think need to be talked about. Health care, education, energy independence, but there wasn't any beef there. There didn't seem to be any serious proposals that would call America to action." No spin. Thank heavens. I think it's too early in 2008 for any Presidential aspirations, but good God, they need to get him involved in that campaign.

Number of Times I Would Punch Bill Frist in the Face, Were it Legal: Cannot be Measured by Existing Technology. Seriously. He couldn't even properly recite the bullet points on NBC's post-speech coverage without messing up.

Most Unexpected Democratic Response: Tim Kaine of Virginia. Dude's been governor for all of a month, and he's the choice for Democratic response? At first I was like, "Wha?" but then I came to like the decision. Fresh blood. That's what the Dems need. They need to parade guys like Kaine (who, as Lt. Governor of Virginia has worked with a lot of actual bipartisanship to accomplish good things in that Republican state, and who has connected with white, rural, middle-class America) and Obama (who connects with people unlike any politician I've seen other than Bill Clinton) around early and often going into the 2006 and 2008 elections. To quote Agent Smith from The Matrix: "You've had your time. It's... OUR time... now."

Best Sarcastic Canned Response: The Democrats Giving a Standing-O to Bush's Caustic Remark about Not Passing His Social Security Privatization. Seriously. Brilliant. Hearing about that makes me almost wish I'd watched the speech.

Thing I Missed Most about Not Watching the SotU Address: Ted Kennedy's Eye-Rolling. Ted's always good for at least one big sigh and one big eye-roll while on camera when Bush says something he doesn't like. Melissa and I agreed: that's the only reason we would have watched the actual speech.

All in all, I really don't know exactly what the President said, as admittedly, I didn't watch his speech. But, much like David Letterman, I have a feeling that at least 60% of what he said is crap.

Crisp-for-Marte: The Re-Redux

So, this story just keeps getting better and better. Apparently, because Guillermo Mota's shoulder looked sketchy, the Tribe has asked Boston for *another* player. This one, while still technically a "prospect," has the potential to help the Indians this year. This would make the deal a little easier for me to swallow, in truth.

Boston is balking at this deal, which makes me think that if it happens, it can't be all bad. They'd be giving us three of the top young players in their organization for Coco Crisp. THAT sounds like a trade worth making, especially when one of them (Manny Delcarmen) could help us this season. Plus, it means that with this deal and then the impending deal with the Phillies, we're now swapping players straight up: back-up catcher for back-up catcher, middle relievers for middle relievers, and outfield for outfield. We then get Marte on top of everything. If he pans out like Lars thinks he will, seems like the Tribe wins on this deal, and basically a comparable team takes the field this year to the one that won 93 games last year. I can live with that.

Don't get me wrong: I still don't think I want these deals to go down, but if they do, I could live with it in THIS format better than I could when it was just Marte and Mota that we would be getting (in addition to Michaels, of course).


New Lost last night. Have to say that it left me a bit disappointed. I found it to grind any momentum that the show built (from last week's revelation of Zeke to Jack wanting to plan an army) to a screaching halt. So, you're telling me that all of this stuff happened, and Jack is too busy chatting it up with Ana Lucia about whether or not he's "hitting" Kate to even mention anything about his plans for an army, or the fact that they now have made contact with at least one faction of "Others?" No, instead we get some Charlie backstory time, and a teaser of Sun being kidnapped.

I guess I just didn't like being teased. It's like in the Simpsons, when Poochie made his debut on the Itchy and Scratchy show... they were driving down a road to a fireworks factory, and the signs kept telling of its impending arrival. Then they stop and pick up Poochie and he does his awful, awful thing. Milhouse exclaims, "When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?!?"

Indeed, Milhouse. When are we going to get to that fireworks factory, Lost?

No! Not 'Nice Guy Eddie' Too!

I can't believe Chris Penn died. He was only 40. While not the picture of health given his weight and what-not, this is still somewhat surprising.

Who can forget the image of him learning to "dance" from Kevin Bacon in Footloose, or, quite simply,

If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don't necessarily make it fucking so!

Hopefully we don't come to find out it was drugs. Selah.

Bob McKenzie: "Take off, eh! He's signin' my jersey!"

Is it me, or does Jhonny Peralta have a gigantic head?

At any rate, the Tribe press junket here in Columbus was fun. Got my jersey signed by Peralta, Ryan Garko, and Fernando Cabrera. For $5 to charity, I'd say it was money well spent.

And, incidentally, he's laughing because I asked him a stupid question.

More on Coco Crisp-for-Andy Marte

Some good debate happening in my comments section, which isn't something I ever thought I'd see on this blog. Wow!

For me, regardless of what Marte does on the field, I think Kokotan's statement sums up why I was/am so pissed about this potential trade:

"So we are planning on taking that final step in 2007 or will Marte need 77 games followed by a year in the minors to adjust (like jhonny) meaning we are planning for 08 or 09? After a season with 90 some wins? What players are we going to have to dump for salary reasons next year so we can plan for 2008? Unless this team plans on keeping some of its good players then they aren't going to compete every year, they will always be planning on next year."

And, while Marte's numbers may track well, unless the Boston GM is pulling a "Giles for Rincon" trade because they feel like CF/leadoff is that huge a deal to their offense, I'm skeptical that someone this good could be traded twice in the same off-season without a red-flag being there. And now on top of Crisp, we have to give up two MORE major-league (or at least AAAA) players to get this kid, when all he was worth to them was Edgar Renteria, who they were obviously so enamored with that they traded him and are willing to replace him with Alex Gonzalez.

In addition, the fact that we're not actually strengthening our bullpen now (if Riske--for Marte--and then Rhodes--for Michaels--go, only to be replaced by Mota, who *might* be injured), when it was the one area of a 93-win team to already take a huge hit in free-agency, I have to question exactly what the fuck Shapiro is doing if he claims he's not taking a step backward and planning for the future.

Fernando Cabrera for a whole year will be nice, but he doesn't replace both of your set-up men. Matt Miller *might* be back to pre-injury form, but he's been nothing if not inconsistent his entire Indians tenure. Mota *could* be good, but his numbers last year were abysmal when compared with his 2004 numbers. And, leaving a bullpen with only one lefthander (Scott Sauerbeck, who CANNOT get right handed hitters out) is not a smart thing. We tried that in 2004, and it was an awful experiment (Scott Stewart anyone?).


I guess I just can't believe the balls Shapiro has. After all the heat he took in 2002 for trading Colon and then to tell everyone, "Wait until 2005. You'll see," to have the balls now after 2005 to pull that shit again...

What do you do for an encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

Bitter much?

I guess I should be "proud" that a team from my division is going to the Super Bowl, but fuck that. Really. I know this is going to be entirely sour grapes on my part, but Fuck the Steelers. Seriously. In the pooper, if need be.

I'm so tired of the Steelers. Of Jerome Bettis. Of Fucking Big Ben. Of Bill Cowher's chin. I hate the Steelers so much I actually rooted for the Broncos this weekend! And that's saying something.

Now, I know that deep down, the Steelers are a well-run organization with great fans. They're the one team that didn't vote for Art Modell's plan to move the Browns. They wore patches for the Browns fans when we lost our team. They've done everything to reignite the Browns/Steelers rivalry (including pounding the shit out of us ad nauseum). They run a clean organization. You don't tend to hear about their players on police blotters.

That said, fuck them. Go Seattle.


And while we're on the subject of sports things that really piss me off, the Indians are trading one of their most popular players and an important cog in their young, potent lineup for a prospect. To Boston, of all teams (probably the one team in MLB that I hate more than the Yankees). For a prospect. A prospect. A prospect!

I've had some time to digest this, and despite the optimism of my Tribe colleague Lars, I still am not really happy about this move. And I'll endeavor to tell you why (and then wait for the comments from Lars that explain to all of you why I'm full of shit):

To me, the Indians from 2002-2005 had run a top-notch organization. They laid a plan in 2002 for the 2005-2006 time-frame. They set it up back in June and July of 2002 so that the future would be bright.

And now that the bright future is actually here (93-69, missing a playoff spot by 2 games in '05), they're taking a step backward to plan for the future again. To me, they apparently have no idea how to ride any momentum. They complained that they couldn't spend money until the fans came back. They put a great product on the field, and now the fans are coming back.

So, to reward the fans, they subject them to 162 games of Casey Motherfucking Blake in right field, and a possible platoon of Todd Fucking Hollandsworth and A Guy Who Likes to Get Into Fist-Fights with Cops (see link at bottom) in left field, all the while losing their .300 hitting #2 hitter, *JUST* on the prospect of a 22-year-old third baseman who *might* help them NEXT YEAR (i.e., IN 2007!).

Marte, 22, is the key to the deal for the Indians. They don't consider him a finished player and he'll probably open the season at Class AAA Buffalo. Aaron Boone is expected to open the season at third after the Indians picked up his 2006 option last year. Boone has a mutual option for 2007.

The Indians have a big hole at third base in the organization. They not only believe Marte can fill that hole, but that he could eventually be the right-handed, middle-of-the-order power hitter they've been unable to acquire over the past two years.

Marte hit .275 (107-for-389) with 20 homers and 74 RBI last season for Class AAA Richmond. He played 24 games for the Braves and hit .140 (8-for-57) with no homers and four RBI. (emphasis/itals mine)

Am I crazy, or are those numbers not all that great for "top-10 prospect" material at AAA-ball? And, not only are we sacrificing a .300 hitter in Crisp out of the 2006 lineup, but we still have to put up with Blake and Boone for another year.

I understand that the Tribe is making this deal contingent upon getting Jason Michaels from Philadelphia to fill Crisp's spot in the outfield, and that Andy Marte is ranked as one of the top-10 prospects in baseball, but come on. Alex Escobar (seriously, click the link and look at the gaudy MLB career numbers, including 301 total at-bats!) was once ranked as one of the top-10 prospects in baseball, too.

Furthermore, the pitcher we'd be getting from Boston is apparently worth so little to a free-agency-depleted bullpen that he's going to be turned around for Mr. Cinderella Man Cop Fighter with no recourse. And on top of that, we ALSO have to give Boston two minor league players??

So, to recap, we're going to trade a 26-year-old GOOD fielding outfielder with speed who hits .300 in the #2 hole behind Franchise McSizemore and in front of one of the best 3-6 lineups in baseball, BUT he's not worth more than a 22-year-old guy who hits .275 in AAA and a pitcher who is so worthless that we're going to turn him around for a career-fourth-outfielder who gets into fights with cops and may or may not have to platoon with an over-the-hill-possibly-never-was Todd Hollandsworth, AND we have to give up two minor league players just to get another minor leaguer from Boston? Am I missing something here?

I know Shapiro has made a lot of great trades over the past 3-4 years, and for that I should give him the benefit of the doubt (after all, he did get Crisp back in 2002 for Chuck "Please, Tawny, stop hitting me with your shoe and climb back onto David Coverdale's hood" Finley). But, this one leaves me scratching my head a little bit.

If it goes down, the 2006 Tribe better hit coming out of the gate MUCH better than the 2005 team did the first two months of last year, AND the 2007 Tribe had better run away and hide with the division.

Lest I get into a boxing stance and wrestle someone to the ground.

Interesting Baseball HoF Fallout and/or Maurice Carthon is a Dumb-ass

Just got finished reading a great, great article by Bob Ryan on Albert Belle and his chances for the Hall of Fame. Any concerned Cleveland sports fans that happen to read this blog should check it out.


Also just read a great column by Terry Pluto in the ABJ about Maurice Carthon and his loose lips. Good luck with that, ass.

Alright, alright: count me in, too

From others, I have read of this "Game of Four" business. Here goes nothin':

• 4 jobs you've had in your life: Dance Cotillion Drummer, Grocery Packer, Contract Coordinator for a copier company, and Media Editor for a college textbook publisher


• 4 movies you could watch over and over: Shawshenk Redemption, The Godfather, Office Space, Dazed and Confused


• 4 places you've lived: Wooster OH, Vermilion OH (sort of), Alliance OH, Columbus and/or Dublin OH


• 4 TV shows you love to watch: Simpsons, The Daily Show, Lost, Grey's Anatomy (this list promises to grow in potential once our DVR is installed on Thursday)


• 4 places you've been on vacation: Fort Collins (and skiing in the Rockies) CO, Ocho Rios Jamaica, Baltimore MD, Lake Placid NY


• 4 websites you visit daily: Cleveland.com, CNN.com, my band's discussion forum, ESPN.com


• 4 of your favorite foods: pizza, wings from Winking Lizard, shrimp cocktail, cheese and many things made/associated with it (a total cop-out, I know)


• 4 places you'd rather be: a beach with my wife, a Cleveland-team professional sporting event, skiing down a large mountain, at an amazing concert


• 4 albums you can't live without: Dave Matthews Band: Listener Supported, Sigur Ròs: ( ), Tool: Lateralus, Grandaddy: The Sophtware Slump


• 4 people tagged next: like four people actually read this!

Vacation: Over

So, I was on vacation for a couple of weeks, and unlike many of my more dedicated colleagues in the blog-o-sphere, I chose not to do diddly shit on my blog while gone. Chalk part of that up due to travel, and part of it up due to laziness and enjoying time off with my wife.

At any rate, here I am. Back at work. Ugh. To update you:

• The band took some time off. We played our two shows December 14th-15th, and did really well. The Little Brother's show was off the fucking charts. We actually drew enough people to make money... at a big club. So much so, they have asked us back again on Wednesday, February 1st. We managed to get them to make that show a bit earlier in the evening, hopefully making it that much easier to get more asses on barstools. We're kicking off our 2006 with a show this Friday night at Scarlet and Grey Cafe, with some new material on top of it all. Hopefully it will be a good winter/spring for us and we can get some meathooks into some OSU kids before they leave.


• The Browns finished up at 6-10, which actually was a pleasant surprise. I went on record with my tailgating friends at 5-11, so they showed me what time it is. With John Collins being fired as president, and a full off-season from the new GM and head coach to come, not to mention getting Kellen Winslow and hopefully Braylon Edwards back, the Browns should be above .500 for the 2006 season. Which means, of course, that they will be 4-12 when it's all said and done with all of their playmakers on IR.


• The Tribe signed a bunch of scrubs. Just like they do every year. We shall see.


• We're getting our digital cable, DVR, and HD channels on Thursday. My next blog entry may be from a hospital bed after I pass out. Call me crazy, but I'm looking forward the most to Discovery HD Theater. I dig that nature-show shit, and to see it in 46 inches of high definition promises to be super sweet. Oh, and the NFL playoffs and March Madness in HD won't be too shabby either.


• Bill O'Reilly is a big, lying, splotchy lunatic. No big shocker there.


• Tom DeLay is out at House Majority Leader. About fucking time.


• This man will most likely doom us all.


• And now, for a truly un-Christian moment, of which I am ashamed (but not ashamed enough NOT to print it). Just die, already. Sorry about that.

I think that covers it for now. Thanks for hanging in, any and all of you that stuck around through my prolonged absence.

This Week is THE Week

Well, in response to my "quotes" post below, at least the Browns played well. They got jobbed on a "holding" call that ended up keeping Cincinnati's last-second game-winning field goal drive alive, but other than that, they did about all I could have hoped for.

In band news, we have two HUGE shows this week at HUGE venues for us.

Wednesday night, 12/14, we'll be headlining Little Brother's on High Street (w/ The Slide Machines and Fine Dining). This is going to be a HUGE show, and we have always wanted to play Little Brother's. We're expecting A LOT of people; hopefully they actually show up.

And, if that wasn't enough, we are ALSO be playing at The Basement (at Fat Eddie's Bar) on Thursday, 12/15 with Bullet Jones and others. This one may not be as heavily attended (and it's not as important to me as the LB's show is), but it should be a nice way to pocket some band money this week. One step closer to my own edition of MTV's Cribs...

A sick day may be calling my name on Friday.

The most important post you will ever read.

Remember where you saw this information when the time comes to finish your Christmas/Hannukuh/Kwanza/"Holiday" shopping.

Welcome to Pandora:


A little background from the Pandora folks:

Ever since we started the Music Genome Project, our friends would ask:

Can you help me discover more music that I'll like?

Those questions often evolved into great conversations. Each friend told us their favorite artists and songs, explored the music we suggested, gave us feedback, and we in turn made new suggestions. Everybody started joking that we were now their personal DJs.

We created Pandora so that we can have that same kind of conversation with you.

I, for one, think this is a great idea in and of itself. However, after using Pandora for a month or so, I can't believe I ever lived without it. Basically, you pick a song or artist. Pandora plays that song or artist, and then, based on the Music Genome Project criteria, selects other music that it thinks you might like (but might have never heard of before). Each song that plays allows you to offer feedback: I like this song, play more like it. I hate this song, never play it again.

In essence, you develop a radio station that constantly evolves, so that you never hear crap that you don't like. You can create any number of radio stations. I have at least five that weave through the different styles of music that I like, and each is unique and constantly fluid to adjust to my tastes.

And, it's free, if you don't mind little adverts in the upper corner of a window that you can minimize anyway.

Don't wait. Go there now. Drop whatever you're doing. You'll thank me.

Things I'd like to say to people... in caption form...

Most Important

"Damn, you good lookin'."


Sports

"Good God, I hope you're ready. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life."


"Good God, I hope you're healthy, if only so that #9 up there doesn't get killed. Phil, pay the man."


"Okay, Whiney McContract. It's put-up or shut-up time. Braylon's gone. You want a new deal? In the words of John Houseman, make money the old fashioned way: EARN IT."


"What's that? Hoffman resigned with the Padres? Oh, no, Bob... we were never, uhh... serious... about that. We wanted you all along. Please, oh please... pitch in 2006 like you pitched in 2005."


"Before I even THINK of getting on board for this idea of you as my right fielder next year, the 1999 version of yourself had better show up yesterday."


Politics

"I may be stupider than you in the classical, don't-have-as-many-degrees sense, but I'll never be as much of a sell-out whore as you..... oh wait, and there's no fucking way I'm stupider than you are. Bitch."


"If, by 'amazing progress' you mean in terms of the death toll reaching new heights, then yes. 'There's an important debate going on in our nation's capital about Iraq.' There is. Too bad you're too fucking stupid and stubborn to let yourself be a part of it."


"Seriously. Shut the fuck up. Like, now. I have a sneaking suspicion you're going down next year."


Also, if you aren't listening to The Stephanie Miller Show, you probably should be.

That's all I got.

Cursed?

So, it's not bad enough that I spend $400 on football tickets for the season (slightly less this year due to the two games I've sold) and get up at the crack of pre-dawn several Sundays each fall/winter.

It's not bad enough that I sit in the cold, bundled up to the gills.

It's not bad enough that the Browns blew a 14-3 halftime lead and lost, 20-14.

No, on top of all of that, my favorite player and one of the Browns only certifiable playmakers has to blow out his knee.

Seriously, I don't believe in curses. But one has to admit (if one has ever spent any considerable amount of time following the Cleveland Browns) that there is something seriously fishy going on, here.

And I, for one, am powerless to do anything about it.

Image of Myself as Someone Else

Sometimes I get bored. Thanks to the good people somewhere in Denmark, however, I now know what my wife and I would look like as characters on South Park:


You can tell who the looker is in this group, and it sure as hell ain't me.

Go nuts here, everyone!

Current Events

Sadly, I'm not here to report of my band's impending gig with Bon Jovi. That honor went to Introspect, a local Nickelback knock-off. I guess I can't complain, as that's probably the kind of music the average Bon Jovi fan wants to hear. At least it didn't go to these fuckwads, as was originally rumored.

Even still, we played an unplugged set at the ShiSha Lounge just north of campus last week, and it went very well all things considered. We will be playing there on Thursday, December 1st, and will follow that up with shows at Bernie's on Friday, December 2nd and at The Basement on Thursday, December 15th.

In the meantime, we are planning to spend the entire day this coming Sunday in a recording studio. The finished product should be an EP that includes at least 5 tracks, and hopefully more, depending on how smoothing we can record. Since we're doing all of the mixing ourselves, that cuts out the most tedious and time-consuming part of the studio experience, and also allows us to spend all of our time recording this weekend. Look for an EP to be finished by December sometime, at which time we will begin peddling it mercilessly.

In other news, I can't believe the Browns won on Sunday. This is the second home game this season for which I've given up my season ticket (the other being the Bears game), and they're 2-0 when I decide not to go. Coincidence? Much like I was killing the Tribe by writing about them, perhaps I'm killing the Browns by watching them in person. I'm also killing the Cavs by even paying attention to them. I didn't watch or listen to the opener; they won handily. I turned on the Cavs/Spurs game; the Cavs were competitive at the time and were actually leading. They then tanked in the second half. I listened in the car on Saturday night, and when I turned it on they were ahead by 10. They lost.

I'm like a giant, 6'3" black cat that walks under a ladder while breaking a mirror for these teams. ESPN's early poll has the Indians picked to win the World Series next season. Maybe I shouldn't watch.


New episode of "Lost" this week. Apparently, someone is going to die. But who? Though the promos would have you believe Sawyer, I just can't see them killing him off. Not Shannon, since Boone just died and she has to further her freaky "Walt keeps appearing to me and freaking my shit out" storyline. Not any of the hatch-dwellers.

Needless to say, thankfully there's no band practice or band shows this week. Melissa and I should be able to watch it. I'm ready. It's about time.

Wow.

I'm sensing a theme here. A month passes. I write one blog entry.

I know that I'm very busy at work, but still. That's no excuse. The three people that read (or maybe, used to read) my blog demand more.

Some random news:

• Gig tonight at Oldfield's on High. We have one more next Thursday at Shi Sha Lounge, which will be an "unplugged" show and should be fun. After those two, we have nothing until December 15th at The Basement. The plan is to head into the studio and record as many tracks as possible for our demo. We also got a nice little press kit photo taken, finally:
  


• In other band news, there's a slim chance that we will be opening for BON FUCKING JOVI on November 9th. Apparently, they've booked most of their tour without openers, and each venue/city finds a local band to open for them. We obviously have no more shot than any other band entering this "contest" with the exception of the fact that our intrepid guitarist Steve has ins with two people on the Ohio Union Activities Board who will be lobbying for us to play this gig. Holy fuck, I don't know what I'd do with myself if we got to play a show that big.


• The White Sox won the World Series. Meh. Couldn't have happened to a bigger bunch of pricks. Seriously. They had a 15 game lead, and the Tribe cut it to 1.5 games. And then when the Tribe couldn't make the playoff push after all of that, he has the fucking nerve to do this. Asshole. Not to mention that their catcher is in the top 5 list of athletes whom I cannot stand.


• In other World Series news, you know who has to be suffering the most? Not Astros fans. Cubs fans. Their team hasn't won a World Series since 1908! Until one year ago, they had company (as misery LOVES company). Both Sox (Red and White) hadn't won a World Series since 1918 and 1917 respectively. Now, in a one year span, Cubs fans have to watch both of those teams win World Series titles in succession. Now, as a long-suffering Cleveland fan, I can relate. But damn... can you imagine being a Cubs fan in your 60's or 70's, even? You've lived your whole life and not seen your team win. Then, the other two teams who can relate to you suddenly both win theirs back to back. I know I'd shoot myself. The even worse news is that now, the team behind the Cubs for longest drout is none other than my very own Cleveland Indians, who have been close-but-no-cigar since 1948. Add in that Cleveland's last sports title was 13 years before I was born (1964 Browns, baby), and I just realized that it really SUCKS being a Cleveland fan. Thanks, Mom and Dad.


• And, wrapping up our World Series coverage, I find myself wondering if Brad Lidge recovers from this post-season... He was lights-out in last year's post-season and early in this one, but from game 5 of the NLCS on he was very mortal, and looked like he had no confidence. He gave up 3 games in the span of 6; he gave up a 3-run BOMB to Albert Pujols with the Astros 1 out away from the World Series. He gave up a walk-off game winner to a guy who had ZERO home runs during the regular season, spanning 507 at bats. He gave up the lead in a 0-0 game, a game that his team ended up losing and thus lost the series. I'm sure he'll have plenty of time this off-season to think about it. I mean, it never affected Byung-Hyun Kim, right?


• The Browns. Oh, the Browns. Get to 2-2, have 4 chump teams coming up, and then go in the tank. Lose your #1 cornerback. Have your veteran quarterback start sucking. The Browns continually think of new ways to take years off of my life. Every year.

So, that's what's going on.

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad name.

Bad name.

Fonzie is strapping on his water skis...

So, Melissa and I watched the season premiere of "Alias" tonight.

Meh.

As I previously said to someone, this show has "jumped the shark, circled back around, and jumped it again just for good measure."

Not only do I now despise Ben Affleck for forcing us to sit through a season of "baby" plot lines, but they killed off Vaughn (or did they?) in pretty boring fashion. You're telling me that after all these years of artfully dodging death in the C.I.A. (and apparently other areas as well) that he gets killed....? Right in front of Sydney....? At point-blank range.....? After this project that he's apparently been working on for at least half a decade.....? In a show that has already shown us a machine that can clone people....?

I know Michael Vartan probably wants off the show, as Melissa always mentions how much it must suck to play the love interest of your former real-life love interest, and to act as though the baby in the plot of the show you're on is yours even though it actually belongs to the formerly-Jenny-from-the-block-owned blockhead who stole your girl.

If this show lasts past this season, I will be surprised. Last season was bad enough where everything was always wrapped up in a nice little package at the end of each episode (more like a sitcom than a drama), and where the finale might as well have had an "inspired by '28 Days Later'" tagline in the credits. But this? One of the three main characters is dead and I have to hear about Sydney's freaking baby for an entire season?

Methinks no.

Ironically, I was originally pissed that our bowling league was on Thursday nights, because we wouldn't get to watch it. Now, we find that Alias will be on every Thursday at 8, and we don't have to leave the house until 9. Now I'm not even sure that I'll want to watch it, even though we will be able to.

For shame, Ben Affleck. Buy some condoms.

Intelligent Design: We will have proof

If people want me to believe in "Intelligent Design" as something that should be taught in schools, the following could go a long way to convincing me.

Tom DeLay has been indicted. If they were to fucking convict this worthless lying sack of shit, then I would agree that the following should be taught in schools:

"Realizing that Tom DeLay would become a corrupt abuser of power who wrongfully wrapped himself in the cape of morality, the Intelligent Designer saw it fit to give Mr. DeLay his come-uppance. This was all part of The Great Plan."

Godspeed, oh Great IDer.

Apparently I suck at keeping a Blog.

Wow. I've written like twice in the span on three weeks. Terrible.

Things have been busy. We're trying to get our house in order post-wedding presents. We were originally going to have a yard sale and donate all of the money to the Red Cross, but we instead decided simply to give all of the items away to a charity. Basically, we were going to have it this past Saturday, but the weather was crappy and it was an OSU home game.

The band is getting going again. We have three gigs lined up for the coming weeks, with a potential fourth show as well. That would put us at one a week for the entire month of October, which would be a nice way to get started again.

As of right now, we have the following scheduled:
Wednesday, October 5th @ Skully's
Thursday, October 20th @ High Five
Thursday, October 27th @ Oldfield's on High

We may also have a show on Wednesday, October 12th at Andyman's Treehouse.

At any rate, it should be a killer month, and hopefully the time off hasn't caused us to start sucking at music.

Just when I thought I'd seen it all...

The Browns went into Green Bay.

A place they'd never won, in the history of their franchise.

Against Brett Favre, Hall-of-Fame QB and full-time Media Whore.

With a starting QB (Trent Dilfer) who had never won in Lambeau Field in his entire career (8 previous starts).

With a defense that looked like it was standing still the previous game against Cincinnati.


The Browns went into Green Bay with all of that staring them in the face.

And they won.


What a day for Cleveland sports fans. Suddenly, 5 or 6 wins doesn't sound completely out of the question. Either that, or Green Bay is a really fucking bad football team.



In other news, anyone who (like me) listened to copious amounts of N.W.A. as a younger person will find this funny.

It's that wonderful time of year again...

It's opening weekend for the Browns. As my buddy Jon is demonstrating above, we get to ride up to the games in what has to be--as the kids are saying today--the fly-est whip out there...

The Browns may not do well this year, but the tail-gating portion of the season is what I most look forward to. I get to spend some quality time (i.e., eating a lot of bad food, drinking beer, belching, talking sports) with one of my best friends in the whole world, and I get to yell my lungs out at a football game... ahh, yes.

Some friends are going to seek our camper out in the muni lot to swing by for a couple of beers. In addition, to the two people that read this blog:

Steve, if you're going to be around the Muni Lot at all before the game, swing on by. Look for our monstrous 30+ year old camper, which is always parked near the Bone Lady (she of the large orange Volvo station wagon with the giant Bone-shaped light/sign on top). I'll pour you a beer from our tap.

It's going to be a great sports weekend:

• company picnic today at noon, followed by a buddy of mine and I trying to get in 9 holes afterward


• bowling league tonight (thanks, baby!)


• company golf scramble tomorrow, with three of my friends/co-workers


• watching Michigan hopefully hold off Notre Dame on Saturday


• taking Jon to the Tribe game (seats on the first base side of home plate, down close to the field) for his birthday on Saturday evening (thanks again, baby!)
  


• and getting up before the crack of dawn to begin drinking and gorging myself at about 8:30, in order to get into the proper frame of mind for the Browns HOME OPENER!!

Moon pie... what a time to be alive.

Stuff Like This Makes My Blood Boil

People wonder why there are still tensions in this country between people of different races.

Exhibit A:
It turns out there are interesting semantics in journalism.

Look at the captions for this pic:
Picture 1

And now this:
Picture 2

Wow. Two different pictures. The subject(s) of each picture have just technically stolen food from a grocery store. Yet, the person of color has "looted" it whereas the white people have "found food."

Freudian slip much?


Other News

In other news, we went to see Coldplay last evening here in Columbus. I cannot say enough about how good and energetic they are. I'll refrain from the DMB-style review that I did earlier this summer, but suffice it to say that I would recommend seeing them the next time they come through your town.

Also, my first of two fantasy football drafts was held last night. It was an autodraft, which always makes me cringe, as the computer tends to always pick crappy players. At first glance, though, I have to think my team has a good shot. I'm a little thin at WR, and I'm not sure about my QBs (in fact, I HATE one of them), but at RB I am a juggernaut. Check it:

QB:
Brett Favre
Jake Plummer (I wish I had more hands.... so I could give this pick FOUR THUMBS DOWN!)

RB:
Edgerrin James
Deuce McAllister
Curtis Martin
Warrick Dunn
J.J. Arrington

WR:
Drew Bennet
Steve Smith
Joey Galloway

TE:
Jermaine Wiggins
Jason Witten

K:
David Akers
John Carney

DEF:
Carolina
Seattle

If Carolina's defense reverts to 2003/Super Bowl form, that's a solid pickup. Any one of my top four running backs could be good. My wide receivers pretty much suck, unless Drew Bennet has extended his late-season-2004 deal with Satan. At least neither of my tight ends crashed their motorcycles in the off-season. David Akers is pretty much automatic, and John Carney's probably getting cut. What scares me is that Brett Favre is NOT going to be a reliable QB, and I will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ever start Jake Plummer as my fantasy QB. I loathe him.

Which probably means I'll be starting him by week 4.

And then he'll throw 5 INTs.

One more draft (a live draft, thankfully) next Tuesday, and then next Sunday is the Browns home opener. I'll be there bright and early getting my tailgate on.

Whoops

So, I never thought something like this would happen.

I got the TV on Friday, and it was actually TOO BIG. Not too big in the sense that it didn't fit in the basement, but too big in the sense that our basement room simply isn't big enough to be able to get far enough away from the 57-inch behemoth to actually watch it without it being very grainy, which in an of itself defeats the purpose of an HD-TV.

For as much money as it was, I was not happy with the results. Great TV... just not the best TV for the house we currently live in (and that we will be living in for the foreseeable future).

But fear not. I have to give the people at Circuit City a lot of credit. They treated me very well. I went in that very same day, expressed my concerns, and was able to exchage the TV for a different, smaller one. They even recommended a media stand built by Sony for that specific TV, which killed two birds with one stone.

I give you:

Not quite as big, but still bigger than before.

It's a Sony 46-inch rear projection HDTV. It doesn't have the built in tuner that the Hitachi did, but we saved enough on it to buy the media stand (which was not cheap) and still have about $100 more left than we did after buying the first TV.

The only drawback is that it doesn't have the built-in HD tuner that the Hitachi did. However, in doing some research, if I can switch to Insight, we could get digital cable with a DVR and HD receiver + internet + basic phone service for only $20 more than we're paying for regular cable + internet with WOW! and phone with SBC. Hopefully Insight serves my area of the city. They have by far the best package, and they have all four major networks in HD, whereas the other two cable companies only have two.

So, this Friday, the new TV arrives, and the old-new one goes away.

The Anticipation is Killing Me...

Well, after that crazed week of shows last week, I'm slowing down a bit. Apparently, we're taking this month (September) off, which will be a good thing. More practicing, tighter shows, time to write new material, and possible time to record. Also, we finally got some pictures up on our website, so you can go and ogle us, including this picture of me that's 1 part rock star, 7 parts gay Clockwork Orange.

Now, as for the anticipation mentioned in the title, I hesitate to bring this up in my blog, knowing that my wife reads it and isn't nearly as excited as I am (that's the nicest way I could think of to say that) about this. Yet, tomorrow, at some point, the good people at Circuit City will be delivering the following to our home:

Am I crazy, or is that a HUGE TV?

It's a 57-inch, high-definition rear projection TV. I have my new grandparents-in-law and aunt-in-law to thank for it. Soon to follow will be some kind of digital cable package, and perhaps some HD channels as well, seeing as how the TV has a built-in HD tuner. To watch my Browns, Tribe, and college football games in HD...cue Homer drooling noise.

And further, DVDs with our progressive scan player and surround sound will be even cooler. PS2 will be mind-blowing.

I think I'm going to pass out.


In other news, we're attending "Brew at the Zoo" tomorrow night, which should be a fun mix of encouraged drinking and cute animals. Hopefully no taunting of said animals takes place.

We're then heading to my dad's for the rest of the weekend so that we can spend some time at Grandma's condo looking through her things before they get sold. I'm not sure yet whether this will be a nice time remembering her, or a sad time as we get ready to part with so much of what we remember from her home and thus our childhood visits. Needless to say, it will be nice in the end to be able to bring some keepsakes home with us.

All of this means missing out on another Browns pre-season game (I also missed out on the Giants game as we were traveling home from Jamaica), but since I think Carolina is going to pound on the Browns something awful, I'm not too sad.

Until next week...

Being in a band is fun.

This is quite the week for we House of Cards guys.

I got back into town from my honeymoon on Saturday night. We had a show Monday night at Bernie's, and have two this weekend: Friday night at Skully's, and Saturday night at Old School.

I wasn't able to play drums between July 31st and August 15th, and my hands apparently softened up in that amount of time in Jamaica. In other words, I tore about four holes in my skin Monday night. Not good times. Why bring this up? Because I'm hoping a 96-hour continuous rotation of aloe lotion, Neosporin and band-aids will allow me to grow the skin back by Friday..... you know, so I can then rip it all off again. Please, callous-fairy, come back to me!

In addition, we're hoping that these last two gigs will give us enough $$$ in the "Band Fund" that we can go into a studio and polish three or four tracks so that we may publish/pedal an EP. This would be huge in our quest to get people in Columbus to pay some fucking attention (!) to us, as it would allow us to get our music to people at our shows that like it, which then allows them to play it for their friends, etc., it allows us to play something for club owners, it allows us to get some material played on CD-101.... and on and on.

As of right now, we have the basis for about 12 tracks. We'd need to record some drums for all 12, and guitar and vocals for about 4. That should give us enough material to cull a bad-ass 4-song EP.

On a side note (nerd alert!), I've been working to get an entire sample of my entire drum kit (in other words, I use a microphone or two and create a sound file on my computer of every possible noise I can think of making on my drums) in order that I might be able to do some better drum work on my sequencer/computer. So, if anyone has any guitar diddies they'd like drums for, let me know, and send me a WAV file.

That is all. Let House of Cards rock your weekend, Columbus-ites!

Don't you just hate those uncomfortable silences?

Allow me to blow the dust and cobwebs off of this blog. It has been awhile.

I am now a happily married man, and our trip to Jamaica was simply amazing. As you can see, we were married at the Marblehead Lighthouse up on Lake Erie, and the spot we picked was absolutely perfect. My dad performed the ceremony, and the Reverand Doctor came through with a perfect homilee that tied us together with the lighthouse.

Some Jamaica pictures will be posted as soon as we get them developed (from those underwater disposable cameras). There's one picture in particular I'll need to scan; it is, quite possibly, the best picture of all time.

In summation, I've got a shit-ton of work to do, and I'll update more as time permits this week.

It's good to be back. But not as good as it would have been if we could have just stayed in Ocho Rios for another month or so.