Welcome to the Monkey House

One More, Because It Is So Very Important

2008-08-29T09:47:00.003-04:00

To Chairman Dean and my great friend Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens of this great nation;

With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States.

Let me express my thanks to the historic slate of candidates who accompanied me on this journey, and especially the one who traveled the farthest – a champion for working Americans and an inspiration to my daughters and to yours -- Hillary Rodham Clinton. To President Clinton, who last night made the case for change as only he can make it; to Ted Kennedy, who embodies the spirit of service; and to the next Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, I thank you. I am grateful to finish this journey with one of the finest statesmen of our time, a man at ease with everyone from world leaders to the conductors on the Amtrak train he still takes home every night.

To the love of my life, our next First Lady, Michelle Obama, and to Sasha and Malia – I love you so much, and I’m so proud of all of you.

Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story – of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren’t well-off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.

It is that promise that has always set this country apart – that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.

That’s why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women – students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors -- found the courage to keep it alive.

We meet at one of those defining moments – a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.

Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes and even more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can’t afford to drive, credit card bills you can’t afford to pay, and tuition that’s beyond your reach.

These challenges are not all of government’s making. But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush.

America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.

This country is more decent than one where a woman in Ohio, on the brink of retirement, finds herself one illness away from disaster after a lifetime of hard work.

This country is more generous than one where a man in Indiana has to pack up the equipment he’s worked on for twenty years and watch it shipped off to China, and then chokes up as he explains how he felt like a failure when he went home to tell his family the news.

We are more compassionate than a government that lets veterans sleep on our streets and families slide into poverty; that sits on its hands while a major American city drowns before our eyes.

Tonight, I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and Independents across this great land – enough! This moment – this election – is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: “Eight is enough.”

Now let there be no doubt. The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and respect. And next week, we’ll also hear about those occasions when he’s broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need.

But the record’s clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time. Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than ninety percent of the time? I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.

The truth is, on issue after issue that would make a difference in your lives – on health care and education and the economy – Senator McCain has been anything but independent. He said that our economy has made “great progress” under this President. He said that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. And when one of his chief advisors – the man who wrote his economic plan – was talking about the anxiety Americans are feeling, he said that we were just suffering from a “mental recession,” and that we’ve become, and I quote, “a nation of whiners.”

A nation of whiners? Tell that to the proud auto workers at a Michigan plant who, after they found out it was closing, kept showing up every day and working as hard as ever, because they knew there were people who counted on the brakes that they made. Tell that to the military families who shoulder their burdens silently as they watch their loved ones leave for their third or fourth or fifth tour of duty. These are not whiners. They work hard and give back and keep going without complaint. These are the Americans that I know.

Now, I don’t believe that Senator McCain doesn’t care what’s going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn’t know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year? How else could he propose hundreds of billions in tax breaks for big corporations and oil companies but not one penny of tax relief to more than one hundred million Americans? How else could he offer a health care plan that would actually tax people’s benefits, or an education plan that would do nothing to help families pay for college, or a plan that would privatize Social Security and gamble your retirement?

It’s not because John McCain doesn’t care. It’s because John McCain doesn’t get it.

For over two decades, he’s subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy – give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is – you’re on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. No health care? The market will fix it. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps – even if you don’t have boots. You’re on your own.

Well it’s time for them to own their failure. It’s time for us to change America.

You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country.

We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put a little extra money away at the end of each month so you can someday watch your child receive her college diploma. We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was President – when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of down $2,000 like it has under George Bush.

We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a new business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job – an economy that honors the dignity of work.

The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great – a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.

Because in the faces of those young veterans who come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I see my grandfather, who signed up after Pearl Harbor, marched in Patton’s Army, and was rewarded by a grateful nation with the chance to go to college on the GI Bill.

In the face of that young student who sleeps just three hours before working the night shift, I think about my mom, who raised my sister and me on her own while she worked and earned her degree; who once turned to food stamps but was still able to send us to the best schools in the country with the help of student loans and scholarships.

When I listen to another worker tell me that his factory has shut down, I remember all those men and women on the South Side of Chicago who I stood by and fought for two decades ago after the local steel plant closed.

And when I hear a woman talk about the difficulties of starting her own business, I think about my grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle-management, despite years of being passed over for promotions because she was a woman. She’s the one who taught me about hard work. She’s the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me. And although she can no longer travel, I know that she’s watching tonight, and that tonight is her night as well.

I don’t know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes. Theirs are the stories that shaped me. And it is on their behalf that I intend to win this election and keep our promise alive as President of the United States.

What is that promise?

It’s a promise that says each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives what we will, but that we also have the obligation to treat each other with dignity and respect.

It’s a promise that says the market should reward drive and innovation and generate growth, but that businesses should live up to their responsibilities to create American jobs, look out for American workers, and play by the rules of the road.

Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves – protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology.

Our government should work for us, not against us. It should help us, not hurt us. It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who’s willing to work.

That’s the promise of America – the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother’s keeper; I am my sister’s keeper.

That’s the promise we need to keep. That’s the change we need right now. So let me spell out exactly what that change would mean if I am President.

Change means a tax code that doesn’t reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it.

Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.

I will eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.

I will cut taxes – cut taxes – for 95% of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class.

And for the sake of our economy, our security, and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as President: in ten years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East.

Washington’s been talking about our oil addiction for the last thirty years, and John McCain has been there for twenty-six of them. In that time, he’s said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels. And today, we import triple the amount of oil as the day that Senator McCain took office.

Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution. Not even close.

As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I’ll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I’ll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I’ll invest 150 billion dollars over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy – wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can’t ever be outsourced.

America, now is not the time for small plans.

Now is the time to finally meet our moral obligation to provide every child a world-class education, because it will take nothing less to compete in the global economy. Michelle and I are only here tonight because we were given a chance at an education. And I will not settle for an America where some kids don’t have that chance. I’ll invest in early childhood education. I’ll recruit an army of new teachers, and pay them higher salaries and give them more support. And in exchange, I’ll ask for higher standards and more accountability. And we will keep our promise to every young American – if you commit to serving your community or your country, we will make sure you can afford a college education.

Now is the time to finally keep the promise of affordable, accessible health care for every single American. If you have health care, my plan will lower your premiums. If you don’t, you’ll be able to get the same kind of coverage that members of Congress give themselves. And as someone who watched my mother argue with insurance companies while she lay in bed dying of cancer, I will make certain those companies stop discriminating against those who are sick and need care the most.

Now is the time to help families with paid sick days and better family leave, because nobody in America should have to choose between keeping their jobs and caring for a sick child or ailing parent.

Now is the time to change our bankruptcy laws, so that your pensions are protected ahead of CEO bonuses; and the time to protect Social Security for future generations.

And now is the time to keep the promise of equal pay for an equal day’s work, because I want my daughters to have exactly the same opportunities as your sons.

Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I’ve laid out how I’ll pay for every dime – by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don’t help America grow. But I will also go through the federal budget, line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work and making the ones we do need work better and cost less – because we cannot meet twenty-first century challenges with a twentieth century bureaucracy.

And Democrats, we must also admit that fulfilling America’s promise will require more than just money. It will require a renewed sense of responsibility from each of us to recover what John F. Kennedy called our “intellectual and moral strength.” Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can’t replace parents; that government can’t turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need.

Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility – that’s the essence of America’s promise.

And just as we keep our keep our promise to the next generation here at home, so must we keep America’s promise abroad. If John McCain wants to have a debate about who has the temperament, and judgment, to serve as the next Commander-in-Chief, that’s a debate I’m ready to have.

For while Senator McCain was turning his sights to Iraq just days after 9/11, I stood up and opposed this war, knowing that it would distract us from the real threats we face. When John McCain said we could just “muddle through” in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorists who actually attacked us on 9/11, and made clear that we must take out Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights. John McCain likes to say that he’ll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell – but he won’t even go to the cave where he lives.

And today, as my call for a time frame to remove our troops from Iraq has been echoed by the Iraqi government and even the Bush Administration, even after we learned that Iraq has a $79 billion surplus while we’re wallowing in deficits, John McCain stands alone in his stubborn refusal to end a misguided war.

That’s not the judgment we need. That won’t keep America safe. We need a President who can face the threats of the future, not keep grasping at the ideas of the past.

You don’t defeat a terrorist network that operates in eighty countries by occupying Iraq. You don’t protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can’t truly stand up for Georgia when you’ve strained our oldest alliances. If John McCain wants to follow George Bush with more tough talk and bad strategy, that is his choice – but it is not the change we need.

We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don’t tell me that Democrats won’t defend this country. Don’t tell me that Democrats won’t keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans – have built, and we are here to restore that legacy.

As Commander-in-Chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm’s way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.

I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts. But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and curb Russian aggression. I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease. And I will restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.

These are the policies I will pursue. And in the weeks ahead, I look forward to debating them with John McCain.

But what I will not do is suggest that the Senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other’s character and patriotism.

The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America – they have served the United States of America.

So I’ve got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.

America, our work will not be easy. The challenges we face require tough choices, and Democrats as well as Republicans will need to cast off the worn-out ideas and politics of the past. For part of what has been lost these past eight years can’t just be measured by lost wages or bigger trade deficits. What has also been lost is our sense of common purpose – our sense of higher purpose. And that’s what we have to restore.

We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don’t tell me we can’t uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don’t know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America’s promise – the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that’s to be expected. Because if you don’t have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare the voters. If you don’t have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.

You make a big election about small things.

And you know what – it’s worked before. Because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn’t work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it’s best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.

I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don’t fit the typical pedigree, and I haven’t spent my career in the halls of Washington.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don’t understand is that this election has never been about me. It’s been about you.

For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us – that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn’t come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it – because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.

America, this is one of those moments.

I believe that as hard as it will be, the change we need is coming. Because I’ve seen it. Because I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it in Illinois, when we provided health care to more children and moved more families from welfare to work. I’ve seen it in Washington, when we worked across party lines to open up government and hold lobbyists more accountable, to give better care for our veterans and keep nuclear weapons out of terrorist hands.

And I’ve seen it in this campaign. In the young people who voted for the first time, and in those who got involved again after a very long time. In the Republicans who never thought they’d pick up a Democratic ballot, but did. I’ve seen it in the workers who would rather cut their hours back a day than see their friends lose their jobs, in the soldiers who re-enlist after losing a limb, in the good neighbors who take a stranger in when a hurricane strikes and the floodwaters rise.

This country of ours has more wealth than any nation, but that’s not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military on Earth, but that’s not what makes us strong. Our universities and our culture are the envy of the world, but that’s not what keeps the world coming to our shores.

Instead, it is that American spirit – that American promise – that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.

That promise is our greatest inheritance. It’s a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours – a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.

And it is that promise that forty five years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln’s Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.

The men and women who gathered there could’ve heard many things. They could’ve heard words of anger and discord. They could’ve been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.

But what the people heard instead – people of every creed and color, from every walk of life – is that in America, our destiny is inextricably linked. That together, our dreams can be one.

“We cannot walk alone,” the preacher cried. “And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back.”

America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise – that American promise – and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.

Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America.

--Barack Obama, August 28, 2008

Closing Time

2008-08-12T15:35:00.003-04:00

Well, I've come to a realization:

I'm not good at keeping up my blog.

It's no secret that I've been less than on top of updating this blog. And, it's also no secret that I really only write about two things: politics and my love affair with all things sports (Cleveland, Blue Jackets, etc.).

Well, I've basically become enamored with two much more established blogs for each of those things:
Sports: Waiting For Next Year
Politics: Political Inaction

I've been known to comment a bunch at both, and I'm working on potentially doing a weekly Blue Jackets column at WFNY.

So, it is with all of this on the table that I announce my retirement from the world of Welcome to the Monkey House. You can catch me at one/both of those sites... see you around the bend!

Catching Up and Getting Ready

2008-07-28T16:16:00.002-04:00

Just got back from vacation to the Caribbean with my wife, and I realized I hadn't updated this in a long, long time. There will be more updates to come, hopefully, but with my favorite season of the year starting while we were gone (that would be Browns training camp...), I thought I'd scour YouTube and/or hand out some awards to get me (and hopefully anyone else) pumped up:

"We Are Not Worthy" Award: My Favorite Play Ever

"We Are Not Worthy" Award Part 2: Because I Wanted The Steelers Return To Get Its Own Heading (bonus because they used Jim Donovan's calls instead of the TV calls)

Toyota Prius "I Still Got Some In The Tank" Award: Can He Do It Again?

Jack Johnson "Staple It Together" Award: Winslow's Right Leg is Basically Held Together with Duct Tape and Still...

The "Did We Use Up All Of Our Lucky Breaks?" Award: To the Man Who Should Have That Center Bar Named After Him Someday:

"Realized Potential" Award: Mr. Pro Bowl Himself

Bonus Clip: The Day Braylon Edwards Would Become My Favorite Football Player, Supplanted Only By When My Favorite Pro Team Drafted Him

Notice there are no defensive clips. Hopefully that will change in 2008.

I'm just sayin'...

2008-05-13T10:54:00.003-04:00

Not sayin' they're gonna win the series... just sayin'...

That's the Defensive Player of the Year. Ouch.

[edit]
And, not to short-change Asdrubal Cabrera, since he did produce some baseball history last night...

Op-Ed from Joe Borowski

2008-04-15T09:19:00.004-04:00

I had nothing. I was stuck in one gear.

Hi, my name is Joe. I currently am the "closer" for the Cleveland Indians. I use the quotes, because currently I am unable to close any games. As most Indians fans know by now, watching me "close" is not dissimilar to suffering a minor coronary. I like to mix it up from time to time. Last night (April 14th), for example, I would liken watching my "performance" to having a mafia surgeon removing your testicles in a mob safe house with no anesthetic and only a rusty spatula for tools.

I met with Tribe manager Eric Wedge, General Manager Mark Shapiro and the team's medical staff after the game to discuss the condition of my right arm and shoulder. I told the papers: I hope we can pinpoint something. Right now, it's driving me crazy. I'm grasping at straws. Maybe it's something. Maybe it's nothing.

Don't be confused, Tribe fans. It clearly is something. It's the big bag of SUCK I've been carrying around off and on for my entire Tribe tenure. Sure, I saved 45 games last year, but every Tribe fan received an additional 6% coronary artery blockage and an average of 14 additional grey hairs. I'm the gift that keeps on giving!

Did you see the pitch I threw to Manny Ramirez last night? "It seemed like a fastball," Manny said. "It was something like 80 mph. Maybe it was change-up. It was right there."

I never guessed that arguably THE BEST RIGHT HANDED HITTER IN THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL would be able to catch up to my 80-mph heat, right down the middle, belt high, in a tie game with two outs and a SLOW runner on. Whereas most pitchers probably wouldn't give him anything to hit, I'm a crafty veteran. I went against the trend of "don't let their best fucking hitter beat you, asshole!" and decided he'd never see it coming if I challenged him. Sadly, I didn't realize that, since he's arguably THE BEST RIGHT HANDED HITTER IN THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL he'd be able to recognize my 80-mph grapefruit, calibrate his then-492-career-home-runs bat, and neuter the ball into the left-field bleachers. It was almost like he was waiting for it. My bad. I'll get him next time.

To sum up, Tribe fans, sorry about that. Fuck me in the beard.

Random LOLCuteness

2008-03-25T19:46:00.000-04:00

moar funny pictures

Bonus: I Hate Duke Haiku

2008-03-21T10:11:00.001-04:00

Coach K. shouts, helpless
someone punch Greg Paulus hard
box out Nelson, please

Things Overheard/Shouted In My Living Room Last Night:

2008-03-21T09:42:00.002-04:00

Reverand Wright? Let it go! McCain got an endoresment from ROD FUCKING PARSLEY!!
Really, Hillary? NOW Michigan and Florida's voices should be heard? Change your mind much?

More cold/snow? Sure glad we decided against Tribe opening day tickets!

More cold/snow? Sure can't wait to go to North Carolina next weekend. Hopefully my golf swing gets thawed out in time!

FUCK YOU, DUKE!

Why the hell can't I hit the ball straight in Tiger Woods 2007? It says my driver should go 274 yards, but it never does!!

UCLA looks really, really good. Or, MSVU is really, really, not good.

Mmm, I love me some Guinness.

Best of Times, Worst of Times

2008-03-12T10:03:00.002-04:00

If only Hillary Clinton could take a page from Dickens' classic self-less character Sydney Carton, the self-centered man with his eye on a prize he would never win who ultimately sacrifices himself so that others can live on and be happy.

Obama has won two more (albeit not delegate-rich) states since last Tuesday's shake-up-that-really-wasn't-a-shake-up, and his delegate lead is back up to 129 (and one could argue 155, since I can't see John Edwards giving his delegates to HER now). The writing could not be more legible on the wall; it's over, but rather than get out of the way for the good of her own party she'd rather scorch the earth in the hopes that someday she might still get to be President. She would rather have McCain win (he who wants 100 more years of Iraq war and who will most likely attack Iran to carry Bush's water/flag a little further) because she thinks he'd be a one-term president and she could run again in 2012 than to have someone who shares similar ideals with her win in 2008 and help to turn the country around. WOW. Wow. Wow. Wow. WOW.

She's getting to the point where she's as bad or worse than the Republicans have been. She's trying to "steal" the delegates from Michigan and Florida (they had agreed BEFORE those votes that the delegates wouldn't count, though now that she needs them, she thinks they should; Obama WASN'T EVEN ON THE BALLOT in Michigan! Yeah, that's fair).

As we've documented, she played the Muslim/fear/terrorist card.

Geraldine Ferraro (who appears to have gone certifiably BATSHIT CRAZY) played the race card on her behalf, and THEN tried the reverse-race-card trick. She had the loony-balls to say:

"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman, he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

That would be comical if it wasn't so completely assinine (because, you know, being a Brotha in America is generally a road paved with gold and privilege). When blasted, her reply was:

"Any time anybody does anything that in any way pulls this campaign down and says, 'Let's address reality and the problems we're facing in this world,' you're accused of being racist, so you have to shut up," she told the Daily Breeze of Torrance, California. "Racism works in two different directions. I really think they're attacking me because I'm white. How's that?"

If you can make it through that quote without blacking out, you're doing better than I am. Honkies have had such a tough road of dominance and opportunity since the late 1700's. It's amazing we can even get up in the morning!

For the love of God, Hillary. It's time. I believe it was the wise man Ludicrus who once posited:
"Move bitch, get out the way / Get out the way bitch, get out the way / Move bitch, get out the way / Get out the way bitch, get out the way"

Oops, by Ferraro's logic, now I'm a bigot.

I'm LOST

2008-03-07T10:33:00.002-05:00

(spoilers)

So, what's going on with Lost? We're finally finding some important shit out about our island and the "rescue boat" team.

#1 - I totally called that it was Mr. Widmore's boat long before the reveal, though that was a pretty easy one. I'm about 1 for 250 on Lost secrets, so far, though.

#2 - We found out that Mr. Widmore's crew--while creepy and sinister at times--clearly are the Anti-Bens. Why is Mr. Widmore so anti-Ben? And what does he want with the Island? We know Ben's a manipulator whose primary goal will always be self-presevation--and that he loves to fuck with Locke--so we can't necessarily assume that it's purely commercial. And if Ben is "evil" as we're being led to believe, The Fightin' Widmores' presence has to be good for the Losties, no? Is that why only "6" survive/elect to be rescued and go back to the States?

#3 - But, why, then, would Kate go back if the Island was good, since she knew she'd have to stand trial?

#4 - But, why, then, would Jack want to go BACK to the Island if there had been some kind of apocalypse?

#5 - Who is on the boat?? My guess: Michael.

#6 - Who is the 6th of the Oceanic 6? More importantly, have we already nailed down who the first 5 are? Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Aaron? Ben? (Can Ben be a member since he wasn't on the flight?) Is the 6th person to be revealed the person in the coffin from last season's finale? My guess for the 6th: I have no guess.

Discuss.

Updates, again

2008-03-05T11:15:00.004-05:00

Well, so many of the things touched on have developed further since last I wrote. Let's recap:

Politics

Our Ohio primary was yesterday. I voted Dem (obviously) and chose Barack. I don't necessarily think Hillary would be a bad President, but I am SO OVER her method of choice to try and get there. I disagree with my pal Steve when he says that: "She's got Rhode Island wrapped up, and she really needs to at worst split with Obama today, so why not help deliver her Ohio and keep this very exciting (and young-voter-energizing) primary going for a bit longer?"

I think it's time to move on, unite the party, and focus on mopping the floor with Gramps McCain. All of the in-fighting does more harm than good, in my opinion, and both candidates have already shown they excel at getting people out/interested/participating. That's well and good, but at some point, the proverbial Greater Good has to be considered.

It is my opinion that Hillary--despite her good showing yesterday in winning both Ohio and Texas, though the latter by an insignificant margin (see Jonathan Alter's math for reference)--can't win the nomination outright without some seriously shady doings (see: superdelegates, for example, from the Plain Dealer: Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones of Cleveland, a national co-chair of Clinton's campaign, is a super delegate. Asked Tuesday night whether she would back Obama even if he won in her home district, as appeared likely, Tubbs Jones emphatically said no. "As I've said over and over again, I am committed to Hillary Clinton." [emphasis mine] - yep, sounds about right) and without going super-de-duper negative the rest of the way against Barack. What good does that do?

She's insinuating he is and/or has been a Muslim (he's not, and never has been).

She's insinuating that she somehow demonstrably has the experience to be the one answering the "3 AM phone call" about the terrorists coming for our children. Based on what? Living in the White House for 8 years and knowing where the phone is? She VOTED FOR A POINTLESS WAR, and he has been opposed to it from the start. How does that make her more qualified?

Then, of course, there's the whole Texas Caucus thing (Barack has continually done very well in the caucus setting, and 33% of the Texas Delegates were up for the grabbing in those post-primary caucuses). So, what's Hillary to do? Well, nothing like--after 8 years of screaming about the GOP [possibly] rigging elections--trying to rig the caucuses in your favor, just in case you lose the primary:

Hillary Clinton and her campaign is pushing for precinct captains for Texas' 8,000 Democratic polling places. They need to train folks to lead the caucus sessions that will determine more than 60 delegates after the primary voting is over.In training materials being handed out by the Clinton campaign, it is clear that they want to control those caucus sessions.The materials say in part, "DO NOT allow the supporter of another candidate to serve in leadership roles."It goes on to say, "If our supporters are outnumbered, ask the Temporary Chair if one of our supporters can serves as the Secretary, in the interest of fairness."The control of the sign-in sheets and the announcement of the delegates allotted to each candidate are the critical functions of the Chair and Secretary. This is why it is so important that Hillary supporters hold these positions."
http://trailblazers.beloblog.com/archives/2008/03/caucus-strategy.html

http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20080043115&ch=3/5/2008%2010:13:00%20AM

They were crying "FOUL!" when it looked like they were losing, all while trying to stack the caucuses with their own people. It smacks of Republican tactics so much that it makes me want to puke. She wants the nomination so badly that she's willing to employ the Joseph Stalin "scorching of one's own earth" tactics to get it. She's becoming the Larry Hughes of the democratic party (see below).

It's time for that shit to stop. Cutting off your nose to spite your face is a great way to win a general election. To wit, Lars says: I'm really not voting for HRC if she keeps going negative. I can't. If she had won the nomination without the insinuation of barack being a weak canadian muslim, then fine... but forget that. Bah. I'm just going to write in Terry Schiavo in the GE if Clinton is the nominee." Good job, Hillary.

Sports

Wow!

The Browns and Cavs have both been busy since I last wrote. Let's recap/address:

My musings in italics:

The Browns have some issues going into the 2008 draft and season:
1) Their defense was HORRIBLE. They won 10 games in spite of it. They are in dire need of defensive linemen.
Wow. The Browns traded their second round pick to Green Bay for Corey Williams, and their third round pick and Leigh Bodden to Detroit for Shaun Rogers. Some reactions:

Williams, 6-4 and 320 pounds, would probably play left end in the Browns' 3-4 defense. He played tackle in Green Bay's 4-3 alignment and was known for his quickness in getting to the quarterback. He had 14 sacks the last two years.
Cleveland Plain Dealer

Rogers no doubt will take over as the Browns' nose tackle. Williams, 6-4 and 313 pounds, joins Robaire Smith and Shaun Smith in a three-man rotation at the two defensive end spots. Shaun Smith also would spell Rogers at nose.
In dealing Bodden, the Browns give up on a rags-to-riches player who some in the organization felt slipped measurably last season. The move secures one starting cornerback job for Eric Wright and sets up a battle for the other one between Daven Holly and Brandon McDonald.
"I think [Williams will] be a really valuable addition to us, not only because of his rush ability on the inside but also his ability to play the run," Savage said. "We think he'll give us some legitimacy on the defensive front."
Cleveland Plain Dealer

2) They have no first round pick, having traded it for Quinn last year. However...
3) They have a restricted free agent quarterback in Derek Anderson, who may be worth a first round pick. They are actively trying to sign him to a three year deal, and possibly then work a sign-and-trade for someone willing to part with a first round pick.
Well, the Browns re-signed Derek Anderson for three years, and as we noted above, the Browns NOW no longer have their first, second, OR third round picks. DA doesn't appear to be going anywhere now. But, as Phil Savage notes:

Prior to completing the deal for Rogers, Savage said there was no defensive lineman in the draft worthy of selecting with the second-round pick, No. 56 overall.
"I knew there was going to be some sacrifice involved in trying to obtain a player we wanted, but in my mind, in our estimation, a legitimate veteran defensive lineman who's still got a lot of upside potential seemed to be a good fit for us," Savage said.
Cleveland Plain Dealer

Trading for defensive tackles Corey Williams of Green Bay and Shaun Rogers of Detroit left the Browns without a pick in the first three rounds of the April 26-27 draft.
Cleveland surrendered its No. 1 to Dallas last year on draft day to select quarterback Brady Quinn. Then Friday it gave up a second-rounder for Williams and a third-rounder for Rogers.
But general manager Phil Savage and coach Romeo Crennel didn't seem concerned.
"Brady Quinn is the first-round draft choice, Corey Williams is the second-round draft choice and Shaun Rogers is the third-round draft choice. We've jumped out in front and had our draft early," Crennel said. "As a result of having an early draft we were able to get experienced players who have been productive in the NFL."
Akron Beacon Journal

Free agency starts next Saturday. It will be interesting.
The Browns also signed New England's Donte' Stallworth to be their #2 receiver, a decent move that opens up more of the field, as the defenses aren't going to be able to double everybody. They've also had visits from some linebackers as well, which would only help a here-to-fore lousy defense.

Most importantly, the Browns (according to most pundits) got noticeably better, while no one else in the division has really done anything of note. The Browns tied the Steelers in record at 10-6, losing the head-to-head matchups and thus the division as well. One would hope these moves help to close that now infinitesimal gap even more.

***

Half of the Cavs players have been hurt at some point this year. They're hovering around 4th in the East, and there are rumors of a trade in the works. My hunch is that nothing will happen. Like usual. The Cavs will make the playoffs and lose in the second round to either Boston or Detroit.

Wow again! The Cavs pulled off a certified BLOCKBUSTER trade just before the deadline. I'll let Brian Windhorst break it down for y'all:

The deal is done. The details are here. Basically, Cavs get Ben Wallace, Joe Smith, Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West and a second-round draft pick for Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Ira Newble, Donyell Marshall, Shannon Brown, and Cedric Simmons. Pretty crazy. And, I think, qualifies as the blockbuster. In full disclosure, the deal I was talking about last night was Hughes for Wallace and then the Cavs would be able to move Gooden for a shooting guard. It obviously got a lot more complex today.
Here is the instant reaction, one of the things being talked about within the Cavs front office over the last few days was the need to get someone in here to deal with potential matchups with the Celtics in the playoffs. Wallace could be that guy. He also gives them an edge in dealing with the Pistons as well. Szczerbiak is guy who is the type of player that works well with LeBron, he’s a shooter, although he’s had injury problems. Cavs are taking on some huge salary here, but they are not really extending their commitments. Wallace is signed for two more years (like Hughes) and Smith and Szczerbiak will have expiring contracts next season. West will be a restricted free agent.
To me the key here is just what Wallace brings. He’s not the player he was in Detroit, I think most people agree with that. But can he be a major defensive presence, especially come the playoffs. To me that will define this deal. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. Lots of people are down on him and he’s not having a good year. He is the key in my mind.
ohio.com

ESPN's Bill Simmons--who is harder on most NBA teams and GMs than any sportswriter I know of--praised the deal:

As for the other big trade this week, kudos to Danny Ferry for somehow getting four of the best five players in an 11-player trade. That has to be some sort of record, right? I already made the case for Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West helping the Cavs in my Trade Machine piece Wednesday (scroll down to trade 4A), but the Chicago guys pushed the deal over the top for me. First, Drew Gooden needed to go--he was too inconsistent and too much of a bonehead, and we neared the point when a fed-up LeBron might punch him in the face during a game about three months ago--and Joe Smith gives the Cavs steadier minutes and reliable production with those minutes. (Maybe Smith's ceiling isn't as high as Gooden's from game to game, but when you have LeBron you need consistency from the rest of the guys more than anything else.) Second, the fact Ferry was able to trade an overpaid guard who actually drove a frustrated Cavs fan to create a site called http://www.heylarryhughespleasestoptakingsomanybadshots.com/ and update it every day ... I mean, even if you got back a dead body for Larry Hughes, it would have been a moral victory.
Instead, the Cavs got back the Artist Formerly Known As Ben Wallace, someone who stopped being an elite rebounder and shot-blocker about three years ago, but someone with playoff experience and the ability to defend bigger guys like KG, Shaq or Duncan. He certainly makes more sense for the 2008 Cavs than Larry Hughes did. Anyway, I thought the Cavs could win the East before this trade, simply because none of the Eastern teams have someone who can match baskets with LeBron in a close game. Now? They're the favorites. Look, I love the Celtics, I watch them every game, it has been the most enjoyable season in 15 years. ... But a playoff series almost always comes down to one question as long as both sides are relatively equal:
Which team has the best guy?
Well, LeBron is better than anyone else in the East. So if you were beating Cleveland this spring, it was happening because your supporting cast was significantly better than LeBron's supporting cast. That's why this trade was so dangerous for Boston and Detroit; it shortened the sizable gap between guys 2 through 12 on Cleveland and guys 2 through 12 on Boston and Detroit. Now LeBron has four shooters who have shot 40-plus from 3-point range at least once in their career (Wally, Delonte, Boobie Gibson and Sasha Pavlovic), three seasoned rebounders (Wallace, Smith and Anderson Varejao), a scoring center (Zydrunas Ilgauskas) and, best of all, no Larry Hughes screwing up everything. LeBron is in a much better place than he was last year, and what's even more frightening is that he has been playing out of his mind since last April. I know the Celtics are 41-11, and I know the Pistons have been there a million times ... but still, how could you bet against LeBron in the East when he's playing like this?
espn.com

And finally, to hammer the Larry Hughes point home--as well as close the loop I opened above when I called Hillary Clinton the "Larry Hughes of the Democratic Party," let's check with Larry and with Patrick McManamon:

You remember Hughes. He's the former Cavs player who signed for a boatload of money a few years ago and then was unhappy playing on the same team as LeBron James, a team that a year ago played in the NBA Finals. Which is bizarre enough in itself.
Anyway, Hughes was traded to the Chicago Bulls recently for Ben Wallace and Joe Smith, and on Sunday, Hughes revealed why he plays the game. ''I play to enjoy myself,'' he said. Note the word ''myself.''
''Some people take this the wrong way, but winning a championship is not what I base everything on,'' he said. Sure hate to take that the wrong way.
''I was given an opportunity to play basketball, travel around and have fun doing it, and that's what I want to do,'' he said. ''I wouldn't take being unhappy and not being myself and winning. I would rather enjoy myself with 18,000 to 20,000 people watching the game and the people sending fan mail and those things, and be happy.''
There are times when a direct question is required. So it is here. And that question would be: Is this guy nuts? Are we to understand that personal fan mail is more important than winning, that it would be ideal to score 25 points every game and lose? At this point, it might be wise to smack yourself on the side of the head with the bottom of the palm to try to make this clear. And, of course, not take these words the wrong way.
Hughes couldn't stop there. He said he did not come to Cleveland to play point guard, that he came to run the wing a la James. ''I was asked to sacrifice for the team to win and for everybody, I guess, (to) get paid,'' he said. ''That is what was told to me, and I wasn't happy with that.'' Well, we'd sure hate to take that the wrong way.
But let's make this clear: In one fell swoop, Hughes made clear why the Cavs made all those last-second, trade-deadline moves. Hughes was simply not going to try to make things work with the Cavs, never mind the $12 million he was earning this year, and never mind the $4 million he made in bonuses the past two years because the team won, and never mind the fact that he was playing with the BEST PLAYER ON THE PLANET.
Rest assured, though, Hughes' ''issues'' go well beyond playing point guard. They might actually go to some kind of childhood trauma. Hughes was not happy, period, and he made his feelings known to the team all the way back to last season — when the Cavs went to the NBA Finals. Which apparently wasn't good for Hughes, because he thinks people sacrifice to ''get paid'' rather than to win.
The Cavs had to do what they could with Hughes, though. He was an unhappy player, but he was their unhappy player. So they put a lot of energy and work into trying to get what they could from him, given the difficulties of trading his contract. At some points this season, they actually got good minutes from him.
But it came to a point where things simply were not going to work. Now we know why.
Hughes' words are almost so mind-boggling as to be inexplicable. His assessments mean that he liked the loss Sunday because he got 23 points, even if he was shut down by James in the fourth quarter. Gotta love going 21-61 if you average 22, right? This sounds like a guy who would appreciate his own hemorrhoids.
Yes, it's easy to take shots at a guy who's leaving town, and the Cavs, to their credit, have only said thanks and best of luck. But it's near impossible not to notice Hughes revealing to the world what he's all about.
Whether he wanted to or not, Hughes has portrayed himself as a selfish doofus who doesn't care whether the team wins as long as he's getting his.
[emphasis mine]
ohio.com

Wow, what a couple of weeks it has been!

And here we are...

2008-02-21T11:01:00.000-05:00

Another couple of months, another period of blogger neglect. For that, I apologize. Let's update where were are, now that we're toward the end of February:

WttMH Political Ticker

Wow, after all of the political whining I did here in 2006, it's hard to believe that we've gone this far through the Presidential primary season without so much as a comment!

Both races appear to be close to a final decision, as John McCain has all but locked up the GOP nomination, and Barack Obama is riding an insane wave of momentum, including 10 straight caucus/primary wins. There are some huge primaries coming up in Ohio and Texas on March 4th (hey, it's great that our primary actually counts!). If Clinton doesn't win them both, she's all but done. If she does win both, the water gets pretty muddy. There is an issue with "superdelegates" (those delegates who have no obligation to vote along the lines of the primary/caucus results) and whether they will vote in line with the election results or strike out on their own. It would seem to me that if Obama's momentum continues and he wins Ohio and Texas, they have little choice as the writing will be completely legible on the wall at that point.

So, let's break down the (most likely to win) candidates through my own lens of bias:

Dems:
Clinton: Meh. I voted for her husband once (since I wasn't old enough to vote for him in 1992), and despite the best efforts of the "moral" majority in the late 90's I thought he was a good president. Yeah, he got his dick sucked by an intern and lied about it (or, tried to spin himself out of the way, at least). But, the country's economy was strong and we didn't have any stupid pointless wars. As for his wife, I vowed to give her a chance this primary season, as I wanted to form an opinion other than what the media has had to say (or the GOP has had to say). As time has gone on in her campaign and Obama has gained the momentum, she's tried about everything she and her husband could think of to knock him down. It hasn't worked. If anything, it's backfired. The whole "plagiarism" thing was a farce, and they couldn't get away from it fast enough after everyone realized that it was a farce.

The more I hear her campaign, the less and less I like her. The most telling evening for me was back in January during the New Hampshire debate, in which she all but pounded the table to get people to pay attention to her "campaign on her 35 years of experience" and seemed very pissed off when no one seemed to care. Her every move seems calculated, and as for her "35 years of experience" I find myself scoffing; Universal Health Care Cards, anyone?

Bottom Line: She tried to make herself the proverbial "last one standing"--not by setting herself apart, but by destroying her rivals to the point where despite not being that great a candidate she's somehow set herself "above" the others. Obama has not only weathered that storm, but has turned it on its head. This country IS ready for a woman president; just not THIS woman. Pass.

Obama: I want to rally around this guy. I really do. He's young, he really connects with people, he says all the right things, he seems honest enough (admitting to drug use is a refreshing stance, since those jackals on the other side hate gays and abortions but are busy molesting male pages and getting their mistresses abortions when nobody's looking). But, he doesn't have a lot of experience. I love that he's been a civil rights champion, and by God it's about time this country has a minority president. (Sadly, however, I believe I could name several acquaintances that wouldn't vote for him *just* because of his skin color, which is maddening.) And, the repeated promise to close off the Oval Office to special interests and lobbyists would be insanely great for this country and its policy.

But, beyond that, what foreign policy or economic experience does he have? He's campaigning on the "Change!" platform, which--believe me--sounds amazing to my ears. But, color me cynical: how's he going to make change with so little experience? If he were to be elected, I would take a great interest in the makeup of his cabinet, as a President with less experience is going to need to be surrounded by *good* people (as opposed to sycophantic yes-men who support pointless invasions and campaigns of making people afraid of everything, thus allowing them to erode civil liberties in the name of patriotism and corporate greed).

He has the momentum; 10 straight state wins, and the power to get the vote out in the key states coming up. The best thing about his campaign that I can cite is that he has gotten SO many people involved in the process of democracy. The voter turnout in the primaries and caucuses this year has been simply mind-blowing, and for that he deserves credit. He may not be able to run the tight ship (no lobbyists, no special interests) that he promises to, but he's gotten people's attention, and gotten them off of their collective ass to get involved in the process of selecting a leader and being involved in government. If nothing else, that's a HUGE step in the right direction for America.

Bottom Line: He's got a bright, bright future. I think in a vacuum he'd be the perfect Vice President, but as we've discussed above, that would imply that there's someone who's more ready to be President. Can this country afford a learn-on-the-job guy? The best part is he's getting people involved, he's a breath of fresh air, and THAT'S a great start. As a registered Dem, he's probably going to be my guy on 3/4/08.

GOP:
Skeletor: Of course, I mean John McCain. John McCain is about 8 years too late. He wants us to stay in Iraq, which is a deal-breaker for me. The phrase "100 years" was used. To be honest, I would have given McCain a very fair shot back in 2000, but I lost all of my respect for him in the aftermath of that campaign. The Bush campaign put him through the wringer; they were just awful to him, and he basically rolled over and took it. And then, in 2004, he basically sold out. It seemed to me that the Bush camp basically went to him and said, "if you ever want a chance to be President in 2008, get in line NOW." And he did.

The biggest issue I have with McCain at this point is that he's basically now focused his campaign on Barack Obama, as it's looking more and more like that will be the match-up in November. Obama's message is: Hope, Change, Yes We Can! McCain has basically implied that that approach just won't work. No Hope, No Change, NO WE CAN'T!

Bottom Line: McCain is selling "more of the same" for this country, and there can't possibly be a scenario where that's what we need.

Squirrely McGee: Of course, I mean Mike Huckabee. Holy shit, am I even giving this guy the time of day? No. He used to eat fried squirrel, for God's sake! Really, he said they should amend the Constitution to make it jibe more with Biblical Law. Wowzers. How this guy won *any* states is beyond me.

Bottom Line: Pencil him in for Secretary of Varment Eating if McCain wins the general election in November. Hi-yooo!!

WttMH Sports Ticker

Browns Finish at 10-6, Still Manage to Miss Playoffs!
The Browns exceeded everyone's wildest expectations from the beginning of the year, winning 10 games after the opening weekend debacle. They sent six offensive players to the Pro Bowl, including Joe Thomas (man, I'm going to puff my chest about being right on that one!!).

The Browns have some issues going into the 2008 draft and season:
1) Their defense was HORRIBLE. They won 10 games in spite of it. They are in dire need of defensive linemen.
2) They have no first round pick, having traded it for Quinn last year. However...
3) They have a restricted free agent quarterback in Derek Anderson, who may be worth a first round pick. They are actively trying to sign him to a three year deal, and possibly then work a sign-and-trade for someone willing to part with a first round pick.

Free agency starts next Saturday. It will be interesting.

Indians Head to Spring Training Trying to Repeat and Get Over That Shitty Hump
The Tribe was 1 game from the World Series. They then lost 3 in a row and went home. C.C. Sabathia is going to be a Free Agent. Detroit has gotten better (trading for Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis) and the Tribe has basically stood pat (signed a Japanese Reliever, and some spare parts).

These are some of the issues facing the Tribe as Spring Training begins.

The Blue Jackets Suck
No surprises here. Tied for 8th place in the West at the All-Star break, they have gone 2-6-3 since the break. Nice work, guys. See you next fall.

Cavs Infirmiry Unit Hanging Around
Half of the Cavs players have been hurt at some point this year. They're hovering around 4th in the East, and there are rumors of a trade in the works. My hunch is that nothing will happen. Like usual. The Cavs will make the playoffs and lose in the second round to either Boston or Detroit.

Let's See... What Else?

Not much. This would be why it's been two-plus months since I updated my blog. I'll try to do better!

My heart breaks...

2007-12-06T10:36:00.000-05:00

As I look out the west-facing window of my 9th floor office at the snow-swept landscape, my mind wanders out west to Omaha, Nebraska.

Earlier this year, I wrote some quickly-formulated thoughts in response to the Virigian Tech shootings, which also referenced earlier thoughts on an Amish school shooting/tragedy and some root causes relative to people not getting the help they need. In part:

I attempted to take a stab at exploring the issues surrounding something like this once before, but it brings no resolution any closer to me.

I'm going to fumble/punt here, so please bear with me... I understand the media has a duty to inform the public, and that this is the hugest story of the year by far. But, at what point does the media need to just back the fuck up? Whether they mean to or not, their need to get ratings and eyes glues to TV sets involuntarily adds a degree of celebrity to the people who commit these acts (bear with me, here; I use the term "celebrity" in the most macabre sense of the word). I think back to the movie "The Frighteners" where Jake Busey's character carved numbers into the foreheads of his victims because he was counting... and trying to outdo the serial killers before him. I don't like the need to label things like this the "Virginia Tech Massacre" or the "worst" school shooting in history (to me, this implies that we can assign a degree of evil or "badness" to something that really can't/shouldn't be quantified).

To carry this a little further and dredge up something again from above, if this country doesn't wake the fuck up and take a good hard look at itself, this IS going to happen again. Whether we like it or not, there are bad people out there. I don't like giving them inadvertant goals or targets to strive for.

I re-read those thoughts, and then I read about the Omaha mall shooter being emotionally damaged throughout a portion of his life, and then telling his landlord moments before killing eight people and wounding five more that it would make him famous:

"He basically said how sorry he was for everything," Maruca Kovac said of the note. "He didn't want to be a burden to people and that he was a piece of shit all of his life and that now he'd be famous."

It turns my stomach. It makes me angry. But, most of all, it breaks my heart. Those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it.

Lest we forget...

2007-11-26T14:24:00.000-05:00

I know it's been awhile, and I'm planning a more comprehensive update at some point in time, as I've been bad about keeping my blog moving.

But, with the retirement of the coach of the college football team I follow most, I wanted to take a moment to tip my cap to Lloyd Carr. Though I'm sure I will continue to be mocked by my Columbus/OSU friends and family for his recent failings against OSU (even as they continue to forget or not acknowledge that he, much like Tressel is doing now, simply FUCKING DOMINATED OSU for the first six years as Michigan's head coach), I think it's important to reflect back on the career of one of the true "good guys" of sports.

Yes, his sideline interviews were the stuff of legend when it came to his outward crotchetyness, but when one studies Lloyd Carr the man as well as Lloyd Carr the coach it becomes apparent that he truly is one of the great people of the sport. And, lest we forget, it's still just a game, and college athletics are still about the kids themselves.

Here's the perfect article about Lloyd's career, as told by The Wolverine's John Borton:

The best portion of a good man’s life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
Of kindness and of love.
— William Wordsworth

Lloyd Carr owns 13 Big Ten championship rings, dating all the way back to 1980, the year he joined Bo Schembechler’s staff as an assistant coach. He can flash five as Michigan’s head man, or haul out the diamond-studded national championship ring from 1997, representing a pinnacle few college coaches ever reach.

His football numbers speak for themselves — a 121-40 record, the seventh-best winning percentage (.752) among active college coaches, and the thirdmost victories in Michigan football history, behind only Schembechler (194) and Fielding Yost (165).

Carr led Michigan to the top of the mountain in 1997, a climb no U-M coach had completed since 1948. He kept the Wolverines competitive and clean, a rare combination in today’s college football world.

He also made a high-profile impact off the field, becoming the first coach in the history of Michigan’s athletic department to endow a scholarship. His efforts to raise funds for a new C.S. Mott Children’s and Women’s Hospital are widely recognized.

Everyone knows the headline-grabbers. But the behind-the-scenes Carr — the one who always somehow made time for little, nameless, unremembered acts — proved better than anything on ESPN.

Just ask Tim Baker, head coach at Constantine High School, tucked away in the southwest corner of Michigan. Baker’s football team won the Division VI state championship in 2004, running the Wing-T offense. His squad racked up huge rushing numbers, catching the attention of a man who loved to run the football.

Baker received a message one day after school and immediately knew it had to be a prank.

"The secretary came down and laid the note on my desk, and it said 'Call Lloyd Carr,'" Baker recalled. "Now the first thing I’m thinking is, 'Okay, which one of my buddies is pulling one on me here?' But I call the number back.

"A secretary answers the phone: 'Michigan football.' I’m going, 'Wow — these guys are good. They’re really setting me up here.' I’m still not buying into this. Then she puts me on hold and a Michigan broadcast of a game comes on.

"All of a sudden I hear, 'Coach Carr.' He has a voice that you just recognize. I just about came out of my chair."

After establishing just where tiny Constantine was, Carr supplied the sort of lift the locals will never draw from SportsCenter.

"He just congratulated us on our championship, said he enjoyed watching the game, and just complimented us up and down," Baker said. "It was quite a thrill for me to have a Big Ten coach of that caliber call.

"But the one thing I was really impressed with was that he was preparing for Texas in the Rose Bowl that year. And he had as much time as I wanted to have with him on the phone... I said this guy took time out for a little Division VI coach, to just call up and congratulate him. I just thought that was cool."

Michigan fans across the nation thought it was cool when Academy Award-winner Russell Crowe rolled into town for the Notre Dame game. Carr’s welcoming of his big-screen buddy drew nationwide attention, but the coach also put his efforts into lesser-known gladiators.

Nick Gasperoni, a senior trombone player in the Michigan Marching Band, collapsed on the football field in a Monday rehearsal following that victory. He’d suffered a potentially fatal heart arrhythmia, requiring CPR from band members and a shocking by a defibrillator to save his life and prevent brain damage.

Stabilized at the hospital, Gasperoni soon received a get-well card from the team, signed by Carr, Mike Hart, Jake Long and Shawn Crable. That act alone lifted the senior’s spirits, but he soon received a bigger boost.

Carr himself popped in on Friday afternoon of that week, a day prior to taking on Penn State.

"Remember, that at this point in the season, Michigan was only 1-2, thus it was a huge game to prove that this season wasn’t going to be a failure," Gasperoni noted. "Despite the looming game, there was Lloyd Carr, willing to give his time for a band member. I think it speaks volumes for his character, the character of Michigan athletics and the Michigan family in general."

U-M fan Brad Forney understands. His grandfather once coached former Michigan assistant Terry Malone in Detroit. When cancer began to engulf the grandfather, he received extensive treatment at the University of Michigan hospital to slow the dreaded disease.

During one hospital stay, Malone surprised him with a visit, spending several hours discussing life and Michigan football. Once the grandfather could walk again, Malone took him for a visit down to Schembechler Hall.

"Immediately Lloyd welcomed him in and referred to him as Coach Williams," Forney noted. "You wouldn’t believe the impact that had on my grandfather. He was so excited that someone as high up in the coaching ranks would call him by the name 'Coach.' Lloyd talked to him for about 30 minutes. They discussed football and strategies, and finally they went out to take in a practice.

"Grandpa met with the team before finally having to leave because his body just couldn’t take the standing anymore. Coach Carr told him that he was welcome anytime and that he was considered part of the Michigan family.

"My grandfather never got that chance — he passed away this past October. It seems like such a simple story, but this day helped my grandfather forget about his pain for a while, and it stuck with all of us. A man who fought in World War II, played minor league baseball, worked in the auto industry for 40 years, and coached for 30 years would look back on this as being the most exciting day he has ever had."

Forney wrote a simple thank-you note to Carr a week after his grandfather’s passing. He received in return a personal letter, Carr noting that he remembered the day and "Coach Williams" very well.

"This really made me realize how lucky we are to have someone like Coach Carr," Forney said. "It just amazes me what a standup person he is. No matter the time or situation, he holds up the values of a Michigan Man. Too often we get wrapped up in wins and losses, but this event in my life made me realize how great a leader he really is."

Kim Bergsma knows. This diehard Michigan fan and attendee at several of Carr’s women’s football academies wrote to the head coach on a number of occasions.

Just after the Wolverines reached the summit in ’97, she tumbled into a crevasse of a personal health crisis. She happened to mention it in one of her missives to the man in the big office.

"Less than one week later I got a large package from UPS from Schembechler Hall," Bergsma recalled. "In the box was a pick — the very same picks that were hung up in the locker room during the 1997 season for the Into Thin Air motivation — and on the pick are written the words: 'Kim: For your mountain. You will do it. Lloyd Carr.' I treasure that ice pick. It proudly sits on a shelf in our family room, and I see it every day, and remember. I will never forget sitting on the floor of my living room and weeping, not quite believing that this man had done this for me, and then writing to him to thank him and for the letter he wrote back to me. He is a special person."

Carr deserved better, football-wise, in his last days as Michigan’s head football coach. A team that could never get healthy clawed to the brink of a championship, only to suffer a numbing disappointment.

But that’s not how the man will be remembered, in 10, 20 or 30 years. For the football fixated, he’ll be the one who brought a national championship back to Ann Arbor after a half-century hiatus.

For many more, he’ll be the man who took the time to lift others up in times of great need.

Those acts gleam like no crystal football ever will.

I know that I, myself, have tended to get caught up in the wins and losses... I'm aware that not too long ago I advocated him leaving the program in this very space.

But, after an 8-game winning streak and a near-run at a Big 10 title all while battling injuries to the two most important players on the team, not to mention a complete snap-shot of the man's career, it's important to remember that one should be careful what one wishes for.

Lloyd's decision to step down probably came at the right time, both for him and for the program. And, with all of the Les Miles hullabaloo, who knows if the program will be super-competitive anytime in the near future.

But, while Michigan's football team might not have won too many of the "big ones" the past few years--and, while there's no such thing as a "perfectly clean" program in college sports these days--there's something to be said for having a coach who not only keeps your team mostly competitive but also never loses his convictions or his ethics. People like Pete Carroll would be wise to take a page from that book.

Thanks, Lloyd. Godspeed on whatever journey you take next.

A moment of silence for the fuckwits at ESPN...

2007-10-09T11:13:00.000-04:00

Forsooth, who now do the media have to group-fellate, with the Yankees out of the playoffs? A moment of silence for the suits at the networks who tried so hard to get the Yankees/Red Sox series that most of the country hates...

Owned. Ownage. Pwned. Own3d. The violins... they play the weepiest music for you, Yankee Fan.

KEN-NY!!! KEN-NY!!! KEN-NY!!!

2007-10-05T09:05:00.000-04:00

^{K-Love lets it be known that he's in the zone.}

12 - 3. Damn, dude.

Browns down, Browns up

2007-10-03T15:20:00.001-04:00

So, it's been a couple of weeks. The Browns lost to Oakland, who sucks by the way, by going down 16 only to rally back to 17-16, only to go do 26-17, only to rally back and have a last-second 40 yard field goal attempt go through, only to find that the Raiders' coach took advantage of the NFL rule loophole that allows a coach to call timeout from the sideline just as the ball is being snapped on a field goal try, only to have to try the kick again, only to have it blocked.

There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Then the Browns come home and dismantle Baltimore. Now, I know the stats favored the Ravens in every facet... except one: Browns 27, Ravens 13. Suck on that.

Uhh, sorry about that, Derek

2007-09-17T09:29:00.000-04:00

I think it was me (yeah, it was) that wrote:

So, do I think the Browns are suddenly going to be awesome, now? Hardly. But, the trade was a necessary move that I think they'd been planning/hoping to make, whether it was sooner or later. It's now Brady Quinn's team. The players know it, and the front office just confirmed it with this move.

I watched the Berea Report last night, and it's fun watching all of our players trying not to say the wrong thing when the reporters try to bait them into picking allegiance to one of the QBs. Braylon Edwards looked like his head was going to explode Scanners-style when they asked him about it. He must have said, "I support whoever goes out there. I just want to play football," at least 7 times. Winslow was similar. Anderson's good, yea, we're fine. If you employ the fine art of listening to what they're not saying, it's pretty obvious they're all ready for Quinn.

I never thought I'd agree with Mary Kay Rotten-Crotch (Cabot), but she was like, You get the sense that they all want Quinn on the field, that it's time. You could tell in the Denver game in pre-season that Brady coming in kind of charged them up, and that they like the way he plays and the way he gets them the ball. The only one to come close to openly saying it was Steve Heiden, who (when asked if Quinn was “ready” before the start of the season, even) said: "You'll have to ask Brady that. But from what I've seen, I think he is."

Now, I don't think the Browns are going to the playoffs, or even going .500, with Quinn. But I think Quinn would give the offense a chance to be a lot better the rest of the year... Quinn's about as ready as he'll ever get at this point, and if the other players on offense want him in there (whether or not they'll come out and say it), it's clear that he probably gives them the best chance to win.

Wow. So, if I told you that a Browns QB went: 20-of-33, 328 yards, and five TDs, one INT, 121.0 rating... you'd probably think that Quinn had started, right? And that I looked like an idiot, right?

Well, you'd be right on one count.

Hey, Derek Anderson... my bad. Anderson played the whole game, and after starting 0-for-5 and hearing the boo birds, he simply went off. Jon and I sat there in astonishment. Edwards and Winslow both had 100-yard receiving days, Edwards had 2 TD catches (including one of the more amazing catches I've ever seen), Winslow had 1, and Jurevicius had two himself.

I can only imagine the "Charlie Frye Suicide Watch" in the Seattle locker room was at Defcon 1.

Add to that the 216 yards Jamal Lewis put up. Jon turned to me after Lewis had broken off the second of his insanely long runs and said something to the effect of, "Man, it sure is nice to see him doing that for us, and not to us."

It was just an offensive outburst... it was like the whole team had been offensively constipated for about 18 months, and finally got a chance to let it all out. The biggest thing that all of these stats say without actually spelling it out: The offensive line looked good yesterday. A 216-yard rusher, NO SACKS. It has to be the best "offensive-line-game" this team has played since they came back in 1999. This was the o-line we thought we were getting in training camp before Steinbach got hurt. Now he's back and looking more comfortable, and he and Joe Thomas simply owned the Bengals d-line on that left side. All of Lewis's big runs came behind Thomas and Steinbach. Also, Tucker comes back after two more games, which will only add more depth to the right side, a side that definitely improved from last week to this. And who knows... Bentley might be able to play some time in the second half of the season, which is even more depth... something the Browns have not had up front in a long time.

This is not to say there weren't things to be concerned with as a Browns fan... like the defense giving up 45 points themselves, including 6 TD passes by Palmer. But, the Bengals' offense is a well-oiled machine. The Browns defense is banged up, but there are some holes that need to be fixed, pronto. While it sucks not having a #1 pick next year, the Browns had better spend early and often in the draft on defensive linemen that can stop the run. The defense still plays this bend-but-don't-break game, but a good offense like the Bengals exploits the cushions they give. Until the Browns can get some push up front with their three down linemen, that's going to continue to be the case.

But, I gotta admit... I don't always like some of what he does (I thought bragging about jumping into the Dawg Pound was disrespectful, but then doing it and bitching about getting showered with beer is cry-baby/punk), but Chad Johnson is a fucking player. He was unstoppable, and some of the catches he made, I would just turn to Jon and say, "He caught that?? How in the fuck did he catch that?"

The whole game was just surreal. It was like watching Louisville and West Virginia play... no defense to be found anywhere!

So, where does this leave the Browns? Certainly not the 0-16 disaster that some were predicting. .500? I doubt it... the schedule is still really tough. But, there's some hope on offense, now, and hopefully there's no longer the distraction/rush of the Brady Quinn soap opera. I'd still be surprised if he's not starting shortly after the bye week, but at this point you ride the hot hand as long as he stays hot, and Anderson earned another start or two yesterday, without a doubt.

They *should* be able to go to Oakland and have a good chance to win, if they play offense like they did yesterday. Ditto with Miami in week 6. Baltimore at home will be tough, and New England on the road is basically a loss. But, if they could somehow sneak into the bye-week at 3-3, it would be cause for serious optimism for the Browns, especially since their schedule lets up just a bit after the bye week. Again, this was just one game. But, if they can build on what they did offensively yesterday going forward, 7 wins isn't entirely out of the question anymore. We'll just have to wait and see.

Most importantly, though... I also said:

As I said to a friend Tuesday: there are so many holes in the dam, but if they could patch one, it would give them the opportunity to bail water from the other problem areas. And, while trading Frye and paving the way for Quinn may look frantic and disorganized to the collective NFL media as a whole, Savage may have just stuck his finger into that hole in the dam.

At least for one week, the offense didn't leak any water. Now, if they can keep it that way and figure out how to bail some water out of the defensive boat, they might just have something here.

At least Norm MacDonald used to overtly call it "the fake news"

2007-09-14T11:26:00.000-04:00

"Good evening everybody... and now, the fake news."

So began every Saturday Night Live Weekend Update sketch with Norm MacDonald at the desk. Perhaps ABC should consider adopting something similar...

The more I read about this whole Alexis Debat thing, the more it stinks. For more background, consider the following:
Washington Post
Attywood (this is a good one; very comprehensive of all of the ramifications and dovetails)
ABC News Blotter

From the Post:

A former consultant to ABC's investigative unit admitted yesterday that he put his name on a purported interview with Barack Obama that he never conducted.

Alexis Debat, a former French defense official who now works at the Nixon Center, published the interview in the French magazine Politique Internationale. He said he had hired a freelance journalist to conduct the interview, in which the Democratic presidential candidate supposedly said that Iraq was "already a defeat for America" that has "wasted thousands of lives." Debat said he had been unable to locate the intermediary, and the Obama campaign says no such interview took place.

From ABC:

Former President Bill Clinton, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Microsoft founder Bill Gates and former U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan have added their names to the list of people who say they were the subjects of fake interviews published in a French foreign affairs journal under the name of Alexis Debat, a former ABC News consultant.

See a connecting thread between all of these "fake interview" subjects? If the Obama quotes are any indication, they're all anti-war people on the left, and are/were all painted as hippie pinkos in an effort to make them politically weak (although, how Gates fits in is a bit of a mystery to me... maybe the terrorists use Macs?).

From Attywood:

Debat -- a former French defense official who now works at the (no, you can't make these things up) Nixon Center -- has also been a leading source in pounding the drumbeat for war in Iran, and directly linked to some bizarre stories -- reported on ABC's widely watched news shows, and nowhere else -- that either ratcheted up fears of terrorism or that could have stoked new tensions between Washington and Tehran.

Good God... though ABC's Brian Ross says his information about Al-Qaida was generally "spot on," dude apparently could never prove he had a Ph.D., and is blaming these ghost interviews on free-lance consultants who apparently don't exist and/or can't be tracked down.

I, along with many, blamed the media's rubber stamping of the Iraq war on simple journalistic incompetence. But, does it run deeper than that? This dude is the "terrorism expert" on one of the major networks, and at the same time is publishing/reporting shit that either never happened or can't be corroborated--all while holding a prominent seat in a Washington conservative think-tank group?

Here's the one that kills me (from the ABC Blotter):

In fact, Stephane Dujarric, the deputy communications director for the U.N. secretary-general, said he called the fabricated interview to the attention of the editor of the magazine, Patrick Wajsman, in June 2005.

"I told him that if he went ahead with it, we would denounce the interview as a fake," the U.N. official said. "This was not some obscure guy. This was the sitting secretary-general of the U.N., and the magazine was told it was a fake," he said.

Despite that, Debat continued for the next two years to be cited as the author of interviews with a range of prominent U.S. public officials in Politique Internationale.

The U.N. official said a second supposed interview of Annan by Debat, posted earlier this year by Politique Internationale, was actually portions of a speech the secretary-general had given at Princeton University.

The magazine editor, Wajsman, told ABCNews.com he thought the problem with the Annan interview, one of the first he submitted, was "maybe a technical one" or a misunderstanding.

***

Debat told ABCNews.com yesterday the interview of Sen. Obama was not a fake but conducted for him by a freelance journalist named Rob Sherman in Chicago.

Debat says he believes he was "scammed" by Sherman, who he says he paid $500 to conduct an interview with the senator.

Repeated calls to a number for Sherman provided by Debat have gone unanswered, and today a reporter for the Daily Herald in suburban Chicago told ABC News the address for Sherman on a fax that Debat said he received from him does not exist.

Now THAT'S some journalistic incompetence! It's called fucking FACT CHECKING. And, when a spokesperson for the fucking SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UN SAYS YOUR INTERVIEW IS FAKE, you should probably do a little legwork yourself. When they point out that it was pulled from a public speech he gave, maybe that should raise a red flag. And, I'm no free-lance journalist, but if you're sending me to interview a presidential candidate, I'm asking for a little more than $500. That would raise a red-flag for me, too.

But, what's the motivation? As Attywood asks:

But what is really going on? Is Debat pulling sensational stories from thin air, as was the case with Obama, to make a name for himself? Or in his role at the Nixon Center -- which still has close ties to Henry Kissinger and others in the conservatve foreign policy establishment like former Secretary of State James Baker, who spoke there recently-- is he serving a higher agenda of spin?

We may never know, as these people tend to circle the wagons better than any others in recorded history (see: Libby, Scooter).

The fact remains that Debat was the primary source for much of ABC's content relating to Iran and/or possible military/terrorist activity there. And, as we are all taught in kindergarten, where there's smoke there's usually fire.

Attywood:

His work should cause a re-examination of all of ABC News' investigative reporting on both terrorism and Iran over the last couple of years, because -- wittingly or unwittingly -- no other network has better served the Bush agenda in the Middle East.

For example, no story raised tension on the Iranian front more than this one -- which was instantly discredited by several knowledgable experts:
Iran has more than tripled its ability to produce enriched uranium in the last three months, adding some 1,000 centrifuges which are used to separate radioactive particles from the raw material.

The development means Iran could have enough material for a nuclear bomb by 2009, sources familiar with the dramatic upgrade tell ABC News.

The sources say the unexpected expansion is taking place at Iran's nuclear enrichment plant outside the city of Natanz, in a hardened facility 70 feet underground.

Was Debat -- who was aggressively working with Ross on other Iran stories at the time -- one of the sources on this, as well? If so, it would fit with Debat's modus operandi on the Times of London article.

As noted at the top, there are two radically different ways to look at this scandal. Either Debat is a lone wolf, a deluded self-aggrandizer whose main agenda is promoting himself. Or he is acting in his role at the Nixon Center as a conduit, spreading information and occasional disinformation at the behest of others.

Either way, this is unarguably yet another huge black eye for the American media. But if the latter is true, it could also raise major questions about American foreign policy, and about the future of war and peace in the Persian Gulf.

Some of my questions:

The righties howled at Dan Rather in 2004 about the Bush/Air National Guard stuff that, while probably still true, couldn't be substantiated and referenced an apparently forged document... where are they and their megaphones now?

How far down does this rabbit hole really go?

How much of the news that we get in this country can we actually trust anymore?

When does the population of this country get off its collective ass and demand more--both in terms of substance and of accountability--from its government and its media?

The US may never attack Iran, but if it does, after what we now know about the 2002/2003 reports of Iraq's WMD capabilities--as well as the continuing grizzly aftermath of our invasion--how can we honestly allow ourselves to place faith in the decision-makers that we're being told the truth?

Scary/disheatening shit, man. And this right as we commemorate 9/11 for the 6th unfortunate time. I'm no tin-foil hat wearer by any means, but it makes you wonder.

After considerable (in)digestion

2007-09-13T10:50:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I'm actually writing this. I've had a day or two to digest the frantic Charlie Frye deal made by my beloved Cleveland Browns. There are many ripping the move, calling it "the act of a desperate team," and saying the team has "no plan" and no idea what it is doing.

I didn't disagree with those assessments upon hearing the news, though I myself was not sad to see Frye go (as you might surmise from my post below). But, the more I read, see, and hear (and read between the lines of what the players and the GM are saying), the more you can see they really do have a plan. Quoth Bill Livingston:

This was a big reversal of field after General Manager Phil Savage pleaded for the chance to see Frye with all the components of a respectable offense in place. Anything that gets Brady Quinn closer to putting down the clipboard and taking the snaps, however, is a positive move.

It's really always been about Brady Quinn. Savage announced in pre-season that the club had two tracks: the Frye/Anderson track to keep the team afloat, and the Brady Quinn development track. The only thing he couldn't tell us was when those two tracks converged. Apparently, the Frye/Anderson road took a big turn toward the Quinn road on Sunday, whether or not the team wanted it to.

More from Livy:

Frye was ill-served here with a revolving door of offensive coordinators, but so was Bernie Kosar years ago. Kosar also lacked Frye's good, but not great, athleticism. The difference is that Kosar proved quickly that he could play.

The feeling is that most of Quinn's teammates have that sense about him.

Amen. Let's face it: Charlie Frye was horrible on Sunday, and showed no indication that he had improved AT ALL over the course of his two-plus years in Cleveland. Whether that's entirely his fault, who can say. What I can say with fairly strong certainty is that the man has little field vision, no ability to read a defense pre-snap, and little sense as to when to get rid of the football and to whom it should go, a trait that is highly amplified when he's under duress.

It's like you can almost see the little angel and devil on his shoulder debating whether he should take off and run and try to make some crazy, University of Akron style throw on the run into triple coverage or whether he should stay in the pocket and try to make his reads through his progressions. Usually, the debate would take so long that before he could do one or the other he'd just get buried under a pile of defenders.

So, where does that leave the Browns? Livy?

The Browns look chaotic by doing this now. Yet trading a below-average quarterback who beat up on stiffs after a debacle isn't a big deal.

Word. While it appears that they are in total disarray, I'm beginning to think that's not really the case--maybe they're only in moderate disarray. Phil Savage basically alluded to the fact that, had one of the QBs played better in the pre-season, this trade (or a similar one for Anderson) would have happened then.

It also makes sense from the standpoint that, should they have held onto Frye and he had gone out and sharted his pants again on Sunday, his value would be completely in the crapper. And finally, there is also some degree of truth to the fact that they could have missed out on getting Dorsey back as the "mentor" to Quinn as he ramps up to get ready to play. So, while it's embarrassing that the Browns are the first team since the AFL/NFL merger in 1970 to trade the QB that started week 1 before the next game even happens, it was also a necessary means to an end, and we're not exactly talking about the second coming of Joe Montana getting traded, here.

So, the plan always was to tread water until Quinn was ready, but the suckiness of both veteran QBs in camp and on Sunday made the water a little choppier and has now accelerated that process. This made one of them expendable. Frye probably had more value on the trade market (I honestly still can't believe they got a 6th round pick for him) than Anderson, and now Anderson keeps the seat warm for Quinn. Frye being gone means Quinn gets more practice reps, which means he's ready to play sooner.

Many ask the question: well, wouldn't it have been smarter to axe one of these chodes in the pre-season to make room for Quinn? Yes, but since neither of them appeared to be any good, and since Quinn missed SO MUCH time due to his hold-out, Savage had to keep them both as a quasi-insurance policy (granted, a shitty one, but you get the idea).

So, do I think the Browns are suddenly going to be awesome, now? Hardly. But, the trade was a necessary move that I think they'd been planning/hoping to make, whether it was sooner or later. It's now Brady Quinn's team. The players know it, and the front office just confirmed it with this move.

I watched the Berea Report last night, and it's fun watching all of our players trying not to say the wrong thing when the reporters try to bait them into picking allegiance to one of the QBs. Braylon Edwards looked like his head was going to explode Scanners-style when they asked him about it. He must have said, "I support whoever goes out there. I just want to play football," at least 7 times. Winslow was similar. Anderson's good, yea, we're fine. If you employ the fine art of listening to what they're not saying, it's pretty obvious they're all ready for Quinn.

I never thought I'd agree with Mary Kay Rotten-Crotch (Cabot), but she was like, You get the sense that they all want Quinn on the field, that it's time. You could tell in the Denver game in pre-season that Brady coming in kind of charged them up, and that they like the way he plays and the way he gets them the ball. The only one to come close to openly saying it was Steve Heiden, who (when asked if Quinn was “ready” before the start of the season, even) said: "You'll have to ask Brady that. But from what I've seen, I think he is."

Now, I don't think the Browns are going to the playoffs, or even going .500, with Quinn. But I think Quinn would give the offense a chance to be a lot better the rest of the year. As I said to a friend Tuesday: there are so many holes in the dam, but if they could patch one, it would give them the opportunity to bail water from the other problem areas. And, while trading Frye and paving the way for Quinn may look frantic and disorganized to the collective NFL media as a whole, Savage may have just stuck his finger into that hole in the dam.

Quinn's about as ready as he'll ever get at this point, and if the other players on offense want him in there (whether or not they'll come out and say it), it's clear that he probably gives them the best chance to win.

And, this trade brings us one step closer to that happening.

Don't let the doorknob hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

2007-09-11T14:16:00.000-04:00

Charlie Frye has been traded.

Meh.

I don't really have much of a reaction, other than it was time. Dude looked like he flipped a switch on Sunday after kickoff that caused him to revert back to total rookie form.

My guess would be Dorsey gets re-signed and starts on Sunday. While this isn't the greatest of solutions, it does two things:
1) It puts the guy who probably knows the offense the best into the game, and
2) It means they're ready to start preparing Quinn to start sooner rather than later.

If they had force-fed the fans five more games of the Frye/Anderson rotating carousel of cow-plop..... ugh.

What I can't figure out is why a team would willfully give up a draft pick for this no-field-vision-holds-onto-the-ball-too-long-weak-armed-porno-crustache-having clod.

In all fairness, I wish him the best. It was obvious from day 1 that Charlie cared, that he worked hard, and that he has nothing but the most in terms of moxie and heart. It's just too bad he doesn't have that much talent at playing QB in the NFL.

Is "shit-tacular" a word?

2007-09-10T09:48:00.000-04:00

If it is, it would seem to be the best word to describe the football of this weekend.

Lloyd must go. Romeo must go.

Weighing In

2007-09-05T11:31:00.001-04:00

Hello, all two of you. It's been awhile! So, what's going on in Dan Land? You guessed it... BULLETED LIST TIME!

Browns went with Frye as the starting QB, and haven't yet named a backup. They kept Derek Anderson (which surprised me, as you might guess from my posts below) and got rid of Ken Dorsey. I don't know what God Anderson prays to, but I suspect many offerings were made over the weekend.

I played two rounds of golf this past weekend, and am looking forward to another this weekend with my good buddy Jon, in advance of our pilgrimage to the Browns home opener this weekend. The courses look hard as hell, and I suspect my lunch will be handed to me early and often. In case you haven't heard, I'm not that good at golf.

The Tribe went 5-0 against reigning Cy Young winner Johan Santana this season. I only feel safe in saying that since we will not face Santana again this year, thus making me unable to jinx any further 2007 appearances against him. First time ever a team has gone 5-0 against a reigning Cy Young winner.

I'm only going to talk about this once, because I have grown tired of it already (thanks, ESPN). You all only get one free shot, so make it count. I can make no excuses for Michigan losing to Appalachian State. None. But, here are some things to consider, while trying to "rank" how "embarrassing" this game may have been. You may call them excuses if you wish, I don't care. Again, I'm making no excuses for the game itself; Michigan got outplayed, made too many mistakes, and had some questionable coaching moves. For your consideration:

1. "Dan, it was the first time a 1-AA team EVER beat a ranked AP team!!! LOL!"
Consider that it was the pre-season ranking, and that now Michigan is no longer ranked. Aren't there teams ranked too highly every year in the pre-season? If the BCS accounts for teams' rankings as they change, shouldn't it be the same, here, too? Michigan clearly is/was not the #5 team in the country, and it was a ranking assigned to them based on pre-season projections. Had this been week 7 and Michigan had already crushed two or three decently ranked teams, then by all means... call Elias Sports Bureau.

2. Appalachian State isn't a run-of-the-mill 1-AA team.
First, let me say I'm NOT letting my boys off the hook: Michigan still should have won the game, and if they played 10 times this year, UofM would probably go 9-1 against them. That said, remember that Appalachian State is probably going to be the #1 ranked 1-AA school the entire year (two-time defending national champs with a win against Michigan now), whereas Michigan is now currently out of the polls (see above); the AP voters certainly don't think they're one of the top 25 in the country anymore. And, one could argue/guess that, if ASU was in division 1-A, they would probably come in as maybe 70th out of 119 teams (let's be honest, there are some SHITTY 1-A teams out there). So, does it make the ASU win look a little less of a monumental upset if you consider it a 70-over-at-least-26 upset? 16-over-a-1 in the basketball tournament, I don't think so. This isn't some team with a 15-19 record winning a play-in game beating Florida in the baseketball tourney. Applachian State is a good fucking team, albeit playing in a smaller division. I mean, hell... the Cleveland Browns beat two AFC playoff teams last season! Consider this post from a sports blog, which I read as part of CNNSI's coverage:

I do not think Appalachian State is getting enough respect here. If I believed everything I'm reading, I would think a ragtag group of high school kids just beat the Colts or the Patriots. This is HARDLY the case!

Appalachian State is, obviously, the best team that 1-AA has to offer. They have won the 1-AA title two years in a row and have some really good players on there. While I don't think they would be worldbeaters in 1-A, I do think that in the right situation they would be respectable and make it to a bowl.

Put another way: I would consider Michigan getting beat by some sorry 1-A also-ran like UCONN, Florida International or even Indiana a MUCH bigger upset than this. (BTW that hurts, because I am a UCONN fan). This is an upset for all time, but let's chill out on the hyperbole, just a little bit.

3. Big Ten fans should remember where they come from.
Make fun of us? Sure, why not? I've lived in Columbus long enough that I've heard it all. But, rememeber, after 9 months of hearing how bad the Big Ten is, how does this help you, OSU fan? Or you, Penn State fan? It doesn't. It makes your team look just a little bit worse, simply by association. What if Michigan beats you later this season? I'm sure you can all take the Peter Gibbons defense ("Yeah? Well that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumberg."), I guess, but you can't deny the fact that it makes the conference look worse.

4. At least we didn't lose our home opener by 30, like Notre Dame did.
This doesn't really help Michigan at all. It does, however, make me feel just a little bit better. Why? Because fuck Notre Dame, that's why.

I've said my piece. I'm over it. It's like I told friends: I look at it now like the beginning of any Browns season. Whatever expectations I had are now gone, so I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. I'll just drink my beers, eat my chicken wings and bratwursts, and enjoy the so-called football. Everything else is gravy.

House of Cards played a lack-luster show this past Saturday night at Scarlet and Grey. Nothing really important here, other than we're at least back to playing after my self-imposed hiatus while changing jobs and going to Ireland.

Speaking of which, I changed jobs. Not sure if I mentioned that here. Onward and upward! I now work for my old company's parent company's Global Production and Manufacturing group, doing project management for our Pegasus online LMS/Assessment platform. I'll leave you all to discuss what that might mean in the grand scheme of things.

And, speaking of Ireland, we finally got pictures uploaded and sent around on Snapfish. If you were not one of the lucky ones to receive the honor of seeing these pictures, please e-mail me and I will send them your way. Also, I do actually plan to document our trip here, but as we know I'm a lazy blogger and that has fallen pretty far down on the old "to do" list of late.

Along the lines of e-mailing me, if anyone reading here was planning on finding themselves tailgating/pre-gaming for the Browns home opener this weekend, and would like to meet up for a drink (*cough*Steve*cough*), please e-mail me as well.

Michael Vick. Hmm. Jon touched on this in his most recent entry (in short, he's tired of hearing about it, thinks Vick shouldn't be allowed back in the NFL, and is annoyed by people crying that it's a race issue). Rather than leave a huge-ass comment, I'll post my thoughts here:
I totally agree. The climate of the news media in this country over the past five to six years has become such that I can barely even watch anymore. It's become all about selling papers/magazines, and getting eyeballs glued to TV sets. In the world of infinte 24-hour news (including ESPN) channels, everyone is clammoring for something to broadcast, to get people to watch, to get the ad dollars. They no longer care as much about the news as they do about being unique, and making money off of people (and, one could argue, off of people's tragedy). I mean, I love "Showdown: Iraq!" and "Terror at Virginia Tech" graphics and theme music as much as the next guy, but...

It gives platforms to people who shouldn't have them, be they political hacks and blow-hards from both sides of the aisle, the Nancy Graces of the world who will say anything to be controversial, and have no real business being on TV, and in the sports world, people like Pedro Gomez (whose only job most of the last two years has been filing daily reports about Barry Bonds). It trivializes journalism to the point where the real journalists left in this country are so hard to find, it drives people like me away from the media altogether, and creates a largely dumbed-down population who only get sound bites and watered down news.

The reason I take this round-about relative to Michael Vick is twofold:
1: This allows people to further agendas, such as "Oh, this is about race." No, it really, really isn't. Just like Chris Rock's old rant/joke about OJ Simpson: "This isn't about race, it's about fame. If OJ wasn't famous, this wouldn't be news. If OJ drove a bus, he wouldn't even be OJ. He'd be Orenthal, the Bus-Drivin' Murderer." But, I digress. There's no way to say that Vick is being treated in a racially unfair way, because a white NFL quarterback has never been federally indicted for running a dog-fighting ring and executing dogs. How can you compare and say Vick is being treated unfairly because he's black? If anything, he's being treated unfairly by the media, but not by the Justice System. And, do we honestly think the media would let a story about a famous white person go, if he/she we accused in a federal trial for *anything*? It's not like the Feds had some circumstancial case and Vick is/was being railroaded. It really is all about fame. If it was me going to trial for this, seeing as how I don't have any money to hire awesome lawyers, I'm going to the clink for a long time, and I can damn-sure bet you wouldn't be hearing about this on your 6 o'clock news unless you lived in Columbus, and even then the story would come and go in a matter of days. Vick's going to be getting off easy, if anything.

And, 2: I love my dog, and neither my wife nor I could imagine our lives without him. I think what Vick and his co-defendents are/were accused of doing is horrible, and I could never imagine doing such things to ANY living thing, for entertainment or otherwise. But let's not miss the bigger picture as well: while this stuff is totally cruel, inhumane, and makes my stomach turn, it also saddens me that there are tens of millions of adults and children in the country without health care, and there are American soldiers dying every day for no discernable (to my eyes, anyway) reason in Iraq. Shouldn't the media be talking more about that shit, too? I know Michael Vick puts butts in seats and gets the protesters out in force for both sides, but can't we all agree that there are bigger fucking issues that we should be dealing with?

As to whether or not Vick should play again, I'm fairly ambivolent. He's going to have to prove a lot to ever really get a chance to do so, because the American public will not be quick to forget this. The other thing to remember is that new commish Roger Goodell is ruling with a pretty iron fist, and this thing has been embarrassing to him and his league. He won't let that go by lightly. Vick has AT LEAST a year to sit AFTER he gets out of the can, if not longer. I've heard 2010 at the earliest. That makes him 31 (I believe), and having not played NFL football for 3 years. Again, he's going to have a lot to prove, even just from a physical standpoint, to make it back to the League. And this is a QB who was never that great a passer to begin with, a QB who runs first, and who will at that time be past his relative prime as an athlete. As Red said in The Shawshenk Redemption, "They send you here for life, and that's exactly what they take." Time slows for no one, man.

Damn, that was a long-ass, John Kerry style bullet point! Karl Rove would fire my ass immediately!

My work fantasy football draft was yesterday. My team eats it. Raw. My Browns-Tailgater-Crew team is much better, and that was a computer auto-draft as I was out of town. The lesson? I think you know.

Well, that's all folks. Hope your eyes don't hurt.

Quoth Sir Mix-A-Lot: "Boom - Triple-up - Boom boom boom"

2007-08-28T09:18:00.000-04:00

The Indians are still effectively dead to me, but it's always nice when your team pulls a triple play:

^{Cleveland Plain Dealer}

I simply can't allow myself to get my hopes up

2007-08-27T09:47:00.000-04:00

Damn you, Browns. There, I've said it. As you can tell from my previous post about last week's pre-season game, I don't give the Browns much chance this year.

So, what do they do? They go on the road in the pre-season game with probably the most meaning (relative term, of course) of the four--the so-called "dress rehearsal" where the starters usually play well into the 3rd quarter--and play pretty well.

I just can't allow myself to get my hopes up. I just can't do it.

Some highlights:

Whence came this offense? All three quarterbacks looked semi-decent on Saturday. Frye all but clinched an opening day start by directing an opening 80-yard touchdown drive. Included in the drive were a nice 13-yard scramble on third down to pick up a first, and a very very nice fade pass to Braylon Edwards over his shoulder.

The offensive line hasn't been a liability so far. That's all I'm willing to say at this point.

Ok, I said it jokingly last week, but... I now hate Phil Dawson. ANOTHER missed field goal. It's getting to the point of being inexcusable.

Brady Quinn, you're beginning to make a believer out of me. A nice, nice drive against the Broncos' first team defense (and with our second team O-line and running back) that ended with a beautiful touch pass to Jurevicius in the end zone that was in the perfect spot, but was ruled incomplete because the ref didn't think he got his feet in (on replay, I think it merited a challenge, but we'll get to that later on). Another drive after a turnover resulted in a touchdown. I didn't see any badly thrown balls (one drop). Plus, you got your d-bag hair cut (albeit, involuntarily in an apparent hazing ritual). It now solidifies in my mind that Frye starts until the bye week, and then Quinn starts.

Great question on the PD's "Hey Tony" bit: Hey, Tony: When will Brady Quinn master fumbles, interceptions, false starts, illegal procedures, delays of game and wasting timeouts so he can join the starting unit? Priceless.

Where the hell is our run defense?

I touched on the whole coaching thing last week, and while the team generally looked better prepared and focused this week, there are a couple of things I don't get. You're willing to try going for it on 4th and 2 (I assume, I guess, because it's preseason), but you're not willing to challenge the ruling on Jurevicius's catch in the end zone? To me, the goal-post angle showed that he poked his right toe down after catching the ball and the other angle showed his left foot in bounds. Isn't that worth a challenge?? It was a beatiful, back-breaking play. Instead, not even a whimper and we settle instead for a missed field goal.

All in all, though, it was definitely a more inspiring performance, and while probably not a strong indicator of seasonal success, it certainly filled me with hope that the Browns can be more competitive, if not win more games.

At least until someone blows a knee out.

Suckiest Bunch of Sucks that Ever Sucked: The Redux

2007-08-20T09:52:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty sure I've used that blog title before in reference to the Browns, so forgive me for plagiarising myself (and for also having now stolen something from myself that I had already previously stolen from the Simpsons, which is where I steal most of my good material anyway...).

Some thoughts after watching Browns JV Football on Saturday:

I’m now very sold on Antwan Peek. He and Wimbley combined have been the bright spot on an otherwise crap-tacular defense. McGinnest can take his time coming back, if he likes. Peek might have been a FA bargain.

So long, Derek Anderson. Better get that resume ready. You had me until the "2-burned-timeout, 2-penalty, 1 interception from first and goal at the 2" part of your second drive. Fumbling on the first snap of the fucking game didn’t help, either. When Ken Dorsey makes you look like a chump, it might be time to re-evaluate where you are in life.

Speaking of getting one’s resume ready, if I were Andra Davis, I’d be looking over my shoulder early and often. Leon Williams may be closer than he appears in the rear-view mirror.

Give Jamal Lewis the ball more. The way our QBs are playing, it’s the only way the offense has a chance. I say this knowing that he’ll probably break down in week 10.

While it was nice to see Quinn play well, I’m pretty sure I could have completed one or two of those. Like Terry Pluto pointed out, both Tim Couch and Luke McCown had awesome second-half rallies in the pre-season, once upon a time. I would like to see Quinn get some time with/against starters at some point, possibly this week. He did throw a couple of nice balls, and despite some super-soft coverage was always throwing to the right guy and putting the ball in a spot where our guy and only our guy could catch it. That’s more than I can say for the other bum QBs we have. I hold fast to my feeling that he should start coming out of the bye week. Let Frye get pummeled the first few games.

Is it time to seriously consider getting a new kicker? I mean, I like kickoffs to the 9 yard line and missed 35 yard field goals as much as the next guy, but...

Our defensive line still looks soft. And doughy.

I want to like the coaches. Crennell seems like a nice enough guy. But, I’m tired of reading quotes like: "We didn't have the concentration or the focus that we needed." That’s all on you, Romeo. Further, when Leigh Bodden tweaks his ankle in the SECOND PRE-SEASON GAME, under no circumstances should he ever go back into the game. Put some ice on it and hit the stationary bike, for the love of God. Stuff like that ALL reflects back (poorly, I might add) on the coaching staff, which in turn all falls at the feet of Romeo.

On a humorous note, I enjoyed (just a little bit) seeing the Browns’ #20 getting run over by TJ Duckett. I could have sworn Earl Little was back out there getting flattened by Duce Staley in Pittsburgh. I’m sure he graded out at 96 and deserves to go to the Pro Bowl, wherever he might be.

All in all, a very disappointing game to watch, Quinn’s first performance notwithstanding. My prediction of 6-10 is now down to 4-12, with us crying in our beers on draft day 2008 as playoff-bound Dallas picks a stud at the #4 pick using our first-rounder.

But, really, why should draft day 2008 be any different than any other disappointment as a Browns fan?

Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust

2007-08-15T10:29:00.000-04:00

As Jesus Christ once said, "It is finished."

It would seem that the Indians have all but licked a stamp on the envelope that has their playoff aspirations neatly tucked into it. After a 6-2 loss--at home--at the hands of the Tigers (who, themselves, have been wallowing in suckitude for quite some time as of late) that involved stranding 5 runners on base in the last three innings of a tie game (including the leadoff man on second base in the bottom of the ninth when the score was still 2-2, which was promptly followed by THREE [as in, not one, not two, but THREE] straight strike-outs to end the inning), it is apparent to me that the Tribe is DONE. As in, stick a fork in them.

Some notes:
1) The entire offense (and I mean, ENTIRE) is slumping. They have been for a month. How is that possible?! Hafner is hurting. Martinez, who had been as consistent as humanly possible in the entire first half, looks lost. Sizemore is treading water. The Lofton trade hasn't paid any real discernable dividends. Were it not for Sizrmore's 2-run jimmy in the first inning, they would have been shut out for 10 innings last night by a team that has been struggling to pitch well for the greater part of a month.

2) Speaking of pitching (though directly related to hitting), the Tribe has consistently WASTED tremendous starting pitching since the All Star Break. Tribe starters have been on the ass-end of 1-0 decisions MULTIPLE TIMES in the last month. Inexcusable.

3) Eric Wedge is steadily losing my support. I've always been fairly ambivolent about Wedge's job performance. On one hand, he doesn't always make the best moves, but he's seeming to learn as he goes over the years. This team has grown up together, and their yearly improvement would seem to lend some credence to the idea that Wedge has done *some* things well. But, last night left me scratching my head. Tie game, bottom of the ninth. Leadoff man hits a double. Now, pretty much any and everybody that's ever watched baseball KNOWS you HAVE TO BUNT HIM TO THIRD. It shouldn't even be an option. No thought should have to go into this move. It should be like when the doctor hits that spot under your knee, and your knee jerks. Leadoff man gets to second base with no outs in the bottom of the 9th inning in a tie game = sac bunt. Daniel Webster couldn't convince me otherwise.

But, there was Jhonny Peralta, NOT bunting, and (oh so predictably) striking out. To be fair, the two hitters that followed him struck out as well, but that's neither here nor there. As Lars pointed out to me in an e-mail this morning, if you have no faith that Peralta can't get a bunt down, pinch hit for him with your utility infielder who CAN get a bunt down. What are you saving it for? If you score there, the game's over and it doesn't matter what it does to your lineup.

This isn't rocket science. It's inexplicable.

So, until further notice, I'm now back in my Randy Quaid from Major League 2 role. I'm shoveling dirt on the Tribe's season, because they don't appear to have any fight left in them.

At least I have Browns football to look forward to.

Oh, wait.

Funniest Road Sign Ever, a.k.a. The Name of All of My Fantasy Football Teams This Year

2007-07-30T15:22:00.001-04:00

While driving in, around, over, and through Ireland, Melissa and I happened upon this one road sign, which will pretty much be at the top of the "Random Road Signs" Pantheon for the foreseeable future. I give you:

Tribe puts Christmas tree up early; looks under it; finds a Pronk

2007-07-12T09:17:00.000-04:00

^{Sports Illustrated}
The Indians bagged themselves four more years of Pronk.

And for less money than most people thought, too. Think his .262/14/57 (as compared to .322/25/74 at the break last season) has anything to do with it? Now, I think two things will happen, one of them good, one of them not so good.

1) Hafner will settle in, no longer worrying about all of this contract pressure crap, and will go on the kind of second half tear we're used to seeing (hopefully without getting hit by a pitch to put him on the DL for a month, unlike the last two years--tangent alert!--for a good time, ask Larz about the 2005 plunking from Mark Buehrle and get out of the way... it's a fun exercise). If he starts hitting like he normally would, the rest of the league should watch out.
Grade: Thumbs Up

And...

^{Sports Illustrated}
2) The Tribe FO will let C.C. Sabathia walk after next season. Come on; the notoriously tight-assed Larry Dolan just committed $90 million to Jake Westbrook and to Pronk. I think deep down, the Tribe Brass know that Sabathia has pitched himself so far out of their mid-market price-range (I'm thinking he's probably going to get Barry Zito/Johan Santana-type money, to compare some young/comparable lefties) that they're going to lock everyone else up (which they've done quite nicely, BTW) and hope and pray that they win a World Series in 2007 or 2008 while they have him. They'll pull a Thome move and offer him something that they know he won't take, and say, "See? We tried."
Grade: Meh/Thumbs Down

I know in my heart they probably can't keep Sabathia, unless Dick Jacobs comes back and starts paying to keep players like he did in the mid- to late-90's. Dolan has always said he'd "spend when the time was right," but given the fact that the fans have not yet come back like they should be doing (the team has 52 wins at the all star break, people!!) he may be hesitant to plunk down $130 million to keep C.C..

But, hey... it's a start. And, if the Tribe somehow were to put it together and win it this year or next, it would certainly soften the blow of losing the Big Lefty.

It's just nice to have Pronk around for a few more years.

Stepping Lightly

2007-07-03T10:29:00.000-04:00

I've been wondering what sort of a post can follow up a quasi-eulogy for someone so wonderful, and it's been like on Studio 60 where, during flashbacks, we learned how hard it was to find something to make fun of after 9/11.

However, I went to CNN.com this morning, and found the story that irks me enough to pick up the proverbial pen again.

The President commuted Scooter Libby's prison sentence.

In a written statement commuting the prison sentence, issued hours after Monday's ruling, Bush called the sentence "excessive," and suggested that Libby will pay a big enough price for his conviction.

"The consequences of his felony conviction on his former life as a lawyer, public servant, and private citizen will be long-lasting," he said.

I'm sure they will. Apparently, perjury, obstruction of justice, and lying to investigators IN A CASE OF TREASON isn't really grounds for prison these days. I mean, hasn't poor Scooter suffered enough?? The toll all of that lying and grenade-falling-on must have taken... I mean, I don't know how he made it through!

Seriously, though, what kind of precedent does this set?

Plame had worked in the CIA's counter-proliferation division before the March 2003 invasion. She told a congressional committee in March that her exposure effectively ended her career and endangered "entire networks" of agents overseas.

That's not grounds for going to jail? Two and a half years in prison for *that* is "excessive"? What the fuck??

Nancy Pelosi ain't high on my list right now, but for once I agree with her:

Reaction on Capitol Hill was swift. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-California, said the president had "abandoned all sense of fairness when it comes to justice."

"The president's commutation of Scooter Libby's prison sentence does not serve justice, condones criminal conduct, and is a betrayal of trust of the American people," she said.

Exactly. You know if I leaked a CIA operative's name and/or lied to cover it up, I'd be in freaking maximum security Guantanimo right now. I probably wouldn't even get a trial. If I did, there's no way I could afford any kind of solvent legal representation. Equal justice under the law, indeed. Worse, still, is that Libby is appealing his conviction. If he can drag it out long enough, Bush probably can give him a full pardon when he leaves office next year.

I've never been a big "IMPEACH! IMPEACH!" kind of guy, despite my well-documented distaste for this administration, but for the love of God... it's time.

Things I wouldn't have known...

2007-06-21T09:29:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite college professors passed away this past weekend. I felt a little crappy considering that, on Monday before I learned of this, I spent a very large chunk of time waxing about how great my life is and how awesome my birthday was when at the very same moment many wonderful people were grieving. Many wonderful people were trying to make sense of something so heavy and unfair. In short, I finished my blog entry, and then surfed around to the other blogs I regularly read, and then I felt like a total jackass.

I only had a couple of classes with Dr. Kelly F. Lowe, but those were some of the best classes I ever had. My main experience of working with him was as a tutor in his well-crafted writing center. I learned a lot working there; not only about working with people, but about writing and about how to make people's writing--including my own--better. Kelly's focus was not on having writing tutors who simply understood grammar and would look at other students' papers and "fix" them. He wanted us to sit down with the students; to actually read the papers and to get them to tell us what they were trying to say. He wanted us to listen, and then to work with the students to help them formulate their writing. As extensions of Kelly, we all tried to help our fellow students become BETTER writers by working WITH them, not talking down TO them.

And, to me, that was Kelly-the-instructor in the briefest of nutshells.

I'm not going to attempt to wax rhapsodic about Kelly's life, as I don't personally feel qualified. Also, I think two of my former college colleagues who were much, much closer to him have done so infinitely much better than I ever could. Thanks, Steve and Athena.

All I really feel qualified--and able--to do to remember Kelly appropriately right now is to give you the list of things I wouldn't have known (about writing, about life, about myself) if I hadn't ever met Dr. Kelly F. Lowe.

That a heterosexual grown man with a traditionally female name CAN wear pink socks with any outfit, be totally cool with it, not give a fuck what other people think about it, and totally pull it off.

That no matter how good you think you are at something, you can always get better if you're willing to listen and to try.

That having an encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture can actually be a useful thing. Countless were the nights in the WC where I would try to be smooth and drop casual pop-culture references into conversations--a practice I still do today, much to the lamenting of my wife--only to have my shit completely blown out of the water.

That you shouldn't be afraid to make an argument or take a stand. But, if you do so, you HAVE to do your homework, do your research, know what the hell you're talking about, and argue it effectively.

That Hunter S. Thompson was a bad-ass motherfucker.

That the professor/student (or boss/employee, if you prefer) relationship truly can be collegial.

That brevity in writing is the most effective method of being funny. "Get in, make your joke, and get out." I still haven't mastered this one, as you can tell if you read my blog regularly.

That it's OK to have a beer at BW3's with your former professor/employer when you come back to visit your alma mater. In fact, it should be encouraged.

And lastly--and I'm going to fumble this one, so bear with me--that college, and more specifically life, shouldn't be about accomplishments. It should be about people, and about making the places you're in better when you leave than they were when you found them.

I could have made my way through school as a Lit major without really ever having worked at being a better writer. And, had I never started working at the Writing Center (and then, by extension, started taking classes with KLowe--much too late in my career, I might add), this would have been my experience. I was well-versed enough in the old "5 paragraph essay" and expository methods from HS that I got my scholarship, got into EH120W as a freshman, and could have written all of my papers and gotten through.

But I wouldn't have really learned anything about writing, and about how to make my writing better. I read the blogs and writings of some of my colleagues from back in those college years, and I know that I still have a long way to go. But I know I probably wouldn't be writing at all anymore if I hadn't worked with Dr. Lowe.

And that's the greatest eulogy I can give the man.

Cheers, Kelly. Cheers.

30th Birthday Weekend: Recap and Scorecard

2007-06-18T12:05:00.000-04:00

I can't begin to put into words how amazing this past weekend was, thanks to my lovely wife. It was one of the most humbling, exciting, and fulfilling weekends of my life, and I owe it all to her. Let's try to recap!

Thursday, June 14th

I woke up. I didn't feel any older. I didn't suddenly feel like I was all grown up or anything. I went to work like I do most every day (except I didn't really get a lot of actual "work" done). Some people brought me cards and my boss brought his birthday balloon (he turned 50 the day before) and taped it to my bookshelf in a somewhat humorous display.

Melissa and I had made plans to eat lunch together, which was basically all I had on my docket at the office. She arrived about 12:40, and we went to J. Alexanders. She had this mysterious bag of presents that I wasn't allowed to look in. Little did I know...

We had been planning on going on a trip to South Carolina in mid-July. At least, that's what I thought. So, imagine my surprise when I opened my card and found that, instead, we were going to FREAKING IRELAND that week. I've wanted to go there for about as long as I can remember, and now we're going! And I had absolutely no idea! Also included in the bag-o-mystery: a potato, some Irish Spring body wash, a six-pack of Guinness, some Lucky Charms, an awesome book on things to do in Ireland as well as a copy of McCarthy's Bar, and irish cookies.

So, then, back at the office, we were greeted by well-wishing and apple pie courtesy of my co-workers. I dig apple pie. I basically then bummed around the rest of the afternoon, and headed home... thinking that Melissa had dropped the biggest bomb in her arsenal. Little did I know...

I got home, and who was sitting on our couch but Jason, one of my very best friends. I had no idea he was coming! Tricky woman, she is. We went out, enjoyed some Chile Verde, went to BW's and watched the Cavs suck it up one last time, and proceeded to get hammered (well, I did, anyway). Good times. I also found out during this stretch that another part of my surprise is a trip to Cleveland on Friday to see an Indians game!

Final Score: Trip to Ireland 1, Trip to South Carolina 0, Cavs 0-for-4

Friday, June 15th

The new grill arrived!

My folks thought a new grill would be a nice addition to our patio. And right they were! This thing is huge, and puts out enough heat to apparently melt the siding on my house. I believe that, on Saturday evening, Jason had enough food grilling on this thing at one time to feed 20 people. According to the Lowe's website, it has a "28 burger capacity." When I will be cooking 28 burgers at one time, I'll never know. But it's nice to know that I can!

While I had known the grill was coming, the surprises didn't stop. As mentioned above, Melissa had gotten tickets to Friday night's Tribe game, and so I was assuming it was to be her, Jason, and myself as we drove up to Cleveland Friday afternoon. As we got ready to leave Columbus, Melissa wondered if we might get there in time to go have a beer at the Winking Lizard. Never one to turn down a beer before or during a baseball game, it sounded fine to me. We got to our hotel in Cleveland, set out on foot for the Jake, and when we got to Prospect Street we headed toward the Lizard.

"I don't want to go to the Winking Lizard anymore," said my wife. "I want to go to the Boneyard." Now, had I had any sort of sense about me, I'd have smelled a set-up. The Boneyard is not a place you would ever intentionally want to go. So it was that we walked back to the back, and there were all four of my parents waiting for us.

My dad and step-mother gave me a nice gift card to Golf Galaxy, as I have had my eye on a nice new approach wedge to give me more options for skulling the ball 50 feet past the hole around the green:

Once I can find one of these clubs in-stock, I will be all set to go. And probably will still shoot in the mid-90s. But I will do it with a sweet-ass gap wedge.

We all had a beer, walked over to the game, and had great seats all together on the first base line:

The Tribe dropped a heart-breaker to the Braves, but the fireworks were great and it was just amazing to have everyone there. The nachos, however, got the last laugh. All three of us that ate them were sorely wishing we hadn't by bed time.

Final Score: Char-Broil 28, Dan 6, Braves 5, Indians 4, Nachos 3

Saturday, June 16th

This was to be party day. We'd long been planning a cookout, and at this point I was now officially ready for and expecting any and everything from my wife. Or so I thought. We spent the day cleaning up the house (I cut the grass and cleaned up the bathrooms, Jason was a champ cleaning the patio and raking the grass, and I can't even quantify how much work Melissa did) and getting ready. Jason and I had done the grocery shopping on Friday before traveling north, so everything was stocked.

Guests began to arrive with my mom and step-father at 4:30 or so, and continued on for a few hours. When we reached the top end of the guest count, the grilling began. Grill master Williams (who regaled us with tales of basically burning his eyebrows and eyelashes off as well as burning another grill to the ground) cashed in his grill Karma and did a masterful job. I believe (and he can probably correct me here, since he kept a well-organized list) he had: 12 burgers, 10 brats, and 8 hot dogs all cooking at one time on this grill, and there was still some space left over. Everything was delicious.

I went inside to find that Melissa had blown up a picture of me at what I believe was my 9th birthday blowing out some candles. I couldn't really complain, but it was definitely a shock! There were not one but two cakes (one a Scooby Doo ice cream cake, which is just kick-ass), many many snacks, and good times for everyone.

We also collectively polished off the greater portion of a 24-case of Miller Lite in 16-oz bottles, a 5 liter keg of Heineken, and 12s of Sierra Nevada and Great Lakes sampler packs. In other words, it was ON.

Many thoughtful, thoughtful people gave very nice gifts, including a round of golf at a friend's country club, a Grady Sizemore jersey, a C.C. Sabathia Disco Bobblehead, some Cleveland Indians pajamas (sensing a theme here?), a nice Michigan shirt, and some gift cards for some of my favorite stores. Really, them just being at our house to help celebrate was gift enough for me.

Some stragglers (including my folks, who stayed over) managed to play some Cap-In-The-Hole Challenge as well as Tripoli and Euchre into the wee hours of the night.

Final Score: Burgers 12, Brats 10, Hot Dogs 8, Dan's Liver -15

Overall

In all seriousness, to see so many people do so many nice things for me just because I was born a few years ago is a truly humbling experience. To have my wife go so far above and beyond is truly humbling. I'm very blessed to have her as my wife, and I still can't believe all of the things she did for my birthday. I have plans for hers next year already formulated, but the bar has been set so incredibly high I don't know how I can live up!

I spent a large portion of my early 20's thinking that 30 was a long way off, and thankfully so because it signified the end of youth. I have since realized that age is only a number, and that the important things are the people in your life. I couldn't be more blessed at this point in my life, and when I turned 25 I hadn't even met the most important person I will ever meet yet. So, so what if I'm 30 now? The weekend of my 30th birthday was the best weekend of my life, short of the weekend we got married.

How can that be a bad thing??

It just wasn't our year...

2007-06-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

I've been refraining from writing here since the start of the NBA Finals, lest I throw out any unknowing jinxes. Now that these Finals are all but over, it's time to weigh in.

Sorry, dude. Fate was sealed when James made a mid-post pass to Varejao….what Varejao didn’t realize was that he was supposed to give it right back to LeBron….instead he threw up some European hook shit. --e-mail from a co-worker of mine this morning

In complete honesty, I can't be mad at my team; they advanced further than I thought they would, and they ran into a team that is just dominant at the two most important positions on the floor. An ugly Game 3 has all but sealed the Cavs fate, as they played great defense and still lost, 75-72. I'm now officially in "I'm just happy we made it this far" mode, as it is clear there was never any way the Cavs could win this series. They simply were just not ready.

LeBron looks tentative, and frustrated. The Spurs have prepared well for his tendencies (both shooting/driving as well as passing out of double teams). The Cavs are a young team, and it really has been showing in this series. They looked overwhelmed by the weight of the situation they found themselves in during the first two games. They regrouped, played much better defense at home in game 3, but folded under the pressure on offense.

Many are discussing the lack of a call on LeBron during the final shot, but the more I look at the replay I doubt that even if the foul is called that they give him the continuation on the shot, and so he only gets 2 shots with 3 seconds left and no time-outs. The Cavs probably aren't winning. Even if he gets the continuation, what are the odds that he makes 3 free throws?

Lars is upset (and I don't necessarily fault him for it, because fans like to see some backbone from their teams) about the Cavs' lack of overt anger at the officials. One could argue that it's just time for Mike Brown to blow up at the officiating and draw a fine or two. As Harry Doyle once said: "'Bout time... it's eight-nothin'."

Call me a softy, but I find it refreshing that the Cavs aren't making excuses. I get so tired of hearing players whine and whine and whine that it's nice to hear a team simply say, "You know what? We lost." And the Cavs lost. Whether the officiating has been questionable (and it was, definitely, at times during the games in San Antonio) or not, the Cavs still wouldn't be winning this series. They just don't have enough depth, enough offense to answer the Spurs' runs.

And, while I agree there were probably some no-calls in game 3, even still...

The really frustrating thing is that it wasn't the fouls. As much as I dislike a lot of his coaching moves and philosophies, Mike Brown was right: that no-call on LeBron at the end wasn't why they lost last night. If they could shoot better than 35% (they got A LOT of open looks last night; it wasn't like they were forcing things, with the exception of Varejao at the end...) they'd have won. If you had told me that:
1) Duncan would only play 34 minutes because of fouls and only score 14 points;
2) Parker would only score 19 points
3) Ginobili would only score 3 points
4) The Spurs would only score 75 points

I'd have told you we would win by at least 15 points. You can't blame the refs for the fact that NO ONE could make an open jump shot.

Again, I just have to keep telling myself that they got further this year than I thought they would, and that San Antonio is just a juggernaut. The Cavs' core is all 25 and under and they play in a weak conference, so I can hope they'll get another chance for a title run. They learned a lot from last year's playoff loss to Detroit. Here's hoping they've learned a few things about this Finals run that will fuel them next year. Detroit is basically done. Other than the Bulls and maybe the Wizards, who in the Eastern Conference is going to be a contender next year? All things being what they currently are, it's the Cavs' conference to win for the next few years.

All in all, thanks Cavs. It has been a great ride. Game 6 of the ECF was the most fun I've had in a long time watching a sporting event. The city rallied behind you, and you made many people turned off to basketball fans again, myself included. And, you can only get better.

So it goes.

Sweet Merciful Mother of All Things Holy!

2007-06-03T00:25:00.000-04:00

It happened!

It actually happened!

A Cleveland team won something!

NBA FINALS!!!

What words are there to describe it?

2007-06-01T09:25:00.000-04:00

It was at least 25 minutes later. My jaw still hung open. The only real words I could muster continually were, "Wow," and "I can't believe what I just saw." Later, on the drive home from the sports bar, I truly felt that I had just witnessed something historic. A defining moment in a player's career, and in a franchise's history. I witnessed it. Someday, I can tell my kids about the night LeBron simply picked up his team, strapped it onto his broad shoulders, and willed it to a victory in the most important game the franchise had EVER played.

Windhorst does well to sum it up, but still can't do it complete justice:

Behind the shoe deals, the millions and the criticism was the promise -- the promise of greatness.

LeBron James kept it in historic fashion on a hot and forever memorable Thursday evening in the Eastern Conference finals. Playing perhaps the greatest game of his career in the biggest game in the history of the Cavaliers franchise, James totally, completely and amazingly took the Cavs to a 109-107 double-overtime victory over the Detroit Pistons.
...
James' dominance and sense of purpose was so wide-ranging, detailing all his majestic moves and clutch deliveries is nearly impossible.

That's really only lip-service. Words like: amazing, dominating, transcendent, virtuoso, jaw-dropping, breath-taking, awe-inspiring, defining, UNREAL.... none of these phrases (nor highlight clips on ESPN) could sum up what LeBron James did last night to someone who didn't see it. You truly had to see it to really appreciate it. Even to believe it.

In his blog, Windhorst does a little better at trying to quantify what we saw last night:

I've watched LeBron play roughly 500 games in person from places like Rehobeth Beach, Del., to Sapporo, Japan, to Bakersfield, Calif., to something like 17 times at the Palace of Auburn Hills now. Never have a [sic] seen a performance like that from him and never have I seen him be so calm. He wasn't demonstrative and making all those primal faces, he was just coldly killing the Pistons. It isn't often you know you are experiencing history at the moment it is happening. It doesn't matter which team you cover as a journalist or which team you root for as a fan, there was no way you could watch LeBron score 25 straight points and think you weren't being given a gift of an experience.

A commenter on the "FreeDarko" blog (worth checking out if you love the potential intersection of intellectual discussion and hoops, which I am all of a sudden starting to!) says exactly what I was thinking/feeling: "This really is the reason I love sports. To see will manifest into flesh. It's astonishing that men can do such things."

He was everywhere. He was everything. He single-handedly carried the Cavs to the biggest win in the history of their franchise. The Pistons

simply

COULD

NOT

STOP

HIM.

James scored 48 points in a double-overtime game, including 29 of those points in the final quarter and two overtime periods. He literally scored ALL of his team's points in both overtimes. He scored the last 25 points of the game for the Cavs, and 29 of their last 30 points (the only other being one free-throw by Drew Gooden).

He did it in every way imagineable. He drove. He dunked. He broke people down on the dribble. He nailed runners and sick, cold-blooded fade-aways, each and every one a dagger in the heart of a Pistons team that was trying to match him shot-for-shot. What appeared to be the exclamation point was the just plain filthy three-pointer he made running off of a double team to his left, hoisting the shot while still almost in motion... literally 15 seconds after the Pistons had been handed a three-point lead with 90 seconds to go in double overtime--on a touch foul to Chris Webber, who, even though he'd clearly taken 2.5 steps to get his shot up and was essentially only hand-checked by Z (which fouled him out of the game), got the continuation and the and-1 foul shot.

It was almost as if James decided that it didn't matter what obstacles were put in his way. He was winning this game for his team. The purest definition of "will" that I have ever seen in basketball since the days of Michael Jordan.

James played defense. He rebounded (tied for the team lead with 9). And, with less than 10 seconds in the second overtime and a tied-at-107 score, he stood at the top of the key with the ball under his arm, watched the clock roll down, and then essentially took it straight to the rack on their entire fucking squad. He went up for a layup, displaying amazing strength and body control as he was fouled fairly hard by Jason Maxiell while going up, and still had the ability to softly and easily lay it in with 2.2 seconds to go.

In sports, words like "will" and "determination" and "domination" get used and thrown around sometimes far too often. But what LeBron James did last night defines all of them. This was a game the Cavs HAD to win, purely and simply. And, midway through the fourth quarter, James simply decided that there was no way his team was losing this game... not while he was still in it. Each and every possession, his teammates gave him the ball at the top of the key and simply got out of his way. The Pistons ran everyone and anyone they had at him.

Everyone in the building (and for that matter, in any building with a TV set tuned in to this game) knew he was taking every shot down the stretch and in the overtimes. Everyone in the building knew that the Cavs were hitching their wagon to their superstar. Everyone in the building knew that if the Pistons wanted to win that game, they were going to have to do whatever it took to stop James.

And they still could NOT stop him.

They had no answers.

"This is the single best game I've ever seen at this level in this atmosphere, hands down," Cavs coach Mike Brown said. "I don't know what he can't do."

58 minutes of basketball, three Cavaliers players fouled out... James just seemed to get stronger. As if through sheer will, he slowly wore down the Pistons to the point where they could do nothing but accept their fate that, on this night, there was nothing they could do to stem the tide, to stop the flood.

Pistons fans can argue--rightfully so--that the same thing happened last year. The Cavs lost the first two games only to win three straight (including game 5 in Detroit, again) only to have Detroit come into Cleveland for game 6 and dash the Cavs' hopes. Piston fans will argue that they still haven't played their A-game. Chauncey Billups told us on Wednesday that: "[the Cavs'] A-game is not like our A-game, and we haven't played our A-game yet."

He's right. Even the Pistons on their best night (and last night was by far the best the Pistons' team has played in this series) aren't enough to stop LeBron James when he plays his absolute "A-game". It would be insane to expect the James will do again in game 6 what he did last night, but I'm still waiting for the Pistons to "turn it on" like they have been documented to do so well.

The fact is, this year's teams are completely different from last year's teams. The Pistons are not the same team they were last year. They seem a step slower, less organized, and less fluid as a team. Likewise, the Cavs have so much more confidence, and more players willing to stand up and contribute than they did last season. I don't expect the Pistons simply to roll over and let game 6 go, but I also don't think the Cavs will be as overwhelmed this year as they were last year.

In short, this series is NOT over. But, just the same, for Detroit or its fans simply to rest on the idea that, "hey, the same thing happened last season," would be foolish. The Cavs no longer have the "we're just happy to be here" mentality. James himself said, "[W]e have a goal; we can't dwell on this tonight when we have another game on Saturday. We have got to do our best to try to win that ballgame and get where we wanted to be all year."

Focus. James showed it in the closing moments of game 4. He broke the mold of it in game 5. And, even after what had to be the most physically draining and yet personally gratifying performance of his young career, he still has it. This team isn't just happy to be here. They honestly believe they can win it, and they have a singular goal of trying to win a championship.

It's cliche to say that you can see the Cavs growing up in this series right before our eyes, but it's absolutely true. From the end of game 1 until the end of last night's game, these Cavs have matured. They have learned that they can play with the "big boys" of the East.

Here's hoping they earn the chance on Saturday night to find out if they can play with anyone, and if they truly believe they can win a championship.

Back at Zero

2007-05-30T11:23:00.000-04:00

So, it's now a best of three series with the Pistons still having home court. On paper, you have to still give them the edge. That having been said, if the Cavs haven't earned their respect at this point, the Cavs will beat them in this series. I never thought I'd sing the praises of Charles Barkley, but he seems to have finally been convinced of this. When asked post-game about what he would take away from the two games in Cleveland, he said something to the effect of: you can't take anything away, because the Cavs should be up 3-1 or should have swept. They have outplayed Detroit in all four games, but just couldn't finish games 1 and 2, but were able to finish at home.

So, what does this mean? Are the Pistons still disinterested and not playing their A-game? I would agree that the Pistons haven't fired on all cylanders (ha!) yet, but some credit has to go to the Cavs' defense for this. Billups was second in the league in the regular season in assist-to-turnover ratio, and now he's got 16 assists and 22 turnovers in four games? He looked positively rattled in the fourth quarter last night, which is uncharactistic of him.

So, using that as a thumbnail sketch for the entire series, is it that the Pistons just aren't playing up to their potential (whether it be for lack of respect or concern for the threat the Cavs pose, or what have you)? Or, could it be that the Cavs are actually frustrating them just a bit? To me, it's not a coincidence that the Cavs have had considerable leads at some point in all 4 games, and the Pistons' biggest lead at any point in the series has only been 5 points. For a team that most claim can just "turn it on whenever they feel like it" against an "inferior" team like Cleveland, they sure seem to be struggling to do so. If the Pistons don't believe they're in a good, close, tight series yet, then they're ripe to get beat. And I, for one, would really enjoy seeing that.

In my head, I still think Pistons probably win in 7, as I truly think both teams hold serve at home the rest of the way. But, if the Cavs can put it together on Thursday night in Detroit, all bets are off. I don't think the Pistons can just put it together and muster wins in both games 6 and 7 like they did last year if the Cavs again can win game 5 on the road. We shall see.

Highlights from Tuesday night for me were:

Getting inside Rasheed's head. Gooden made a good foul on him (a little rough, but fuck Rasheed if he can't handle it - there's just no way you can let him go up for an and-1 there, so I think Drew did a good job), though at the time I was nervous (as Lars pointed out, it could have been a flagrant with 2 shots and the ball). Somehow it seemed to fire up Drew and fluster Sheed (who later got T'ed up for yelling at Rip and throwing his headband, which was hilarious to me).
To my reader(s): please tell me you all saw the repeated coverage of Sheed in the tunnel throwing his jersey in disgust and drilling an assistant coach in the face. It was priceless!

Plus, Windhorst says in his blog this morning that he heard from a reliable source that the Pistons are having "chemistry problems in the locker room right now." Could the armor be cracked just a bit?

James' fade-away/step-back J late in the fourth quarter. How demoralizing to play great defense for an entire possession only to have that shit dropped on you.

LeBron nailing his free throws in the crunch, AND not letting Rip Hamilton get in his ear. While it wasn't a big push or anything, LeBron shoving Rip out of the way and maintaining his focus--to me, anyway--was huge. After having his clutch abilities and focus questioned ad nauseum after the first two games, it was nice to see both on display again in game 4. You know Gilbert Arenas was watching, too.

This isn't really a moment, but how can you quantify how good Daniel "Boobie" Gibson was last night?? I don't know if they can have him start or not in game 5 (which will depend on how gimpy Hughes is going forward), but he showed the team's only willingness to drive consistently. I know he's not Hughes on defense (but probably as good or better than Gimpy Hughes, in all honesty, and did take an very important charge on Billups late in the fourth quarter), but he got to the line 12 times.
If he can consistently make foul shots and get calls on their bigs, he's GOT to play more the rest of the series. I honestly can say that, for a rookie who's 21 and playing in the biggest series in franchise history, he's surprisingly calm. Something the Cavs need when they inevitably gag on their breakfast in the third quarter each night.

More on Gibson: he looked calm and aggressive. He was driving right at Webber and Wallace and getting them up in the air to get the calls. He showed some touch on mid-range shots (he did a sweet step-and-fade-away shot that looked just like that shit that Billups and Hamilton do, and it was positively beautiful). It was like Gibson saw what was working, and kept doing it until Detroit stopped it (ahem, LeBron). He was making his free throws, so he kept going at them and getting more. He scored like 9 or 10 straight points at one point in the second quarter, and it just kind of snowballed for the team. He really got the crowd into the game, too, which was huge. Like I said above, I don't know if you can start Gibson in game 5 (think Varejao in last years' playoffs... his role off the bench was perfect) and put too many minutes on him, but Boobie played like 30 minutes last night and more than held his own.

This sets up a positively HUGE game 5 on Thursday night. More importantly, these last two games have energized a city and fan base to the point they haven't been since October of 1997 for the Tribe, and more specifically, than they've ever been for this franchise (you could argue the 1992 conference finals, but there was no way they were getting past Jordan in his prime). Cleveland fans CARE, and if this team could somehow get past the Pistons, it would be a huge weight off the shoulders of a fan base that generally collectively sits and waits to inevitably lose in some heart-wrenching fashion (for this team, think game 6 last year when they just *couldn't* get a rebound to save their lives).

I'm not saying they'll win. I'll say again, I still think this series is the Pistons' to lose, since they have home court. But, the Cavs (and their fans, really, as well) have gone from "just happy to have taken the next step this year and to be here in the conference finals" to honestly feeling like they have a shot (I'm reflecting my own feeling back, here, obviously).

I will again defer to Windhorst:

In the fourth quarter [last night], there was 21-year-old Gibson, 22-year-old James, and 23-year-old Sasha Pavlovic out there making plays. While the Pistons have the experience advantage and have been together longer, you can see the Cavs core for years to come developing. Not to mention Drew Gooden is just 26, Anderson Varejao 24 and Larry Hughes 28. It is said in the NBA, you win with men. The Pistons have men, but the Cavs have young guys who are turning into men.

Indeed.

This Just In: LeBron Still Pretty Good

2007-05-29T00:31:00.001-04:00

Oh, shit. I will never, ever get tired of watching that replay.

@#&* the NBA

2007-05-24T23:17:00.000-04:00

^{Note: I'm writing this as soon as I got home from BW's to ensure that I was still as angry as possible about the results of Game 2}

Now, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I'm sure we walked on the moon, and I don't think the government somehow pulled off this elaborate 9/11 conspiracy.

That said, FUCK the NBA. Seriously. Four years ago before the Cavs had LeBron, the Cleveland Basketball Fan was an endangered species. I say this because I know it's true. I've made no secret of the fact that I'm a complete and total LeBron bandwagon fan. I didn't give a shit about the Cavs from the time the Price/Daugherty/Ehlo team disbanded until we got James.

So, how does it look to the casual johnny-come-lately NBA fan to watch a game that appears to be so fucking lopsided in the officiating? How am I *not* to think the NBA has some vested interest in seeing the Pistons advance?

As I said in Tuesday's entry, I thought the Game 1 officiating was equally loose for both teams. Tonight, not so much. Example: Anderson Verejao has the ball not once, but twice, under the hoop for a layup. On the replay (I will see if I can somehow find this, but I doubt it will make YouTube) you can see Chauncey Billups swat his arm at Verejao's not once, not twice, but three fucking times. No foul. But, sure enough, within the next minute or so, when the Pistons were on offense, the refs call a fucking hand-check. What the fuck is that?

Then, the cake-taker. Rasheed Wallace could not have more obviously pushed off of Verejao to get off his game winning shot (really, just to catch the ball and keep it in-bounds). I admit Verejao is a notorious flopper, but when it's that fucking clear in live-action, you would think a trained NBA ref standing 10 feet away could see/call it. Now, I'm all for "letting them play" when it comes to incidental contact in the deciding moments of a game. But when someone shoves off his defender to gain an advantage (in this case, to actually keep the fucking ball in his team's possession), that goes beyond "letting them play" and the ref HAS to call that foul.

Now, I'm also no fan of Mike Brown's halftime "adjustments" (note: sarcasm) or his team's offensive execution in the third quarter. But, after the entire free world bitched to high heaven about how LeBron needs to drive on the final play (why they played for the last shot instead of trying to score and play defense is another argument for another time, but has no relevence to where I'm going), he drives. He spins. He takes a shot. He gets FUCKING HAMMERED on the shot. No call. Not even so much as a sympathy whistle.

Charles Barkley, who so chastised LeBron for not taking it to the rack in game 1 has the tamarity to say, "You can't expect calls on the road," in the post-game. Weren't these the same whore fuckers who said he should drive because, "at least you get to the foul line with a chance to send it to overtime"?

Apparently you don't when the refs decide to swallow their whistles in Detroit's favor for the majority of the game.

I read a comment from someone on another sports site that Detroit gets more calls at home than anyone. I thought it was just sour grapes (not my comment in my post on Tuesday about how I thought LeBron not getting fouls in the second half was NOT sour grapes, just for reference).

I now think it's true. It's like in baseball. When a player is a star, or gets the reputation as having a "good eye" and then lays off a pitch that's close, most of the time the umpire gives them the benefit of the doubt. So, apparently it is that if the Pistons are considered a "great defensive team" they will not get even blatant fouls called on them.

I will be watching closely in game 3. If the Cavs *still* don't get any calls, then I'll start to believe something's going on. If the refs decide to call it a home-court series, then the Cavs will simply have to outplay the Pistons in Detroit.

But if not, and if the officiating remains so lopsided, the NBA is in danger of costing itself fans. They would start with me.

In summary, the Cavs had Game 1 in their grasp, and they let it go. They had Game 2 in their grasp, and the officials took it from them with two horrible no-calls in the final 30 seconds.

Careful, NBA. There's only so many times you can decide the Spurs and Pistons should play each other before the fans of the other 28 teams decide they've got better things to do with their time.

Define: Hypocrisy

2007-05-23T09:06:00.000-04:00

Liberty: noun
1. freedom from arbitrary or despotic government or control.
2. freedom from external or foreign rule; independence.
3. freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction, hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking, speaking, etc., according to choice.
4. freedom from captivity, confinement, or physical restraint: The prisoner soon regained his liberty.
5. permission granted to a sailor, esp. in the navy, to go ashore.
6. freedom or right to frequent or use a place: The visitors were given the liberty of the city.
7. unwarranted or impertinent freedom in action or speech, or a form or instance of it: to take liberties.

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." (Matthew 5:38-42, NIV)

Nothing says "Liberty" and follows the teachings of Jesus quite like a student at Jerry Falwell's school Liberty University plotting to set off bombs at his funeral to ensure protesters don't disrupt Falwell's funeral.

Now, I'm no proponent of disrupting someone's funeral (looking in your direction, group that shows up at military funerals to protest that their deaths are punishment from God for living in and fighting for a country that "tolerates homosexuals"), even though my distaste for Falwell was earlier documented in this very space.

But this is right up there on the hypocrisy scale with people bombing abortion clinics and killing abortion doctors to show how "precious life is." We don't want protesters disrupting the funeral, so what better way to keep it peaceful and civil than to FUCKING BOMB THEM. Nice work, kid. Jesus loves you.

On second thought, this is the funeral of a guy who once said, "Thank God for these gay demonstrators. If I didn't have them, I'd have to invent them. They give me all the publicity I need."

Great model for strong moral convictions, there.

Don't worry, Frinky. When these babies hit the shelves, he'll still be grappling with The Pickle Matrix. H'Flaven.

2007-05-22T11:45:00.000-04:00

So, the Cavs couldn't hold off the Pistons last night in game 1. I'm fairly ambivolent about the game at this point 12 hours later, simply because I went into this series opener thinking the Cavs had no real shot to steal a game in Detroit, and that if the series went to 6 games it might be considered a moral victory for the Cavs on some level.

That they almost did steal game 1 was a nice surprise, true, but then to have gone through 46 minutes with the Pistons and to have the lead on their court, and then to lose in the fashion the Cavs did is equally disappointing.

What bothers me is the media's shredding of LeBron James for his decision to pass out of a double-(triple?)team to a wide open Donyell Marshall for a potential game-winning shot. I've always been in the camp that, if you can get a good look for a shooter who can make threes (Marshall was, after all, 6-10 from three in game 6 against NJ) with a chance to win the game on the road, you take it.

Some would argue that James had an easy layup (kind of like the few he had blocked by Rasheed?)...

^{Akron Beacon Journal - To be fair, a block on Eric Snow should only count for a third of an actual blocked shot}

...and others will argue that James has to go strong to the hole and force the refs to call a foul because of who he is. I would counter that with the fact that he had gone to the hole about four times in the second half, had gotten certifiably molested, and had gotten no calls. (This is not sour grapes about the officiating; the Pistons' players got the same treatment. It's more a comment about the fallacy of expecting the refs to bail you out on a last second drive to the basket.)

^{Akron Beacon Journal - Notice the relationship/spacing of ball to Billups-hand compared to the direction LeBron is trying to go with the ball and tell me he's not about to foul our boy.}

And, as Bud Shaw pointed out in the PD this morning: "In reality, James never found a rhythm in the game and didn't seem inclined to test himself at the foul line for the first time all night." Good point also, given James' proclivity for being a streaky foul shooter this year, and for sometimes needing a few attempts to calibrate himself at the line.

Lost in all of the criticism and second guessing is the fact that, had Marshall MADE A WIDE OPEN FUCKING SHOT, the Cavs would likely have had a better than average shot of winning the game... game 1, no less... on the road. Or, if Ilgauskas makes a jumper he had been consistently making all night, the Cavs have a tie, a foul to give, and a time-out on their side with which to go and play defense. And, in both cases, LeBron would have then finished with an even triple-double (that would have been his 10th assist to go along with 10 points and 10 boards).

So, if Marshall/Ilgauskas make their shot(s), is LeBron a hero for being unselfish? A co-worker of mine and I were discussing it this morning, and his take is that the media pretty much always sucks, and that it sucks even more for someone like LeBron who is in the top 3 players in the league.

CAVS WIN HEADLINE:
Unselfish LeBron clinches win & triple double with great pass at buzzer

CAVS LOSE HEADLINE:
Unassertive LeBron can't handle double teams...has career playoff low in points

I tend to agree with his assessment of the media in matters such as these. Obviously, I'm a Cavs fan, and so my opinion is slightly skewed. But, many media folks seem to forget that LeBron is only 22 years old. They forget that it took Jordan 7 years to get to the Finals (at which point he was 28, I believe), and that LeBron has a shot (albeit a slim one, granted) to get there in his fourth season with (largely) a collection of stiffs on his team.

So, do we hold LeBron to a higher standard than even Michael Jordan? Is that fair? I understand that LeBron has been annointed as "next" since his junior year of high school. Who is responsible for that hype? More specifically, is/was there any real way LeBron could have lived up to it? He completed a feat this year in terms of his scoring/rebound/assist averages over three seasons that only Oscar Robertson ever did before him. What more do we want from the guy?

Sure, LeBron had a bad game, but what about the fact that the Cavs defense effectively shut down the Pistons just as much as the Pistons shut down LeBron? Had Richard Hamilton not shot out of his mind in the first half, the Cavs are probably up by 15 at half-time, and the Pistons lose. Shit, if Sasha Pavlovic doesn't shit the bed on defense and completely forget to get anywhere close to Billups (aside: and while I respect his game and the derivation of it, is there a douchier nickname in sports than "Mr. Big Shot"? Seriously!) as he shot a wide-open 3 pointer, the game ends differently.

It was widely reported/known that the Pistons were going to do everything in their power to shut down LeBron and to make the Cavs' other players beat them. And guess what, they almost did.

Hell, at least the Tribe (27-15) won.

Wow, gee... look at the time

2007-05-18T13:03:00.000-04:00

I know that my blog updates become formulaic (wherein I generally don't write for two weeks, and then throw together a bulleted-list-update post). I don't care. Here it is:

In the span of about 90 minutes Wednesday night, I went from completely sure the Cavs were going to the Eastern Conference Finals to wondering if this season will go down in history as a complete and utter failure.

In the span of about 18 days, I've gone from thinking the Indians were on a collision course with 103 wins, to thinking that the Indians were on a collision course with 83 wins, back to thinking that the Indians are on a collision course with 96 wins. Will the real Cleveland Indians please stand up and remain standing?

Jerry Falwell is gone. I struggled with writing something about his passing, but Mom always said that if you can't say something nice about a person, you shouldn't say anything at all. Not that this rule has stopped me in any way over the course of my life. Suffice it so say I am currently wondering with great and considerable curiousity where Jerry currently finds himself, and if he truly is in Heaven (or whatever you want to call it), do I myself want to end up in a place that admits complete and total bigot fuckwads (dammit, there I've gone and done it) as its members?

I heard something this morning about Jenna Fischer (Pam from The Office) falling down some stairs and seriously hurting herself. In an internet search for information about this (no thanks to you, CNN.com), I stumbled across her husband's (writer/director James Gunn) MySpace page. Dude is hilarious (my favorite being the caption for a picture of himself with two actors from Scooby Doo--for which he wrote the script, I believe--that reads: "Scooby-Doo Reunion! - Matt Lillard, Linda Cardellini, and Count Fucko."). I actually found that Slither was a good movie, too (you know, in a completely intentionally campy horror movie kind of way).

We're Fleeing to The Cleve this weekend for the wedding of one of my wife's friends, which should be an exciting and fun little weekend trip that doesn't break the bank. Add in a little stop on the way back south to see my Mom and step-father for a belated Mother's Day/Birthday cookout, and it should be an action packed weekend. We will miss our pooch, though.

More info on the House of Cards show next weekend: Saturday May 26th at the Newport Music Hall as part of Memorial Day Weekend Fest. We play at 9:10 in the PM, I'm told. I only have 15 tickets, of which at least 5 are spoken for. Them shits is like currency now!

Kid Cleveland has a great article about baseball cards, which (judging from the comment I left) made me a little nostalgic for the days when Mike DeLong and I would ride our bikes the six blocks into downtown Wooster to go to Don's Baseball Card Shop, which was also (in a major stroke of luck for us) basically next door to the only real video arcade in town (you know, back when video games only cost $.25 and arcades actually existed). Ahh, youth.

There's stubborn, really stubborn, and then there's our president. What is it going to take, George? The dream is over. There's a saying I once heard that when someone comes to a personal crossroads, that "it's time to fight, fuck, or hit the fence." Since the first obviously has not worked, and the second gave us your dillbag twin daughters, I'd say that pretty much narrows it down for you.

I have a potential piece of news that would make me very happy. I cannot yet reveal it. But, it's potentially big. Salivate, you dogs.

Melissa and I watched Major League again over this past weekend (it was on one of the "free" movie channels that are part of Time Warner's HD-Pack, so we got to see it uncut and without commercials--the only *real* way to enjoy it). I noticed something that I'd never noticed before in all of the times I'd watched it. The two "longshoremen" working that are repeatedly shown saying things like "These guys don't look to fuckin' good," and "you know, these guys ain't so fuckin' bad"... you remember those guys? Go back, watch it again, and tell me who the speaking longshoreman looks like. And then realize how happy I was when I confirmed on IMBD what I'd shouted as we watched it: "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S THE JANITOR FROM 'SCRUBS'!"

That's all for now. I guess. See you in another couple of weeks.

Friend of Blogger Turns Out to be Genius...

2007-05-10T09:25:00.000-04:00

...though this is something I've known for a long time.

My friend (and the former bassist-to-my-drummer in a previous life) Rob has ascended to the perch of music editor for the Village Voice in NYC.

And he's one of the most brilliant writers I know.

Check it out.

Soon you'll see why.

Glass Half Full, Glass Half Empty

2007-05-01T08:57:00.000-04:00

As a Cleveland sports fan, the imperative is to temper all excitement with the knowledge that somewhere, sometime soon, the other shoe WILL drop. We don't know exactly where or when, we just have come to know that it will. At the present moment, coming off the Browns' best draft in their reincarnation, a Cavaliers playoff sweep, and the Tribe ending April 6 games over .500 and in first place, it would appear that the outlook is good for Cleveland sports. But, knowing what we know, let's examine the Cleveland sports landscape and look to see where the potential pitfalls lay.

Glass Half Full
Drafting Joe Thomas with the #3 pick means that the Browns can move Kevin Shaffer to either right tackle or right guard, where he would probably be better suited and would definitely help the Browns' line depth. It's no secret that our guard play was lacking last year, and adding Steinbach and Thomas helps the left side of the line, and also forces Shaffer over potentially to right guard, where he would very much help.

Glass Half Empty
Shaffer saw the Browns draft Thomas, and immediately asked for a trade. If they trade him, the Browns suddenly again become one injury away from complete suckitude on the offensive line. I remember being happy with the trade of Jeff Faine last offseason (hey, we'd just signed Bentley!) and we all saw how that worked out when Bentley subsequently went down to injury on the first play of training camp.

Glass Half Full
The Indians have a 4.21 team ERA, and only a .246 team batting average, and are still 6 games over .500 and leading their division.

Glass Half Empty
Umm, the Indians have a 4.21 team ERA and only a .246 team batting average.

Glass Half Full
The Cavs swept the Wizards out of the first round of the playoffs, and now get at least 4 days to rest up for their second round series against either the Nets or the Raptors. Meanwhile, the Bulls and Pistons will beat each other up.

Glass Half Empty
The Cavs weren't really challenged (by most accounts, the last three games were closer than they should have been, considering how under-manned the Wizards were) and didn't really dominate like they should have, and they have been somewhat lulled to sleep. A hot team (like the Nets) might pick them apart.

Really, I'm kind of reaching here, but as a Cleveland fan of many, many years, I've learned not to let myself get too excited. Call me a cynic; whatever. It's called bracing oneself for the inevitable.

Now, I don't know much about much....

2007-04-28T17:22:00.000-04:00

Okay, so, it's 5:15 and I'm tanked.

The Browns, God love them, took Joe Thomas at the #3.

I like this pick. I don't have to explain why.

Now, also, the Browns traded the #36 pick this year PLUS their #1 pick next year to take Brady Quinn #22.

As anyone that reads this blog knows, I am not the biggest Brady Quinn fan that ever walked this Earth.

So, what do I think??

Well, Quinn was FREE FALLIN' (thanks, Tom Petty). So, what it really comes down to is:

Is Brady Quinn worth a second round pick?

The answer, assuredly, is YES.

The next question is:

Do the Browns think their first round pick in 2008 is worth Brady Quinn?

There, the question is up in the air.

If, by all accounts, the Browns think they will be good enough in 2007 to mean that their 2008 first round pick is NOT worth Brady Quinn this year, then they made a good trade. If, however, by the end of 2007 it appears that the Browns will be shitty enough that a 1st Round pick is in the top 10, then, they got HOSED.

Now, I don't claim to know much about much, but, I tend to think that JOE THOMAS at #3 and BRADY QUINN at #22 is worth a #36 and a first rounder next year. I don't want you to think that all of these blog entries mean that I think Quinn will suck.

Suck at #3, yes.

Suck??

No.

The Draft is, has been, and will always be about: V-A-L-U-E.

The Browns got two first rounders--by many accounts, two top-10 picks--for the price of two first rounders and a second rounder. Did they over-pay? Possibly. Did they fill two needs with first round picks in a make-or-break year?

Absolutley.

I love Joe Thomas. God Bless the #3 pick.

Truth and Rumors

2007-04-27T17:45:00.000-04:00

Heard on 1460 The Fan this afternoon as I drove home from work:

A "source" called Chris Spielman this morning from inside the Browns organization, and reported that Phil Savage wants to draft Joe Thomas, and that, when he told Randy Lerner this, Lerner flat-out told him NO. Something along the lines of: this pick needs to be a deep-impact pick. Then I got out of the car.

First and foremost, I take all of these sorts of things with the proverbial grain of salt. But, to address this more specifically, two things:

1) If Lerner spent that much time hiring the right "football" people, and claims to want to hire the right people and then get out of the way, either he's lying or this source is full of shit. You don't hire a GM, save him from being fired when the marketing manager team president tries to shove him out the door, and then tell him how to do his job. If that's the way Lerner wants to run this team, he should either a) sell the team and get a different job, or b) be straight with the fans and tell us he's trying to make a marketing splash with this year's #1 pick. I'm not going to buy season tickets anymore if he's going to overrule his GM, coach, and scouts as to who is the best player to select for this dreadfully under-talented team.

2) Impact can be felt in a number of ways. Lerner has kept ticket prices down. I appreciate that, as a ticket buyer. But, sooner or later you have to put a GOOD FUCKING TEAM ON THE FIELD. What's more important: selling jerseys (Peterson, Quinn), or getting the best player for this team's current situation (Thomas)? It's like Ken Mattingly (Gary Sinese) says in Apollo 13, when working on the re-entry sequence and the engineer tells him they might have to skip turning on the parachutes: "If the chutes don't open, then what's the point?" Randy Lerner, if you don't actually try to build a good fucking team, what's the point of trying to market it to an increasingly impatient fanbase?? More specifically, if you have a swiss cheese offensive line who can't block anybody, what's the point of getting a blue-chip quarterback or running back?

We've seen our two most hated rivals win Super Bowls since 2000. I'm all for sacrificing Brady Quinn jersey sales if it means getting a player in one of the most (if not THE most) dire needed areas of the team: offensive line.

Let the people you pay to make the football decisions ACTUALLY MAKE THE FOOTBALL DECISIONS!!

"Stan Lee Insulted Me... but in Bizarro-World, that Means He LIKES Me!"

2007-04-27T09:52:00.000-04:00

Browns owner Randy Lerner is said to prefer Brady Quinn, who is from Ohio but could take a season or two to develop. Browns general manager Phil Savage and coach Romeo Crennel are said to prefer Adrian Peterson, who could have immediate impact.

From CNNSI Truth and Rumors

My Comic Book Guy quote is being used to illustrate the following: why is it that the three decision makers for the Browns are not said to be interested in the "safest" pick (Savage's words, not mine) in Joe Thomas? Maybe them not saying anything about him at all really means they're going to take him.

If anything, I'm just hoping it's not Quinn. And while I know you already know that, I just needed to say it again.

Catching Up and Looking Forward

2007-04-26T10:56:00.000-04:00

Some random notes in the week that was, is, and shall be:

If you missed Jon Stewart slapping John McCain around like the sell-out bitch he is, please do check it out. This is only part 2 of the interview, but it is definitely riveting TV.

Cavs are up 2-0 on the Wizards. In other news, scientists discovered the world is indeed round. Not having to play Miami, Chicago, or Detroit until the conference finals is looking mighty nice about now.

Tribe has rebounded nicely from a 3-game sweep from the Yankees last week to win 5 of 6, including four games in the 9th inning or later. They have also beaten Johan Santana during this stretch. They have quietly snuck into first place in their division. And yes, I know it's April and by simply writing this I've doomed them to a large swoon.

NFL Draft is (finally!) this weekend. So far, the tentative plan for me is to have the waitress at Fitzgerald's pour me a large shot of Irish Whiskey just before the Browns pick. If they pick Brady Quinn, I will then pound the shot and become beligerent as all hell. Be sure to check your police blotters.

Along the lines of the draft, the smart pick is Joe Thomas. He may not be the best left tackle ever, but when will this team and its fans wake up to the fact that, if your offensive line sucks, it doesn't matter what QB and/or RB you have behind it? Even John Elway would suck throwing while laying on his ass after getting drilled seven times a game.

It's not that I don't think JaMarcus Russell won't be a good pro (same with Adrien Peterson, Calvin Johnson). It's that the best fit for the Browns RIGHT NOW at #3 has to be the best offensive lineman in the draft. My preference would be the following:
1. Joe Thomas
2. Trade Down
3. Adrien Peterson
762. Brady Quinn

I don't know if you've picked up on this or not, but I think Brady Quinn is OVERRATED. Mel Kiper can eat my ass.

The Browns signed Simon Fraser to another year contract. That hooting and hollering you may have heard was from Larz.
In band news, we will once again be playing at the Newport Music Hall on Saturday, May 26th. Tickets will be available if anyone cares.

That's all you get for now. Jackals.

Where Do We Go from Here?

2007-04-18T09:14:00.000-04:00

I have been wrestling with this whole Virginia Tech thing, and my brain is all over the map. I have about 100 different thought fragments swimming around in my head like so many slippery fish, and I can't seem to grasp onto any one of them for more than a second or two. I don't claim to be right, here. Shit, I don't even claim to have answers. In fact, all I really have is a shit-ton of questions.

The best I can offer to whomever is willing to read is a very choppy, disjointed flow of words about what I'm wrestling with and reflecting on.

I attempted to take a stab at exploring the issues surrounding something like this once before, but it brings no resolution any closer to me.

The bottom line is that we will never truly know. We have pieced together almost everything there is to know about Columbine over the last eight years, but we still don't really know why those kids did what they did. And, I don't think anyone will ever truly know why Cho did what he did.

I think we as human beings have a basic need to know why. It's why we call that girl that broke up with us every day, why we question the origins of our species, why we wonder about the mysteries of the universe and religion. It's human nature. That we will never know makes this especially troubling.

Why them, not me? I can't imagine what life will be like for the survivors and eye-witnesses. My only hope is that they get the support they need as time goes on.

As someone who took a lot of English and writing classes, the question of "hey, read this kid's plays and writing! He was obviously fucked up! Why didn't anyone do something?" is a tricky one. At what point do you decide that anyone who writes something disturbing has "problems"? I once wrote a story in creative writing about a divorced woman with severe mental problems that shot herself in the head at the end. Does that mean I'm suicidal? Should Dr. B have referred me to a counselor? If she had, would someone have forced me to go? It feels like a slippery slope.

It also sounds, as more and more comes to light, like some of his teachers did try to do something. So, do we need to examine our counseling, and look at the processes for helping people in this type of situation?
And, at what point does a teacher have to take self-preservation into account, if they truly feel someone is teetering on the edge? For example: two of my fellow bloggers work in the world of teaching writing. KL has this to say: "I've actually thought about this alot - every time I give some roid-stoked athlete a 'D' or the fail the chairman of the BOT's daughter because she stops coming to class in October, I worry that my office will be stop #1 on the tour of terror."

Along the lines of needing to know why, I think humans also have an inherent need to have someone to blame. The shooter is dead, so he doesn't ever have to stand up to public venting and scrutiny, but by God somebody has to. Why didn't the police get there sooner? Why didn't the school notify the students? Why didn't the teachers refer this kid to some counseling? Lots of questions, few--if any--viable answers.

To hold police accountable seems crazy to me. How could they have even remotely considered planning for a situation such as this? Did they stand idly by? By most accounts that I've read/seen, the kid killed himself when it became apparent the police were closing in on him. So, who knows what the death toll could have been had they not done what they did? We can't have it both ways; we can't have our privacy with law enforcement being unobtrusive and at the same time expect them to be everywhere all of the time to prevent every possible crime.

Why didn't the school notify the students? I tend to think that we've become such an "on-demand" society that we've created unreal expectations for ourselves and our institutions. Couple that in with hind-sight being 20/20, and the water gets choppier. What's the most effective way to notify 25,000 students of what appears at the time to be an isolated dorm shooting? At the time of the classroom shootings, what information did they have, and what information could they have sent out to everyone? And what method is best for getting that information out to 25,000 kids (plus faculty, staff, administration, etc.) in a timely and yet most noticeable way? And, despite hindsight, does anyone think that notifying students of (again, what appeared to be) an isolated incident would somehow have prevented the ensuing incident? Does the school (or, does any school, for that matter) have a contingency in place for deciding what dorm shootings will lead to further classroom shootings across the campus two hours later? Would everyone have stayed home? Could they have locked down every other building on campus to prevent him from entering?

The following is a sweeping generalization, and I mean no disrespect to the victims' families, but I have to say it: we live in such a litigious society that I can't even finish this thought without getting upset. I shudder to think about what's coming down the road...

So, after all of that, who's to blame? No one. Everyone. First and foremost, though, this country needs to grieve and attempt to heal. At some point, however, this country needs to step back and take a long, hard look in the mirror in an attempt to really get at the roots here. History has taught us that, unless we really are willing to make an inward change, as opposed to pointing fingers outward and attempting to be reactionary, this IS going to happen again. Did we ever think it was going to get worse than Columbine? Did we really do anything as a culture to ensure that it wouldn't? Are we now happy with the results?

Guns. Ugh. When will we learn? How much more evidence do we need? The story I had heard was that this kid bought his handguns legally. He had his three forms of ID. He passed his background check. I understand the Second Amendment is open to wide interpretation, but at what point do we draw the line? The solution can't be more guns, more armed guards everywhere. It just can't. Steve brings up a good point: when do the politicians stop fearing the NRA? At what point does that political pressure from everywhere else outweigh that of the gun lobby?

I'm going to fumble/punt here, so please bear with me... I understand the media has a duty to inform the public, and that this is the hugest story of the year by far. But, at what point does the media need to just back the fuck up? Whether they mean to or not, their need to get ratings and eyes glues to TV sets involuntarily adds a degree of celebrity to the people who commit these acts (bear with me, here; I use the term "celebrity" in the most macabre sense of the word). I think back to the movie "The Frighteners" where Jake Busey's character carved numbers into the foreheads of his victims because he was counting... and trying to outdo the serial killers before him. I don't like the need to label things like this the "Virginia Tech Massacre" or the "worst" school shooting in history (to me, this implies that we can assign a degree of evil or "badness" to something that really can't/shouldn't be quantified).

To carry this a little further and dredge up something again from above, if this country doesn't wake the fuck up and take a good hard look at itself, this IS going to happen again. Whether we like it or not, there are bad people out there. I don't like giving them inadvertant goals or targets to strive for.

And, along those lines, having said that I have basically no doubt that this will happen again, what do we as a society do about it? This is the $64,000 question. Let's look at this a bit...

1. Gun control. It has to be an option. Fuck the NRA if they can't see that. Guy bought his guns legally. The laws, therefore, don't seem to be working, do they?

2. Education and Health Care. Not relevent here? Not so fast. Go back up to bullet #1 above and read my previous entry on this subject. I don't have the energy to retype it.

3. Are we too violent? Have we become desensitized? Lord knows I've played more than my share of Grand Theft Auto, and I sat through "Hostel" once upon a time, but the line is still most decidedly NOT blurry for me. But, am I in the minority there? I don't know. It's a question our society really needs to ask itself.

I guess my hope that, in an effort to get "the story," we don't actually miss The Story. You know, The Story Of Grief. The Story Of Compassion. The Story Of Healing. And, most importantly, The Story That Has The Lesson To Learn At The End.

Fuck.

I am very sad.

2007-04-12T08:44:00.000-04:00

Kilgore Trout - 1922 - 2007
I will say anything to be funny, often in the most horrible situations.
--Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

As you can no doubt guess from the lead quote of the header of this blog, the passing of Kurt Vonnegut makes me very sad. It all started in 8th grade. I read a short story called "Harrison Bergeron," and when Diana Moon Glampers (the Handicapper General) came in and shot the two main characters at the end to derail whatever positive, happy ending was formulating, I knew I had found "my guy" to read. My Vonnegut library is essentially complete; the paperbacks fill an entire shelf on my home office bookcase.

Vonnegut was like the Radiohead of novelists: technology and science are necessary evils that can cripple and water down the human race as much as they can enable it. He worked in a genre largely of his own making (satire sci-fi), and perfected it--often using his alter ego Kilgore Trout as a main focus and voice. His arsenal of characters are thoroughly woven throughout all of his books (Trout himself appears in some form or another in more novels than he does not).

Vonnegut loved playing with technology, science, and religion, which I always found to be eerily cool reading his works as a high school/college student in the 90s, 20 and 30 years after they were written. Player Piano touches on society's impending over-reliance on technology and the rifts it can create; Cat's Cradle rolls science, technology, and religion into one small package. (I always suspected that Vonnegut secretly loved things like the Mark Foley scandal, since Cat's Cradle has a central thread focusing on a unique religion that has been deemed illegal and that everyone outwardly despises, but yet that everyone also practices in secret.) In The Sirens of Titan, one of the main characters creates the "Church of God the Utterly Indifferent". Vonnegut always wrote about these very salient things, but he always did it in such a way that made the reader think while simultaneously asking, "What is this guy smoking?!?"

"He was imaginative; our generation of writers didn't go in for imagination very much. Literary realism was the general style. Those of us who came out of the war in the 1940s made sort of the official American prose, and it was often a bit on the dull side. Kurt was never dull." --Gore Vidal

From his cnn.com obit: "Vonnegut said the villains in his books were never individuals, but culture, society and history, which he said were making a mess of the planet."

Another of Vonnegut's biggest subjects was the idea of human free will. He touches on it in The Sirens of Titan in relation to religion, and how religion can affect people in terms of their willingness to accept things, to manipulate others, and to be manipulated. In his watershed Slaughterhouse-Five, the main character Billy Pilgrim becomes "unstuck in time" and relives many of his previous moments of life. At the same time, he becomes fully aware of his own death but just the same is powerless to change it.

Timequake involves a period of time where the universe elects to stop expanding, contract a bit, and then re-expand. This re-expansion causes humans to re-live a period of their lives, but they do so as if on video tape: they cannot control things that have already been done. They lose free-will. Of course, this is problematic when the universe again reaches its original point of expansion and continues anew. People are suddenly given free will again, only they have no idea what to do with it. The results (as they often are in Vonnegut's work) are catastrophic.

The messages are similar and simple: think for yourself, but be careful what you wish for. Pay attention, but don't always trust what you see on blind faith. Humanity is a delicate gift whose balance can be easily upset if it is not treated as such.

For me, it always came down to: an author who makes these kinds of arguments, but does so in a nutty way and is never afraid to make fun of himself... that's the guy for me. Who can forget his cameo in "Back to School" when he shows up to write Rodney Dangerfield's paper on Kurt Vonnegut, and the professor says, "Whoever wrote this obviously knows nothing about Kurt Vonnegut"?

Maybe that was his goal all along.

Godspeed, Kurt. We'll miss you.

Inspiration comes standard

2007-04-11T11:17:00.000-04:00

In reading Steve's blog, I noticed that he and a former instructor/advisor we both had were starting a new blog endeavor.

I have been working (very sporadically) on the very beginning of a short story over the course of a couple of weeks, and it occurred to me that my blog here has largely devolved into my musing/bitching about sports and shamelessly plugging my band. As I have worked off and on with this new story beginning, I also realized that I need to do more "real" writing. The end result: why couldn't I start a new blog, too? I'm such a fucking copy-cat.

So, the birth of "One Trick Pony" has come to pass. It will be the home of any "short story beginnings with no resolution" that I tend to craft from time to time, and will hopefully also inspire me to spend more time writing (so as to maybe get good at it) and less time playing God of War II and whining about being geographically tied to the most miserable sports city on the face of the earth.

And, as I note on that page, if anyone of you (my former MUC writing center colleagues, I'm generally looking in your direction) have comments/critiques/resolution/direction for anything I write, it would be more than welcomed.

Just a little reminder of how I can bring the wrath...

2007-04-09T12:21:00.000-04:00

Found these online from our singer's girlfriend, who happens to be an excellent picture-taker:

^{Aptly titled: "dansmashy"}

I don't want to jinx anything, but...

2007-04-02T14:10:00.000-04:00

Franchise McSizemore.

Second pitch of the season.

Yard work.

1-0 Tribe. Nixon and Hafner each follow up with singles... let's see where this goes...

Edit

Tribe bats around in the top of the first, leads 5-0 in the middle of the first inning. As long as Willie Mays Hayes doesn't get picked off of first base, I would say that's a good way to start off the first game.

Catching Up, Yet Again

2007-03-30T10:23:00.000-04:00

Wow, I just checked the blog and realized it has been awhile since I've written.

Part of that (read: most) can be attributed to the fact that from last Thursday morning until Monday evening I was traveling to North Carolina for a nice Parker-boys golfing weekend with my dad, brother, and uncle.

^{"We played 54 holes in 3 days... everyone of 'em great." --Buck McCoy}

My brother did an excellent job in scouting out three courses for us to play. Each one, in my opinion, was better than the one preceeding it, culminating in playing the Duke University course on Sunday. It was probably the hardest course I've ever played.

My game was rusty, as was to be expected. I salvaged a decent tee game, with my driver being in play about 50-60% of the time, my 5-wood being pretty good, and my long irons serving their purpose. My mid-irons were good. My short game was horrible, as is usual. I putted well on Friday, but not so well on Saturday and Sunday.

We scrambled all three rounds, and were a collective 10 over par, I believe. Not bad for three Yankees, two of which had not picked up their clubs yet this year. And, for my own little feather-in-cap moment, we birdied a par 5 on the Duke course. And we used all 4 of my shots. Git some!

Band

The band is playing at the Newport Music Hall again this evening. It was originally a five-band bill, I believe, but I was informed this morning that "Freak Nut Rat Patrol" has dropped out. edit It turns out one of their members was seriously injured and they were unable to play. I previously made a throw-away comment as to their sound, and for that I wish to apologize (having never heard their music). My bad, guys.

Sports

The Tribe is set to break camp today and begin their move northward. The final roster is set, and shakes up like this:

C: Victor Martinez, Kelly Shoppach
1B: Ryan Garko
2B: Josh Barfield
SS: Jhonny Peralta
3B: Andy Marte
LF: Jason Michaels, David Delucci
CF: Franchise McSizemore
RF: Casey Blake, Trot Nixon
DH: Travis Hafner
Bench: Mike Rouse
SP: CC Sabathia, Jake Westbrook, Jeremy Sowers, Paul Byrd, Fausto Carmona (Cliff Lee on DL)
RP: Roberto Hernandez, Aaron Fultz, Tom Mastny, Rafael Betencourt, Jason Davis, Fernando Cabrera (Matt Miller on DL)
CL: Joe Borowski

Some notes: Lars is no doubt happy that his boy Garko made the team. The "plan" for right now is that Garko will play some first base against lefties, will pinch hit, and possibly DH any days that Hafner plays first or gets a day off (which should be never!). Blake, Martinez, and Hafner will also split time at first base, depending on pitching matchups and Martinez needing days off behind the plate.

I like the Mike Rouse move. He hit very well in spring (which I know means nothing) and can play all three other infield spots. The thought of them keeping two utility infielders in lieu of Garko's bat was not one I would have endorsed.

Even though his addition to the bullpen was more a result of Matt Miller hurting himself, Tom Mastny pitched well in spring anyway. He also pitched well down the stretch last year until a dead arm ended his year. And, really, I'm rooting for him just a bit since the Indians were rude enough to put him AFTER Sizemore in the autograph line on the press tour, meaning a lot of people breezed right past him after getting Grady's signature. Not me, man. I let him sign my jersey (which also has FCabrera, JPeralta, RGarko, and AMarte on it). I like to think that my faith in him is the root of his good pitching in the spring, but it could be his control. The jury's still out at this point.

Despite my Randy-Quaid-in-Major-League-2 stance currently, I'm starting to warm a bit to the Tribe. I'm still skeptical of the bullpen, which will be the main deciding factor as to whether or not this team goes anywhere. They had the starters and the offense last season, and while their infield defense wasn't the greatest, the main reason they dropped off was their bullpen. The infield defense is marginally better (at least on paper, and so far during spring anyway), but the bullpen still scares me.

And, as the name of my one fantasy team suggests ("85 Wins and 4th Place"), it's going to take a little while for me to buy into all of the publications' pre-season picks of the Tribe winning the division. Prove me wrong, boys.

The Browns inch closer to the draft (April 28th). The first five picks in this draft are pretty much set in terms of which players they will be, but as for order and even the teams making the picks, no one can really know.

I, myself, will still be shocked if the Raiders don't take JaMarcus Russell, but the Lions are the wild card here. Matt Millen is capable of fucking almost anything up at any given time, so who knows who he'll pick? The consensus is that Calvin Johnson is the *best* prospect in the draft, but none of the top-3 really seem to want him. So, does that portend a trade up by someone else? The Lions would probably be best served by a trade down, as would the Browns in all reality.

Things that make me nervous as a Browns fan:
1. Brady Quinn. As I said earlier, I will light myself on fire if we draft him #3. There is talk that the Lions might take a flyer on him at #2, which (I hope to all things holy) would be the Browns' dream scenario. To have Joe Thomas, Johnson, and Adrien Peterson on the board at their pick at #3 would be ideal, both in terms of getting the player they want, and in trading down.

2. All of this talk about trading up to get Russell. Russell may be the best QB prospect in the draft (his workout was, as quoted by one coach or GM, "like a video game"), but the Browns are in no position to be giving up picks to move up a spot or two to get a player who isn't in the biggest position of need.

3. Adrien Peterson. Most accounts have him being the player the Browns will take, and while he has the potential to be a stud running back for many years, he also has the potential to be Ki-Jana Carter and be battling injuries every year.

For my money, the pick has to be Joe Thomas. Adding him to Eric Steinbach on the left side would be the best move they could make. That move would make all of the running backs and quarterbacks on the roster that much better, and to me, that's like a 2-for-1 pick. This is not to say that I think Charlie Frye or Derek Anderson will be Pro-Bowlers with Thomas on the o-line. Far from it. I'm just saying that adding Thomas along with Steinbach makes the left side of the line so much better, which in turn makes Jamal Lewis and Jason Wright better, as well as giving a pocket passer like Anderson a better chance of making a play and gives a guy like Charlie Frye more protection and less reason to have happy feet and bolt from the pocket. It also keeps them both from getting pulverized, which has to help their development just a touch, no?

So, while I will be happy with a pick of Peterson because of his potential to be a game-changing back, I will go on record as saying a pick of Thomas would make me happiest. The Lions hold the key. The Raiders won't take Thomas, but the Lions could. I'll be interested to see what Savage does if Thomas and Peterson are on the board at #3, and there's no viable trade option.

The Cavs went on a tear in late February and early March, and have hit a bit of a bump in the road. Three losses in four games, one of which was to the freaking Knicks. They've officially clinched a playoff spot, but currently a half a game seperates them from 2nd in the conference and 5th in the conference (since for some reason, Chicago is 5th behind Washington, despite having a better record than the Wiz...). I don't have to spell out how much better served they'd be in the 2nd spot over the 5th spot (though I apparently will by noting that, at present, it would be the difference in playing the Nets with home court versus playing the Wiz with no home court).

They have 10 games left, with only 4 at home. They have a huge game in Chicago coming up this weekend, as well as a tough back-to-back with Miami and Washington next week. Time to get back on the horse, gentlemen.

The Jackets are making another run at franchise records for wins and points (they currently sit at 71 points, 3 behind their record). Hitchcock has them playing with effort, and is (wisely and rather successfully) trying to get them excited to play next year, as opposed to just playing out the string. I don't know much about his off-season program/plans, but if he can get them this motivated right now as also-rans, my hope is that they can carry some of that into next season, hopefully get off to a better start, and build toward a possible low-seed playoff push. Though you don't really see it in overall record, the progress they've made since his arrival is definitely more noticable this year than in any other. It's hard not to see them as the Nashville Predators of 2003-2004.

Other News

The weather is finally getting nice. The yard is starting to come around. This is my favorite time of year. Nice, sunny, warm days, and crisp evenings and nights that allow one not to have to run the heater or the air conditioner, and allow one to sleep with a window open and under a blanket. If it was like this all year, there would be no complaining from me.

Yard projects are significantly in smaller supply this year, and will hopefully require much less back-breaking labor than years past. I'm looking forward to tweaking this year, as opposed to completely overhauling as in years past.

I think that's about it. Good times.

The Weekend that Was

2007-03-19T08:59:00.002-04:00

Some March Madness quick thoughts:

Really, this bracket is so chalk it's not even funny. I can't remember the last time it was this heavily seeded. A 7 seed is the lowest in the Sweet 16??

So long, Wisconsin. Looks to me like you were never really that good to begin with. If only Kammron Taylor played as well for 40 minutes as he does in the last 5 minutes of each game.

I was really sad that VCU lost after such a great comeback, and of course after their upset of Duke. If NBA scouts aren't at least taking a look at Eric Maynor at this point, they're crazy.

I think not filling out a bracket was a great move this year. I loved being able to root fully for Purdue all game yesterday.

To that end, is there a more over-hyped, over-rated player in the entire universe than Joakim Noah? He's *maybe* the third-best player on his team (Horford, Brewer), and yet every single media person/commentator (when they're not unaware of being on the air, Dickie V.) strokes him off like he's the best player in the country. Dude can't shoot, he's uglier than sin, and other than yelling each time he gets a rebound (think Moses Scurry, circa 1990-91 UNLV) and blocking an occasional shot, what does he bring to the table? And yet he gets every single call. He's like the Duke of centers (overrated, refs spoil him). I really hope someone kicks him in the nuts in the next game or two.

I really think that if OSU had played any other #9 seed, that game wouldn't have been close. The Xavier kids really seem(ed) pissed off at Thad Matta. I will be surprised if OSU struggles with Tennessee as much as they did with Xavier.

Along those lines, Ron Lewis = icewater veins; Greg Oden = lucky as hell that his cross-check wasn't rightfully called a flagrant/intentional foul (all late-game fouls are inherently intentional, of coursr, but usually you don't see people getting away with shoving a guy 15 feet with both arms). Along the lines of Noah, I think that depsite all of the love Oden gets, Conley is by far the best overall player on that team.

That said, if I have a game-winning shot that needs to be taken in this tournament, I'd want the following guys to take it: 1) Chris Lofton 2) Ron Lewis. Hopefully, Thursday's game comes down to several last shots!

From what I remember of the end of the Cavs game, the following things happened: 1) LeBron had 17 rebounds. Wow. 2) The Cavs won. 3) Carlos Boozer had a great game, despite all of the booing. Have we learned nothing Cleveland fans? Al Belle, the Ravens, Manny Ramirez... anyone that comes back and you boo, they're going to be motivated to burn you again. 4) Cavs have now won 8 in a row, and coupled with the Pistons' loss on Sunday are now only 1.5 games behind Detroit for the #1 seed. 5) Drew Gooden in a post-game interview with a towel wrapped around his head, coupled with my several-beers-impaired-vision, made him look like Jim Brown's character in "Mars Attacks". Not sure if that's good or bad.

I did some of the best Black and Tan pouring of my life on Saturday, when the pressure was on. My wife was at the top of her game. She coordinated the production and release of Tostitos Scoops with three dips, two batches of cookies, a frozen pizza, and white pizza cheese dip and French bread with the aplomb of a Top Chef. Thanks, love.

Our ornery dog, now around 10 years old, has recently figured out how to paw at the closet-style door to our basement and open it while we're not at home, thus meaning we now have to make sure we don't leave any food or doggie-contraband in the basement family room area (whereas we used to be safe). We came home from dinner last night to find he had launched a full-scale offensive: the whole door was off its track and swinging in the proverbial breeze. I am not too proud a man to admit defeat. The door now will stay open when we're gone. He's won the battle. The war rages on!

I think that's it for now. Yep, this is my life.

The PD Agrees With Me

2007-03-19T08:59:00.001-04:00

Regarding my assessment of Ben Francisco.

Check it...

Catching Up: Top 3's

2007-03-16T09:56:00.000-04:00

To expound on a theme I breifly touched on in an e-mail this morning, here are my top 3's in various subjects:

Top 3 Shots* that I Saw from Thursday March Madness

3. Dude from Xavier faking dude from BYU out of his jock, driving, hitting a floater to put the Musketeers ahead at the end.

2. Greg Oden tapping a rebound up in the air to himself, only to be able to thoroughly ass-dunk it on the head of the CCSU player below him. And this is coming from a Michigan fan. Must be nice to be the coach for CCSU, and to know that your tallest player is 6'7" and you somehow have to try to stop Greg Oden.

1. Maynor for VCU completely mushroom-stamping the entire Duke team with 1.6 seconds left. Nothing makes me happier than seeing those spoiled, we-get-all-the-calls ass-whifs being sent home in the first round.

*Note: had the foul not prevented it from technically counting, Jamar Butler (or was it someone else) chucking the ball off the glass to Oden for the poster-jam would have ranked #2. No one outranks Duke getting beat in the NCAAs. No one.

Top 3 March Cable Channels on Time Warner Digital Cable

3. Channel 90: NCAA Alternate Feed 3

2. Channel 89: NCAA Alternate Feed 2

1. Channel 88: NCAA Alternate Feed 1

I generally don't care that much for Time Warner, as I generally view them as an evil means to an end (that end being me getting sweet HD service for my 46-inch TV), but in the last month they let me talk them into lowering my bill $20 per month, and every March they trot out the alternate feeds for the NCAAs. Super sweet move.

Top 3 March Madness Commercials I Haven't Yet Seen and Hope I Don't See This Year

3. Any/all commercials from car companies that somehow try to tie buying a car in with winning the Tournament.

2. Any DiGiorno commercial involving Dick Vitale dunking while eating pizza, and screaming about it not being delivery, baby!

1. In a landslide, the Applebee's spot with the retiring high school coach who goes to Applebee's. My co-worker Brian (who probably hates the commercial as much or more than I do) and I have spent more time than we probably should have breaking down why we hate this commercial so much. Thanks in large part to those discussions, allow me to delve into why this commercial drives me to a homicidal rage of shouting each time I see it:

a) It's dude's last day of work, he's clearly sad about retiring, and all his wife can do is offer to take him to dinner at fucking Applebee's? Are you fucking kidding me?? "Can a girl buy you dinner?" If my wife offers to take me to Applebee's the day I retire, I'm going to ask her just to shoot me in the head instead.

b) I grew up in a fairly small town, and the staff at our local Applebee's didn't give a shit about me, about the community, and about our basketball coach. I sincerely doubt they would come over to him, and ask for his help in hanging their stupid picture up. It's kind of like the other Applebee's where the football team lost the big game, showed up to eat at Applebee's (which was closed/closing), and the entire staff was willing to stay over to serve them. Anyone that's ever worked a service job EVER with those kind of hours in their life knows that at that point, you're just wanting to go home, get your beer on, jerk off, and go to sleep. But I digress.

c) Wifey's face. If watching your husband hang a picture of himself up at your local fucking Applebee's chokes you up that much, you should probably re-evaluate what you've done with your life, and then go ahead and end said life. I am incapable of watching that commercial and NOT uttering a loud "UGGGHHHHHH!" whenever I see that face she makes. It's right up there with the Geico out-to-dinner Caveman who gives us the post-I-don't-have-much-of-an-appetite-thank-you sneer. What I wouldn't give for five minutes alone in a room with a lead pipe with that guy. But again, I've digressed.

d) This is really the penultimate dick-kick from Applebee's, who have also given us the aforementioned football team comes home too late commercial (those kids just lost the state title game, and they're sad about NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT AT APPLEBEE'S??), the "IIIIIII like steak and chicken" Frankie Valley style song, and the two douchebag singers doing the Gilligan's Island theme parody, telling us to sit right back and hear a tale about some tasty shrimp. I like shrimp, but I sure as shit won't be going to Applebee's to eat it.

And yes, I'm aware how psychotic it is that I've just devoted 4-5 paragraphs about a stupid Applebee's commercial.

Top 3 Things Elevating My False Hope for the 2007 Cleveland Browns

3. Jamal Lewis

2. Robaire Smith and Shaun Smith

1. Eric Steinbach and Seth McKinney

Top 3 Caveats to the above Top 3

3. I hate Jamal Lewis, and who knows if he has any tread left on the tires (or if it'd be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway--thanks, Stewie Griffin)?

2. Robaire could be over the hill, slightly, and Shaun might not ever fully develop into a nose tackle. Depth on the horrible d-line is always good, though, right?

1. Steinbach is earning A LOT of money, and the talent around him will be less than what he played with in Cincinnati. Does that mean he takes a step back? Also, McKinney had NECK SURGERY last year. As in, the part of the body that keeps the head attached and, when injured, results generally in paralysis and/or death. Anyone else think that having that kind of injury in tow is not a good thing when one comes to the Browns, who are running away with the title of Undisputed King of Freak Injuries franchise at this point?

Top 3 Cleveland Indians Who Won't Be on the Roster This Season, but that I really Like

3. Ben Francisco

2. Trevor Crowe

1. Adam Miller

Miller has been lights-out this spring, showing that's he back from the elbow that sidelined him a couple of years ago. Once the kid learns the finer points of pitching, he will be a stud. Once Crowe is ready to play in the big leagues, the combination of him, Barfield, and Sizemore will put so much good-hitting speed at the top of the Tribe's lineup that it will harken back to the Lofton-Vizquel-Baerga days at the top of the lineup. Except that, even at his apex, Baerga probably couldn't even come close to holding Sizemore's jock.

Top 3 Beers for my semi-Irish Arse this Weekend

3. Bass (mainly for Black and Tans)

2. Guinness Draft in a Bottle (or preferrably a tap, should I find myself at a bar somewhere)

1. Smithwick's

Top 3 Reasons That, in the Coming Few Weeks, I Will Probably Regress in all of the Weight-Loss/Toning Progress I've Made Over the Past Few Weeks

3. Golf/Hockey/Drinking/Family Male-Bonding in North Carolina next week with my brother, father, and crazy uncle

2. March Madness, and my seemingly ever-present need to drink beer while watching

1. God of War 2, which I purchased yesterday

And, lastly:
Top 3 Reasons that Cavs Might Have a Legitimate Shot at the #1 Seed in the East

3. LeBron James

2. LeBron James

1. LeBron James

I defy anyone who saw the third quarter of Wednesday's game at Memphis to disagree or argue with me.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all, and to all a good night.

The Ebb and Flow

2007-03-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Yin - Overtime wins a-plenty.

You don't know, you betta aks somebody.

After 41 points, 8 rebounds, 7 assists, a monster "Fuck You!" block of a Richard Hamilton layup, and a jaw-dropping, off-balance-with-a-dude-in-his-face 35-foot almost-a-game-winner-in-regulation shot that was ruled (correctly) to be after the buzzer, and in spite of some horribly lopsided officiating, LeBron had carried the Cavs on his back to a much-needed overtime victory on the road in Detroit.

The Cavs now find themselves only 2 games back (albeit 3 in the loss column) of the Pistons for the division lead and overall #1 seed in the conference. In response to all of the blow-hards (Bill Simmons, I'm looking in your direction here, though I usually love your insights) who said LeBron was taking a step back this year, I think it's safely now apparent that he has just elected to save up for the stretch run. He was a top-10 player in the league while "coasting" through the first 50 games, and now look at him. You've all collectively unleashed hell on the rest of the league. I hope your crow tastes Mmm Mmm Good!

I think Lars said it best: "LeBron is definitely back, and while I would rather he give 100% in every game, he knows his body better than anyone else and if he felt he needed to save it for the stretch run and the playoffs, then that's ok with me. It is a little different than say baseball or football since virtually everyone with a half decent team will make the playoffs."

Couldn't agree more. Dude had a sore foot for a lot of the first half, and his team was treading water at 5-7 games over .500 while he was "coasting". Now that he's decided to reinforce the fact that he's the most unstoppable player in the league, his team has gone 9-4 in their last 13 and is 11 over .500, knocking on the door of the #1 seed. I know the Mavs are all-world, and Stevie Nash has some kind of deal with the devil, but if LeBron continues his Jordan-esque performance, and that in turn pushes the Cavs to the #1 seed in the conference, and he doesn't win the MVP, it will be a grave injustice.

The most telling thing about last night's game: the 4th quarter started with both teams tied at 70, and then the Pistons started out with an 11-2 run. Cue LeBron: "We didn't let that affect us," James said. "That shows growth. I'm proud of the guys. We could've easily tanked it. We've done that in the past. Tonight, we definitely didn't do that and we got a big win on the road."

A most welcome turning point, perhaps?

Too little, too late; but still nice to see.

The Blue Jackets have quietly won three in a row to ascend out of the near-basement of the Western Conference and earn some modicum of respect. First it was two tough road wins, including on the road in Dallas. Last night was a come-from-behind 3-2 overtime win in which the team grew up just a little bit more.

Now that Carter is gone, Berard is basically gone, and the Jackets are playing with some of the younger guys, it looks like they're starting to gain a little confidence. Hitch has them looking hungry, and they're hopefully building a foundation for a better year next year.

Since Hitchcock's hiring, the Jackets have gone 22-20-5 (49 points in 47 games, compared to 12 in the first 20 games with Gallant and interim-Agnew). 49 in 47 isn't exactly setting the world on fire, of course, but for a fairly young franchise that's never been near to being over .500 for a season, it's a start. They may not make the playoffs next year, but they could certainly be in the mix if they can continue to play at .500 or slightly above it for a longer stretch.

With the free-agency landscape of the NHL today, it's not unreasonable to think the Jackets are no more than just a stud defenseman and some better depth at goaltender away from a #7 seed in the playoffs next year.

Yang - Jamal Fucking Lewis??

Apparently, if you can't tackle him, sign him.

Seriously, the CNNSI.com lead says it all: "The Browns finally tackled Jamal Lewis." I don't like Joey Porter as a person; that said, I would have loved to have seen him on my team next year, because the guy brings it on Sunday and would have been an upgrade over Willie "I died 3 years ago" McGinnest. But Lewis? Perhaps the Browns are playing stop-gap until next year's draft and plan on picking high enough again to go after Slaton or McFadden. I mean, there's probably a reason the Ravens cut Lewis and locked up Musa Smith, no?

This, of course, doesn't even take into account his off the field issues. Just what the Browns need: a guy brokering coke deals in the locker room. Maybe they should bring Kevin Mack out of retirement just for that! Maybe Lewis can broker a staph infection (as Lars again aptly put it: "I'm hoping this is our 'big free agent' that ends up hurt with 10 years of staph infections. I thought Savage had higher standards for the people he brought to the team... oh well.").

The tarnished-silver lining: I'm glad the Lewis signing was only for one year. They kept saying when he visited Cleveland that he was shopping to get a multi-year offer from someone, and so I cringed this morning when I'd heard we had signed him. When I saw it was only a 1-year deal, I was much less upset (to put it in perspective, it'd be like finding out your girlfriend cheated on you, but then hearing that it wasn't with your best friend: you're still pissed, but not as pissed as you could be).

I guess just hope that we're not broadcasting to the world that we're not going to draft Peterson (trade down value), and if this means we're going to draft Brady Quinn, I will light myself on fire.

Now, please pack him in bubble wrap.

2007-03-03T11:00:00.000-05:00

For the second straight off-season, the Browns have "gotten their man" on the o-line. The only caveat is that, exactly one year ago, the entire Browns nation was lauding the signing of LeCharles Bentley, only to watch him get hurt on the first day of practice. So, I propose we wrap Steinbach in bubble wrap and keep him away from the Browns facility (you know, where the staph viruses seem to live and thrive). We only take the bubble wrap off for the games.

Signing Eric Steinbach is huge. He can play guard, tackle, even center if need be. They're possibly going to look at him as a left tackle, move Shaffer to right tackle, and move Tucker to right guard.

I would have no problem with any of that, nor would I have any problem drafting Adrien Peterson in the first round, now. I'd still rather trade down, but trading down is always easier said than done.

A sleeping giant awakened?

2007-03-01T23:15:00.000-05:00

So, call me a masochist, but I DVRed and watched the entire Cavs/Mavs tilt tonight, knowing full well at the outset that the Cavs had roughly zero shot of winning. And yet, here they kept hanging around... hanging around.

They lost to (by far) the best team in the NBA (who else can go 10 freaking deep??) on its home floor... by 3... with some serious home cooking from the officials (let me get this straight... it's a charge when Pavlovic runs into a Mavs player, but when Jason Terry does the exact same fucking thing to Varejao, it's blocking... alright, got it).

Also of importance, LeBron James not only has looked good since right before the All Star break, but was almost unstoppable tonight.... err, until the last 13 seconds when he missed two free throws and two wide-open 3's that would have tied it.

Even still, they looked like a decent enough team, even though they didn't necessarily play all that well. They still ended up giving the Mavs all they could handle, and almost stole a win on the road from a team that's gone 49-5 since the first week of the season (I mean, 49-5!!!).

And, let's be honest: LeBron threw down one of the sicker dunks that this reporter has ever seen on friggin' DeSagana Diop's mug in the first half. As soon as I can find it on YouTube.....

Edit
Eureka!

What would YOU do?

2007-03-01T10:25:00.000-05:00

My boy Steve is on to something here. And, while I can not expound on this premise with nearly the pinache and wittiness of Mr. Edgehouse, allow me to give it a go. The premise, from Steve:

I've been thinking about fuck you money. You know, Howard Stern money: having enough of it to do whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want, jobs and bosses and responsibilities and whatnot be damned.

Fuck you money also allows for the possibility of exacting a particularly fun sort of revenge against slights both real and perceived, and that's where my mind takes me the most when I find myself an imaginary billionaire.

I love my job, and I lovingly cling to the illusion that what I do matters in its own little way, so I don't find myself dreaming of quitting my job and living a leisurely life. ... What happens instead is I spend a gross amount of time thinking about ways to spend my F.U.$. on everyone who's ever gotten in my illbegotten way.

I believe Dave Chappell did something similar before wigging out and going to Africa (a sketch found in the "lost episodes" of "season 3"). What would I do? (You mean, besides two chicks at the same time?)

Unlike Steve, the first thing I'd do would be to quit my job "Half-Baked" style: line up all of my bosses and co-workers in a room, and announce: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.... you're cool... fuck you. I'm out!"

On second thought, I'd rather go the George Costanza route. "Now, THAT guy got FIRED!" Honestly, if you knew you had enough fuck you money that you could just go to work and do a shitty job, to see how much you could get away with before getting fired, and/or then to make sure you got fired in the most collasal way possible, wouldn't that be every person's best wet dream?

I would set up an endowment fund for the Cleveland Indians to be able to sign an actual GOOD player each off-season. David Delucci can go fuck himself.

I would build a recording studio in my (new, huge) house and only record/produce bands doing something new, fresh, and NOT radio/trendy/knockoffs. I would do it at cost or even pro-bono in certain cases. I would then buy each band gold-plated diapers.

I would give enough money to my step-father to open his own micro-brewery, and then I would take daily swims in the vat of my favorite beer (think: Landfill from "Beerfest" minus the drowning).

A la Forrest Gump, I would pay someone handsomely to bulldoze Justin Zimmerman's house. If he happens to be in the house... meh. He knows why.

And, much like Steve, I would track down the bastards that dumped our dog Riley by the side of the road to fend for himself and get heartworms. How someone could dump the coolest fucking dog ever to walk God's green earth is beyond me. They would pay mightily. I would also invest in cloning Riley.

Along those lines, Melissa and I would buy some land in the country, and set up the Riley Rufus Epley Parker free-range abused dogs ranch. Here, the dogs could run free, frolic, and not be abused or neglected. It would be like Cesar's "pack" on The Dog Whisperer, only cooler. Maybe we could get Cesar on the payroll, even.

Open a pizza place/bar. Anytime people I don't like come in, they get a little "Van Wilder-style" laxitive powder in their food/drink. They are then not allowed to use the restrooms of our establishment. I suspect this would be a short-lived endeavor, due to the health department's probable nagging and the mounting lawyer fees.

I would pay midgets to joust in my backyard. OK, not really. Just wanted to check to see who read this far down the list.

I would create a gym (possibly a chain) at which only scrawny and/or out of shape and/or not-that-good-at-sports people could workout. I really think this idea could take off, not only because I would be the gym's first client (because I hate trying to lift weights/work out next to burly dudes and/or trying to play hoop at my gym with people that: a) don't pass the ball, because they think a scout for the Cavs might be watching them as they drive to the basket and attempt the super spinning double-reverse layup every single fucking time down the court, on which they are fouled each time they don't make the shot, therby allowing them to check the ball out of that top of the key and do it all over again, and thus not reward the gangly 6'3" guy who sets good picks and is always open on the roll to the basket, and who might make a layup if you actually PASSED HIM THE FUCKING BALL!, b) talk way too much shit, and c) basically run my ass off the courts) but because I am taking a wild guess that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there like me.

Finance the complete change-over of all of my schools' mascots to the middle finger.

Talk to K-Lowe about what his ideal student-success/writing-success type of collegiate endeavor would be. Make this endeavor happen, which would hopefully allow him also to quit his job Half-Baked style.

Give Steve his own talkshow. I would be the drummer for his band, and hopefully we could then have a Conan/Max Weinberg style dialogue each show. I would then bask in his sardonic hilarious-ness.

Find all of those jerks from my high school class (too numerous to mention individually here) and treat them a la Dana Carvey's Ross Perot sketch... whereby I give them a $1000 to do degrading things, simply to prove to them how much more money I have than they could ever hope for.

I'm enjoying this a little too much, so I should probably stop. If I think of anymore, you'll be the first ones to know.

Put Down Your Bias

2007-02-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

Come on, my Ohio State brethren... you don't have to be a Michigan fan to appreciate Jared-Smith-to-Brent-Petway-55-foot alley-oop to help beat Sparty...

Check it...
^{if your pop-up blocker is on and it doesn't auto-load, click on "launch video player"}

When does it end??

2007-02-22T15:04:00.000-05:00

Seriously, Bentley possibly never playing again wasn't enough to appease the football gods, apparently.

The ABJ reports today that Kellen Winslow actually had microfracture surgery on his knee, instead of an arthroscopic "clean up" procedure as was initially implied by the team.

To add to the awesomeness that is Browns football:

The surgery is delicate, and although results have improved, it has not always been successful.

Microfracture surgery replaces damaged or lost cartilage. Small holes are drilled in the knee bone to promote blood flow. Scar tissue forms, replacing the damaged cartilage.

The procedure takes 30 minutes (according to Wikipedia) and is performed arthroscopically, but it requires the patient to use crutches for six to eight weeks and prohibits strenuous athletic activity for four months.

Although some athletes -- notably basketball players -- have come back as good as new, some football players have not.

Former NFL running back Terrell Davis' microfracture surgery did not help him, but his was a last-gasp operation.

Former Browns defensive end Courtney Brown had microfracture surgery and was never the same.

Carolina Panthers running back DeShaun Foster has come back well, but a teammate, receiver Patrick Jeffers, did not play again.

Fucking awesome. Just kill me now.

Sports Musings

2007-02-21T14:51:00.000-05:00

Here it is, fresh with the ire that only a "career-ending Cleveland sports injury" can bring:

Browns
LeCharles Bentley may never play again.

So says GM Phil Savage, according to both today's PD and ABJ. Figures. Took one snap in practice for his boyhood team, didn't get hit by anyone, and now may never play again. Special thanks to the obligatory Cleveland Staph Infection that destroyed his repaired tendon and made his 2006 surgery completely worthless.

He's definitely out for 2007, and though he vows to come back someday and play at a Pro-Bowl level, it won't be for the Browns. Ask Jamir Miller.

Prediction:
Bentley's repeated rehab attempts continually sputter, and the Browns finally cut ties with him after the 2008 training camp. Bentley miraculously recovers in time for the 2009 season, plays for another team, and does indeed make the Pro Bowl. He then shares a pizza and a laugh with Jeff Faine.

Savage wants up to four linemen.

From the same article(s), Savage has said he'd like to sign two free-agent linemen and draft two more. My dream scenario: Eric Steinbach and Luke Petigout as your free agents, re-sign Fraley at center, hope a no-longer-suffering-from-vertigo/depression/whatever-the-hell-is-wrong-with-his-mind Ryan Tucker can go right tackle (with Kelly Butler grooming for 2008), put Steinbach at left guard, move Kevin Shaffer at right guard, and draft Joe Thomas at left tackle. Petigout, Isaac Sowels, and Butler are your top backups, along with whatever other draft pick you get.

Prediction
Steinbach's potential left tackle abilities price him out of the Browns' range, they sign Petigout and some other chump, and pick two linemen on day two of the draft. The line still sucks again for the 2007 season and the foreseeable future.

Indians
Garko has been working hard at learning to play defense.

Dan Parker says: LET THE KID FREAKING PLAY! You're telling me that Casey Blake's defense is so much better/more important that you're willing to live with his shitty OPS at both a corner outfield and infield spot? To quote Dante Hicks, "What's next? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?"

My only hope is that this is all some ploy to light a fire under the kid's ass.

Prediction
Garko ends up as part of a Sexson-like trade to bring in bullpen help when the shitty retread bullpen inevitably fails. The modern-day Jason Bere coming the other way in the deal flops/blows out an arm/flames out. Take your pick.

Keith Foulke.

Shit, at least he didn't milk $5 million from the team while sitting on the DL all year "rehabbing" in some groupies' pants. I'll give him a cookie for that.

Cavs
Potential three-way trade with Minnesota and Sacramento brings Mike Bibby to town.

While this sounds good in a vacuum (let's face it, our point guard play has left something to be desired, and I would love for Daniel Gibson to pick up a few things from Bibby), the potential cost has to be concerning. I heard Ric Bucher on ESPN radio this morning talking about it, but even he had no idea what the asking price would be. If it involes Anderson Verejao, Gibson, and Sasha Pavlovic, I'll pass for now, thanks.

Prediction
No deal gets done; the Cavs trade for Juan Dixon instead, and discover they'd have been better served just having someone kick them in their collective nuts instead of trading a player/pick for Juan Fucking Dixon.

Blue Jackets
The playoffs are a long ways away for this team.

They get up for the good teams, roll over for the shitty ones. Why?? They beat Calgary and San Jose on a home stand in which they also lost to four non-playoff teams (five losses, if you include the come-from-ahead overtime loss [shootout] to St. Louis last night). What the fuck?

Trade talks loom since the deadline is next week, with Brian Berard and Anson Carter the most likely to go.

Prediction
Both Carter and Berard get traded to contenders, with Carter all of a sudden become the 30-goal-scorer the Jackets thought they'd signed, and Berard being a salary dump (coming off injury, he's probably a half-year to a year away from being his old self). The Jackets finish with the third-worst record but somehow get stuck with the 11th pick in the draft lottery.

Can you tell how cynical I am?

Sheesh.

Walking in a Winter Blunderland

2007-02-13T16:27:00.000-05:00

So, my brother and sister-in-law gave us their snow-blower for Christmas in 2005 (having moved from Nebraska to North Carolina, they didn't really need it anymore, as you can guess). Ever since that day (roughly 415 days, by my count), we haven't needed it. Even last week, there wasn't enough in our driveway or walk to merit hauling it out and firing it up.

Mother Nature decided enough was enough. I'm happy to report:

We've got about seven inches right now, and we're in the stage of the dreaded "wintery mix" (translation, sleet/freezing rain). My office left me an e-mail this morning to let me know that we were on a 2-hour delay (meaning the office was supposed to open at 10 instead of 8). I went in at my normal time, and sure enough, they closed down at 10.

^{If you live in the white area of this picture, it's not the best of times.}

There is one upside to all of this: our crazy dog, who wants nothing to do with rain, the yard, any kind of grass, or anything that involves leaving the shelter of the house or deck when he goes outside for about 95% of the year...

He just LOVES the snow. Who knows why? Don't believe me?

Want more proof?

His first course of action is to burrow into the snow, face first. He sometimes rolls over onto his back, rolls around, kicks it up in the air, etc. He comes back inside covered in it. We can't figure it out. We have no idea what mix of breeds he is, being that Melissa found him by the side of the highway one day, but we know it's something from the artic.

In other news:

Show at Skully's next Wednesday night (2/21). We're opening up, so we'll be on stage somewhat earlier for a change. We're supporting Halos Were Found at the Landing Site, who are some space-rock dudes from Dayton. Should be a good show.

Anna Nicole's dead, drug-addled hooker that she was. The world keeps on spinning. Get over it, people. Cable news, I'm looking in your direction.

Way to go, Chargers! Fire your coach after going 14-2, after you've lost 5 assistants, including your two coordinators (who both got head coaching jobs, BTW, and probably would rather be coaching the Chargers, as you would probably rather have them instead of the inevitable [insert retread coach, e.g. Norv Turner, here]). Way to go! Now the Browns have two good choices to choose from next year!

I think that's it. Rock on.

In Case You Missed It...

2007-02-13T16:22:00.000-05:00

A hearty "fuck you!" to Alonzo Mourning:

And, he was fouled. Terrible no-call.

And, as for you, Kobe, 36 points don't mean jack squat:

LeBron didn't play his best game, but you knew sooner or later Kobe would start missing his double-pivot, turn-around jumpers. And, big ups to Sasha for his inspired play. Where has that been, oh, say, his entire career?

My thoughts on "Lost" with some help from Eddie Vedder

2007-02-08T14:14:00.000-05:00

Waiting....

Watching the clock / it's quarter 'till / it's got to stop
Tell them...
Take no more / he practices his speech as Julia opens the door
His mind boils over / he checks his watch as Jack looks her over....

He lies and says he's in love with "Lost"
Can't find a better end
He wonders what happened to polar scans
Can't find a better end
Can't find a better end
Can't fina a better end.... ohohoh

Talkin....

To his wife / they both grow tired of the show
And yet they watch uhhuhhh

Memories back when plot was bold and strong
And waiting for the Others to come along...
Swears it was good, now he swears it's gone
He lies and says hes in love with "Lost"
Can't find that damn island...
He dreams of Desmond, his girl who hunts
Can't find those artic men...
They lie and say they'll fill it in,
Can't tie up those loose ends...
He dreams of Alex, he dreams of droogs,
Can't steal from Kubrick, man...

He loved it, yeah... he don't want to leave this way
They need him, yeah... that's why they tease him again
Can't find a better end
Can't find a better end
Can't find a better end....

**SPOILERS AHEAD***

Seriously, people. What the fuck was that? Other than a physical scare from the whole bus thing, what the hell was there for me to chew on? I mean, I guess the "A Clockwork Orange" ripoff was "inspired", but what was the point of it? They're taking this guy back to the other island with them... so, does that mean we have to learn all about him, too? Melissa and I watched the last episode from November before the new episode came on, and we had forgotten that there were these two new characters on the beach, too. A man, and an annoying woman who asked stupid questions all the time. Why do I care about those people??

It just seems to me like they're only doing creepy/different things for shock value, now, rather than developing the beginnings of the creepy story they had in seasons 1 and 2. Like, whatever happened to the polar monitoring station and Desmond's woman-friend at the end of season 2?? Was that just some red herring? Did they forget about it? Are they on holiday?

I don't know if they take their viewership for granted, or what, but they'd better be careful.

Enough, already

2007-02-06T11:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, between my "could cut glass" nipples, the "strangling cat" sound my car made when I started it this morning, and the fact that I had to wrestle a frozen, dead bird away from my dog's jaws of death in the yard last night, I've had about enough of this zero-degrees shit.

Mark Your Calendars, Gentlemen

2007-02-02T14:20:00.000-05:00

March 13, 2007. The day the world will change.

It's the day God of War II comes out on PS2.

I know how much my wife loved me playing God of War, both when I borrowed it in the fall of 2005 and then bought a used copy in the summer of 2006.

This new game is going to blow it away. IGN's reviewers posit that it will go down in history as "the best PS2 game ever." Not a bad way to send off a dying system.

For me, just another reason to wait to buy a PS3.

Russ Feingold: My Favorite Senator Who Will Never Sniff the Presidency

2007-02-02T14:10:00.000-05:00

Russ Feingold wrote this for TomPaine.com today:

Our founders wisely kept the power to fund a war separate from the power to conduct a war. In their brilliant design of our system of government, Congress got the power of the purse, and the president got the power of the sword. As James Madison wrote, “Those who are to conduct a war cannot in the nature of things, be proper or safe judges, whether a war ought to be commenced, continued or concluded.”

Earlier this week, I chaired a hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee to remind my colleagues in the Senate that, through the power of the purse, we have the constitutional power to end a war. At the hearing, a wide range of constitutional scholars agreed that Congress can use its power to end a military engagement.

The Constitution gives Congress the explicit power “[to] declare War,” “[t]o raise and support Armies,” “[t]o provide and maintain a Navy” and “[t]o make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces.” In addition, under Article I, “No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriations made by Law.” These are direct quotes from the Constitution of the United States. Yet to hear some in the Administration talk, it is as if these powers were written in invisible ink. They were not. These powers are a clear and direct statement from the founders of our republic that Congress has authority to declare, to define and, ultimately, to end a war.

If and when Congress acts on the will of the American people by ending our involvement in the Iraq war, Congress will be performing the role assigned it by the founding fathers—defining the nature of our military commitments and acting as a check on a president whose policies are weakening our nation.

There is plenty of precedent for Congress exercising its constitutional authority to stop U.S. involvement in armed conflict.

In late December 1970, Congress prohibited the use of funds for introducing United States ground combat troops into Cambodia or providing U.S. advisors to Cambodian military forces. In late June 1973, Congress set a date to cut off funds for combat activities in Southeast Asia.

More recently, President Clinton signed into law language that prohibited funding after March 31, 1994, for military operations in Somalia, with certain limited exceptions. And in 1998, Congress passed spending legislation that prevented U.S. troops from serving in Bosnia after June 30, 1998, unless the president made certain assurances.

Congress has the power to end military engagements, and there is little doubt that decisive action from the Congress is needed to end U.S. involvement in the war in Iraq. Despite the results of the election, and two months of study and supposed consultation—during which experts and members of Congress from across the political spectrum argued for a new policy—the president has decided to escalate the war. When asked whether he would persist in this policy despite congressional opposition, he replied: “Frankly, that’s not their responsibility.”

Last week Vice President Cheney was asked whether the non-binding resolution passed by the Foreign Relations Committee that will soon be considered by the full Senate would deter the president from escalating the war. He replied: “It’s not going to stop us.”

In the United States of America, the people are sovereign, not the president. It is Congress’ responsibility to challenge an administration that persists in a war that is misguided and that the nation opposes. We cannot simply wring our hands and complain about the administration’s policy. We cannot just pass resolutions saying “your policy is mistaken.” And we can’t stand idly by and tell ourselves that it’s the president’s job to fix the mess he made. It’s our job to fix the mess, too, and if we don’t do so we are abdicating our responsibilities.

Yesterday, I introduced legislation that will prohibit the use of funds to continue the deployment of U.S. forces in Iraq six months after enactment. By prohibiting funds after a specific deadline, Congress can force the president to bring our forces out of Iraq and out of harm’s way.

This legislation will allow the president adequate time to redeploy our troops safely from Iraq, and it will make specific exceptions for a limited number of U.S. troops who must remain in Iraq to conduct targeted counter-terrorism and training missions and protect U.S. personnel. It will not hurt our troops in any way—they will continue receiving their equipment, training, salaries, etc. It will simply prevent the president from continuing to deploy them to Iraq. By passing this bill, we can finally focus on repairing our military and countering the full range of threats that we face around the world.

As the hearing I chaired in the Senate Judiciary Committee made clear, this legislation is fully consistent with the Constitution of the United States. Since the president is adamant about pursuing his failed policies in Iraq, Congress has the duty to stand up and use its constitutional power to stop him. If Congress doesn’t stop this war, it’s not because it doesn’t have the power. It’s because it doesn’t have the will.

A-fucking-men.

Observations

2007-01-29T17:50:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I published something tangible about all of my sports teams, so here goes:

Observations about the Indians from the Columbus stop of their press tour:
1. Andy Marte is A LOT smaller in person than I thought he was:

He's not a very tall dude, and truth be told when he walked out for his introduction, holmes looked like he'd spent a bit too much time at the buffet this off-season. But, when he took off his coat as we approached the autograph table, you can tell he's fairly cut, if not fairly tall.

2. Every woman in Ohio (and perhaps beyond) would like to have freaky monkey sex with Grady Sizemore. I'm not going to knock the kid. He's got a pretty good life right now. Couple that in with the fact that we got he and Cliff Lee for the artist formerly known as Bartolo Colon (whom we wouldn't have been able to re-sign anyway), and Shapiro gets a little pat on the back. Robbery.

3. Eric Wedge is actually not hard to listen to. Charlie Manuel, I'm glaring in your direction. In all seriousness, the guy can command your attention when he talks, he actually knows his shit and will admit that the Tribe was pretty bad in the bullpen last year, and I have some confidence that he's really not a bad manager. I mean, if YOU had to pick from all of those pitchers to close out a game, who would you have picked?

The only time I really thought he bristled at a fan's question was the insinuation that his team had no chance with platoons at three positions (I must admit, I don't like the idea, especially when it robs at-bats from Ryan Garko). I don't think Eric likes nerdy fans who think they know more about baseball than him. Just a hunch.

4. It was really hard not to punch Bruce Hooley in the face. OK, so this has nothing to do with the Tribe, but I was five feet away from him, and contemplated getting out of the autograph line I'd stood in for about 90 minutes *just* to give Bruce a Dr. Martens to the nuts.

5. I feel bad for Tom Mastny. He's on the press tour with Grady Sizemore and Andy Marte, and they made him sign autographs AFTER those two. People were just walking past him. Not a cool move by the club. Seems like a nice enough kid... hopefully he can do something in the next couple of years. It doesn't look like there's a spot for him in this year's bullpen, though.

6. Fausto is the "6th" starter coming out of camp, per Wedge. Not so sure I agree, what with Adam Miller and the emergence of Jeremy Sowers, and the fact that Fausto was lights-out as a set up man (anyone remember the 2001 version of Danys Baez?). That said, whatever it takes to get Paul Byrd the hell out of Cleveland is fine by me.

7. Reading between the lines, look for a possible spring (or July) deal involving some combination of Brad Snyder, Franklyn Guttierrez, Shin-Soo Choo, and Ben Francisco. When asked if they were ever getting a shot with the team, Wedge said that there is a log-jam at outfielder, but that "depth is something every organization needs." Considering they went out of their way to sign two washed up shitty platoon outfielders this year, methinks they're giving the experiment a chance to work, and if it does, they will make a trade for bullpen help or a shortstop if Peralta continues to eat hog this year. But, I've been known to be wrong before.

8. I can't wait to see Josh Barfield play 81 games in Jacobs Field.

Observations about the Browns
1. So, we ask to interview Jason Garret, get shot down, and hire Chud... but when Dallas asks to interview Garret, they can? I don't know if he'd be a good coordinator, but the buzz around the league is that he's a rising star. It just figures that the Browns would miss out on him for being "too early" in trying to get him.

2. Chud. Huh. Not sure. Can't be worse than Carthon, right?

3. Picking either 3 or 4 in the draft. Let's see how we can fuck this up (*cough*Brady Quinn*cough*).

4. We just hired an offensive line coach who was:
a) out of football last season
b) prior to that, coached the abysmal o-line in Houston that gave up 68 fucking sacks in 2005!

Marshall has four years’ NFL experience, with the Houston Texans from 2002 to 2005. He started as assistant offensive line coach in 2002 and 2003 and was promoted to offensive line coach/tackles in 2004. In 2005, he assumed full responsibility for the line after Chris Palmer was fired as offensive coordinator and co-offensive line coach Joe Pendry moved up to coordinator.

Marshall was let go after the 2005 season when head coach Dom Capers was fired and spent 2006 out of football. He was recently hired by Nick Saban to coach Alabama’s offensive line, but opted to return to the NFL.

Before joining the Texans, he spent 23 years in the college ranks, including stints as offensive coordinator at the North Carolina and Texas A&M. He spent the 2000-01 season as offensive line coach at the University of Colorado under head coach Gary Barnett.

So, he coached a shitty o-line in Houston, and before that he worked for the jerkiest coach in college football? Really? That's the best we could do? Hey, at least he didn't shred his patellar tendon signing his contract. Accentuate the positive!

5. Other staff hired:
Tom Myslinski - Strength and Conditioning

Myslinski, a nine-year NFL offensive lineman, came from the University of Pittsburgh, where he was recently named assistant strength and conditioning coach. He spent three seasons with the Browns under Buddy Morris as an assistant strength and conditioning coach in from 2002-2004.

Because those were banner years for the health of the Browns. Nice work.

You would think I'd have given up on this team long ago, but no. You'd be wrong.

Observations of the Cavs while watching them get beat by Phoenix
1. Get LeBron some help. Please. For the love of God. I'm begging you. Don't give him a reason to leave!

2. Daniel Gibson shows flashes that make me wish Eric Snow was anywhere but the starting lineup.

3. What happened to Shannon Brown?

4. Will someone please at least call Z and let him know there's a game? I don't think he even got to the arena yesterday.

5. Though their offense is a well-oiled machine, the Suns had roughly 763 open three point looks yesterday. Not good defense, guys.

6. They will finish in the top 3 or 4 in the conference again, and will win a series; maybe 2. But this team has no business being in a discussion for an Eastern Conference title, let alone an NBA title.

Observations of the Columbus Blue Jackets
1. 11 points out of a playoff spot. Tough 3-game roadie coming up. Now would be a good time to learn to win on the road, Hitch And Company.

2. Figures, they win 4 out of 5, and manage to lose their second string goalie in the process. Down to the 3rd stringer. Come on *gulp* Ty Conklin!

3. Will somebody call the Rick Nash from the All Star game and give him directions to the arena? I'm tired of seeing his slower, lesser-scoring stunt double out there.

4. They need to go on a streak of about 5 or 6 in a row before there can be any serious playoff talk.

5. That said, if they'd played at the pace since Hitchcock arrived (15-12-3, 33 points in 30 games), they'd currently be 25-20-5, have 55 points, and be only 1 point out of the 8th playoff spot. In other words, fuck you, Gerard Gallant.

Hey Ma... How Bout Some Cookies...

2007-01-27T02:24:00.000-05:00

Last Minute Show

2007-01-16T16:19:00.000-05:00

In addition to our show at the Newport next Saturday, we just added a last-minute show at Little Brother's tomorrow night (that's Wednesday).

Be there.

Newport Music Hall, part 3

2007-01-12T14:03:00.000-05:00

Just to make sure everyone knows, my band is again playing at the Newport later this month.

All six of you, if you're free/in Columbus on Saturday, January 27th, hope to see you there. If you'd like to buy a ticket from me (which would be really cool of you), they are available for $8.

Reflections of suckitude

2007-01-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

The following are short blurbs culled/compiled from actual quotes of mine from various e-mail conversations I've had with various people this morning in the wake of the BCS Championship Big Ten Massacre:

Last night's championship game is an example of the main reason why I will never ever EVER shell out something like $3,000 to go to the Super Bowl for the Browns or a national title game for the Wolverines. Because, being the pessimist (read: Cleveland Fan) that I am, I will always be assuming in the back of my mind that my team will get shellacked. I would have hated to have spent $3000+ to go to last night's game and see my team get thrashed like that.

I'm certainly not going to say that I'm sad that I don't have to listen to OSU fans taunt me about another championship, but at the same time I had a vested interest in that game for the fact that now everyone's going to say that the Big 10 is soft and overrated (which, maybe it actually is).

I think the media repeatedly giving Florida no shot definitely contributed to their domination, but OSU never made *any* adjustments and their offensive line was just too slow. They looked like the Browns' offensive line out there.

The worst part is definitely the validation it gives to Urban Meyer, which I think is largely undeserved. Sure, he won the game. But this is also the guy who in on his third school in six years, which tells me he's only looking out for himself. And, when you're up by 20 with 8 minutes to go and you fucking go for it on 4th and goal, and then you're up by 27 with time winding down, and you go for 4th down AGAIN, you have no class. People can say what they want about Tressel and his performance last night: he never pulls that bush-league crap and embarrasses the other team. I know the SEC people felt slighted all year (and Meyer especially did), but to take it so personally as to try to embarrass the other team on national TV is reprehensible.

Re: Troy Smith, I know that he's not as bad a player as he looked last night, but I also know his offensive line did nothing to help him out. It doesn't matter if you have Tom Brady back there: if he doesn't have time to throw or even to let his routes develop, he's going to look bad. I think last night's game is probably my "exhibit A" about thinking it wouldn't be the best thing for the Browns to use a high pick on Troy: last night showed that bad offensive line play will make ANY quarterback look like Charlie Frye.

And really, in Troy's defense, you take your fastest and favorite receiver out of the game plan, it's going to mess up not only the timing, but also the ability to do the things you're used to doing. Ginn going out probably hurt the offense more than any of us knows, and they just never seemed to recover from it. The fact that he got hurt in a celebration dogpile after scoring the opening touchdown makes it only that much more painful (and Browns-like).

As for the defense, I hate to say it, but I think the USC/UM game and last night's game exposed the Big Ten for being as slow as it is. Both UM and OSU played soft coverage, looking afraid to get beat by superior athletes. For UM, it resulted with Booty picking them apart; for OSU, it resulted in Florida taking all of the short routes. The problem is that both teams--normally sure tackling teams--tackled poorly in their games. Whether that's a factor of USC and Florida being "better" teams than they were used to playing, I don't know. It certainly was uncharacteristic of both defenses. OSU looked so afraid of getting torched on a deep pass (from Chris Leak?!?) that they were willing to give up 5 yard crossing patterns all night... that ended up going for 10 yard gains. It also opened up all of that sweepy-optiony crap that Florida runs. When you run a jailbreak screen to one side and all of the DBs are playing 10 yards off, well that makes it pretty easy to get 10 yards picked up. I guess I just didn't understand why the defense didn't abandon that when they saw it was getting them killed. Sooner or later, you have to realize that your plan isn't working and try something else.

All in all, a very disappointing display from Ohio State, and really from the big two of the Big Ten. It's unfortunate, because neither team played anywhere close to the caliber it had been playing all season. Is that because of the layoffs (44 and 51 days)? Who knows? I would like to have seen the two games played with the teams in mid-season peak form, or for the teams to play a home-and-home. I'm just disappointed and frustrated that the next eight months will be all about how bad the Big Ten is, and about how great Urban Meyer is.

Speaking of vacations...

2007-01-09T02:28:00.000-05:00

NOTE: This post was originally started on 12/30/06 when I was actually on vacation, but at that time something else caught my ADD attention span and I didn't finish it. Just so that the title and date make sense...

As I sit here on Day 11 of The 15-Day Vacation, it occurs to me that no one ever got to hear much about our trip to Miami Beach over Thanksgiving. A gross oversight! Allow me to expound...

My darling wife, based on a previous trip of her own, recommended the Trump International Sonesta Beach Resort. Who was I to argue? The man clearly knowns his Sonesta. Or something. At any rate, we took off Wednesday morning at the ass-crack of dawn, and after a couple of short flights and a long and sometimes fear-inducing taxi cab ride, we arrived.

Check in was a breeze, and we went up to our room of the 20th floor. As we entered our ocean-view room, we noticed that--despite it being a non-smoking hotel--someone had clearly been smoking in our room. A lot. The concierge brought our bags in, and we asked him if we might switch. Within five minutes, we were headed up to the 21st floor, and an identical room. High marks for The Donald on customer service.

I ventured out onto the balcony, and saw:

Nice. I LOVE me some ocean views. Being severely afraid of heights, it took me awhile to look down. But, once I did, I saw some even better stuff:

Two jacuzzis, a large pool, beach chairs with attendants (I love the little flagpole/flag thing they give you... if you're thirsty, raise the flag. The waiter will be by directly). Melissa and I spent some time for two days down on the beach, and even though the weather wasn't the greatest, it is still always nice to lay by the ocean.

On Thanksgiving, I forced myself to workout, even if just for a little bit. We decided to make a reservation down in South Beach for dinner. The Concierge at the Trump gave us many options, and in the end, we settled on Mark's South Beach:

The hotel ran a free shuttle down to South Beach (the hotel was decidedly north of SB), and so we went down a bit early to get the lay of the land, neither of us having been there before. Because we're idiots, we took no pictures. We had a drink at Finnegan's Way on Ocean Blvd before dinner

just for shits and giggles, and because I like me some Irish joints.

Our Mark's reservation approached, and so we went over to check it out. They had a Thanksgiving special which included turkey (gotta have turkey), and all in all we did our best to stuff ourselves completely rotten. Everything from the drinks, wine, soup, salad, main course, and dessert was spectacular.

We decided to walk down Ocean Blvd. again on South Beach to see what it was like after dark. Considering it was a holiday, we were surprised at how many people were out, and I was surprised/a little disgusted at how many people got their pictures taken at the gate/front steps of the Versace mansion where Gianni Versace was brutally killed in 1997:

Maybe it's just the attraction to famous people, and/or I'm reading WAY too much into it all, but whatever.

The restaurants, bars, and clubs were all sufficiently croweded, and all of the restaurants had seating out on the sidewalk, and had samples of food as well as hosts/hostesses out trying desperately to get you to eat at their restaurants. This would come in handy on Friday.

We went back to the hotel, sipped some wine on our balcony, and enjoyed the view and the ocean.

Friday took us back to lounging on the beach, and eventually back to South Beach for dinner. We meandered up and down Ocean Blvd. to find a place to eat, eventually settling on this nice little Italian place called Hosteria Romana. There seemed to be a server/busser-to-patron ration of 762-1, but it was certainly entertaining, as ALL of the service people spoke Italian. In fact, our busser spoke so little English that, when we asked her what was in the olive oil they served with their bread, she stumbled to find the word "garlic" in her English vocabulary. The food was amazing, though extremely rich. We ate right up next to the sidewalk and watched the people stroll by as the night came on:

Finally, we opted to find a place to have one last drink in South Beach, and Melissa persuaded me to go to Mango's Tropical Cafe. Wow. Imagine if the B-squad from Hooters all got spandex unitards and starting working at Margaritaville after hours. Or, better yet, think 5 parts Latin strip club, 2 parts salsa dancing bar:

Really, the self-portrait of us taken at Mango's says it all:

Finally, on Saturday, we packed up and headed for home. Our plane was very late leaving Florida, and when we got to Pittsburgh we missed our connection (no thanks to you, US Airways). I forced myself to eat some Quaker Steak and Lube wings and drink a Yuengling while we waited for our next flight some 2 hours later. By the time we got home, we were worn out.

And someone was not only happy to see us, but let us know that the next time we go, we aren't going without him:

Biding our time...

2007-01-05T11:12:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, the new coach of your 2008 Cleveland Browns:

Cowher is leaving the Steelers.

As most of you probably know, I pretty much HATE all things Steelers. And that remains true. With that having been said, though, I have nothing but RESPECT for Cowher, for the way he runs his team(s), for the way he gets the most out of every single one of his players, for the way he surrounds himself with good coaches. Say what you want about jerk-wad Steelers fans and their jerk-wad players, you can't deny that they play hard every week, and that to a man each of them would run through a wall for coach Cowher. The Browns desperately need that attitude, both from their coach and from their players. Crennel has built a respectable foundation for a 3-4 defense, the same that Cowher loves. The Browns are a few pieces away from where they need to be to really compete, and Cowher is definitely one of those pieces.

And, plus, after today, Cowher won't be a Steeler anymore. He got his start in coaching with Cleveland, and here's one Browns fan hoping he takes the year off, recharges his batteries, and comes back to his roots in 2008.

Keep the seat warm for him, Romeo.

New Year's Sports Resolutions as Narrated by Dan Parker in the Third Person

2007-01-05T10:17:00.000-05:00

Dan Parker doesn't like to look back; he'd rather look forward. And, since he can barely remember what his wife said to him ten days ago, what good would it do for Dan to try to write some schmultzy year in review of 2006?

Further, since the only thing Dan knows anything about in this world is his sucky-ass sports teams, he felt it would be best served in this blogging environment to turn the proverbial mic over to each of his favorite teams, to hear what they have in store for 2007.

Without further ado...

2007 Cleveland Indians
We, the Cleveland Indians, resolve to improve the one perceived area of weakness on our 2006 team. Let's face it; our bullpen really blew goats last season. We were last in the league in saves, and the instability mirrored the 2004 season in which our team led the league in blown saves. To accomplish this task, we signed four retread pitchers for the back end of our bullpen. Joe Borowski, Keith Foulke, Aaron Fultz, and Roberto Hernandez. Nevermind that Hernandez is 42, Foulke and Borowski have questionable injury histories, and Fultz has hever had an ERA south of 4.40 in the NATIONAL LEAGUE. Clearly, this is going to work out swimmingly for this small- to mid-market team with no large revenue stream. Seriously, this is the best we could do.
To bolster our streaky offense, we brought in big gun Dave Delucci. We will be platooning at three positions, and who knows if our unproven third baseman, second baseman, and fat/slow/shitty shortstop will bounce back. But, other than that, we're set!

2007 Team Motto: Hey, It Could be Worse! Just Ask a Kansas City Royals Fan!

Dan Parker reads articles about this team, and it makes him cringe. Granted, these pitchers are a step up from the likes of Jose Jimenez and Scott Stewart, Dan is not impressed, and remains skeptical. Parker also doesn't like the idea of platooning at BOTH corner outfield positions, and a potential 3-person platoon at first base. And, considering Casey Blake figures prominently in two of those three platoons, Dan thinks he might have just thrown up in his mouth a little bit. And, while Dan agrees that Andy Marte has tons of potential, and that the Josh Barfield trade was a good move considering Kevin Kouzmanoff probably is going to be more on the side of "flash in the pan until pitchers adjust to him" than "bonafide star," Barfield is still young, and Dan remembers Jhonny Peralta having a great 2005 once upon a time, too.

Consider Dan to be Randy Quaid's character in Major League 2. He'll believe it when he sees it. Dan remembers the 2005 Indians lighting it up in spring training and for the first week of the season, too.

2006-2007 Cleveland Cavaliers
We, the Cleveland Cavaliers, resolve to take the next step in 2007, and to win the Eastern Conference. See how we're behind Detroit by only .5 game? Just because we can't win on the road and the Eastern Conference eats a giant dick bag is no reason for concern! Just because we don't always play good defense and can't always get the ball inside doesn't mean we're not serious contenders. See, we beat the Spurs twice! TWICE!

2007 Spring Motto: Don't Worry: We're Pretty Sure the University of Florida Basketball Team Could Win 50 Games This Season Playing in the Eastern Conference.

Dan Parker has watched this team play from time to time, and he's not all that impressed. Dan's uncle, himself a respected high school basketball coach in the Ohio Hall of Fame said over Christmas that he felt this year's Cavs' team wasn't even as good as last year's team. Dan trust's his uncle's opinion, because his uncle has probably forgotten more basketball knowledge than Dan could ever hope to learn in his lifetime.

This team is inconsistent, and it annoys Dan that they can't seem to win on the road, Wednesday's win over the depleted Celtics notwithstanding. Don't get Dan wrong: this team--and more specifically LeBron James--is the reason he even pays attention to the NBA again after a good 15-year hiatus, but Dan isn't impressed with these Cavs, and thinks that, unless some kind of change/spark happens, they are again doomed to an early playoff exit.

2007 Cleveland Browns
We, the Cleveland Browns, resolve to show improvement--again--in 2007. Actually, don't ask us; we're just sitting here waiting for that batch of Ebola to sweep over the players. Memo to all potential free agents: hears hoping your patellar tendons are nice and ripe for the popping!

Let's see... we've already fired two of our crappy offensive assistants, and at least two more are rumored to be checking the mail for their pink slips. What else... we're either picking at #3 or #4, and the Raiders are taking Quinn. That means that either Joe Thomas, Jake Long, and/or Alan Branch will be available in our spot. I know: let's draft Adrian Peterson! No one will see that coming! He's so good he won't need blocking! We'll just put that whole "finding a good quarterback" thing on hold for another couple of years while we beat up the two current stiffs that we have behind our liquid shit offensive line.

2007 Team Motto: Your Staph Infection Headquarters! / We'd All Sell a Kidney This Season to Get Bill Cowher Here in 2008 (tie)

Dan has run out of things to say about the Browns that haven't already been said. Between the hyperbole of injury (e.g. "Hey, Kamerion Wimbley is going to be a stud! At least until he is diagnoses with hemophilia, and then cuts his leg on the way home from the hospital and bleeds out and dies!") and the overall losing culture of being a Browns player/fan, what else can be said? Dan knows that, come July, he will be drinking the Kool-Aid and thinking the team is capable of winning 8 or 9 games, and that by December he will return to his state of brokenness and pessimism for the foreseeable future.

Really, Dan knows that all this team needs is two offensive linemen, one or two defensive linemen, and a serviceable cornerback and they're likely to be a completely different team, but Dan has been around long enough to know that, even if those players materialize in 2007, they will all either: a) get injured, most likely in some freak way, or b) be over the hill come September. It's still January, and the 4-12 season is still fresh on Dan's tastebuds, so he remains guarded. Look for the annual Jumping Onto the Bandwagon around July 31.

2006-2007 Columbus Blue Jackets
We, the Columbus Blue Jackets, resolve to continue on the path we're on, to improve upon our franchise-record 74 points from last season, and to take another step toward the playoffs this year. We know we probably won't make it, because we still can't win on the road, and our conference is pretty stacked, but we're committed to at least trying to improve. We finally hired a coach with some degree of a track record, and as our 20-point December can attest, we're definitely headed in the right direction. We've still got some kinks to work out, but here's to cracking the 80-point plateau in 2007!

2007 Team Motto: Please Excuse the Mess as We Work to Serve You Better

Dan LOVES having a hockey team in his home city. While they are not all that far removed from expansion, the new landscape of the NHL and the talent level on this team says they should be competing for a playoff spot. Dan was happy with their first five games (in which they actually led the division for a week or so), but after they they returned to their normal form of not being able to score or to stop anyone when it mattered, Dan lost the faith. Enter Ken Hitchcock, who (much to Dan's surprise) has righted the ship faster than anyone could have hoped. Dan just wonders if the hole wasn't a bit too deep when the Jackets made the move. Dan hopes the Jackets can learn to win more of those tough games and to put forth a more consistent effort. It's going to take some work to get into the playoffs, but (if nothing else) Dan is happy that the Jackets at least have him caring about them once again.

2007 Michigan Wolverines
We, the 2007 Michigan Wolverines, resolve to, well, stay the course. Wake us up for the Ohio State game so that we can promptly go back to sleep for it and our bowl game. Just like every year. We're not sure why, but everyone's taken to calling Lloyd Carr "Coop" around here. Go figure.

2007 Team Motto: Seriously. 11-2 is Good Enough. Every Year.

It finally made sense to Dan as he watched his team shit its collective pants on New Years Day yet again. Lloyd Carr is now officially John Cooper. Tons of talent, wins all the games except the two important ones. Dan's not sure if this means that Lloyd is just not a "big game coach," or if it's something greater than that. Dan wanted to believe it wasn't true when his team brought back the same players on defense from 2005 that routinely got smoked and somehow had a top-5 defense all season long. But, true to form, when the chips were down, Lloyd got outcoached and his team got outplayed and out-physicaled in the two games in which it mattered the most. 11-2 doesn't sound bad, but when those two games were the LAST two games, it starts to wear on a fan base. Fire Lloyd? Dan isn't sure. Here's hoping Lloyd doesn't have to mirror Cooper's total collapse over the last three years of his OSU career before it improves for U of M.

As for personal resolutions, Dan Parker has elected to attempt to "get into shape" for his impending 30th birthday. He has drafted a plan to get down to his wedding-era fighting weight of 175 (currently at 198) by his birthday on June 14th.

Dan is looking forward to a few things in 2007: playing golf for a weekend with his dad and brother in North Carolina in March, a potential trip to Maine with his wife and family in July, and just spending time with his wife and their cool pooch in 2007. They collectively have resolved to do more hiking and/or camping in 2007 (thanks to a bevy of nice equipment/gifts they received from Dan's father-in-law for Christmas) and to enjoy nature while they can/before they have kids and become house-bound.

Overall, Dan is thankful to be alive, healthy, happy, and surrounded by many tremendous people that he cares about. Now, if only his sports teams would complete the fucking circle and grant him just one year of sports bliss! He doesn't think it's too much to ask.

See House of Cards Tonight

2006-12-15T13:55:00.000-05:00

I'm not asking.

Scarlet & Grey Cafe. 10:00 PM. Don't make me hunt you down in the streets like the dogs you are.

Truer words were never spoken...

2006-12-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

From the Akron Beacon Journal's Patrick McManamon:

The Troy Smith talk also has started. ``Should the Browns draft Smith? How can they not take Smith? Smith has to be the pick.'' Smith may indeed be the pick -- and consider the comments and pressure the Houston Texans now face given they did not take Vince Young. Really, though, the Browns don't need Smith. They probably need a guy like Joe Thomas, the 6-foot-8 offensive tackle from Wisconsin, more than they need Smith. They probably could stand to trade their pick down and take a few linemen. They probably don't need more skill players who languish because they need someone to block for them. They need to stop being the Arizona Cardinals of the Midwest; the Cardinals are loaded with skill players, but they don't win because they can't block anybody. The Browns need to start building from the inside out for a change. And that holds true perhaps even at the expense of not taking Troy Smith.

link

Thank you.

Back on Stage...

2006-12-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

House of Cards is getting back on stage, after a quite lengthy absence (at least two months) of shows. We have been working to finish our CD, and it is almost done. In advance of that, we wanted to get out and play in front of some people again before we launch the CD with a CD release show sometime in January.

This Friday night (12/15/06), we'll be playing at Scarlet and Grey Cafe in an opening slot for some other local bands. Show starts at 10:00. Hope to see some of you there!

Possible 2006 Browns Highlight Video Titles

2006-12-08T15:20:00.000-05:00

For this exercise, simply fill in the following blank:

"The 2006 Cleveland Browns: _________________________"

Have at it!

The 2006 Cleveland Browns:

Please Remove Your Dick From Our Collective Ass

The Big Suck: Shop Vacs Ain't Got Nothin' On Us!

What? You Mean There Were Sixteen Games??

How to Make January Tee Times in October

Maybe Tim Couch Had the Right Idea

Hope You Filled Your Lamactil Prescription!

Fuck You, Cleveland Fans

An Exercise in Learning When to Start Other Teams' Running Backs on Your Fantasy Team

I'm sure more will come to me.

Random Notes...

2006-12-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

Some random thoughts on a Thursday:

Looks like Derek Anderson is going to get the start tonight for the Browns against Pittsburgh. Seeing as how Kansas City didn't blitz at all while he was leading the Browns back, I suspect his play will be significantly less awesome tonight. That said, with Polamalu, Ward, and Wilson out as well as Parker wearing down a bit from his increased work load, I give the Browns a puncher's chance. The nice thing about this "rematch" being so close to the last loss to the Steelers is that the Browns players all sound pissed and hungry. The only silver lining about Anderson starting is that the Steelers don't have any film on him. And that's about it.

It has taken me some time (because I'm generally a lazy punk), but I will soon have some pictures from our Thanksgiving trip to Miami. I realize that I don't think I ever even mentioned it here (*gasp* the humanity!). It was restful and relaxing, and our room was great. I'll get there, eventually.

House of Cards may or may not be playing a show next Friday night (12/15) at the Scarlet & Gray Cafe. It would be an opening slot, but it would give us a chance to play out again in advance of our new CD, which we will be selling the fuck out of come the new year. Also, keep your calendars clear for Saturday, January 27th. We will most likely be at the Newport again as part of their frequent local showcases. The plan is to have a CD release show/party sometime between the beginning of the year and that show. Stay tuned. Don't forget that you can hear some clips of our new (and still unfinished and unmastered) tracks at our website.

That's all for now. Go Browns!

Reflections from a wild football weekend

2006-12-04T11:26:00.000-05:00

Two things this fine (and frigid) Monday morning:

1) Yesterday was probably the 3rd best experience I've ever had at a Browns game in person:

Down 28-14 in the fourth quarter with their backup QB in and seemingly no answer for Trent Green and Tony Gonzalez (since they elected basically NOT to cover him most of the game), the Browns won. In overtime. And my boy Jon and I watched it from the lower Dog Pound. Simply awesome.

Oh, and for reference:
#1 would be the win over Atlanta in 2002 to get the Browns into the playoffs, and
#2 would be the win over (reigning Super Bowl champ) Baltimore in 2001 to the tune of a thumping.

2) Michigan got JOBBED.

You may remember that I was not in favor of a rematch, because I thought there were too many arguments against it. That was when I was pretty sure USC was going to run the table and that Arkansas would be a one-loss team beating Florida in the SEC championship.

I would have been OK with USC going to the title game, seeing as how they'd played two top 10 teams back to back and had beat them both pretty handily.

But FUCK FLORIDA. Seriously. More specifically, FUCK URBAN MEYER. Lloyd took the relative high road; this ass clown Meyer has been lobbying and running his mouth for the last month while his team has been *barely* beating the likes of a crappy Florida State team and a South Carolina team who basically beat themselves on Florida's home field. He whined about how tough their schedule was, how Michigan had their shot, and blah blah blah.

Granted, I'm sure the very fair-minded Mr. Meyer would feel exactly the same if it was HIS team that also had only one loss, and that loss had been to the now-favored-by-7.5-to-win-a-championship #1 team on its home field only by 3 points (for reference, Vegas would consider a "pick em" game to be a three-point home favorite, whereas giving one team 7.5 on a neutral field means they think the game is going to be a beat-down). I'm sure if the roles were reversed, Urban would have NOOOO problem conceding. I'm sure.

In conclusion, FUCK FLORIDA. FUCK URBAN MEYER. AND FUCK THE BCS. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope OSU beats the ever loving fuck out of Florida in the title game. And I say this as a Michigan fan living in Columbus tired of hearing about OSU football for abour 340 days out of the year.

[edit]
In regard to Tressel's decision not to vote, I think it was a no-win situation for him. If he votes for either team at #2, there are possible problems for each:

If he votes Florida #2....
He gets slammed for not wanting to play his arch-rival again after narrowly beating them once at home, and it gets brought up and beaten to death every year until both he and Lloyd Carr leave their respective institutions.

If he votes Michigan #2....
Florida still ends up #2 in the BCS and has extra motivation/fodder to beat the Buckeyes. Plus, he gets slammed in the national media for the entire month leading up to the game as being biased and a homer for the Big Ten, making him no better than Meyer.

In the end, it was a no-win situation for him, and I think he chose the path of least resistance and bashing. I wouldn't envy that decision, and I don't think any coaches who blasted him would want to have to make the same decision. All of that said, I think it sets a bad precedent for any coach not wanting to vote. The Coaches' Poll should come out with a clearly stated rule indicating when it's OK to abstain from voting (and the only cases I can think of are ones such as this where your vote directly affects who you will be playing in a bowl game--in this case, a bowl game of the greatest significance).

Strangest thing...

2006-12-02T12:24:00.000-05:00

So, I rented and am watching "Grandma's Boy" the other night, and in between laughs I find myself wondering:

How is it that my boy Steve so effortlessly played J.P., the video game genius who yearns to be a robot, without so much as telling any of his friends?

Don't believe me? Anyone who knows Steve: look at the following. I defy you to tell me that's not him.

For those interested in that sort of thing...

2006-11-30T16:22:00.000-05:00

Most of my friends that follow the band that I'm in invariably ask me one of two things:

1) When are you playing next?

2) When will your CD be done?

The true answer to both of those questions is "I don't know" at this point.

But, for #2, to tide you over, we've uploaded seven clips from the rough mixes of our album at our website. Zip over, click on "Downloads" and check 'em out.

The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked

2006-11-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

30-0. At home. Against the 32nd-ranked defense in the NFL. In-fighting on the sidelines.

The offensive line is still awful. 4 sacks, 4 INTs for Frye, most of which were the result of him being about to get drilled by a sacker (one was a hail-mary).

Edwards needs to shut his mouth. He's still my boy, but I think we're on a bit of a break right now. Let things like your 22 yard, dragging-six-dudes-before-going-down play do the talking. To act like it's one person's or one unit's fault (depending on who you believe, he was either calling out Frye, or calling out the o-line) is ludicrous.

Crennel needs to do some coaching. There's no reason for your team to come into a game that flat. And no excuse for it.

I know the Browns aren't that bad, but they looked like the 1999 versions of themselves yesterday.

Winslow vs. Porter

2006-11-24T11:22:00.000-05:00

Even better than the still photo, which was all I could find on Monday. The end-zone replay really gives you the best view:

OSU/Michigan - Colbert Style

2006-11-20T10:42:00.000-05:00

I'm still recovering from a hectic football weekend (in which I watched both of my teams lose close games in rather dick-kicking fashion), but I felt that I should weigh in on the OSU/Michigan game as if I were Stephen Colbert. So, we're giving the game my...

Tips of the Cap / Wags of the Finger

Tip of the Cap
To the OSU fanbase. As much flak as I gave you before this game, and as much as I questioned your class (or lack thereof) regarding the Bo situation and the potential for riotous mayhem, the egg is on my face. By most accounts, there was nothing but respect for Bo, and only a few dozen arrests for various small crimes (such as couch burnings). It was all relatively tame. In addition, I got less shit this year for the game's outcome than in any OSU-winning year since I've lived here. I'm still sick of about 95% of you, but I have to give you the props you deserve for this weekend.

Wag of the Finger
To Lee Corso. Seriously... what the fuck? Why would you go and pick Michigan? Kiss of Fucking Death.

Tip of the Cap
To the Michigan coaches and players. Gave up a late second quarter touchdown to go down 28-14 going into halftime, and OSU was getting the ball back in the third quarter. It would have been easy to pack it in. But you didn't. That's all I could ask. OSU is clearly the best team in the country, and you gave them all they could handle on their home field. Bravo.

Wag of the Finger
To the defensive coaches for both teams. The #1 and #5 scoring defenses in the country give up 81 total points. To the Michigan coaches, I knew your secondary had the potential to struggle, but to struggle that badly AND give up those two HUGE running plays (your supposed strength)? To your credit, OSU has more athletes at skill positions than any team in the country, and I know they spread you out so much with the passing game, but your vaunted front four played probably the worst game of the year. Even your blitzes didn't work. You needed to find some way to get pressure and stop those pesky runs straight into your D-line, and you didn't. To the OSU coaches, I know your team gives up beaucoup yards, but always buckles down and creates a lot of turnovers, but Michigan's offense isn't *that* good. Trust me. I watched all but two of their games this year. 3 red zone rushing TDs, no turnovers, and making Henne look like a much better QB than he is? Not your finest hour.

Tip of the Cap
To Troy Smith. I'm not fond of you, what with your Tressel/politico speak, but I can't argue with your abilities. You didn't kill us running this year, but you didn't have to. It didn't matter what we threw at you; with the exception of the ball into double-coverage on a blitz that was tipped and picked off, you *always* threw it to the right guy. I hate you, but I can't knock your game. If the Heisman voting is even close, it's a travesty.

Heavy Wag of the Finger
To Shawn Crable. Nice hit, asshole. Third and long, Smith is running OUT OF BOUNDS and throwing the ball. No reason to hit him at all, really, but to lead with your helmet and go high is inexcusable. I'm not pinning the loss on you, but considering the pass was incomplete and OSU would have had to punt up only by 4 with 7 minutes left, and instead got a freebie first down, went down, and scored to go up by 11 with considerably less time on the clock, you certainly didn't help.

Tip of the Cap
To Chad Henne and Mike Hart. Neither of you have ever had success against OSU, but you certainly showed up Saturday. Hart carried the team on the ground and pounded out 140+ yards and 3 TD. Henne didn't throw the killer INT (as he's known to do) and led some very big scoring drives (including the opening drive of the game), and even though he was outshown by Smith, played a pretty damn good QB game.

Wag of the Finger
To Chad Henne and Mike Hart. Chad... how can you miss Manningham THAT BADLY down the sideline? That was 7 points, you had all day to throw, and he was so open that I didn't even blame his "woe is me" hands-out gesture as he watched the ball sail over his head. Simply momentum-killing. And Mike, shut your mouth. I know what you meant, and I know your comments were taken largely out of context (I know you were saying their defense wasn't anything special--which it wasn't on Saturday--NOT that their TEAM wasn't anything special like most are trying to spin it), but come on. Your team lost the game. Tip Your Cap and move on.

Tip of the Cap
To the BCS, for recognizing that Michigan is still the second best team in the country. To go into the unanimous #1 team's house--also home of the #1 scoring defense in the country--and hang up 39 points and lose only by 3 should earn them large amounts of respect. I know the pollsters jumped USC over Michigan, but the computers still know who's boss.

Wag of the Finger
To the BCS. I know USC can jump over Michigan if they beat Notre Dame, but what if they don't? It's the "if you lose your last regular season game and don’t win your conference, you probably don’t deserve a shot at the title" argument vs. the "it should be the two best teams" argument, which is a very subjective one. I'm in the camp of: there's no reason to have a rematch, because it will do one of two things:
1) it will reinforce the fact that OSU is the best team in the country while giving two other deserving teams (SEC champ, USC probably) no shot to prove otherwise, or
2) it will give the BCS national championship to a Michigan team that would have beaten OSU after losing to them already. The BCS doesn't split their championship; the winner of the title game gets it. If UM were to win, they should arguably have to play a third game to decide it, which would border on the ridiculous. All of that having been said, perhaps it's what college football needs to finally get a D-1 playoff system put in place. And, with THAT having been said, the homer in me says that a playoff would have made the OSU/UM game this weekend meaningless, because both teams would still be going to the playoff. And that's not cool either.

In summation, I was/am upset about the game, but in the end it was as good a game as advertised. If you had told me 81 points would be scored, I would have laughed. I can say, though it pains me, that OSU is the best team I've seen in the country. Their defense could use a little work, especially if they play a team like Arkansas that can run, or like USC that has great wide receivers and a good, balanced offense, but their offense can essentially run almost anybody off the field. Their depth at the skill positions is uncanny.

Bonus Tip of the Cap
To Kellen Winslow Jr.

Wait, wait. That's not it. That was a Wag of the Finger, that one.

Kellen, your completely emasculating throw-off of Joey Porter on that six yard out pass in the third quarter actually made me yell, "OHHHhhh, SHIT!!" out loud at the game yesterday.

Mini-Tip of the Cap to the Browns stadium staff that showed the replay of it from every angle at least twice on the giant stadium video boards after it happened. One of the most satisfying plays I've ever witnessed in person, even in spite of the game's outcome.

Win it for Bo

2006-11-17T13:39:00.000-05:00

To quote CNNSI.com:

Michigan has lost one of its greats on the eve of perhaps its biggest game.

I'm not usually one to get sentimental for things like this, but I really feel for Lloyd Carr right now. He's been at Michigan for 27 years, and on the eve before the biggest game he will ever coach (bigger even than the 1998 Rose Bowl that clinched him a national championship), he has to try not to let the death of his mentor cloud his focus.

Bo was the winningest coach ever at the winningest school of all time. That's really all that needs to be said about him. Michigan executive associate athletic director Mike Stevenson told the Ann Arbor News: "In the history of Michigan athletics, nobody had a bigger impact. He was passionate, bright, and an unbelievable leader. He loved Michigan."

There are two things that I hope:

1. The team is able to turn a negative into a positive and to inspire themselves to win this one game for Bo. It's one of the biggest games in the history of the program he loved. It's an unfortunate shame that he was not able to live long enough to see it.

2. I really hope that all the douche-bag Michigan-hatin' OSU fans (not saying ALL OSU fans, obviously; just the real jerky ones I talked about yesterday) can let the man rest in peace. I shudder to think about what I'm sure will be all of the classy signs that the gracious OSU fans will have on College Game Day tomorrow morning. I mean, it's not like there's a punk band called "The Dead Schembechlers" performing at a tailgate before the game¹.

Rest in Peace. Win This One for Bo.

^{1. Per the comment from Kokotan, I want to reiterate that I don't harbor specific resentment for the Dead Schembechlers, since I know they've been together for over a decade, and are/were not a reactionary outcropping from Bo's death. It was meant more as a commentary about many of the harder-core, hatred-of-all-things-Michigan OSU fans who have been known to have less than better taste/judgement in situations such as these.}

Alright, it's time to weigh in on the Big Game.

2006-11-16T09:44:00.000-05:00

First off, let me say that I wished they could have played this damn game on Tuesday. I'm so sick of hearing about it, honestly. It's already been broken down from every possible angle, and reading Steve's posted article mentioning that the band Nickelback was trying to get tickets tells me all I need to know about what this game has become. Nickelback?? Really?

At any rate, being a lonely Michigan fan living here in Columbus, this week has been difficult. My own wife and I have made separate plans to watch this Game of the Century, due to my desire to be able to actually root for my team out loud. I'll be joining a small cabal of Michigan fans at an undisclosed location (lest our cars be flipped and our couches burned by the impending mob, regardless of outcome) and Melissa will be watching with friends and/or family. It kind of sucks that we won't be watching it together, but I think it's for the best, as both of us might be prone to saying things we later regret to each other during this game. Not that I'm overly competitive and sick and tired of the unnecessary bile spewed by EVERY OSU fan regarding anything Michigan.....

Here are two things I'd first like to get out in the open, just for the record:

I'm first going to go on record (in the hopes that I won't have to hear so much about it if OSU wins) that I THINK OSU IS GOING TO WIN. Troy Smith has killed us every year, he's on some kind of mission, Michigan's secondary is weak, yadda yadda yadda. Please, Buckeye fans, spare me on Monday, should your team win the game. I'm pretty sure there are no stupid little "Don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan/Carr should spell his first name with three 'L's HAAHAHAHA I'M FUNNY!" jokes that I haven't heard. I've lived in Columbus now for seven+ years, and believe me: they stopped being funny the 36th time I heard them five years ago. Seriously. You need some new material. And, let's be honest: It's a fucking football game! I want my team to win, too, but when the entire population of Columbus KNOWS ahead of time that there will be some kind of couch burning, car flipping riot after the game, it does not speak well of your fan-base. When you hear stories of people's cars being shellacked with rocks and bottles *just* because the license plate is from Michigan (never mind that it could be an OSU student who actually *gasp* lives in Michigan), and you yourself are tired of being called a "fucking pussy" (true story) by a total stranger for wearing a Michigan cap in the middle of summer, it goes beyond football rivalry.

Along that same line, OSU fans need to fucking admit that Michigan is pretty good this year (I'm looking mostly in your direction, 1460 The Fan's Bruce Hooley). There are a lot of Columbus-ites already worried about getting airfare to Glendale, AZ, and who they will be playing in the National Championship. OSU is the most complete team I've seen this year, but Michigan is no slouch. Again, I'm NOT predicting any upsets, but let's be realistic; yes, your offense is good, but you've not yet played a team with a front 7 anywhere near as good as Michigans's.

Okay, all whining and griping aside, here are my keys to the game:

Mike Hart: For Michigan to have any chance of stopping Ohio State's offense, the best course of action would be to keep that offense on the sideline. It's not a coincidence that, as Mike Hart goes, so goes the Michigan offense. They lead the nation in time of possession. Hart doesn't lose fumbles. Those two factors will come in very heavy in keeping OSU's offense off the field. If Hart can help to grind out long, time-consuming, and most importantly SCORING drives, Michigan has a good chance.

The O-line: This goes along with the previous point. On these time-consuming drives, Michigan's senior-laden O-line has the potential to wear down a defense. Talk all you want about Joe Thomas, but Jake Long belongs in a discussion as the top tackle in the conference. Mark Bihl, Ruben Riley, and Adam Kraus are no slouches either.

The Front 7: Michigan's front 7 is widely regarded as one of the--if not THE--best units in the country, and has masked some issues in the secondary all season. If they can slow Antonio Pittman (which I think they can do), then they must also get some pressure on Smith without having to continually blitz (thus having the ability for Shawn Crable or David Harris to "spy" him). If they can do that, they have a better chance of disrupting his uncanny rhythm. If they can't get pressure on Smith without having to sell out and bring the house, it's going to be a long day.

Alex Boone vs. LaMarr Woodley: This is one of the key matchups. Boone hasn't played in three weeks. Woodley is one of the best defensive ends in the country, and is lining up most of the time next to Alan Branch, who commands a double team. How healthy is Boone? Will he be forced to stop Woodley one-on-one all day? If so, can he do it? Woodley played hurt in last year's game, and almost single-handedly kept UM in the game on defense.

UM Secondary vs. OSU Receivers: This is the other key matchup. UM's secondary has been much maligned most of the year, and the receivers of OSU present many matchup problems. I imagine it's going to be Leon Hall on Anthony Gonzalez and Morgan Trent on Ted Ginn (based on Hall being our best cover CB and Gonzalez being the best pure receiver, and Trent and Ginn being the fastest but less "technical" of their respective units). Beyond that, Michigan's safety play is suspect, and OSU has other weapons at wide receiver that will also demand some attention (keeping UM from playing a cover 2 zone exclusively). If UM's front 4 can get pressure consistently and allow the outside backers to help clog the shorter routes on passing downs, that would be ideal for them. If they have to blitz and Smith has his bevy of wide receivers all one-on-one, it's going to be a long day.

What it all boils down to for me are the three keys to victory for UM:
1. Run the ball effectively with Hart
2. Control the clock
3. Get pressure on Smith without having to blitz

If Michigan can do those three things effectively, I think they can come out with the win. My heart says "Go Blue!" but my head says....

OSU 31, Michigan 24

Raise your hand if you saw this one coming...

2006-11-13T13:58:00.000-05:00

The Browns much-maligned rush defense went into the Georgia Dome and shut down Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn, and the Falcons. 17-13. While certainly not a blow-out, and while our offense looked stalled for most of the second half, the Browns managed to get a lead early and hold onto it.

Our rock-headed quarterback was much less rock-headed (first game with no INTs, coupled with a nice slant TD pass to Edwards, a beatiful pump-fake/deep ball to Winslow, and then a throw in the fourth quarter on which Winslow made one of the nicest catches I've ever seen). We couldn't run all that much, but the game plan called for us to go after their banged up and 31st ranked pass defense. Frye's line: 16-22, 165 yards, 1 TD, 0 INTs. Rating: 101.9

This is what we need from Chuck Frye. He doesn't have to have eye-popping numbers. The strength of this team will be its defense. So far, the one huge difference that I've seen of the Jeff Davidson offensive era is that he goes into each game with a plan. The plan three games ago: the Jets suck at stopping the run... so let's run it on them. The plan yesterday: the Falcons suck at stopping the pass... let's move the ball passing.

Some observations:

Sean Jones is the real deal at strong safety. Another INT yesterday, plus one more he could have had. I'm trying to think how good this kid might be right now if he hadn't torn his ACL in the summer camps before his rookie year. He deserves definite Pro Bowl consideration if he keeps it up, though I'm sure he'll lose out to Troy Polamalu (sp?) and Ed Reed.

Keeping with the theme of the 2004 draft of Butch Davis, Kellen Winslow Jr. is a fucking beast. As much as I don't like the guy as a person, he can fucking play. That catch he made in the fourth quarter was downright sick. I still don't know what the Falcons were thinking when they matched a cornerback up with him. The fake he and Frye orchestrated in the first quarter to set up a 40 yard completion (which then also set up a touchdown) was a thing of beauty. If only he'd just shut his mouth...

Whence came this rushing defense? Now, granted, 147 yards is not normally considered "good" rushing defense, but they held Dunn to 73 yards. All of Vick's rushing is hard to call "rushing" because it's really just pass protections breaking down most of the time. I honestly thought going in that the Browns would give up over 225 yards rushing. They held the Falcons to more than 50 yards under their season average.

Speaking of the defense, I don't know if Crennel or Grantham gets more of the credit, but I don't know how they keep playing such good pass defense with their top 3 cornerbacks out. A lot of it is that Sean Jones and Brian Russell have been consistent, and that Pool has played well. But still... let us not also forget that Crennel had that last year in New England where they won the Super Bowl with several guys playing in the secondary that had been signed off the street/practice squad and with a normally starting wide receiver playing nickelback. An all around superb effort getting these guys up to speed. Davin Holly might have earned himself a spot as the #1 nickelback next year, assuming McCutcheon and Bodden are both healthy enough.

Kamerion Wimbley. Each week, this guy does something else to impress me. This week, it was: a) sacking Michael Vick, and b) running Warrick Dunn down from behind. The more that he plays, the more you can see he's picking up the defense and the role of the 3-4 outside linebacker. He might not be the defensive rookie of the year, but he should at least be in the discussion. If he can stay healthy and continue to progress, he's going to be a beast for years to come.

Braylon Edwards needs to keep doing more and more each week, but it was nice to see him get TDs in back to back games. Most people think he's going to be a bust. I still hold out hope, given my Michigan man-crush on him.

I still don't see the Browns winning more than 5 or 6 games total this season, but these last two weeks they've showed me something (and I think they've showed themselves something, too). Both games were games I thought the other teams would just roll over the Browns. Both games were a lot closer than most thought they would be. And both times, the Browns at least had a legitimate shot to win at some point.

If they can just keep building, there might be cause for hope. Until they all get tuberculosis and turf toe, which then ruins everyone's careers.

Tester wins in Montana

2006-11-08T13:50:00.000-05:00

5 Senate seats down, 1 more to go!

Savor the flavor, George Allen. It's all over.